Национальный фильм "Одиссея"

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on the palace tour is

right here, my bedroom.

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Kayleigh: Oh.

Is your bed cozy?

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Tyrannis: It's very cozy.

I sleep like a baby.

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Some mornings, I don't even

get up until lunchtime.

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Sorry.

I'm bad at reading signals.

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Were you sending me one?

Kayleigh: Yes.

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Why else would I ask

if your bed is cozy?

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Tyrannis: That's the first thing

I ask about beds.

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What else would you want

to know about one?

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Kayleigh:

If they sleep hot?

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Tyrannis: Oh, that's true.

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This one sleeps very hot.

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Oh, wait.

Was that also a signal?

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Deliria: Whatever you're doing

is unimportant. Come with me.

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Tyrannis: Mother, I'm with

a friend, and I'm beginning

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to think that she's

about to touch my--

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Aah! Mom! No! Why?!

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Deliria: Because listen

to your mother.

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Tyrannis: Oh!

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Deliria: Normal form.

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Kayleigh: Oh! Thank you.

I'll be going now.

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Tyrannis: Do you--oh, OK.

Deliria: Normal form.

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Normal form.

[Rat squeaking]

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Ah. I forgot you were

just holding a rat.

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Stupendous: OK, so what's

this thing that's more important

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than me polishing a spear?

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Deliria: Your father has

something to show you.

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Stupendous:

He shows us every day.

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I could draw it

from memory.

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Shlub: Not that. This.

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I'm calling her

"Deliria's Rump,"

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in honor

of Deliria's rump.

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Now, what we call a floor,

boaters call a deck.

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What we call a big pole,

they call a mast.

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And what we call a wiping hand

side, they call starboard.

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Stupendous: We know the parts

of a boat, Shlub.

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Shlub: Well, I'm going

to hold you to that,

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because there will be

a quiz later.

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Hippocampus: Excellent.

You bought a boat.

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Can we be done

looking at it?

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Shlub: Oh, you'll be

looking at it

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for quite a while.

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We're going on

a family trip.

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Tyrannis: A what?

And I'm asking

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specifically about

the first word.

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Shlub: A family trip

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to the island of Storgos.

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It's my mother's birthday.

Tyrannis: Mother?

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Great, so a grandmother

we've never even heard of.

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Checks out with

my understanding of "family."

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Shlub: Wonderful.

Stupendous: But so,

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if we gotta meet

this new grandma, why--

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Shlub: Not new, just never

mentioned her before.

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Tyrannis: Didn't seem

important, I suppose.

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Shlub: Never came up.

Stupendous: Yeah,

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I don't care either way.

I was gonna say

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why do we have to go

the slowest way possible?

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Hippocampus: Yeah,

can't we just fly?

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Tyrannis: Yeah, why can't

we just fly there?

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Shlub: We certainly could,

but we'd

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miss all that bonding time.

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Your grandmama is going

to be so impressed

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by this beautiful,

loving family,

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and beautiful, loving families

take boat trips together.

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Hippocampus: Do they, though?

Shlub: Well, the boat salesman

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said yes.

Oh, and he said

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that parents get to wear these

on family boat trips.

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Tyrannis: You're putting an

awful lot of stock in whatever

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this salesman told you.

Shlub: He told me to.

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Hippocampus: Come on, Mom.

We're not doing this, right?

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We don't have to do this?

Tyrannis: There's no way

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I'm putting on that hat.

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Deliria: I think it's

a wonderful idea.

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[Kids groan]

Deliria: On the boat.

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[Theme music playing]

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[Singers chanting]

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Singers: Whoo!

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Shlub and Deliria:

♪ They threw him overboard

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♪ They threw him

overboard ♪

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♪ They picked him up

by the scruff of his neck ♪

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♪ And threw him overboard

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[Gulps]

Come on, kids.

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Why aren't you singing

old sailor songs with us?

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Tyrannis: we don't know

any sailor songs.

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Shlub: You don't know

"They Threw Him Overboard"?

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Stupendous: Nope.

Shlub: "My Leg Is Gone,

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My Leg Is Gone"?

Hippocampus: Never heard it.

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Shlub:

"Overboard He Fell"?

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"We're Killing the Captain,

Who's In, Who's In"?

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"Let's All Bugger

Out of Boredom"?

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Come on.

These are classics.

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[Tyrannis retches]

Dad, can you steer

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a little less drunk? I've thrown

up more than I think I ate.

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Shlub: I'm steering

awfully sober,

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considering how drunk I am.

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Hippocampus: Just stick

to the coastline.

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No one knows if maps

are accurate yet.

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Shlub: "Stick to the coastline"?

Who and whose wife

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are wearing

the captain's hats?

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Deliria: Children,

back of the boat, now.

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It's called a poop deck,

and yes, you can.

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Deliria: You three have been

challenging that man

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since we left the dock,

and I am sick of it.

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Tyrannis: But, Mother,

he doesn't even know

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what he's doing.

He just has this idea

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in his head about "beautiful,

loving families"

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that for some reason

involves a boat--

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Deliria: And that

makes him happy.

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Clearly, the man's ego

is at stake,

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and I don't care why, but I will

not spend the next few days

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or years dealing

with Insecure Shlub sex.

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It's the most incredible drag,

and I will kill you

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rather than you saddle me

with that. Are we clear?!

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What if we get lost?

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Deliria: Then we'll

find our way.

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Now you three are going back

over there, and you are going

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to smile and you are going

to make him feel supported

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by his beautiful,

loving family.

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[Thunderclap]

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All: ♪ Nothing to eat

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♪ And nothing to drink

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♪ I think I'm going

to diiiie ♪

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Shlub: Wonderful boat,

isn't she?

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I love how Deliria's Rump

dances on the waves.

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Others: ♪ The watery grave,

the watery grave ♪

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I'd better go trim

the sail.

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Others: ♪ We're going to visit

the watery grave ♪

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[Stupendous grunts]

Others: ♪ The watery grave

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Stupendous: Aah!

Others: ♪ The watery grave

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♪ I'm going to visit

Hippocampus: Stupe?

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Stupe!

Others: ♪ The watery grave

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Stupendous: Aah! Damn it!

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Yeah.

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Stupe!

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Oh, come on!

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Mermaid: Mmm.

Stupendous: Hmm?

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Thanks for the, uh,

air in my mouth.

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Mermaid:

You can call it a kiss.

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I'm Maya.

Stupendous: I'm Stupendous.

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I can swim way better

than what you saw, by the way.

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Frickin' jellyfish got me.

I hate those guys.

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Maya: Let me take care

of that for you.

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Mwah.

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Feel better?

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Stupendous: Heh heh!

Feeling no pain.

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Do you live

around here?

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Maya: No, I'm on a migration

with my family.

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Stupendous: Heh! Yeah, me, too.

I was hating it until just now.

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Maya: Ha ha! Want to show me

how well you swim?

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I--I could do the "air

in the mouth" thing again.

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Oh, I'll take some air

in the mouth anytime.

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[Hippocampus grunts, pants]

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Stupe, what the hell

happened down there?

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You were under for so long, you

should not be alive right now.

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Stupendous: Oh, you know how

long I can hold my breath?

00:05:57,549 --> 00:05:59,719

You've tracked it?

Hippocampus: No, I'm saying

00:05:59,753 --> 00:06:01,723

no land-based mammal

could have.

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You met a mermaid

down there, didn't you?

00:06:03,594 --> 00:06:05,297

-So what if I did?

-Did she save your life?

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-Yeah.

-That's what they do, Stupe.

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They're famous for it.

Stupendous, chuckling: Oh, no.

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Sounds terrible.

Hippocampus: They save

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your life, show you a good time,

get in your head, and then

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they lure you to some

underwater location,

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and leave you broken,

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usually drowned,

at the bottom of the sea.

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Wow.

Pretty big generalization.

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Hippocampus:

Yeah, a generalization

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like "sharks want

to eat you."

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I would love

to see one try!

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Hippocampus: My point is,

mermaids are trouble,

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and your heart's too big.

You're an easy mark.

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Stupendous:

Maybe I just want a fling.

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Maybe this vacation

just got good for me.

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Hippocampus: Promise me, you

will not fall for this mermaid.

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Stupendous: OK, I promise,

to live my life!

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Shlub: Look, the storm

is clearing.

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We should be coming up

on that lighthouse about now.

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Hmm. Well, apparently, we're

a little off course.

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Not to worry.

The far bigger emergency

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right now is I've lost my hat.

Where could you be?

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Tyrannis: Mother, we have been

good, we have been supportive,

00:06:57,502 --> 00:07:00,508

but Operation Indulge Dad

has been a bad idea

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that's only getting worse.

Can you please use

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your god powers to get us

to Storgos?

00:07:04,649 --> 00:07:06,620

Deliria: Hmm, he is looking

for his hat, so I suppose

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I could give a little push

in the right direction.

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Let me just get a sense

of where we are.

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Where are we?

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There's nothing here.

No!

00:07:18,744 --> 00:07:20,682

Tyrannis: Well, Mom'll

figure it out soon enough.

00:07:20,748 --> 00:07:22,886

She'll get us back on track--

Deliria: Oh, no! Ooh!

00:07:22,919 --> 00:07:25,558

I have no landmarks!

I'm helpless!

00:07:25,624 --> 00:07:28,029

My powers are worthless

when I'm this disorientated!

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I could fly across the ocean

for weeks and still be nowhere,

00:07:31,804 --> 00:07:33,507

and then how would I

get back to you?

00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:34,776

I would never find

my way back!

00:07:34,776 --> 00:07:36,245

I'd be lost!

I am lost!

00:07:36,245 --> 00:07:37,949

We're all lost!

We're lost!

00:07:37,982 --> 00:07:39,451

Ohh!

00:07:39,519 --> 00:07:40,788

Tyrannis: And we're

going to die.

00:07:40,788 --> 00:07:42,525

Shlub:

Good news, everyone.

00:07:42,558 --> 00:07:46,498

I've found my captain's hat.

It was inside me.

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Tyrannis:

This is terrible.

00:07:51,877 --> 00:07:53,245

Deliria:

If anyone needs me,

00:07:53,312 --> 00:07:55,484

I'll be here,

for eternity,

00:07:55,484 --> 00:07:57,488

drinking.

Stupendous: I'm having fun.

00:07:57,488 --> 00:07:59,491

I'm friggin'

loosey goosey over here.

00:07:59,491 --> 00:08:01,228

Shlub: All right,

first and foremost,

00:08:01,262 --> 00:08:02,699

I have my hat,

so that's covered.

00:08:02,765 --> 00:08:04,301

And I wouldn't say

we're lost.

00:08:04,301 --> 00:08:06,940

I'd say we're in between periods

of knowing where we are.

00:08:07,007 --> 00:08:09,211

Tyrannis: Perfect spin

as always, Captain Dad.

00:08:09,244 --> 00:08:10,881

Now, I have a question.

00:08:10,914 --> 00:08:13,688

What is the part of the boat

underwater in the back?

00:08:13,688 --> 00:08:15,892

Stupendous: Oh, this is

the quiz? The rudder.

00:08:15,925 --> 00:08:18,697

No, not that. It's under.

It's made of wood.

00:08:18,731 --> 00:08:20,266

Stupendous: Keel?

Tyrannis: Hull?

00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,937

Shlub: No. It's way in the back.

It's made of wood.

00:08:21,937 --> 00:08:23,573

Hippocampus: The whole boat

is made of wood.

00:08:23,607 --> 00:08:24,809

Stupendous: You're talking

about the rudder.

00:08:24,876 --> 00:08:26,278

-No, not that.

-The strake!

00:08:26,312 --> 00:08:27,548

Gunwale! Planking?

00:08:27,548 --> 00:08:28,650

Now you're making things up.

00:08:28,684 --> 00:08:30,253

It's in the water.

00:08:30,287 --> 00:08:31,756

-The rudder.

-It's made of wood!

00:08:31,790 --> 00:08:33,694

-It's the rudder.

-Oh, hang on.

00:08:33,761 --> 00:08:35,531

It's the rudder.

I kept thinking udder,

00:08:35,564 --> 00:08:36,834

and I knew that

wasn't right.

00:08:36,867 --> 00:08:38,402

Anyway,

the rudder's broken.

00:08:38,436 --> 00:08:39,973

-Are you kidding?!

-Relax.

00:08:39,973 --> 00:08:42,745

It's just one little part

of a very big boat.

00:08:42,812 --> 00:08:44,414

All right, that does it.

I'm taking over.

00:08:44,448 --> 00:08:46,219

I'm the captain.

Deliria and Shlub: What?

00:08:46,252 --> 00:08:48,824

Tyrannis: You two let us down

yet again, so I'll get

00:08:48,857 --> 00:08:52,097

this "beautiful, loving family"

to your dumb mom's dumb island!

00:08:52,097 --> 00:08:53,834

And I'm taking this.

Shlub: So you're married

00:08:53,868 --> 00:08:55,537

to your mother now,

is that it?

00:08:55,571 --> 00:08:57,074

Tyrannis: What?

Shlub: Well, you're wearing

00:08:57,107 --> 00:08:58,944

matching hats, and where

there's smoke, there's fire.

00:08:58,977 --> 00:09:00,715

Tyrannis: No, Dad!

Shlub: Right under my nose.

00:09:00,715 --> 00:09:02,585

Unbelievable.

Tyrannis: Dad?

00:09:02,585 --> 00:09:04,589

Shlub: Tell me this.

Does she say my name

00:09:04,589 --> 00:09:06,125

when you make love?

Tyrannis: Mother,

00:09:06,125 --> 00:09:08,697

please remove your hat.

It's confusing Dad.

00:09:08,697 --> 00:09:10,701

Now, as I see it,

there are two things

00:09:10,701 --> 00:09:12,270

that need

our immediate attention:

00:09:12,270 --> 00:09:14,107

straightening the mast,

which requires strength;

00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:15,979

and fixing the rudder,

which requires a strong swimmer.

00:09:16,012 --> 00:09:17,882

Stupendous: I got the rudder!

[Splash]

00:09:17,916 --> 00:09:19,586

Tyrannis:

What's that about?

00:09:19,586 --> 00:09:21,089

She's got mermaid fever.

00:09:21,089 --> 00:09:22,090

Tyrannis: Ooh, boy.

00:09:22,124 --> 00:09:23,326

Mermaids, huh?

00:09:23,326 --> 00:09:24,461

We all know what

that's about.

00:09:24,495 --> 00:09:25,931

Been there myself.

00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:27,601

Deliria: When were you

with a mermaid?

00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:29,271

Shlub: Name 5 parts

of a mermaid.

00:09:29,338 --> 00:09:30,908

Tyrannis: All right, fine.

I've never had the pleasure.

00:09:30,941 --> 00:09:32,812

I thought we were doing

sailor talk.

00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:36,753

Oh, boy.

This rudder's pretty messed up.

00:09:36,753 --> 00:09:39,458

Could be down here a while.

00:09:39,491 --> 00:09:41,095

Maya: There you are.

00:09:41,162 --> 00:09:42,732

Both: Mm.

00:09:42,732 --> 00:09:44,870

Maya: Do you want to go

to fourth base with me?

00:09:44,903 --> 00:09:47,742

Stupendous: Huh?

Maya: Oh, mermaids have 6 bases,

00:09:47,742 --> 00:09:50,948

and I'm ready to go

to fourth with you.

00:09:50,948 --> 00:09:53,753

Both: Mm.

00:09:53,753 --> 00:09:55,925

Stupendous: Wow.

00:09:55,958 --> 00:09:58,296

Maya: I didn't think we'd go

all the way to sixth,

00:09:58,362 --> 00:10:01,101

but it felt right.

[Blows air]

00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:04,074

Stupendous: You are not who

I thought you'd be.

00:10:04,107 --> 00:10:06,780

Maya: Who did you think I'd be?

Mermaid stereotype?

00:10:06,813 --> 00:10:08,950

Get in your head, leave you

crazy or drowned

00:10:09,017 --> 00:10:10,954

at the bottom of the sea?

Stupendous: No. [Scoffs]

00:10:10,988 --> 00:10:13,661

What?

Lure me to my death?

00:10:13,694 --> 00:10:16,533

Maya: Ha ha ha ha!

Nobody said "lure."

00:10:16,567 --> 00:10:18,537

But it's OK.

I know the rep.

00:10:18,571 --> 00:10:20,707

Important part is

you're open-minded.

00:10:20,774 --> 00:10:24,047

Here, I want you

to have this.

00:10:24,047 --> 00:10:26,886

Stupendous: Does that mean

we're going steady?

00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:28,757

Maya: Can I tell you

another secret?

00:10:28,791 --> 00:10:31,262

There is actually

a seventh base.

00:10:31,329 --> 00:10:33,432

Stupendous: Ho ho, whoa!

I'd love to find out

00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,604

whatever that is.

Maya: A bunch of us are going

00:10:35,638 --> 00:10:37,608

to Make Out Point later.

Stupendous: Is that

00:10:37,642 --> 00:10:39,946

some kind

of underwater location?

00:10:39,980 --> 00:10:42,284

Maya: Where you make out?

Yeah.

00:10:42,317 --> 00:10:45,423

Come on. I'll take you

back to your boat.

00:10:47,293 --> 00:10:48,798

[Grunts]

00:10:48,831 --> 00:10:51,068

Tyrannis: Great. See that?

It's us, the kids,

00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:53,173

the mortals, who have

to clean up your mess.

00:10:53,206 --> 00:10:55,176

Now, did you say there's

a way to navigate

00:10:55,209 --> 00:10:56,880

by looking at the sun?

Hippocampus: Tricky, because you

00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,884

only get one shot

before you go blind.

00:10:58,917 --> 00:11:00,854

Stupendous: Why don't we

just ask the skeleton?

00:11:00,921 --> 00:11:03,125

Tyrannis: The skeleton?

Stupendous: Yeah, that guy.

00:11:04,261 --> 00:11:06,600

Shlub: Oh, I wouldn't ask

the skeleton.

00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,269

Deliria: Agreed.

If he knew where to go,

00:11:08,269 --> 00:11:10,440

he'd still have skin

and the other stuff.

00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:11,710

Tyrannis: You two

don't get to vote.

00:11:11,777 --> 00:11:12,912

You screwed up

enough already.

00:11:12,945 --> 00:11:14,348

Excuse me, Skeleton Man.

00:11:14,415 --> 00:11:15,818

[Sea gull cries]

00:11:15,818 --> 00:11:18,155

Can you point us

towards Storgos?

00:11:18,189 --> 00:11:19,692

[Bones creak]

00:11:19,692 --> 00:11:22,699

Thank you. Is, uh, anything

we can do for you?

00:11:22,699 --> 00:11:24,401

[Bones creak]

Tyrannis: You sure?

00:11:24,467 --> 00:11:26,840

Some drinking water?

An umbrella or something?

00:11:26,874 --> 00:11:29,579

All right, well, thanks

for the directions.

00:11:29,579 --> 00:11:32,751

There.

Tell me I was wrong now.

00:11:32,751 --> 00:11:36,225

[All screaming]

00:11:36,258 --> 00:11:39,098

Hippocampus: I think it's that

whirlpool from Homer's story!

00:11:39,131 --> 00:11:41,770

Stupendous:

If it is, we're screwed!

00:11:41,803 --> 00:11:43,740

[Thunder]

00:11:43,773 --> 00:11:47,748

Who dares to enter

the domain of Scylla?

00:11:47,815 --> 00:11:50,286

And me, Charybdis!

[Gnawing]

00:11:50,319 --> 00:11:52,825

Stupendous: Where would I

even punch that thing?

00:11:52,858 --> 00:11:55,831

Scylla: And introducing

Lobster-Man,

00:11:55,864 --> 00:11:59,171

Eel-Man, and last

but not least,

00:11:59,204 --> 00:12:03,045

a decaying whale turned

into a vibrant ecosystem

00:12:03,078 --> 00:12:07,287

for bottom feeders,

Whalefall!

00:12:07,287 --> 00:12:08,924

Stupendous: She picked up

a whole team?

00:12:08,958 --> 00:12:11,128

We are simple travelers.

We mean no harm.

00:12:11,161 --> 00:12:13,299

Is there any chance you could

just let this one go?

00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:15,671

I'm a mouth in the middle

of the ocean.

00:12:15,737 --> 00:12:19,210

It's like my brand.

In you go!

00:12:20,648 --> 00:12:22,518

We literally just

fixed that!

00:12:22,518 --> 00:12:25,189

I'm gonna claw you

to pieces!

00:12:25,223 --> 00:12:26,559

[Growls, grunts]

00:12:26,626 --> 00:12:27,995

Tyrannis: Aah! Oof!

00:12:28,028 --> 00:12:29,699

[Stupendous grunting]

00:12:29,765 --> 00:12:31,435

[Hippocampus screaming]

00:12:34,307 --> 00:12:36,011

[Splash]

00:12:36,078 --> 00:12:38,584

Stupendous: Aah!

[Panting]

00:12:38,617 --> 00:12:40,454

[Grunting]

00:12:40,521 --> 00:12:42,658

Lobster-Man:

Aah! Oh!

00:12:42,692 --> 00:12:44,327

[Grunts]

00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:46,498

Tyrannis: Mom, I know you're

dealing with being lost

00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,903

in the vast expanse

of the ocean, but you know where

00:12:48,937 --> 00:12:50,907

you're not lost?

Kicking ass!

00:12:50,941 --> 00:12:52,377

Deliria:

I wish I could help.

00:12:52,377 --> 00:12:53,947

[Sail creaks]

00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:55,952

Tyrannis: Can you blow?

Deliria: Can I what?

00:12:55,952 --> 00:12:57,955

Tyrannis: Stupe!

The mast!

00:12:57,955 --> 00:12:59,993

[Stupendous grunting]

00:13:00,026 --> 00:13:02,564

[Charybdis gnawing]

00:13:05,838 --> 00:13:08,042

Tyrannis: Mom! Blow!

You've got this!

00:13:16,627 --> 00:13:18,597

I am the goddess Deliria,

00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:21,368

and I can still make wind.

00:13:21,402 --> 00:13:22,838

Tyrannis: We did it!

We did it! We--

00:13:22,905 --> 00:13:25,877

[All screaming]

00:13:30,855 --> 00:13:32,859

Stupendous: So you guys

got this, right?

00:13:32,859 --> 00:13:34,863

I'm gonna peace out.

I got a thing.

00:13:34,863 --> 00:13:36,599

Hippocampus:

Stupe! No!

00:13:36,666 --> 00:13:38,770

This will not impress

my mother.

00:13:38,837 --> 00:13:40,373

Tyrannis:

That's your main concern?!

00:13:40,439 --> 00:13:42,210

Shlub: Well, I wanted her to see

my beautiful, loving--

00:13:42,243 --> 00:13:44,414

Tyrannis: "Beautiful, loving

family," yes, of course!

00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:46,418

And we all know now

what that means--

00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,422

being on a boat and acting

a certain way.

00:13:48,456 --> 00:13:50,761

Well, guess what--family isn't

about appearances.

00:13:50,794 --> 00:13:53,833

It's an obligation, and I would

have thought, as parents,

00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,336

you'd at least feel

an obligation not

00:13:55,403 --> 00:13:56,973

to strand your children

on driftwood!

00:13:57,006 --> 00:13:59,110

Now who's being selfish?

00:13:59,144 --> 00:14:01,549

Deliria: All right, just stop!

This is hard for all of us,

00:14:01,616 --> 00:14:05,524

but however we define it, family

is the only thing keeping us--

00:14:05,558 --> 00:14:07,594

oh, thank God!

We made it!

00:14:09,298 --> 00:14:13,105

Tyrannis: So we'll just...

float in, I guess.

00:14:22,925 --> 00:14:25,162

[Centaurs murmur]

00:14:25,196 --> 00:14:26,967

Tyrannis: OK, wow.

This is fancy.

00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:28,903

Hippocampus:

I thought we had money.

00:14:28,937 --> 00:14:31,141

This is some centaur money

here!

00:14:31,141 --> 00:14:33,681

Shlub: I want to make sure we're

presentable for my mother.

00:14:33,714 --> 00:14:35,082

Where's your sister?

00:14:35,149 --> 00:14:36,786

Hippocampus: She bailed

for a mermaid.

00:14:36,820 --> 00:14:38,323

Shlub: OK, all right.

Good for her.

00:14:38,356 --> 00:14:40,226

Let's just say she died.

Hippocampus: Huh?

00:14:40,260 --> 00:14:42,430

Shlub: Not recently. We'll say

she died in childbirth.

00:14:42,463 --> 00:14:43,900

That's very sympathetic,

00:14:43,934 --> 00:14:45,905

and, of course,

the funeral was exquisite.

00:14:45,938 --> 00:14:47,908

Now, what can we do

about our looks?

00:14:47,975 --> 00:14:50,279

Hippocampus: What the hell

is going on? Who is this?

00:14:50,312 --> 00:14:52,250

Shlub: Deliria, can you

clean up the boys?

00:14:52,316 --> 00:14:54,087

I'm going to be a minute

with the grooming,

00:14:54,121 --> 00:14:56,660

and I'll probably have

to spit up some hairballs.

00:14:56,693 --> 00:14:58,195

Tyrannis:

"Clean up the boys"?

00:14:58,195 --> 00:14:59,899

Shlub: I just want

my mother to like you.

00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:01,368

Tyrannis: Shouldn't she

like us already?

00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,071

Shlub: Well, she thinks I

can't do anything right,

00:15:03,105 --> 00:15:04,943

so all I wanted to do

was sail into this harbor

00:15:04,943 --> 00:15:07,414

on a beautiful boat with

my beautiful, loving family.

00:15:07,481 --> 00:15:10,253

Tyrannis: So we're just props.

You dragged us through hell

00:15:10,353 --> 00:15:12,825

just to make yourself look good.

Absolutely perfect.

00:15:12,859 --> 00:15:14,829

Woman: Well, you missed

the family polo match,

00:15:14,829 --> 00:15:16,699

but I suppose we can

find a place for you

00:15:16,699 --> 00:15:18,368

at dinner or nearby,

at any rate.

00:15:18,402 --> 00:15:21,142

We hired a Tapestry Monster

to take a family tapestry.

00:15:21,175 --> 00:15:24,715

It was very expensive, so do see

if you can clean up the boys.

00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:27,253

Shlub: Hi, Mom.

00:15:27,287 --> 00:15:29,191

Hippocampus, voice-over:

They save your life, show you

00:15:29,257 --> 00:15:31,663

a good time, get in your head,

and then they lure you

00:15:31,696 --> 00:15:34,902

to some underwater location

and leave you broken,

00:15:34,936 --> 00:15:37,040

usually drowned,

at the bottom of the sea.

00:15:37,107 --> 00:15:40,346

Maya, voice-over: There is

actually a seventh base.

00:15:40,412 --> 00:15:42,351

Maya? Maya!

00:15:42,384 --> 00:15:44,923

I'm gonna need one

of those air kisses.

00:15:44,990 --> 00:15:46,926

♪ Where are you?

00:15:46,993 --> 00:15:49,431

Maya: Mm. Mm.

00:15:49,431 --> 00:15:51,903

Mm, mm.

00:15:51,936 --> 00:15:53,105

Stupe! I--

00:15:53,139 --> 00:15:54,976

I didn't think

you'd come.

00:15:55,009 --> 00:15:57,982

This is...Jellyfish.

00:15:58,015 --> 00:15:59,418

Do you need some air?

00:15:59,418 --> 00:16:02,624

Stupendous: No!

Leave me alone!

00:16:02,624 --> 00:16:04,427

[Lute playing]

00:16:04,427 --> 00:16:06,700

Mom: This is a statue

of my favorite son being done

00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:09,371

by my second-favorite son.

Sculptor: Oh, no argument here.

00:16:09,404 --> 00:16:12,377

Kyle is spectacular.

[Kyle neighs softly]

00:16:12,410 --> 00:16:15,283

Mom: Oh, right.

You all have two legs.

00:16:15,283 --> 00:16:18,256

I'm afraid we don't have

any chairs.

00:16:18,289 --> 00:16:21,261

Everyone, I just want

to thank you all

00:16:21,294 --> 00:16:23,265

for coming here.

I couldn't choose

00:16:23,299 --> 00:16:25,270

a more beautiful family

to turn 10,000 with.

00:16:25,303 --> 00:16:27,508

[Centaurs neigh and snort]

00:16:27,575 --> 00:16:29,612

Mom: You all came

from so far away.

00:16:29,645 --> 00:16:32,149

Thomas and Caroline brought

their beautiful children

00:16:32,149 --> 00:16:34,855

all the way from Crete.

Thomas: We came on our new boat.

00:16:34,922 --> 00:16:37,060

You simply must see

our new boat.

00:16:37,094 --> 00:16:38,730

Mom: Oh, I've got

a new boat as well.

00:16:38,763 --> 00:16:40,934

Aren't boats fun?

We should have a family trip

00:16:40,968 --> 00:16:42,705

on my boat sometime.

Thomas: Yay!

00:16:42,738 --> 00:16:44,241

I love family boat trips.

00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:46,111

This family and boats.

00:16:46,178 --> 00:16:49,117

Mom: And you all look

so beautiful and perfect,

00:16:49,183 --> 00:16:51,121

except for Shlub

and his family,

00:16:51,187 --> 00:16:53,527

but we didn't expect anything

more from them, did we?

00:16:53,527 --> 00:16:55,096

[Centaurs laughing]

00:16:55,130 --> 00:16:56,431

Hippocampus: Wow.

00:16:56,465 --> 00:16:58,570

Grandmother really did

a number on Dad.

00:16:58,636 --> 00:17:01,441

[Laughing and gurgling]

00:17:03,713 --> 00:17:05,884

Maya:

Stupe, what's wrong?

00:17:05,951 --> 00:17:07,688

Stupendous:

A jellyfish? Really?

00:17:07,754 --> 00:17:10,527

I told you I hate jellyfish!

Maya: But I don't.

00:17:10,561 --> 00:17:12,731

Did you go

to seventh base with him?

00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,200

Can I tell you

another secret?

00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,870

We actually have

8 bases.

00:17:15,904 --> 00:17:17,207

-What?

-OK, 9.

00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:18,843

Stupendous:

And you went all the way

00:17:18,876 --> 00:17:21,047

with that jellyfish? I thought

what we had was special.

00:17:21,081 --> 00:17:23,787

Maya: It was.

But it was a vacation thing.

00:17:23,787 --> 00:17:25,290

I thought you understood.

00:17:25,356 --> 00:17:27,595

Stupendous:

Nah, I was lying to myself.

00:17:27,628 --> 00:17:30,801

My brother was right.

You did leave me broken.

00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:32,604

Maya: But not drowned.

00:17:32,638 --> 00:17:35,142

Maybe next time,

I'll let you go to tenth.

00:17:35,176 --> 00:17:37,146

-There's ten?!

-Oops.

00:17:37,180 --> 00:17:39,819

See ya!

[Splash]

00:17:39,852 --> 00:17:43,125

Stupendous: Eh, worth it.

00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:50,507

Mom: So, Shlub, you're still

living out there among humans?

00:17:50,507 --> 00:17:53,012

-Yes, Mother.

-And having orgies with them?

00:17:53,012 --> 00:17:54,515

-Yes, Mother.

-I suppose I should

00:17:54,549 --> 00:17:56,552

congratulate you on at least

trying not to be

00:17:56,585 --> 00:17:59,323

a massive disappointment.

Shlub: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

00:17:59,390 --> 00:18:01,663

Tapestry Monster: Are we ready

to take a family tapestry?

00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:04,034

Mom: Oh, yes, please.

Everyone gather round.

00:18:04,100 --> 00:18:05,537

Shlub: Mm.

Tapestry Monster: Why don't we

00:18:05,537 --> 00:18:07,407

have the guest of honor

in the middle?

00:18:07,407 --> 00:18:09,812

Excellent, and the

grandchildren up front?

00:18:09,846 --> 00:18:13,018

Maybe you could move a little

towards the back?

00:18:13,085 --> 00:18:14,722

Uh, a bit more.

00:18:14,788 --> 00:18:18,395

Kyle, maybe you move

a little in front of them.

00:18:18,428 --> 00:18:21,168

Hmm, we're still seeing

a little too much

00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:24,140

of the...loser family.

00:18:24,140 --> 00:18:26,546

Kyle: If I stand sideways,

does that cover them?

00:18:26,612 --> 00:18:29,685

Caroline: What if I drape

my mane in front of them?

00:18:29,718 --> 00:18:31,990

Shlub: Do you see how

the drinking figures into this?

00:18:32,057 --> 00:18:33,860

Tyrannis: I can't believe I'm

saying this, but I went from

00:18:33,926 --> 00:18:37,067

hating you to having fun

with you to hating you again--

00:18:37,133 --> 00:18:39,070

Shlub: Does this end

somewhere positive?

00:18:39,137 --> 00:18:40,874

'Cause I'm rather

in a dark place.

00:18:40,941 --> 00:18:43,613

Tyrannis: It does. I--I really

sympathize with you, Dad.

00:18:43,647 --> 00:18:46,318

Mommy issues are kind of

my speciality.

00:18:46,318 --> 00:18:48,322

Excuse me. Grandmother!

Mom: Not now.

00:18:48,322 --> 00:18:50,192

We're taking a portrait.

Tyrannis: Yes, now!

00:18:50,225 --> 00:18:52,363

I thought family was

about responsibility

00:18:52,396 --> 00:18:55,704

and obligation, but I see now

what that gets you.

00:18:55,704 --> 00:18:57,675

Family is supposed to be about

supporting each other

00:18:57,675 --> 00:19:00,346

for exactly who we are,

and I'd much rather have

00:19:00,413 --> 00:19:03,352

a screw-up dad than

a mean-spirited, condescending,

00:19:03,419 --> 00:19:06,124

phony-ass mother!

Deliria: Excuse me?!

00:19:06,191 --> 00:19:08,195

Tyrannis: Not you! Her!

Mom: Shlub, take

00:19:08,195 --> 00:19:10,366

your insolent, two-legged

children out of here.

00:19:10,433 --> 00:19:12,437

Shlub: I have

a better idea.

00:19:12,437 --> 00:19:14,441

Mom: What? What are you doing?

[Shlub grunts]

00:19:14,441 --> 00:19:18,550

Mom: No! No! No!

[Shlub farting]

00:19:18,617 --> 00:19:22,056

Kyle: Oh.

Mom: How is that an idea?

00:19:22,090 --> 00:19:23,927

[Tyrannis grunts]

00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:25,831

[Mom gasps]

00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:28,369

[Centaurs shouting]

00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:29,739

Oops!

00:19:29,772 --> 00:19:32,243

Looks like the desserts

are flambéed tonight.

00:19:32,276 --> 00:19:35,784

I've never seen anything

so rude in all my life!

00:19:35,818 --> 00:19:37,988

[Grunts]

00:19:38,088 --> 00:19:39,792

Ah, ha ha!

00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:45,971

[Hippocampus grunts]

00:19:46,004 --> 00:19:47,908

[Crash]

00:19:49,244 --> 00:19:51,716

Stupendous: What the hell

is going on here?

00:19:51,783 --> 00:19:53,385

Hippocampus: We're doing

what we do best--

00:19:53,418 --> 00:19:55,857

ruining things.

Stupendous: On it.

00:19:55,857 --> 00:19:58,530

Aah!

Caroline: Oh!

00:19:58,530 --> 00:19:59,998

So what happened with

the mermaid?

00:19:59,998 --> 00:20:01,468

Got burned.

You were maybe

00:20:01,536 --> 00:20:04,107

a little bit right:

my heart was too big.

00:20:04,141 --> 00:20:06,077

Caroline:

Oh! My mane!

00:20:06,111 --> 00:20:07,848

[All grunting]

00:20:07,848 --> 00:20:09,718

[Gurgles]

00:20:09,752 --> 00:20:11,722

Mom: My tapestry!

00:20:11,756 --> 00:20:13,527

[People yell]

00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,663

Shlub:

So, shall we fly home?

00:20:15,697 --> 00:20:17,668

Hippocampus:

I got a better idea!

00:20:17,701 --> 00:20:19,505

Let's sail!

00:20:19,538 --> 00:20:21,275

Your brother Thomas

was right.

00:20:21,275 --> 00:20:23,345

It is a beautiful boat.

00:20:25,382 --> 00:20:27,319

Tyrannis: What's our heading,

Captain Dad?

00:20:27,319 --> 00:20:29,423

Shlub: I haven't

the faintest idea.

00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,434

Do you love sailor songs?

00:20:34,502 --> 00:20:37,040

You'll love this collection

of all the classics.

00:20:37,073 --> 00:20:39,778

You'll get "Retch on the Floor,

Retch on the Floor,

00:20:39,812 --> 00:20:42,283

Watch Your Step,

There's Retch on the Floor,"

00:20:42,350 --> 00:20:44,287

"A Shanty for My Auntie,"

00:20:44,388 --> 00:20:46,659

"Overboard Again,

This Time for Good,"

00:20:46,692 --> 00:20:49,532

"Rickets, Rickets,

Who Else Has Rickets?"

00:20:49,565 --> 00:20:52,270

"The Captain's Friend,

the Captain's Friend,

00:20:52,270 --> 00:20:54,542

Who Has to Be

the Captain's Friend?"

00:20:54,575 --> 00:20:56,679

"How Many People

Are Not Overboard?"

00:20:56,712 --> 00:20:59,852

"Need a Mouse, Take a Mouse,

Got a Mouse, Leave a Mouse,"

00:20:59,952 --> 00:21:02,725

"The Cook's in the Soup,

the Cook's in the Soup,

00:21:02,792 --> 00:21:05,296

We Threw Him In,

the Cook's in the Soup,"

00:21:05,329 --> 00:21:08,436

"Sharks!"

"Wasting Away, Day by Day,"

00:21:08,469 --> 00:21:10,807

"It's Not a Gay Thing,

It's a Boredom Thing,

00:21:10,807 --> 00:21:13,278

a Boredom Thing,

a Boredom Thing."

00:21:13,311 --> 00:21:15,817

"I'm Kidding Myself,

It Was a Gay Thing,

00:21:15,850 --> 00:21:19,324

It Was a Gay Thing,

It Was a Gay Thing."

00:21:19,391 --> 00:21:21,695

"I Think the Sea Birds

Are Talking to Me,"

00:21:21,729 --> 00:21:25,069

"The Stars Are Lying,

Go That Way, Go That Way,"

00:21:25,135 --> 00:21:26,840

and everyone's favorite,

00:21:26,873 --> 00:21:30,446

"Gloria My Love

(The Overboard Song)."

00:21:30,714 --> 00:21:32,651

Man: Did you get

any of that?

00:21:34,655 --> 00:21:35,823

Man: Bento.

[People cheer]