Большой человек на гиппокампе

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- Ты этому рад?

- Да.

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Если умные люди что и любят,

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так это огромные толпы и больше умных людей.

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Это гигантский автоматон?

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Я даже не знал, что это уже возможно.

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Добро пожаловать на ВулкОн.

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Я не автоматон.

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Я живой позолоченный великан.

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Меня заставляет повторять это сообщение механизированная пытка.

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Что, вероятно, еще более впечатляюще.

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Добро пожаловать на Вулкон.

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Мне не следовало смотреть вверх.

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Их тоже позолотили?

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Возможно, кто-то умер, пытаясь.

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Тиран, ты ведь доволен моей изобретательской работой?

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Или ты привёл меня сюда показать, как легко меня заменить?

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Ты так думаешь?

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Как самый умный в моей семье может при этом быть самым незрелым и закомплексованным?

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Не знаю, наверно потому что ты раз за разом говоришь что-то такое.

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Гиппокамп, ты мой старший брат и гений.

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И я привёл тебя сюда пообщаться с великими мыслителями.

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Повзрослей и получай удовольствие.

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Я даю тебе бесценную возможность.

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- Две курицы, пожалуйста.

- Две ку?..

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Я думал, это бесценная возможность.

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Два взрослых, две курицы.

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Это был наш обед и ужин.

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Со своей едой и напитками нельзя. Мы продаём яйца.

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О, не сомневаюсь.

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Где все?

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Ти и Гиппо на технологическом конвенте.

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А Колосса в приключении.

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Весь дворец в распоряжении их родителей для эротических игр.

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Тебе уже сколько, пять тысяч лет?

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Почему тебе до сих пор интересен секс?

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Я женат на богине секса.

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Это была проверка, и ты ее прошёл.

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- Я в комнате.

- Почему?

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Это экстренно. Я была в приключении с другом ФЕликсом. И мы сразились с одной из медуз.

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- Медуза всего одна.

- Что?

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"Медуза" это имя одной из горгон.

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Можно сразиться с одной из горгон, но нельзя сразиться с одной из Медуз.

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Едва ли Феликса это волнует.

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Подбрось до ближайшего храма Афины.

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Зачем?

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Чтобы обратить превращение в камень Медузой...

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- Горгоной.

- Ты хочешь сегодня умереть?

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Я перестаю помогать.

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Есть только один способ, жертвоприношение Афине.

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Ха, ты осознаёшь, что Афина создала горгон, в том числе Медузу?

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- Спасибо.

- И что?

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Значит, ее чудовище превращает людей в камень,

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и чтобы обратить это, надо помолиться ей?

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Что это, если не афера?

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Можем поговорить об этом по дороге до храма?

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Я не полечу с дочерью в храм этой мошенницы, чтобы снять ее неуклюжее проклятие.

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Я сама превращу твоего друга обратно.

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А ты сможешь?

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Она спросила, смогу ли я?

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- Да.

- Извини?

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Давай своего дурацкого друга.

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"А ты сможешь?" Это ты.

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- Так она сможет?

- Не уверен.

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Что ты изобрёл друг?

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Единицу измерения под названием нед.

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Эта палка - четверть неда.

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- В тебе три с половиной четверти неда.

- Полагаю, ты Нед.

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Легко запомнить.

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Нам стоит применять систему Неда дома.

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Я могу измерять вещи своим ростом.

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Сколько в тебе, три четверти неда?

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Это много лишних расчётов в угоду твоему тщеславию.

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Мне здесь не нравится.

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Для тебя это соревнование.

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Ты чуть ли не напал на изобретателя миниатюрного ведра.

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Это стакан!

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И что? Знаешь, что полезнее одного гения, Гиппокамп?

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Сто Недов, готовых работать сообща.

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Эй, не используй меня как меру...

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То есть используй меня как меру, но...

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Я был прав.

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Мы здесь, потому что ты считаешь меня бесполезным.

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Я этого не говорил.

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Но когда ты хоть раз изобретал что-то, о чём тебя просили?

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Это было бы не слишком изобретательно, не так ли?

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Здорово тебе.

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Нед, где будет выступать Гефест?

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Тридцать стивенов на юг. Недов. Тридцать недов.

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Ты сказал тридцать стивенов?

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Оговорился. Тридцать недов.

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- Что за стивен?

- Именно.

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Ма, просто верни моего друга.

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Я захожу. Она свалила.

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- Это на нее не похоже.

- Похоже.

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Ты права.

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Откройте дверь, пожалуйста.

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Спасибо.

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Но если останешься здесь, закрой глаза.

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- Это Медуза?

- Ненадолго.

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Да, дорогая, смирись с этим.

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Отныне ты обратнодуза.

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- Тихо, девочка, тихо.

- Что за обратнодуза?

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Мне кажется, это очевидно.

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Поверни статую лицом к ней. Эй, эй, сюда.

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Сюда, сюда, моя дорогая.

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Хм. Следовало это предвидеть.

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- Это сработало?

- В процессе.

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Привет, Вулкон! Я Крис ХАрдвик.

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Я ведущий этой панели и, в связи с проклятием, всех панелей до конца времён.

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Но эй, вы месяц спали снаружи на камнях не чтобы услышать мою историю.

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Вы хотели увидеть бога создания вещей,

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отца кузниц, повелителя металла,

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Гефеста!

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А? А? Круто же?

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Как скажешь.

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Поаплодируем ему!

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О-о, Гефест, где твой молот?

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О нет, народ, похоже, что у Гефеста нет его... О, погодите.

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Что сейчас происходит? О боги мои!

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Давай!

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Ну и ну!

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Вот ради чего вы пришли на Вулкон, народ.

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Не ради яиц.

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Гефест, над чем ты сейчас работаешь?

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Делаю новую шляпу для Гермеса. С крыльями поменьше.

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- Пфф.

- Не делай так.

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Не говори мне, что делать.

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И я работаю над колесницей Аполлона, бога солнца.

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- Какой из себя Аполлон?

- Он горяч, Крис.

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Пфф.

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Извините, кто-то издаёт очень критикующий,

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- невпечатлённый звук "пфф".

- Это технологический конвент.

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Половина публики просто странно дышит.

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Кажется, это тот парень.

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- В стеклянном шлеме.

- Всё нормально.

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Это мой брат, он не разговаривает.

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Неправда.

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Точнее, наполовину брат.

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Зачем ты тратишь свой талант на игрушки и безделушки

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для царских нормисов, которые никогда не будут тебя уважать?

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Я этого человека знать не знаю.

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А ты эксперт по уважению, что ли?

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Я должен уважать тебя больше других фанатов?

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Почему? Потому что ты более вымотанный? Менее вежливый?

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Потому что я вскрыл замок, который ты сделал для Прометея.

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- Что за?..

- Как ты это сделал?

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- Долго объяснять.

- Как тебя зовут?

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- Гиппокамп.

- Идиотское имя.

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Но таким как мы приходится работать с тем, что есть.

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Это мой новый друг, Гиппокамп Великий.

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Это мой брат.

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Да. Эй, увидимся, ребята.

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Я иду на экскурсию по вулкану Гефеста.

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Ты можешь взять меня с собой?

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Могу спросить.

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Не хочу показаться грубым или непрофессиональным.

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Да, уже не хочешь.

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Я просто подожду на корабле, с теплом вспоминая свои две курицы.

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- Ты обиделся?

- Нет, я рад за тебя.

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Ты хотел, чтобы я пообщался с мыслителями.

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Кстати, одна девушка хочет со мной пообедать.

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Она придумала бумагу.

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- Это типа складной глины.

- Я бы с ней познакомился.

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Ну, это творческая тема.

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- Да, как экскурсия по вулкану.

- Бесценные возможности.

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Встретимся на корабле.

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Я буду там, наверное.

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Бумага звучит тупо. Надеюсь, вулкан извергнется.

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- Ох... Ух.

- Не смотри на мои яйца.

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Извини. Извини.

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Нет, подождите, подождите, пожалуйста.

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Шлаб, она послушает только тебя.

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- Да, она мне доверяет.

- Да.

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Скажи ей перестать, чтобы я могла отнести Феликса Афине.

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Она перестанет мне доверять.

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Ты точно знаешь, что такое доверие?

00:08:26,270 --> 00:08:28,810

Ну, строго говоря, это вера в надёжность.

00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:31,020

Как вера в то, что стена удержит потолок.

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Это знание, что другой человек действует в твоих лучших интересах.

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Ладно, наверно ты знаешь, что это.

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Но я думаю, ты просто боишься сказать то, что она не хочет услышать.

00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:43,627

Тонкое различие. Обсудим это за выпивкой,

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пока твоя мать делает что хочет и верит, что я ее поддержу.

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- Или...

- Или что?

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Не шевелись, пожалуйста!

00:08:51,790 --> 00:08:53,920

Помогите нам.

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Что? Нельзя ваять без глины.

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Я думала, сейчас получится.

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Не волнуйтесь. Это часть процесса.

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Верьте в процесс.

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Крутая мастерская.

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Раньше это был вулкан.

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Сложно поверить.

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Ты не спросишь, как я вскрыл твой замок?

00:09:11,970 --> 00:09:13,470

Ты повернул третий цилиндр.

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Я так его спроектировал.

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Кто проектирует вскрываемые замки?

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Идём.

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У меня тоже с рождения были определённые трудности.

00:09:25,990 --> 00:09:30,490

Без обид, Геф, но я не могу дышать и ходить.

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Но я допускаю это сравнение.

00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:35,450

Когда я родился, родители меня вышвырнули.

00:09:35,540 --> 00:09:36,910

И не в переносном смысле.

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Мой папа умеет швырять.

00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:40,750

Его работа - швырять молнии.

00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:41,920

Я полетел...

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- Далеко.

- Отстой.

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Но это сделало меня тем, кто я есть.

00:09:45,670 --> 00:09:47,710

- Знаешь, кто моя жена?

- Афродита.

00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:49,340

И что это говорит о богах?

00:09:49,430 --> 00:09:51,880

- Они не против инцеста?

- Знаешь, что такое семья?

00:09:51,930 --> 00:09:53,800

Я понял, что это болезнь.

00:09:53,850 --> 00:09:55,300

Ты рождаешься с ней.

00:09:55,350 --> 00:09:57,640

Ты ее не выбираешь, и она тебе не нужна.

00:09:57,730 --> 00:09:59,640

Но зато ты нужен ей.

00:09:59,730 --> 00:10:03,810

Я сделал замок вскрываемым, потому что мой отец безумный задира.

00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:06,020

Так же как и Прометей с Гераклом.

00:10:06,110 --> 00:10:08,610

Все думают, что он освободил Прометея.

00:10:08,690 --> 00:10:12,150

Потому что тупые красавчики думают, что они управляют миром.

00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:16,740

И уродливые умники хотят, чтобы они так думали.

00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:20,580

А у мозга может случиться стояк?

00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:24,880

Есть что-то тёплое и утешающее?

00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:26,880

Грудное молоко моей тёщи?

00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:28,130

Я буду пиво.

00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:31,550

Эй, хочешь оскорбительную шутку об изобретателях?

00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:36,680

Я полагаю, ты тоже царь, который привёл сюда учёного и оказался брошен?

00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,390

Я Минос с Крита.

00:10:38,470 --> 00:10:41,520

Тиран, Крапополис. Что за шутка?

00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:45,270

Что получается, когда изобретатель скрещивает твою жену с быком?

00:10:45,310 --> 00:10:49,860

Плотоядное чудище, которое нужно держать в лабиринте.

00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,450

Это нужно было видеть.

00:10:52,530 --> 00:10:54,110

Что это такое?

00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,120

А, вы заказали пиво. Простите.

00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:57,830

Ну нет, я не буду допивать.

00:10:57,870 --> 00:10:59,950

Новое придётся подождать.

00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:03,710

Я возьму бесплатное пиво, пока жду.

00:11:03,790 --> 00:11:07,229

- Не цари.

- Не цари.

00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:11,010

Сколько это будет продолжаться?

00:11:11,090 --> 00:11:14,010

Я не вижу минусов в том, что она продолжает пытаться.

00:11:14,050 --> 00:11:16,550

Думаю, они видят в этом минус.

00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:20,220

Чёрт! И снова чёрт!

00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:23,350

Чего ты хочешь?

00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:28,110

Я должна разобраться с этим, пока не прислали новую партию рабов из Фив.

00:11:28,190 --> 00:11:29,900

Думаю, тебе пора признать,

00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:34,450

что ты не знаешь, как обратить превращение в камень, и сдаться.

00:11:34,490 --> 00:11:35,950

Спесивец!

00:11:36,030 --> 00:11:37,910

Что я наделала?

00:11:37,950 --> 00:11:40,080

Не вини себя. Это моя вина.

00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:44,160

Я видел, как тебе тяжело, но не останавливал тебя, чтобы не задеть твоих чувств.

00:11:44,250 --> 00:11:46,870

Нет, я стремилась доказать,

00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:49,590

что могу разобраться с чепушным мошенничеством Афины,

00:11:49,630 --> 00:11:51,920

и погорячилась. Слегка.

00:11:52,010 --> 00:11:53,960

По крайней мере Колосса меня не съест.

00:11:54,010 --> 00:11:58,260

Она ни разу за всю жизнь не притрагивалась к овощам.

00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,480

Где ты был?

00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:07,020

У тебя похмелье?

00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:10,020

Я до сих пор пьян. Это не одно и то же.

00:12:10,110 --> 00:12:11,980

Гефест предложил мне работу.

00:12:12,070 --> 00:12:14,440

- Так чего ты еще здесь?

- В смысле?

00:12:14,490 --> 00:12:15,570

Я хочу обсудить это с тобой.

00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:17,110

То есть позлорадствовать?

00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:22,120

Ты хочешь, чтобы я умолял тебя оказать мне услугу и скрестить мою жену с быком?

00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:24,330

Откуда взялись эти мысли?

00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:25,620

Это метафора.

00:12:25,670 --> 00:12:27,330

Ты назвал меня бесполезным!

00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:28,540

Разве такое было?

00:12:28,710 --> 00:12:30,920

Ты так творчески запоминаешь, что я говорю.

00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,840

А помнишь, как я просил тебя изобрести письменность?

00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:35,880

Это плохая идея.

00:12:35,970 --> 00:12:37,510

Поверю тебе на слово.

00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:40,050

Всё, о чём я тебя прошу, недостойно твоего гения.

00:12:40,140 --> 00:12:42,100

Так что я потеряю, если ты уйдёшь?

00:12:42,180 --> 00:12:44,810

Вот эту идею я могу поддержать.

00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:46,270

Ого, я это сделал, народ.

00:12:46,310 --> 00:12:49,810

Мне наконец хватило ума понять, что он думает только о себе.

00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:51,667

- Я тебя ненавижу!

- Я ненавижу тебя!

00:12:51,709 --> 00:12:53,770

- Драка задротов.

- Драка задротов.

00:12:53,820 --> 00:12:55,780

Прекратите драку задротов!

00:12:55,860 --> 00:12:57,780

- Я царь.

- Ладно, ну...

00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,160

Знаю, я задротский для царя. Но это не драка задротов.

00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:03,080

- Из-за чего это вы?

- Просто попрощайся.

00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:05,580

- А как же все твои вещи?

- Раздай их.

00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:09,120

Даже твою полностью подвижную деревянную даму в полный рост?

00:13:09,170 --> 00:13:10,370

Я не знаю, что ты описываешь,

00:13:10,460 --> 00:13:12,710

но это куда менее позорно, чем совать нос куда не надо.

00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,000

Прощай, Тиран.

00:13:14,130 --> 00:13:15,710

О, я пока не уплываю.

00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,920

Я на острове, полном твоих замен.

00:13:18,050 --> 00:13:19,880

Здесь всё?.. Стивен?

00:13:19,930 --> 00:13:22,760

Нед, я слышал о твоей системе нед.

00:13:22,850 --> 00:13:26,390

- Звучит знакомо.

- Спокойно, Стивен.

00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,230

Драка задротов?

00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:37,450

- Эй, моя суперзвезда.

- Мне не терпится начать.

00:13:37,540 --> 00:13:39,790

Знаю, ты не любишь правила. И тебе повезло.

00:13:39,910 --> 00:13:40,790

Их здесь нет!

00:13:40,830 --> 00:13:42,760

Ха-ха, да!

00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,960

- Твое рабочее место.

- Понял. С чего начать?

00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,040

Во-первых, никогда этого не спрашивай.

00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:48,460

- Извини.

- Я серьёзно, Гиппо.

00:13:48,590 --> 00:13:51,090

Твоя работа - просто творить.

00:13:51,180 --> 00:13:53,220

Желательно три или четыре вещи до заката.

00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:58,470

И если то, что ты придумаешь, станет изобретением Гефеста, ты пойдёшь на повышение.

00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:02,730

Так моя работа - создавать изобретения Гефеста?

00:14:02,770 --> 00:14:06,310

Так, не льсти себе. Я не эксплуатирую тебя.

00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:09,320

Когда я закончу со всеми доработками,

00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:11,360

это будет больше моя заслуга, чем твоя.

00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:15,240

И поверь мне, ты присвоишь ее себе, когда уйдёшь от меня на работу получше.

00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,280

- О, я не уйду.

- Конечно уйдёшь.

00:14:18,330 --> 00:14:22,341

Ты попал сюда не оставаясь верным своему глупому брату.

00:14:22,341 --> 00:14:26,080

Всё нормально. Я ожидаю, что ты уйдёшь. Я не глупый.

00:14:26,130 --> 00:14:30,380

Я, можно сказать, бог противоположности глупости.

00:14:30,510 --> 00:14:32,880

И я предпочту работать с настоящим талантом,

00:14:32,930 --> 00:14:35,470

чем с фальшивыми льстецами!

00:14:35,510 --> 00:14:38,140

- Я могу быть тем и тем.

- Можешь попытаться.

00:14:38,220 --> 00:14:39,930

Мое доверие можно заслужить...

00:14:39,970 --> 00:14:41,810

до какой-то степени.

00:14:41,810 --> 00:14:47,270

Афродита вышла за меня, потому что только мое сердце не смогла найти даже она.

00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,610

Это довольно мрачно, шеф.

00:14:50,940 --> 00:14:52,230

Мы те еще фрукты, да?

00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:55,240

Не возвращайся к работе.

00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:57,990

Живу мечтой.

00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:01,080

Так ты зовёшь себя взаимодействующим изобретателем?

00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:05,175

Да, я считаю, что взаимодействие важнее инноваций.

00:15:05,175 --> 00:15:09,170

Ах, как ново. Я заинтересован в создании письменности для моего города.

00:15:09,210 --> 00:15:11,040

- Нет, так не бывает.

- Не бывает?

00:15:11,090 --> 00:15:14,420

Люди говорят слова и рисуют картинки.

00:15:14,510 --> 00:15:17,260

Нельзя нарисовать картинки слов.

00:15:17,390 --> 00:15:21,180

- Это чепуха.

- Это мы сейчас взаимодействуем?

00:15:21,310 --> 00:15:25,390

Одно дело взаимодействовать, а другое - потакать детским фантазиям.

00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:31,110

Ты представляешь мир будущего, в котором люди всё записывают и... что было второе?

00:15:31,190 --> 00:15:36,360

Какают в трубы, которые переносят фекалии в новое место, когда они покинут задницу?

00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:38,240

Ну, у тебя это звучит как...

00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:40,070

Кто вообще о таком думает?

00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:41,580

Желательно кто-то в твоем положении.

00:15:41,620 --> 00:15:46,200

Тогда, боюсь, собеседование окончено.

00:15:46,290 --> 00:15:49,636

Ты скоро станешь прежним великолепным собой, дорогой.

00:15:49,636 --> 00:15:52,090

Но если можешь, постарайся не грызть себя.

00:15:52,170 --> 00:15:56,380

Если никто в ближайшем будущем не изобретёт соус для салата, всё будет в порядке.

00:15:56,470 --> 00:15:58,930

Я рада, что у вас произошёл личностный рост,

00:15:58,970 --> 00:16:00,510

но у Феликса есть дети.

00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:03,640

И поэтому ты должна отнести его в храм Афины.

00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:07,946

Что я теперь позволяю, потому что я способна на всё, в том числе измениться.

00:16:07,946 --> 00:16:08,810

Ладно.

00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:11,560

И ты меня подбросишь, потому что я уже могла туда дойти.

00:16:11,610 --> 00:16:14,110

Это была минута слабости. Большего не жди. Свали.

00:16:14,150 --> 00:16:15,570

Это в твоем стиле.

00:16:15,610 --> 00:16:17,320

Присмотрите за Феликсом, пока я собираюсь?

00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,200

- Ладно.

- Ты замечательная мать.

00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,240

А ты сексуален, даже когда ты морковка.

00:16:22,330 --> 00:16:25,200

Шаловливое ты божество. О да.

00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:27,080

Вот это я понимаю.

00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,000

Нет, я хочу, чтобы он смотрел.

00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,580

Очень хорошо. О да.

00:16:31,710 --> 00:16:32,630

О, вот так.

00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:39,370

Из-за чего шумиха?

00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:41,580

Царь проводит собеседования в доке.

00:16:41,630 --> 00:16:45,300

Тот, кого наймут, получит целую лабораторию в его дворце.

00:16:45,420 --> 00:16:47,550

С подземным логовом.

00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,680

Это же... полнейший кошмар.

00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,340

Наверно это в какой-то глуши.

00:16:51,390 --> 00:16:53,390

И хорошо. Маленький пруд для большой рыбы.

00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:56,020

Извини, тебя это оскорбляет?

00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:57,310

Переживу.

00:16:57,390 --> 00:17:00,374

Я слышал, этого царя интересуют сумасшедшие вещи:

00:17:00,374 --> 00:17:03,270

канализационная система, письменность.

00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,280

А вот это оскорбительно.

00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:06,820

В смысле, царь он или творец?

00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:09,320

Гефесту всё равно, что мы изобретаем.

00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:10,490

Это верно.

00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,450

Этот царь, о котором вы говорите, будет лезть в ваши дела.

00:17:13,540 --> 00:17:15,290

"Как успехи? Над чем работаешь?

00:17:15,370 --> 00:17:16,580

У меня есть мысли".

00:17:16,710 --> 00:17:18,370

Он будет думать, что владеет вами.

00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:21,540

Лаборатория, жильё и еда. Владей мной, папочка.

00:17:21,630 --> 00:17:25,880

Серьёзно. Но пожалуйста, не ходи на собеседование. А то тебя наймут.

00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,260

Да, всё всегда достаётся тем, кому плевать.

00:17:37,060 --> 00:17:40,020

Положи изобретения на любое свободное место.

00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:41,310

Спасибо. Над чем работаешь?

00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:43,730

- Шляпа для Гермеса.

- Снова?

00:17:43,770 --> 00:17:44,690

У него появились мысли.

00:17:44,820 --> 00:17:47,480

У Гермеса появились мысли о его шляпе,

00:17:47,530 --> 00:17:49,320

когда ты сидишь в окружении...

00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,030

- Что это?

- Не знаю.

00:17:51,110 --> 00:17:52,450

Называется компьютер.

00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,570

Машина, которая считает...

00:17:54,620 --> 00:17:56,620

Почему ты так спокойно меня прерываешь?

00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,500

Тебя что, никогда не увольняли?

00:17:58,540 --> 00:17:59,910

Я только сам увольнялся.

00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,920

- Машина, которая считает?

- Тебя это впечатляет?

00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:07,420

Это может быть немного более важно, чем третья версия шляпы Гермеса.

00:18:07,510 --> 00:18:09,090

Показать кое-что еще лучше?

00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,880

Да!

00:18:10,930 --> 00:18:12,340

Чувак?

00:18:12,430 --> 00:18:15,010

Чувак! Погоди, дальше - лучше.

00:18:15,090 --> 00:18:16,180

Смотри сюда.

00:18:16,260 --> 00:18:17,850

Что думаешь, чувак?

00:18:17,890 --> 00:18:19,390

Нравится, чувак?

00:18:19,430 --> 00:18:20,640

Почему? Почему?

00:18:20,690 --> 00:18:23,520

Потому что это не то, чего ты хотел.

00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:27,440

Теперь ты понимаешь: ты меня не контролируешь.

00:18:27,530 --> 00:18:29,690

- А Гермес контролирует?

- Нет!

00:18:29,780 --> 00:18:34,410

Ты невзрачный рыболюд, я контролирую всё.

00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:38,700

Я выбираю для себя работу. Я выбираю цели.

00:18:38,790 --> 00:18:45,040

Я уже закончил доказывать, что я лучше всех и что мне никто не нужен.

00:18:45,130 --> 00:18:46,710

Ты этого еще не доказал?

00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:49,800

А я доказал! Это можно доказать.

00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:53,680

И ты знаешь, что я решил осуществить теперь?

00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:57,350

- Ты хочешь им нравиться.

- Именно, приятель!

00:18:57,430 --> 00:18:59,310

Именно.

00:18:59,350 --> 00:19:01,470

Ты не возражаешь?

00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:07,360

Помнишь, когда твой брат попытался защитить тебя на панели?

00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:13,030

Никто в моей семье, никто, не сделал этого для меня.

00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,570

Ти, подожди!

00:19:17,660 --> 00:19:21,370

- Ти!

- Один момент.

00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,120

Извините. Простите.

00:19:23,170 --> 00:19:26,500

- Гиппо!

- Ти!

00:19:26,590 --> 00:19:29,250

- Извини.

- И ты меня.

00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:30,710

Что случилось?

00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:32,710

Ну, я был прав, что сменил работу.

00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:34,470

Потому что я прав во всём.

00:19:34,550 --> 00:19:36,470

Поэтому мне пришлось уйти.

00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:40,930

Меня посчитали психически устрашающим и сексуально отвлекающим.

00:19:41,020 --> 00:19:43,350

Это поистине невероятно.

00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:45,730

Но я рад, что это случилось, ведь ты незаменим.

00:19:45,850 --> 00:19:48,860

Я бы заизобретал тебя до потери пульса.

00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:49,980

Разлучник.

00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,780

- Кто это был?

- Я никого не видел.

00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:57,030

Гефест благодарит вас за посещение Вулкона.

00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:59,030

Я не автоматон.

00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:01,200

Я живой, страдающий великан.

00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:02,580

Удачно добраться до дома.

00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:08,250

Движения моих суставов ограничиваются и осуществляются сложной системой шестерней.

00:20:08,380 --> 00:20:11,040

Надеемся увидеть вас в следующем году.

00:20:11,130 --> 00:20:12,880

Наслаждайтесь жизнью.

00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,050

Она могла быть хуже.

00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,420

У меня есть семья.

00:20:15,470 --> 00:20:18,010

Я гурман и люблю путешествовать.

00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:22,640

Расскажите мою историю и расскажите миру про Вулкон.

00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:26,180

У меня больше года чешется спина.

00:20:26,270 --> 00:20:28,310

Пожалуйста, почешите ее.

00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:30,560

И пожалуйста, возвращайтесь на Вулкон.

00:20:30,650 --> 00:20:33,480

До этого я был великаном-доктором.

00:20:33,570 --> 00:20:35,700

Не давал людям умереть.

00:20:35,922 --> 00:20:39,740

А вы не дайте себе пропустить следующий Вулкон.

00:21:09,331 --> 00:21:12,110

Привет, Принт-кон!

00:21:12,190 --> 00:21:13,440

Я Крис Хардвик.

00:21:13,530 --> 00:21:18,270

Я ведущий этой панели и, в связи с проклятием, всех панелей до конца времён.

00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:22,870

Но вы месяц спали на куче чумных крыс, не чтобы слушать обо мне.

00:21:22,910 --> 00:21:25,410

Вы пришли ради принца пресса,

00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:30,830

мага страницы, иогАнна ГутенбЕрга!

00:00:07,248 --> 00:00:08,784

technology convention?

00:00:08,784 --> 00:00:10,487

Are you so excited?

- Yeah.

00:00:10,487 --> 00:00:12,391

If there's two things

smart people love,

00:00:12,391 --> 00:00:15,131

it's huge crowds

and more smart people.

00:00:15,131 --> 00:00:17,401

Is that a giant automaton?

00:00:17,401 --> 00:00:19,740

I didn't even know

that was possible yet.

00:00:19,740 --> 00:00:21,176

Welcome to VolCon.

00:00:21,176 --> 00:00:23,280

I am not an automaton.

00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:27,054

I am a living giant,

painted gold

00:00:27,054 --> 00:00:29,192

and forced to repeat

this message

00:00:29,192 --> 00:00:31,228

by mechanized torture,

00:00:31,228 --> 00:00:33,901

which is arguably

more impressive.

00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:36,072

Welcome to VolCon.

00:00:36,072 --> 00:00:38,944

Ah, I should not

have looked up.

00:00:38,944 --> 00:00:40,080

Were they painted gold?

00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:41,950

Someone may have died trying.

00:00:41,950 --> 00:00:43,655

Tyrannis, you're happy

with my work

00:00:43,655 --> 00:00:44,890

as your inventor, right?

00:00:44,890 --> 00:00:47,027

You didn't, like,

bring me here to show me

00:00:47,027 --> 00:00:49,833

how replaceable I am?

- That's your take?

00:00:49,833 --> 00:00:51,704

How can the smartest guy

in my family

00:00:51,704 --> 00:00:54,308

also be the most childish

and least secure?

00:00:54,308 --> 00:00:57,348

I don't know, maybe years

of you saying stuff like that?

00:00:57,348 --> 00:00:59,218

Hippocampus,

you're my big brother

00:00:59,218 --> 00:01:01,255

and a genius,

and I brought you here

00:01:01,255 --> 00:01:02,993

to connect with great thinkers.

00:01:02,993 --> 00:01:04,529

So, please,

grow up and enjoy it

00:01:04,529 --> 00:01:08,036

because I'm giving you

a priceless opportunity.

00:01:08,036 --> 00:01:10,074

- Two chickens, please.

- Two chick--

00:01:10,074 --> 00:01:12,713

I thought this was

a priceless opportunity.

00:01:12,713 --> 00:01:14,148

Two adults, two chickens.

00:01:14,148 --> 00:01:15,552

This was

our lunch and dinner.

00:01:15,552 --> 00:01:18,123

No outside food or drinks.

We do sell eggs.

00:01:18,123 --> 00:01:20,160

Oh, I bet you do.

00:01:51,122 --> 00:01:52,592

Where is everyone?

00:01:52,592 --> 00:01:54,697

Ty and Hippo

are at a tech convention,

00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:57,368

and Stupendous is adventuring,

leaving their parents

00:01:57,468 --> 00:02:00,207

an entire palace

for their erotic playground.

00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:02,478

Aren't you, like, 5,000?

00:02:02,478 --> 00:02:04,983

How does sex

still interest you?

00:02:04,983 --> 00:02:06,987

I married the goddess of it.

00:02:06,987 --> 00:02:09,158

That was a test,

and you passed.

00:02:09,258 --> 00:02:10,427

Ooh.

- Mm.

00:02:10,427 --> 00:02:13,233

- I'm in the room.

- Why?

00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,905

Emergency--I was adventuring

with my friend Felix,

00:02:15,905 --> 00:02:17,140

and we started fighting

a Medusa.

00:02:17,140 --> 00:02:18,476

- The Medusa.

- What?

00:02:18,476 --> 00:02:21,049

Medusa is one

of several Gorgons.

00:02:21,049 --> 00:02:24,122

You can fight

the Medusa or a Gorgon.

00:02:24,122 --> 00:02:26,125

You can't fight a Medusa.

00:02:26,125 --> 00:02:28,130

I don't think Felix cares.

00:02:28,130 --> 00:02:30,635

I need a ride to the nearest

temple of Athena.

00:02:30,635 --> 00:02:31,670

Why?

00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:33,908

The only way to reverse

a Medusa stoning is to--

00:02:33,908 --> 00:02:35,945

- Gorgon stoning.

- Do you want to die today?

00:02:35,945 --> 00:02:37,114

I'll stop helping.

00:02:37,114 --> 00:02:40,287

The only way to reverse this

is a sacrifice to Athena.

00:02:40,287 --> 00:02:43,761

Ha, you do realize Athena

created the Gorgons,

00:02:43,761 --> 00:02:44,964

which include Medusa?

00:02:44,964 --> 00:02:46,266

- Thank you.

- So?

00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:48,604

So her crappy monster

turns people to stone,

00:02:48,604 --> 00:02:51,275

and the only way to undo it

is to worship her?

00:02:51,275 --> 00:02:53,246

Talk about a scam.

00:02:53,246 --> 00:02:55,450

Can we talk about it

on the way to the temple?

00:02:55,450 --> 00:02:58,423

I'm not flying my daughter

back to that hack's temple

00:02:58,423 --> 00:03:00,294

to reverse her clumsy cursing.

00:03:00,294 --> 00:03:02,131

I'll turn your friend

back to flesh myself.

00:03:02,131 --> 00:03:03,232

You can do that?

00:03:03,232 --> 00:03:04,970

Did she just ask

if I can do that?

00:03:04,970 --> 00:03:07,074

- She did.

- I'm sorry?

00:03:07,074 --> 00:03:09,044

Give me your stupid friend.

00:03:09,044 --> 00:03:13,219

You can do that?

That's you.

00:03:13,219 --> 00:03:15,925

- Can she do it?

- Not sure.

00:03:19,331 --> 00:03:20,769

What's your invention, friend?

00:03:20,769 --> 00:03:23,407

A standard unit of measure

called the Ned.

00:03:23,407 --> 00:03:25,377

This stick is a quarter Ned.

00:03:25,377 --> 00:03:29,018

You are 3 and 1/2 quarter Neds.

- I suppose you're Ned.

00:03:29,018 --> 00:03:30,487

Easy to remember.

00:03:30,487 --> 00:03:32,424

We should use

the Ned system back home.

00:03:32,424 --> 00:03:34,929

I can measure things

with my own height.

00:03:34,929 --> 00:03:37,167

What are you, like, 3/4 Ned?

00:03:37,167 --> 00:03:38,838

That's a lot

of extra calculations

00:03:38,838 --> 00:03:40,140

just to service your vanity.

00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:41,710

I officially hate it here.

00:03:41,710 --> 00:03:43,479

Because you think

it's a competition.

00:03:43,479 --> 00:03:45,350

You practically

attacked the creator

00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,087

of the miniature bucket.

- It's a cup!

00:03:47,087 --> 00:03:48,524

So?

00:03:48,524 --> 00:03:50,562

You know what's more useful

than one genius, Hippocampus?

00:03:50,562 --> 00:03:53,333

100 Neds,

willing to work together.

00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:55,337

Hey, do not use me

as a metric of--

00:03:55,337 --> 00:03:57,842

I mean,

do use me as a metric, but--

00:03:57,842 --> 00:03:58,877

I was right.

00:03:59,011 --> 00:04:01,951

You brought me here

because you think I'm useless.

00:04:01,951 --> 00:04:03,486

I never said that.

00:04:03,486 --> 00:04:05,157

But have you ever

invented anything

00:04:05,157 --> 00:04:06,392

that anyone actually asked for?

00:04:06,392 --> 00:04:08,898

That wouldn't

be very inventive, would it?

00:04:10,233 --> 00:04:11,636

Must be nice.

00:04:11,636 --> 00:04:13,974

Ned, where's

the Hephaestus panel happening?

00:04:13,974 --> 00:04:15,744

It's about 30 Stevens South--

00:04:15,744 --> 00:04:16,913

Neds, 30 Neds.

00:04:16,913 --> 00:04:18,416

Did you say 30 Stevens?

00:04:18,416 --> 00:04:20,154

Slip of the tongue--

30 Neds.

00:04:20,154 --> 00:04:22,659

- Who's Steven?

- Exactly.

00:04:22,659 --> 00:04:25,163

Ma, can I just have

my friend back?

00:04:25,163 --> 00:04:27,535

I'm coming in.

She bailed.

00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:29,739

- That's not like her.

- Yes, it is.

00:04:29,739 --> 00:04:30,641

Fair enough.

00:04:30,641 --> 00:04:33,012

Someone open

this door, please.

00:04:33,012 --> 00:04:34,048

Thank you.

00:04:34,181 --> 00:04:36,218

But if you're going to be

in here, cover your eye.

00:04:36,218 --> 00:04:38,925

- Is that the Medusa?

- Not for long.

00:04:40,260 --> 00:04:41,696

Yes, darling,

get over yourself.

00:04:41,696 --> 00:04:44,903

You are henceforth,

"Reversadusa."

00:04:47,407 --> 00:04:50,180

- Easy, girl, easy.

- What's a "Reversadusa"?

00:04:50,180 --> 00:04:51,583

I think

it's self-explanatory.

00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:54,087

Turn the statue to look at her.

Hey. Hey. Here.

00:04:54,087 --> 00:04:56,626

Psst.

Over here, here, honey.

00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:02,505

Ah, hmm.

Should have seen that coming.

00:05:02,505 --> 00:05:05,310

- Did it work?

- I have a process.

00:05:05,310 --> 00:05:09,485

Hello, VolCon!

I'm Chris Hardwick.

00:05:09,485 --> 00:05:12,257

I'm moderating this panel

and, due to a curse,

00:05:12,257 --> 00:05:13,727

all panels

until the end of time.

00:05:13,727 --> 00:05:16,065

But hey, you didn't sleep

outside on the gravel

00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:18,202

for a month to hear my story.

00:05:18,202 --> 00:05:21,275

You waited to see

the God of Making Stuff,

00:05:21,275 --> 00:05:25,016

the Father of Forges,

the Master of Metal,

00:05:25,016 --> 00:05:27,154

Hephaestus!

00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:35,070

Huh? Huh?

Pretty cool.

00:05:35,070 --> 00:05:36,172

Whatever.

00:05:36,272 --> 00:05:37,742

Let them hear you, guys.

00:05:37,742 --> 00:05:42,552

Oh, Hephaestus,

where is your hammer?

00:05:42,552 --> 00:05:45,123

Oh, no, everyone,

Hephaestus doesn't seem

00:05:45,123 --> 00:05:46,693

to have his--

oh, wait a minute.

00:05:46,693 --> 00:05:51,469

What is happening right now?

Oh, my gods!

00:05:54,943 --> 00:05:56,378

Come on!

00:05:56,378 --> 00:05:59,318

Wow!

00:05:59,318 --> 00:06:02,291

That is why you come

to VolCon, folks.

00:06:02,291 --> 00:06:03,628

It ain't for the eggs.

00:06:03,628 --> 00:06:05,932

Hephaestus, what are you

working on these days?

00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:09,305

I'm making a new hat

for Hermes with smaller wings.

00:06:09,405 --> 00:06:10,407

- Pfft.

- Don't do that.

00:06:10,407 --> 00:06:11,510

Don't tell me what to do.

00:06:11,610 --> 00:06:15,618

And I'm working on a chariot

for Apollo, the Sun God.

00:06:15,618 --> 00:06:17,589

- What's Apollo like?

- Hot, Chris.

00:06:17,589 --> 00:06:19,458

Pfft.

00:06:19,458 --> 00:06:22,732

I'm sorry, someone keeps

making a very critical,

00:06:22,732 --> 00:06:25,605

unimpressed, pfft sound.

- It's a tech convention.

00:06:25,605 --> 00:06:27,474

You know, half the audience

just breathes weird.

00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:28,677

I think

it was that guy there,

00:06:28,677 --> 00:06:31,281

the guy with the glass helmet.

- It's okay.

00:06:31,281 --> 00:06:33,153

He's my brother,

and he's non-verbal.

00:06:33,153 --> 00:06:34,321

That's not true.

00:06:34,321 --> 00:06:35,824

More of a half-brother, really.

00:06:35,824 --> 00:06:38,664

Why are you using your talent

to make toys and trinkets

00:06:38,664 --> 00:06:40,366

for a bunch

of royal normies

00:06:40,366 --> 00:06:41,803

that are never

gonna respect you?

00:06:41,803 --> 00:06:43,640

I've never met

this man in my life.

00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,878

Oh, you're expert on respect,

are you?

00:06:45,878 --> 00:06:48,551

Should I respect you more

than all these other fans

00:06:48,551 --> 00:06:50,420

because, why,

because you're more jaded?

00:06:50,420 --> 00:06:51,556

Less polite?

00:06:51,556 --> 00:06:55,898

Because I picked the lock

you made for Prometheus.

00:06:59,572 --> 00:07:02,846

- What the--?

- How'd you make this?

00:07:02,846 --> 00:07:05,417

- It's complicated.

- What's your name?

00:07:05,417 --> 00:07:08,824

- Hippocampus.

- That is a stupid name.

00:07:08,924 --> 00:07:12,832

But guys like us have

to work with what we're given.

00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:16,472

This is my new friend,

Hippocampus the Great.

00:07:17,508 --> 00:07:19,679

That's my brother.

00:07:23,252 --> 00:07:24,288

- Oh, my goodness.

- Yeah.

00:07:24,288 --> 00:07:26,425

Hey, I'll see you guys there.

00:07:26,425 --> 00:07:29,565

I'm going on a tour

of Hephaestus' volcano.

00:07:29,565 --> 00:07:31,970

Is that

a plus-one situation?

00:07:31,970 --> 00:07:33,573

I could ask.

00:07:33,573 --> 00:07:36,012

I just don't want to seem

rude or unprofessional though.

00:07:36,012 --> 00:07:37,248

Right, not anymore.

00:07:37,348 --> 00:07:38,684

I'll just go wait on the boat

00:07:38,684 --> 00:07:41,321

and fondly remember

my two chickens.

00:07:41,321 --> 00:07:43,527

- You mad?

- No, I'm happy for you.

00:07:43,527 --> 00:07:45,496

You did want me

to connect with great thinkers.

00:07:45,496 --> 00:07:47,502

Speaking of,

there's this girl--

00:07:47,502 --> 00:07:48,537

she wants to have lunch.

00:07:48,537 --> 00:07:50,675

She has an idea called paper.

00:07:50,675 --> 00:07:53,747

It's like foldable clay.

- I'd love to meet her.

00:07:53,847 --> 00:07:56,018

Oh, well,

it's a creative thing.

00:07:56,018 --> 00:08:00,260

- Yeah, like the volcano tour.

- Priceless opportunities.

00:08:00,260 --> 00:08:01,563

I'll meet you at the boat.

00:08:01,563 --> 00:08:03,767

I'll be there, probably.

00:08:03,767 --> 00:08:08,309

Paper sounds stupid.

I hope the volcano erupts.

00:08:08,309 --> 00:08:11,115

Oh--ooh.

- Do not look at my balls.

00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:12,652

Sorry. Sorry.

00:08:12,652 --> 00:08:14,890

No, wait. Wait.

Please, please!

00:08:14,890 --> 00:08:17,394

Shlub, you're the only one

she's gonna listen to.

00:08:17,394 --> 00:08:19,666

- Yes, because she trusts me.

- Yes.

00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,638

So tell her to let this go

so I can take Felix to Athena.

00:08:22,638 --> 00:08:24,576

Then she'll stop trusting me.

00:08:24,576 --> 00:08:26,145

I don't think

you know what trust is.

00:08:26,145 --> 00:08:28,750

Well, in strict terms,

it's a belief in reliability,

00:08:28,750 --> 00:08:30,821

as one might trust

a wall to hold a ceiling.

00:08:30,921 --> 00:08:32,892

Interpersonally,

it's knowing another

00:08:32,892 --> 00:08:34,763

has your best interests

at heart.

00:08:34,763 --> 00:08:37,502

Okay, maybe you do know

what it is.

00:08:37,502 --> 00:08:39,673

But I also think

you're just scared to say stuff

00:08:39,773 --> 00:08:41,810

she doesn't want to hear.

- A fine distinction.

00:08:41,810 --> 00:08:43,914

Let's discuss it

over a drink while your mother

00:08:43,914 --> 00:08:46,486

does whatever she wants

and trusts me to support it.

00:08:46,486 --> 00:08:48,658

- Or--

- Or what?

00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:51,730

Just sit still, please!

00:08:51,730 --> 00:08:53,901

Help us.

00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:57,006

What?

You can't sculpt without clay.

00:08:58,677 --> 00:09:00,046

Oh, I thought

I had at that time.

00:09:00,046 --> 00:09:02,317

Don't worry.

It's all part of the process.

00:09:02,317 --> 00:09:04,288

Trust the process.

00:09:04,288 --> 00:09:05,858

Such a cool workshop.

00:09:05,858 --> 00:09:08,429

It actually

used to be a volcano.

00:09:08,429 --> 00:09:09,799

Hard to believe.

00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:11,636

Aren't you gonna ask

how I picked your lock?

00:09:11,636 --> 00:09:13,273

You turned

the third cylinder.

00:09:13,273 --> 00:09:14,509

I designed it that way.

00:09:14,509 --> 00:09:16,312

Who designs

a lock to be picked?

00:09:16,312 --> 00:09:19,117

Come here.

00:09:21,690 --> 00:09:25,731

You know, I was also born

with certain challenges.

00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:30,307

No offense, Heph,

I can't breathe or walk.

00:09:30,307 --> 00:09:32,712

But I will allow

the comparison.

00:09:32,712 --> 00:09:35,283

When I was born,

my parents threw me away.

00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:36,753

I don't mean that figuratively.

00:09:36,753 --> 00:09:38,757

My dad could throw, you know?

00:09:38,757 --> 00:09:40,460

He threw lightning

for a living.

00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:41,763

I went...

00:09:41,763 --> 00:09:43,701

Far.

- That sucks.

00:09:43,701 --> 00:09:45,470

Glad it happened.

Made me what I am.

00:09:45,470 --> 00:09:47,575

You know who my wife is?

- Aphrodite.

00:09:47,575 --> 00:09:48,977

And what's that say

about the gods?

00:09:48,977 --> 00:09:51,716

- They're tolerant of incest?

- You know what family is?

00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:53,688

I figured this out.

It's a disease.

00:09:53,688 --> 00:09:55,156

You're born with it.

00:09:55,156 --> 00:09:57,494

You have no say in the one

you get, and you don't need it,

00:09:57,494 --> 00:09:59,498

but, boy, does it need you.

00:09:59,498 --> 00:10:00,901

I designed that lock

to be picked

00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:03,674

because my father

is an insane bully,

00:10:03,674 --> 00:10:05,878

just like Prometheus,

just like Heracles,

00:10:05,878 --> 00:10:08,449

who everyone thinks

freed Prometheus

00:10:08,449 --> 00:10:10,654

because handsome,

stupid asses

00:10:10,654 --> 00:10:12,024

think they run the world.

00:10:12,024 --> 00:10:16,600

And that's how ugly,

smart people like it.

00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:20,473

Is it possible

for the brain to get a boner?

00:10:22,778 --> 00:10:24,749

Got anything warm

and comforting?

00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,754

My mother-in-law

is lactating.

00:10:26,754 --> 00:10:28,022

I'll have a beer.

00:10:28,123 --> 00:10:30,393

Hey, want to hear

a derogatory joke

00:10:30,393 --> 00:10:31,462

about inventors?

00:10:31,462 --> 00:10:32,899

I assume you're also a king

00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:35,403

that paid to bring

his science dork here

00:10:35,403 --> 00:10:36,573

and got ditched?

00:10:36,573 --> 00:10:38,109

I'm Minos from Crete.

00:10:38,109 --> 00:10:41,415

Tyrannis, Krapopolis.

What's the joke?

00:10:41,415 --> 00:10:43,352

What do you get

what an inventor

00:10:43,352 --> 00:10:45,156

crosses your wife with a bull?

00:10:45,156 --> 00:10:49,732

A flesh-eating monstrosity that

has to be kept in a labyrinth.

00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:52,371

I guess you had to be there.

- Ah!

00:10:52,371 --> 00:10:53,974

Ugh, what is this?

00:10:53,974 --> 00:10:56,045

Oh, you ordered the beer.

So sorry.

00:10:56,045 --> 00:10:57,781

Well, don't give me

that one now.

00:10:57,781 --> 00:10:59,852

New one's gonna take a while.

00:10:59,852 --> 00:11:03,627

Then I'll have a free beer

while I wait.

00:11:03,627 --> 00:11:08,670

Non-kings.

- Oh, non-kings.

00:11:08,670 --> 00:11:10,775

How long are you gonna

let this go on for?

00:11:10,775 --> 00:11:12,645

I don't see

any downside to letting

00:11:12,645 --> 00:11:13,914

your mother keep trying.

00:11:13,914 --> 00:11:16,485

I think they might see

a downside.

00:11:16,485 --> 00:11:20,159

Damn it!

Double damn it!

00:11:21,429 --> 00:11:23,099

What do you want?

00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:25,170

I've got to work this out

before the shipment

00:11:25,170 --> 00:11:28,042

of new servants

gets here from Thebes.

00:11:28,042 --> 00:11:29,846

I think it might be time

for you to admit

00:11:29,846 --> 00:11:33,186

you don't know how to reverse

a Medusa stoning

00:11:33,186 --> 00:11:34,421

and give up.

00:11:34,421 --> 00:11:35,925

Hubris!

00:11:35,925 --> 00:11:37,862

What have I done?

00:11:37,862 --> 00:11:40,033

Don't blame yourself.

This is mostly my fault.

00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,137

I saw you struggling,

and I let you go on

00:11:42,137 --> 00:11:44,108

because I didn't want

to hurt your feelings.

00:11:44,108 --> 00:11:46,813

No, I've been so consumed

with proving

00:11:46,813 --> 00:11:49,553

I could undo

Athena's hacky monster nonsense

00:11:49,553 --> 00:11:51,723

that I overreacted a bit.

00:11:51,723 --> 00:11:53,927

At least I know Stupendous

won't eat me.

00:11:53,927 --> 00:11:58,202

That girl's never touched

a vegetable in her entire life.

00:12:03,714 --> 00:12:05,450

Where have you been?

00:12:05,450 --> 00:12:06,986

Are you hungover?

00:12:06,986 --> 00:12:08,724

It's called

still being drunk.

00:12:08,824 --> 00:12:10,026

There's a difference.

00:12:10,026 --> 00:12:11,930

Hephaestus offered me a job.

00:12:11,930 --> 00:12:14,434

- So why are you even here?

- What's that mean?

00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,571

I want to talk to you about it.

00:12:15,671 --> 00:12:17,073

You mean gloat about it.

00:12:17,073 --> 00:12:20,882

You want me to beg you

to do me the favor of breeding

00:12:20,882 --> 00:12:22,083

my wife with a bull?

00:12:22,083 --> 00:12:24,254

When did you get either

of those things?

00:12:24,254 --> 00:12:25,625

It's a metaphor.

00:12:25,625 --> 00:12:27,461

You're the one

that called me useless!

00:12:27,461 --> 00:12:28,430

Is that what I said?

00:12:28,564 --> 00:12:30,935

You're so creative

about remembering what I say,

00:12:30,935 --> 00:12:33,840

do you remember me asking you

to invent written language?

00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,911

It's a bad idea.

00:12:35,911 --> 00:12:37,314

I'll have to take

your word for it.

00:12:37,314 --> 00:12:40,086

I guess everything I ask for

is beneath your genius,

00:12:40,086 --> 00:12:42,124

so it's no loss

to me if you quit.

00:12:42,124 --> 00:12:44,762

Now there's an idea

I can get behind.

00:12:44,762 --> 00:12:46,264

Wow.

I did it, everybody.

00:12:46,264 --> 00:12:49,839

I finally got smart enough

to know it's all about him.

00:12:49,839 --> 00:12:51,008

- Hate you!

- Hate you!

00:12:51,008 --> 00:12:52,477

- Nerd fight.

- Nerd fight.

00:12:52,477 --> 00:12:53,780

Nerd fight.

00:12:53,780 --> 00:12:55,817

- Nerd fight.

- Guys, stop nerd fighting.

00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:57,788

- I'm a king.

- Okay, well--

00:12:57,788 --> 00:12:58,957

I know I'm nerdy for a king.

00:12:58,957 --> 00:13:00,192

That doesn't make it

a nerd fight.

00:13:00,192 --> 00:13:03,098

- What's this all about?

- Just saying goodbye.

00:13:03,098 --> 00:13:05,470

- What about all your stuff?

- Give it away.

00:13:05,470 --> 00:13:09,144

Even your fully articulated,

life-size wooden lady?

00:13:09,144 --> 00:13:10,413

I don't know

what you're describing,

00:13:10,413 --> 00:13:12,751

but it sounds way less shameful

than snooping.

00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:14,054

Goodbye, Tyrannis.

00:13:14,154 --> 00:13:15,758

Oh, I'm not leaving just yet.

00:13:15,758 --> 00:13:17,995

I'm on an island

full of your replacements.

00:13:18,095 --> 00:13:19,932

Is everything--

Steven?

00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:22,805

Ned, I heard

about your Ned system.

00:13:22,805 --> 00:13:26,445

Sounds familiar.

- Easy, Steven.

00:13:28,449 --> 00:13:30,286

Nerd fight?

00:13:34,361 --> 00:13:37,233

- Hey, there's my superstar.

- Can't wait to start.

00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:39,572

I know you're not a rule guy,

and you're in luck.

00:13:39,672 --> 00:13:40,842

There are none.

00:13:40,842 --> 00:13:42,044

Yeah!

00:13:42,044 --> 00:13:44,749

- Here's your workstation.

- Got it. What do I do first?

00:13:44,749 --> 00:13:46,820

First, you never

ask that again.

00:13:46,820 --> 00:13:48,255

- Sorry.

- I really mean it, Hippo.

00:13:48,355 --> 00:13:50,894

Your job here

is simply to create,

00:13:50,894 --> 00:13:53,066

preferably three or four things

before sundown.

00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,602

And if anything

you come up with

00:13:54,602 --> 00:13:58,275

becomes a Hephaestus original,

well, there's upward movement.

00:13:58,275 --> 00:14:02,518

So my job is to create

Hephaestus originals?

00:14:02,518 --> 00:14:06,124

Okay, don't flatter yourself.

I'm not exploiting you.

00:14:06,124 --> 00:14:09,131

By the time I'm done

making your stuff work,

00:14:09,131 --> 00:14:11,168

you'll be the one getting

the undeserved credit,

00:14:11,168 --> 00:14:13,038

which trust me,

you will take

00:14:13,038 --> 00:14:15,043

when you leave me

for a better job.

00:14:15,043 --> 00:14:18,115

- Oh, I'm not gonna leave.

- Oh, yes, you will.

00:14:18,115 --> 00:14:21,055

You didn't get here by being

loyal to your stupid brother,

00:14:21,055 --> 00:14:22,858

did you?

It's okay.

00:14:22,858 --> 00:14:25,931

I expect you to leave.

I'm not stupid.

00:14:25,931 --> 00:14:30,206

I'm arguably the god

of the opposite of stupid.

00:14:30,306 --> 00:14:32,645

And I'd rather work

with genuine talent

00:14:32,645 --> 00:14:35,283

than phony sycophants!

00:14:35,283 --> 00:14:37,955

- Maybe I can be both.

- I welcome the attempt.

00:14:37,955 --> 00:14:39,758

People do earn my trust--

00:14:39,758 --> 00:14:41,462

to an extent.

00:14:41,462 --> 00:14:44,936

Aphrodite married me because

I have the only heart

00:14:45,036 --> 00:14:47,107

even she can't find.

00:14:47,107 --> 00:14:49,444

That's pretty dark, boss.

00:14:50,747 --> 00:14:52,083

We're pieces of work,

aren't we?

00:14:52,083 --> 00:14:55,089

Don't get back to work.

00:14:55,089 --> 00:14:57,694

Living the dream.

00:14:57,694 --> 00:15:00,967

So you'd call yourself

a collaborative inventor?

00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:03,305

Yes, I believe

it's more important

00:15:03,305 --> 00:15:06,278

to collaborate than innovate.

- Ah, so refreshing.

00:15:06,278 --> 00:15:09,017

I'm interested in my city

developing written language.

00:15:09,017 --> 00:15:10,921

- Nope, not a thing.

- Not a thing?

00:15:10,921 --> 00:15:14,127

Human speak words

and they draw pictures.

00:15:14,127 --> 00:15:17,133

Nobody can draw

pictures of words.

00:15:17,233 --> 00:15:21,074

That's nonsense.

- And is this us collaborating?

00:15:21,174 --> 00:15:23,112

Well,

there's collaborating,

00:15:23,112 --> 00:15:25,283

and there's indulging

childish fantasy.

00:15:25,283 --> 00:15:28,122

You see some futuristic world

where people are writing

00:15:28,122 --> 00:15:31,028

everything down and,

what was the other thing?

00:15:31,028 --> 00:15:33,466

Pooping into tubes

that transport feces

00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:36,204

to a new location

after leaving the butt?

00:15:36,204 --> 00:15:38,108

Well, you're making

it sound like--

00:15:38,108 --> 00:15:39,979

Who even spends time

thinking about this?

00:15:39,979 --> 00:15:41,448

Preferably someone

in your position.

00:15:41,448 --> 00:15:46,124

Then I'm afraid

this interview is over.

00:15:46,124 --> 00:15:48,228

You'll be back

to your stunning self

00:15:48,228 --> 00:15:50,133

in no time, darling,

but if you can,

00:15:50,133 --> 00:15:52,003

do try not to snack on you.

00:15:52,003 --> 00:15:54,107

As long as no one

invents ranch dressing

00:15:54,107 --> 00:15:56,311

in the near future,

I should be all right.

00:15:56,311 --> 00:15:58,817

I'm glad you guys

are having personal growth,

00:15:58,817 --> 00:16:00,452

but Felix has kids.

00:16:00,452 --> 00:16:03,392

And that is why you should

take him to Athena's temple,

00:16:03,392 --> 00:16:06,232

which I now allow because

I am capable of everything,

00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:08,703

including change.

- Okay.

00:16:08,703 --> 00:16:09,906

And you'll give me a ride there

00:16:10,006 --> 00:16:11,576

since I could have walked

by now.

00:16:11,576 --> 00:16:12,310

I was just vulnerable.

00:16:12,477 --> 00:16:14,014

You don't get two things.

Piss off.

00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:15,383

That's on-brand.

00:16:15,383 --> 00:16:17,253

Would you at least keep

an eye on Felix while I pack?

00:16:17,253 --> 00:16:19,926

- Fine.

- You're an amazing mother.

00:16:19,926 --> 00:16:22,196

And you're still sexy,

even as part carrot.

00:16:22,196 --> 00:16:25,136

Oh, you naughty deity.

Oh, yes.

00:16:25,136 --> 00:16:27,040

Now you're talking.

00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:28,943

No, I want him to watch.

00:16:28,943 --> 00:16:31,516

Very good.

Oh, yes.

00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:32,584

Oh, here we go.

00:16:37,194 --> 00:16:39,164

What's the excitement?

00:16:39,264 --> 00:16:41,335

There's a king interviewing

inventors at the dock.

00:16:41,335 --> 00:16:45,042

Whoever gets the job gets

an entire lab in his palace--

00:16:45,142 --> 00:16:47,280

with underground lair.

00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:49,418

That's my--

definition of a nightmare,

00:16:49,418 --> 00:16:51,087

probably in the middle

of nowhere.

00:16:51,087 --> 00:16:53,158

Good.

Small pond, big fish.

00:16:53,158 --> 00:16:55,797

Sorry, is that offensive

to you?

00:16:55,797 --> 00:16:57,100

I'll get over it.

00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,469

I hear this king

is interested

00:16:58,469 --> 00:17:01,509

in some pretty out-there stuff:

a sewage system,

00:17:01,509 --> 00:17:03,079

written language.

00:17:03,079 --> 00:17:04,982

See, now that's offensive.

00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,620

I mean, is he a king

or a creative?

00:17:06,620 --> 00:17:09,091

Hephaestus doesn't even care

what we invent.

00:17:09,091 --> 00:17:10,293

You got that right.

00:17:10,293 --> 00:17:11,829

This king

you're talking about,

00:17:11,829 --> 00:17:13,065

he'll be all up in your stuff.

00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:15,102

How's it going?

What are you working on?

00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:16,371

I have thoughts.

00:17:16,371 --> 00:17:18,142

He's going to think

he owns you.

00:17:18,142 --> 00:17:21,181

Free lab, room and board.

Um, own me, daddy.

00:17:21,181 --> 00:17:24,054

Seriously, but please,

don't apply for the job.

00:17:24,054 --> 00:17:25,489

You'd just get it.

00:17:25,489 --> 00:17:28,062

Yeah, it's always the people

that don't give a crap.

00:17:36,813 --> 00:17:39,819

You can put your inventions

down wherever there's space.

00:17:39,819 --> 00:17:41,121

Thanks.

What you working on?

00:17:41,121 --> 00:17:43,660

- A hat for Hermes.

- Third one?

00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:44,528

He had thoughts.

00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:47,333

Hermes had thoughts

about his hat,

00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:49,103

and here,

you're surrounded by--

00:17:49,103 --> 00:17:50,841

what's this?

- I don't know.

00:17:50,841 --> 00:17:52,277

It's called a computer.

00:17:52,277 --> 00:17:54,180

It's a machine

that calculates--

00:17:54,180 --> 00:17:56,451

why do you feel comfortable

interrupting me like this?

00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:58,388

Are you unfamiliar

with being fired?

00:17:58,388 --> 00:17:59,759

I guess I've only ever quit.

00:17:59,759 --> 00:18:02,531

A machine that calculates?

- Oh, does that impress you?

00:18:02,531 --> 00:18:05,804

It might be a little more

important than a third draft

00:18:05,804 --> 00:18:07,273

of Hermes's hat.

00:18:07,273 --> 00:18:08,944

Well, can I show you

something even better?

00:18:08,944 --> 00:18:10,714

Yeah!

00:18:10,714 --> 00:18:12,216

Dude?

00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:13,753

Dude!

Wait.

00:18:13,753 --> 00:18:14,855

It gets better.

00:18:14,855 --> 00:18:16,058

Look at this.

00:18:16,058 --> 00:18:17,728

What do you think, dude?

00:18:17,728 --> 00:18:19,263

You like that, dude?

00:18:19,263 --> 00:18:20,499

Why?

Why?

00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:23,372

Because it's not

what you wanted.

00:18:23,372 --> 00:18:27,314

So now you understand,

you don't control me.

00:18:27,314 --> 00:18:29,551

- But Hermes does?

- No!

00:18:29,551 --> 00:18:34,293

You insipid little fish man,

I control everything.

00:18:34,293 --> 00:18:38,569

I choose my jobs.

I choose my goals.

00:18:38,569 --> 00:18:42,143

I have already finished proving

I am better than everyone

00:18:42,143 --> 00:18:44,916

and that I don't need anyone.

00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:46,586

I guess

you haven't proven that?

00:18:46,586 --> 00:18:49,691

I have!

It's a thing you can prove.

00:18:49,691 --> 00:18:53,566

And do you know what I now

have decided to make happen?

00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:57,240

- You want them to like you.

- There you go, buddy!

00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,144

There you go.

00:18:59,144 --> 00:19:01,381

Is that okay with you?

00:19:02,316 --> 00:19:05,089

Remember when

your brother tried

00:19:05,089 --> 00:19:07,227

to protect you at the panel?

00:19:07,227 --> 00:19:12,938

Nobody in my family, nobody,

has done that for me.

00:19:15,042 --> 00:19:17,514

Ty, wait!

00:19:17,514 --> 00:19:21,288

Ty!

- Hold on one moment.

00:19:21,288 --> 00:19:23,058

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

00:19:23,058 --> 00:19:26,431

- Hippo!

- Ty!

00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:29,137

I'm sorry.

- I am too.

00:19:29,137 --> 00:19:30,607

What happened?

00:19:30,607 --> 00:19:32,443

Well, I was definitely

right to change jobs

00:19:32,443 --> 00:19:34,381

because I'm right

about everything,

00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:36,285

which is why I had to leave.

00:19:36,285 --> 00:19:38,221

They found me

mentally intimidating

00:19:38,221 --> 00:19:40,861

and distracting sexually.

00:19:40,861 --> 00:19:43,298

That's truly unbelievable.

00:19:43,298 --> 00:19:45,671

But I'm glad it happened

because you're irreplaceable.

00:19:45,771 --> 00:19:48,810

I would have invented

your brains out.

00:19:48,910 --> 00:19:49,912

Lab wrecker.

00:19:51,348 --> 00:19:53,720

- Who was that?

- I didn't see anybody.

00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:56,993

Hephaestus thanks you

for attending VolCon.

00:19:56,993 --> 00:19:58,997

I am not an automaton.

00:19:58,997 --> 00:20:01,068

I am a living, suffering giant.

00:20:01,068 --> 00:20:02,571

Have a safe journey home.

00:20:02,571 --> 00:20:05,376

My joints are limited

to predefined movements

00:20:05,376 --> 00:20:08,215

carried out by

a complex system of gears.

00:20:08,315 --> 00:20:10,988

We look forward

to seeing you next year.

00:20:10,988 --> 00:20:12,825

Enjoy your lives.

00:20:12,825 --> 00:20:14,027

They could be worse.

00:20:14,027 --> 00:20:15,395

I have a family.

00:20:15,395 --> 00:20:17,768

I'm a foodie.

I love to travel.

00:20:17,768 --> 00:20:22,611

Tell my story, but also,

tell the world about VolCon.

00:20:22,611 --> 00:20:26,185

I have had an itch

on my back for over a year.

00:20:26,185 --> 00:20:28,288

Someone, please scratch it.

00:20:28,288 --> 00:20:30,560

And please,

come back to VolCon.

00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,432

Before this,

I was a giant doctor.

00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:35,402

I saved people's lives,

00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:37,373

the way

you should save the date

00:20:37,373 --> 00:20:39,711

for next year's VolCon.

00:20:54,508 --> 00:20:57,514

Ah.

00:21:07,366 --> 00:21:12,109

Hello, Print-Con!

00:21:12,109 --> 00:21:13,446

I'm Chris Hardwick.

00:21:13,446 --> 00:21:16,184

I'm moderating this panel

and, due to a curse,

00:21:16,184 --> 00:21:18,255

all panels

until the end of time.

00:21:18,255 --> 00:21:21,060

But you didn't sleep

on a pile of plague rats

00:21:21,060 --> 00:21:22,798

for a month to hear about me.

00:21:22,798 --> 00:21:25,470

You're here

for the Prince of the Press,

00:21:25,470 --> 00:21:30,814

the Mage of the Page,

Johann Gutenberg!

00:21:31,047 --> 00:21:32,416

Did you get any of that?

00:21:34,956 --> 00:21:36,491

Bento.