Бэби-бум

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A two-headed creature

bristling

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with penes was born.

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Hippocampus: Yes! All right!

Tyrannis: Dad, I think

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you're reading that wrong.

It's two women embracing.

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Shlub: Ah, yes, I think

I can see that, too.

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-Why were you so excited?

-Zero reason.

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Keep drinking the well water,

everybody.

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Stupendous: Oh, it's an ad for

Aphrodite's Fertility Festival.

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It's gonna be huge.

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Deliria:

Aphrodite has festivals now?

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I remember when she was just

a kid in a shell,

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goddess of sea foam.

No one cared about her

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until she took

her clothes off.

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Stupendous: I mean,

she's hot as hell, Mom.

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Deliria: Try being hot

with your clothes on.

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Now, that takes work!

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She used to be quite a bit

heavier, you know.

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Shlub: Don't make me hornier

than I already am.

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Deliria: So she's built

an entire cult around love

and fertility,

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just by shaking her little ass

around town.

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God, I wish I'd

thought of that.

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Stupendous: "The price

of admission is one woman."

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Deliria: Well, that settles it.

I'll take you.

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-To a festival?

-Yes, I need

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to study Aphrodite's game

and hate her from closer.

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Stupendous:

But it's a fertility festival.

I'm not trying to have a baby!

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Deliria: Of course you aren't!

It's a death sentence!

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Just stay by me, and if anyone

tries to talk to you

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about the tides or "tearing,"

just plug your ears

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and scream until you

can't hear them.

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Tyrannis:

Well, fellas, looks like it's

another classic "boys' day."

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-Aren't you 29?

-"Men's day!"

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You know what I mean:

When the cat's away,

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the mice will play.

Shlub: Are we mice now?

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I thought he said

we were children.

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-Yeah, I'm lost.

-I'm just trying to say

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the three of us

can hang out together.

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Hippocampus:

Oh...we sorta made plans.

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-Oh, give me a break.

-We're going to the bathhouse.

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Hippo: We didn't invite you,

because we know how much

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you hate public nudity.

Ty: Where did you get that from?

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Shlub: Specifically?

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From you wearing a shirt

under your toga.

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Tyrannis: This is a style choice

and I would love

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to join you two

at the bathhouse.

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Hippo: It's very far. And you

have to know somebody to get in.

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-I know you two.

-Mmm, yes, I suppose.

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OK, then.

Kolax: Hey, boss,

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got time for a quick

meet and greet

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with Krapopolis'

oldest living woman?

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She's 37.

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Tyrannis: Ew.

Can it wait?

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Kolax:

Well, she is 37.

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You tell me.

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[Theme music playing]

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[Male singers chanting]

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Whoo!

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[Fanfare playing]

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Connie:

Welcome to Aphrodite Fest,

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where women can relax,

uplift each other,

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eat normal,

and let go of our farts.

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[Farts]

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Deliria: Time to see

how this scam artist

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paints her scam canvas.

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Her "scamvas."

[Chuckles]

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Stupendous: Mom,

Aphrodite Fest is supposed

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to be about women

supporting women.

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You should be complimenting her.

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Deliria: I'm being petty

and jealous.

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What greater compliment

can a woman pay?

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Vendor: Cucumber water?

Mud mask? Real orgasm?

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Vendor 2:

Dove blood. Dove blood!

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Women: Ooh!

Connie: Ladies and ladies,

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the goddess you've been

waiting for!

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[Fanfare playing]

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Aphrodite:

Where are my little baby-makers?

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[Women screaming]

Woman: She's here!

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Aphrodite:

Welcome to Aphrodite Fest!

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Where women can women,

however women women!

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Quick announcement.

There's been some shoving

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at the massage chair station.

Please wait your turn.

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And remember,

it's just a chair.

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You don't have

to take off your underwear.

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Please stop taking off

your underwear.

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OK, what's your name,

beautiful?

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Woman: Lucy.

Aphrodite: Well, Lucy,

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What do you want more than

anything in the world?

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Stupendous: That's obvious.

A slingshot strong enough

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to knock a hole

in the sky.

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-A baby!

-Weird choice.

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Aphrodite: Well, Lucy,

have you been praying to me?

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Lucy: Every night!

And, oh, here, I brought

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a gold bracelet, passed down

in my family for generations.

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Deliria: Jewelry?!

I'm lucky

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if I can get my followers

to kill a squirrel for me!

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Lucy: I hope the ruby

isn't too big.

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Aphrodite: It's not my style,

but I have some frumpy swans

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back at my temple

who this might fit.

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Lucy, the goddess Aphrodite

has heard your prayers.

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You know

I'm all about love,

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you know I sleep

in a shell,

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but did you know

I can do thiiiiiiis?

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[Women gasp]

Woman: She's pregnant!

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Aphrodite: That's right.

I'm offering

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fast-track pregnancies

to 25 lucky new followers today.

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[All clamoring]

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You could get pregnant and you

could get pregnant

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and you could get pregnant!

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Woman: Hey, you're spitting kind

of a lot of dove blood on us.

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Stupendous: I hope you

didn't buy that here.

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I have a ton

of dove blood at home.

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Hippo: Ty, you really sure

you want to go in?

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It's super stuck-up in there,

and you're so down to earth.

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Shlub: Exactly.

The people's king,

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going to a hoity-toity

bathhouse?

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Tyrannis: You know I love

all things both hoity and toity.

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[Gasps] You two don't want

to spend time with me, do you?

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-It's not that!

It's not that at all!

-No, no, no, no, no!

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Tyrannis: Then prove it.

OK, first of all,

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not everyone's nude,

so I just did

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all those quick push-ups

for nothing.

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Second, this place is

hardly exclusive.

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For God's sake, Scott is here.

Scott: Found it!

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Found my false tooth!

Thanks, everybody!

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Tyrannis: Third,

it's so steamy in here,

no one's even gonna know

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you're with me, so can you

please explain why

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you two didn't want me here?

Hippo: No reason.

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I mean, we didn't

not want you here,

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but maybe we should head

to the dry sauna.

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What do you think?

I'm foggin' up.

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Tyrannis: Not yet.

I'm enjoying this, and Dad's

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not done sweating out all

his breakfast cheese.

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Shlub:

I'm like a big brie.

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Man: I just think

a wheat monoculture

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is going to economically

ruin us.

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We need to diversify

our crop yield.

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Man 2: And destroy the tens

of jobs the wheat industry

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has created?

Ty: This place is incredible.

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People are having civil,

meaningful conversations

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about the future of this city.

Man: Well, no matter what we do,

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a city is only as strong

as its leader,

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and in that realm,

we're screwed!

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-What's this now?

-Always comes back to King Ty.

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Shlub: Perhaps we should head

to the room where they

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beat us with horrible,

rough twigs.

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Man: Let's be honest.

It's half the reason we

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come here, to make fun

of that spindly twerp. Ha ha!

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Man 3: Highlight of my week.

Shlub: Ty?

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Stupendous: Do you mind?

I don't need a prize,

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I just can't walk past a hammer

and not pound something.

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Deliria:

Oh, knock yourself out.

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I'm going to go

and check out Stage 3.

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Apparently, there's an oracle

who can only predict

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the exact day

your butt will go.

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[Stupendous grunts]

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[Ding, baby doll squeaks]

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Woman: Stupendous!

Is that you?

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Stupendous: Tina! Iris! Cora!

Man, I haven't seen

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you three since Battle Belles

Sleepaway Camp!

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Sorry again about beheading

your fourth friend

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during training, by the way.

Cora: It's cool.

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Samantha was dead weight.

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Stupendous: So what are

you three badasses doing

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at this gross-ass

Fertility Festival?

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Iris: Hey, this festival changed

the course of our lives

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for the better.

Cora: Yeah, even more than

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Samantha's beheading.

Stupendous: Wait.

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Are you...moms?

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Tina: Proud ones!

And now we travel

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with the Fest

with our little miracles.

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Stupendous: No way.

How do you balance it all?

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You know, being badass warriors

and goodass moms?

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Tina: We're actually

better warriors because

of our mom-ly desires

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to give our kids

better, more aggro lives.

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Stupendous:

That's really sweet.

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Tina: So you must want kids,

too, if you're here, eh, Stupe?

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Stupendous:

Well, I'm actually not sure.

Most days, I'm like, "Nawww,"

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and then some days,

I'm like, "Chawww?"

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Cora: We were all pretty

nawww chawww for a while, too.

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Tina: But not only can kids

avenge your death

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if something happens

to you...

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Cora: But they'll carry on

your legacy.

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Iris: And you're the greatest

warrior of all time, Stupendous.

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Your legacy is everything!

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Stupendous: I guess that makes

some sense.

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Cora: Well, gal-pal, you have

to start the process now.

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We warriors get hit in the vag

so much during battle,

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we need all the help we can get.

Y'know, down there.

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See ya at the ceremony!

Deliria: What kind of idiot

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would want to buy something

simply so they can let

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everyone know they once

went to a festival?

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Like this isn't going

to end up

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in the free bin

at the secondhand agora.

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It's a brilliant scam,

I'll give her that.

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Stupendous: What if I told you

I'm considering having a baby?

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Deliria, chuckling:

Oh, Stupendous, please!

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I laughed hard enough at the

crying women at the ass oracle!

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What?

Why do you look like that?

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Why are you cradling that hammer

like it's a baby?

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Stupendous:

Because...I think I want one.

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A baby, not a hammer.

But I do want the hammer,

too, so back off!

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Welcome, ladies.

My name is Connie.

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Prospective mothers,

please,

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gather round.

Don't be shy.

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After all, giving birth

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is not a shy activity.

You will defecate

00:08:16,893 --> 00:08:19,231

in front of everyone,

and probably die.

00:08:19,364 --> 00:08:21,269

[Laughter]

Deliria: Since when

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do you want children?

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Stupendous: Since this morning.

My old camp friends told me

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how fulfilling their lives are

as warrior moms.

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Deliria:

Your life is fulfilling!

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I've seen the smile on your face

when you rip a foe's heart out.

00:08:32,123 --> 00:08:34,629

Stupendous:

You seem to be doing a lot

of telling me what I want,

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and not a lot of listening

to Connie's

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important-sounding

poop speech.

00:08:38,235 --> 00:08:40,541

Connie: You've all made

the brave decision to pursue

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Aphrodite's blessing

and become mothers.

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Give yourselves a pat

on the stomach.

00:08:45,551 --> 00:08:47,120

[Women laugh]

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Broseidon: Oh, yeah!

Pat those stomachs!

00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,397

Deliria: Broseidon,

what on earth are you doing

00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,334

at a woman's

Fertility Festival?

00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:58,544

Broseidon: I misread the urn,

but am I ever glad I did!

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Connie: Now, remember,

tributes are great,

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but there's only one way to be

truly ready to have a baby,

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and that's to buy lots

of Aphrodite-approved infant

00:09:07,227 --> 00:09:09,665

and pre-infant products,

not just for yourself,

00:09:09,766 --> 00:09:12,237

but for mommy-curious friends,

cousins,

00:09:12,337 --> 00:09:13,974

neighbors,

and acquaintances.

00:09:14,107 --> 00:09:15,443

Only when Aphrodite sees

00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:17,147

you're prepared

will she bless you.

00:09:17,214 --> 00:09:19,118

[Cheering and applause]

Deliria: And there it is!

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The con. You don't need all

that stuff to have a baby!

00:09:22,123 --> 00:09:24,494

All it takes is a drunk hookup

and a high tolerance

00:09:24,596 --> 00:09:26,231

for a few decades

of inconvenience.

00:09:26,331 --> 00:09:28,002

Vendor: Want to show you have

what it takes to bear

00:09:28,102 --> 00:09:30,406

the pain of childbirth?

Stupendous: Do I!

00:09:30,508 --> 00:09:33,346

Deliria:

Stupendous, listen to me.

You don't want this.

00:09:33,446 --> 00:09:35,149

Now, I don't know

if you've been tricked

00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:36,886

or if you're trying

to prove yourself or--

00:09:36,987 --> 00:09:38,624

Stupendous: I don't need

to prove myself.

00:09:38,724 --> 00:09:40,092

That's what these cannons

are for.

00:09:40,226 --> 00:09:41,797

Deliria:

What about your independence?

00:09:41,897 --> 00:09:43,499

You can kiss that good-bye,

and your battle focus?

00:09:43,567 --> 00:09:45,705

You don't want to be in the

middle of bludgeoning someone

00:09:45,838 --> 00:09:47,441

and worrying about

the babysitter.

00:09:47,542 --> 00:09:49,679

Stupendous:

Why do you care so much?

Just 'cause you barely

00:09:49,779 --> 00:09:52,484

wanted to be a mom doesn't mean

it's not right for me.

00:09:52,552 --> 00:09:54,488

Deliria: You're only here

because of me!

00:09:54,589 --> 00:09:57,895

And I mean both in general terms

and the festival, specifically.

00:09:58,028 --> 00:10:02,037

I practically dragged you here!

Again, in both cases!

00:10:02,170 --> 00:10:04,041

Stupendous: Are you gonna start

this thing or what?!

00:10:04,108 --> 00:10:06,446

Vendor: Oh, it's been

maxed out for a while.

00:10:06,580 --> 00:10:10,153

Stupendous: Dang.

I thought I was finally

gonna experience "pain."

00:10:10,253 --> 00:10:11,990

Tyrannis: What the hell!

Why were those guys

00:10:12,124 --> 00:10:13,928

so comfortable talking

about me like that?

00:10:14,028 --> 00:10:15,731

Hippo: I think everyone

has found this is a place

00:10:15,831 --> 00:10:17,234

to air their grievances

in safety.

00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:19,806

They figured you'd never come,

'cause of the nudity.

00:10:19,872 --> 00:10:22,310

Tyrannis: So people specifically

come here to talk trash,

00:10:22,410 --> 00:10:25,183

specifically about me?

Shlub: Don't take it personally.

00:10:25,283 --> 00:10:27,420

-It's about me, personally!

-Well, that's the stuff

00:10:27,522 --> 00:10:29,457

you really have to not

take personally.

00:10:29,559 --> 00:10:32,464

I wouldn't be surprised if you

talked about me behind my back.

00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:35,036

-Yes, but you're ridiculous!

-We did try to protect you

00:10:35,136 --> 00:10:36,673

from it, Ty.

Let's get outta here.

00:10:36,773 --> 00:10:38,544

Tyrannis: No. If there's a place

in town where people want

00:10:38,644 --> 00:10:40,046

to talk about me,

I'm glad I know about it.

00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:42,117

And I've got a thing

or two to say to them.

00:10:42,217 --> 00:10:43,186

Hippo: Ty! No!

00:10:43,253 --> 00:10:46,058

Tyrannis: Attention,

bathhouse trash-talkers!

00:10:46,125 --> 00:10:47,996

Man: Oh, no!

King Tyrannis is here?

00:10:48,096 --> 00:10:49,933

Tyrannis: Look, I know

you've been coming here

00:10:50,033 --> 00:10:51,570

to say bad things

about me.

00:10:51,704 --> 00:10:53,072

Well, if anybody's going

to criticize me,

00:10:53,172 --> 00:10:55,978

it might as well be the cruelest

me-critic around...me!

00:10:56,078 --> 00:10:59,351

And by the way, I realize

that that in itself is pathetic.

00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:01,924

If I didn't recognize pathetic,

I'd be baffled every time

00:11:02,024 --> 00:11:03,727

I looked in the mirror.

[Laughter]

00:11:03,794 --> 00:11:05,163

Shlub: Oh, dear.

What is he doing?

00:11:05,297 --> 00:11:06,867

Hippo: He's attempting

to disarm these men

00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:08,804

with nothing

but his own self-loathing.

00:11:08,904 --> 00:11:11,074

Tyrannis: It's actually kind of

a relief to open up about this.

00:11:11,208 --> 00:11:14,081

You're annoyed having me

as king. Imagine being me.

00:11:14,214 --> 00:11:16,553

You at least could leave

the city. I'm stuck here!

00:11:16,619 --> 00:11:18,222

[Laughter]

Man: Keep going!

00:11:18,322 --> 00:11:21,329

-Do something about your ears!

-Or your boring speeches!

00:11:21,462 --> 00:11:24,769

-Or the bedwetting!

-Thanks, but I've got this, Dad.

00:11:24,902 --> 00:11:27,140

Aphrodite:

Mah! Bah! Vah!

00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:31,048

Pan's playful Pegasus pranced

proudly past Poseidon's palace.

00:11:31,114 --> 00:11:33,820

Deliria: Oh, very good,

you've got your "puh" sound.

00:11:33,921 --> 00:11:36,559

-Hey, you can't be in here!

-That's all right, Mirror Girl.

00:11:36,726 --> 00:11:39,365

You're free to go.

Deliria, it's been ages.

00:11:39,465 --> 00:11:42,104

Where have you been?

Deliria: Oh, well, you know,

00:11:42,204 --> 00:11:44,441

kicked off Olympus

and all that.

00:11:44,576 --> 00:11:46,513

-You weren't "kicked off."

-Yes, I was.

00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:49,953

Aphrodite: Yeah, you were,

but you've been so brave

about it.

00:11:50,086 --> 00:11:52,390

I have so much respect

for you.

00:11:52,490 --> 00:11:55,163

Deliria: And I you.

You've really outdone yourself.

00:11:55,263 --> 00:11:57,668

Reproduction,

such an interesting theme.

00:11:57,768 --> 00:11:59,839

All the fun of sex, just

without--you know,

00:12:00,006 --> 00:12:02,411

all the fun of sex.

Consequences only.

00:12:02,512 --> 00:12:05,718

Aphrodite:

And what brings you here?

Mortal children gone already?

00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:07,922

They grow up and die

so fast, don't they?

00:12:08,022 --> 00:12:09,993

Deliria: Look, I need you

to not pick my daughter

00:12:10,093 --> 00:12:12,832

for your grand pregnancy

ceremony-charade.

00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:15,470

-Oh? Why's that?

-She's actually buying into

00:12:15,571 --> 00:12:17,742

whatever it is you're selling.

Aphrodite: Selling?

00:12:17,842 --> 00:12:19,813

This is my passion,

Deliria.

00:12:19,913 --> 00:12:22,350

It is the result of hard work

and determination.

00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:24,054

Deliria: Oh, come off it.

It's another way for you

00:12:24,154 --> 00:12:26,058

to get followers

and sell baby crap.

00:12:26,158 --> 00:12:29,130

Aphrodite: For someone

asking for a favor,

you sure are flailing.

00:12:29,297 --> 00:12:30,868

Deliria: Flailing?

I'm not the one

00:12:30,968 --> 00:12:33,072

who's putting my own face

on a nappy!

00:12:33,206 --> 00:12:35,410

Aphrodite: You know,

maybe I just will pick

00:12:35,511 --> 00:12:37,380

your stupid daughter.

00:12:37,514 --> 00:12:38,783

Deliria:

She may be stupid,

00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:41,088

but not stupid enough to go

through with this!

00:12:41,188 --> 00:12:43,092

Aphrodite: Well,

it's her choice, isn't it?

00:12:43,192 --> 00:12:45,631

So I guess we'll just

have to see.

00:12:45,731 --> 00:12:47,701

Deliria: Yes, we will!

00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:49,906

Aphrodite:

Zeus zapped zephyrs zealously,

00:12:50,006 --> 00:12:51,877

as Hera hatched

heavenly havoc.

00:12:51,977 --> 00:12:53,847

Tyrannis: And it's like,

if I wanted Krapopolis

00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:56,052

to have a zoo so badly,

I should've made the walls

00:12:56,118 --> 00:12:58,022

of the lion enclosure taller.

[Laughter]

00:12:58,156 --> 00:12:59,993

Man: That lion killed

my sister!

00:13:00,093 --> 00:13:02,030

Tyrannis: And don't even get me

started on my fears.

00:13:02,130 --> 00:13:04,034

I'm scared of everything:

drowning, choking,

00:13:04,167 --> 00:13:06,005

heights, depths,

not knowing the difference

00:13:06,105 --> 00:13:08,142

between a dress and a skirt.

Is it the material?

00:13:08,275 --> 00:13:10,180

And obviously,

my biggest fear of all,

00:13:10,313 --> 00:13:12,217

I'm scared of people

not liking me.

00:13:12,317 --> 00:13:14,087

I think it stems

from my childhood.

00:13:14,221 --> 00:13:16,626

Anytime I would cry, my mother

would turn me into a rabbit.

00:13:16,693 --> 00:13:18,663

Why, you ask?

Because rabbits don't

00:13:18,730 --> 00:13:20,534

have tear ducts,

so they can't cry.

00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:22,871

And I remember thinking,

as I nibbled on hay and dropped

00:13:23,005 --> 00:13:26,078

fecal pellets, that maybe my mom

didn't like me very much.

00:13:26,178 --> 00:13:29,217

[Man coughs]

Shlub: Ha ha ha ha ha!

00:13:29,318 --> 00:13:31,188

Hippo: All right, Ty, this is

maybe getting a little sad.

00:13:31,321 --> 00:13:34,027

Tyrannis: You want sad?

Last week, I found a gray hair,

00:13:34,127 --> 00:13:35,664

and it got me

so depressed,

00:13:35,831 --> 00:13:37,300

I couldn't leave my bed

for 3 days.

00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,872

Then I got sad for having wasted

so much time being sad

00:13:39,972 --> 00:13:42,512

about something so trifling.

And then I got so sad

00:13:42,645 --> 00:13:45,918

about getting sad so easily,

I had to go lie down again,

00:13:46,018 --> 00:13:47,955

which started the cycle

of sadness all over.

00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:49,893

-Too dark!

-You need help!

00:13:49,993 --> 00:13:51,563

Tyrannis: Oh, come on,

where's everyone going?

00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:54,101

I've got plenty more. I hate

the way I kingsplain everything.

00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,072

You know what I mean

by kingsplain. I mean, I'm

00:13:56,205 --> 00:13:58,376

basically doing it right now.

I can't help myself.

00:13:58,476 --> 00:14:00,914

Where'd all the steam go?

Shlub: Even that little fellow

00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:02,919

who throws the water

on the hot rocks left.

00:14:03,052 --> 00:14:04,889

Hippo: Yeah, you ruined

our bathhouse, Ty.

00:14:05,023 --> 00:14:07,059

Tyrannis: Oh, the place where

my brother and father go

00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:09,565

without me and have a laugh

with the citizens at my expense?

00:14:09,698 --> 00:14:11,001

Hippo: Yes!

00:14:11,134 --> 00:14:12,705

Tyrannis: At least

the water guy came back.

00:14:12,838 --> 00:14:15,711

-Dad!

-What? Stream to steam!

00:14:15,878 --> 00:14:17,180

Women: Hee, hee, hoo, hoo.

00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:20,019

Hee, hee, hoo, hoo...

Stupendous: It's weird that they

00:14:20,086 --> 00:14:22,391

found a way to make breathing

less intuitive.

00:14:22,558 --> 00:14:26,198

Woman: It's making me

lightheaded, and I want

to chase this high!

00:14:26,298 --> 00:14:28,603

Deliria: Stupendous, I just

talked to Aphrodite and--

00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:30,172

Stupendous: Oh, you meddled?

Shocking.

00:14:30,306 --> 00:14:32,344

Deliria: Oh, you know what?

This is your choice.

00:14:32,444 --> 00:14:35,015

-Really? Well, in that case--

-I suppose I just have to let

00:14:35,116 --> 00:14:37,855

you make your own mess, and I

don't want to waste my time

00:14:37,955 --> 00:14:39,726

watching someone mess

herself.

00:14:39,859 --> 00:14:42,363

That's more Shlub's thing.

00:14:42,430 --> 00:14:44,736

[Fanfare playing,

women cheering]

00:14:44,836 --> 00:14:48,242

Aphrodite: Are you ready

to get pregnant?!

00:14:48,342 --> 00:14:50,312

-Me! Me!

-Whoo!

00:14:50,379 --> 00:14:52,918

Aphrodite: Now's the moment

you've all been waiting for.

00:14:53,052 --> 00:14:54,923

If I call on you,

join me on stage,

00:14:55,023 --> 00:14:58,095

because, Mama,

you're about to get huge!

00:14:58,162 --> 00:15:00,065

-[Cheering]

-This is my favorite part.

00:15:00,132 --> 00:15:03,071

I am here for anyone

who wants to do it "natural"!

00:15:03,172 --> 00:15:05,009

Aphrodite: You,

with the sack of flour!

00:15:05,143 --> 00:15:07,882

You, who needs something to talk

about with her sisters-in-law!

00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:09,351

You, with the narrow pelvis!

00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:11,789

I'll spread those hips

like butter!

00:15:11,889 --> 00:15:14,762

And you, my one-eyed,

00:15:14,829 --> 00:15:17,768

broad-shouldered,

pigtailed mama.

00:15:17,868 --> 00:15:19,271

-Me?!

-I'm pretty sure she was

00:15:19,371 --> 00:15:22,410

pointing at me! Did you mean me

or her? Me, right?

00:15:25,349 --> 00:15:27,253

Aphrodite:

Get up here, Stupendous!

00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,391

You're gonna be

a great mom!

00:15:29,491 --> 00:15:31,162

Stupendous: I didn't think

I was gonna get picked.

00:15:31,295 --> 00:15:33,265

I--I might need

a second to think.

00:15:33,332 --> 00:15:35,303

Woman: What's to think about?

All you need to do from now on

00:15:35,403 --> 00:15:37,307

is just make babies.

Stupendous: Babies?

00:15:37,407 --> 00:15:40,012

I was thinking more like

a one-and-done situation.

00:15:40,112 --> 00:15:42,450

Woman: Oh, no, after your first,

you just keep making more!

00:15:42,585 --> 00:15:45,558

You never even have to leave

the babytorium until your tenth,

00:15:45,658 --> 00:15:47,895

when you get to take

a vacation at a volcano!

00:15:47,995 --> 00:15:49,899

Stupendous: Um, I think I need

to find my mom.

00:15:49,999 --> 00:15:51,368

We had a fight

and, you know.

00:15:51,468 --> 00:15:53,039

Woman: Oh, you'll never have

to do that again.

00:15:53,139 --> 00:15:54,942

They separate you

from your family forever.

00:15:55,109 --> 00:15:58,148

You don't even ever come back

from the volcano, as far

as anybody can tell!

00:15:58,282 --> 00:16:00,119

Aphrodite: We're waiting,

Stupendous.

00:16:00,252 --> 00:16:03,458

Bring those big, sturdy

tree trunk legs up here.

00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,196

Woman: Her or me?

Just making sure!

00:16:05,329 --> 00:16:07,233

Stupendous: I was thinkin'

I would take a pass

00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:09,171

on the whole baby thing,

just for now.

00:16:09,271 --> 00:16:12,043

-Are you out of your mind?!

-I don't usually agree

00:16:12,177 --> 00:16:14,615

with such hysterical women,

but--are you?

00:16:14,749 --> 00:16:17,387

Stupendous: No, ho, ho!

I just had a chance

to think about it

00:16:17,487 --> 00:16:20,393

and, funny thing, it turns out,

I don't want a baby.

00:16:20,493 --> 00:16:23,366

Aphrodite:

I know that's not true.

It's just cold feet.

00:16:23,466 --> 00:16:26,005

Stupendous: No, my feet

are fine. It's this part.

00:16:26,072 --> 00:16:27,708

No offense to all

you baby crazies.

00:16:27,808 --> 00:16:30,479

I don't think you're all being

long-term scammed or anything,

00:16:30,580 --> 00:16:33,251

or that motherhood is, like,

a type of slavery.

00:16:33,385 --> 00:16:35,189

I mainly just wanted

to rile my mom up.

00:16:35,356 --> 00:16:38,095

She treats me like a baby,

acts like I have no agency,

00:16:38,195 --> 00:16:40,266

blah blah blah.

Aphrodite: Are you telling me

00:16:40,366 --> 00:16:44,308

you used my festival to work out

some kind of personal agenda?!

00:16:44,408 --> 00:16:47,347

That doesn't fly here!

You said you wanted a baby!

00:16:47,447 --> 00:16:50,319

Well, baby,

you're getting a baby!

00:16:51,388 --> 00:16:54,327

Where are you going

with that big, empty womb?

00:16:54,394 --> 00:16:56,298

Woman 2: If she doesn't want

hers, I'll take it!

00:16:56,365 --> 00:16:58,302

Woman 3: Same!

In my village, women

who don't produce heirs

00:16:58,402 --> 00:17:01,341

are turned into ankle bracelets

for their husbands' next wives!

00:17:01,442 --> 00:17:04,314

Woman 2: Oh, are you from Ascra?

Do you know Iris Glaukopis?

00:17:04,414 --> 00:17:06,017

Woman 3, gasping:

Get out!

00:17:06,117 --> 00:17:07,521

Aphrodite:

I chose Stupendous,

00:17:07,621 --> 00:17:09,993

and I'll be baby-zapping

Stupendous!

00:17:10,093 --> 00:17:13,666

I'm thinking I'll make

this one a redhead.

00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,570

Stupendous: You're sick!

00:17:15,704 --> 00:17:17,941

[Pigs squealing

and oinking]

00:17:18,075 --> 00:17:19,812

Aphrodite: Deliria!

00:17:19,879 --> 00:17:21,983

-Mom! Where were you?

-The wings!

00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:24,020

Now, admit that I was right.

00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:25,957

You did not want a baby!

00:17:26,058 --> 00:17:27,595

Stupendous: Fine, yes!

I just wanted

00:17:27,695 --> 00:17:29,565

to show you I can make

decisions for myself!

00:17:29,665 --> 00:17:31,602

Deliria: Well, that was

a risky gamble, don't you think?

00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:33,740

Rather proved the opposite

of your point.

00:17:33,874 --> 00:17:36,178

Stupendous: Can you please

just help me and we can

talk about it later?!

00:17:36,278 --> 00:17:38,550

Aphrodite: Stop using my stage

for your petty squabbling!

00:17:38,650 --> 00:17:40,019

This is my show!

00:17:40,152 --> 00:17:42,023

Deliria: You know what I always

find funny, Aphrodite?

00:17:42,157 --> 00:17:44,161

As the goddess of beauty,

you have infinite forms

00:17:44,261 --> 00:17:47,702

you could choose from, and yet

you picked those boobs?

00:17:47,802 --> 00:17:49,538

Aphrodite: Small and pointy

is a classic!

00:17:49,638 --> 00:17:51,542

It's too bad I'm way more

powerful than you are.

00:17:51,676 --> 00:17:54,815

You can't turn me

into a pig, Deliria.

00:17:54,915 --> 00:17:57,453

Deliria:

That's not my only thing!

00:18:00,727 --> 00:18:03,165

Viktoria: Noooooo!

00:18:05,003 --> 00:18:07,106

Woman: Whoo! Ha ha ha ha!

00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:09,278

Woman 2: Ah! Ha ha!

00:18:09,378 --> 00:18:12,117

Viktoria: I used to spend

Sundays just reading!

00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:13,554

Shlub: You said

some pretty hurtful things

00:18:13,687 --> 00:18:15,557

about yourself back there.

Are you all right?

00:18:15,691 --> 00:18:17,326

Tyrannis: If anything,

I was holding back.

00:18:17,427 --> 00:18:19,163

Hippo: Yikes.

That was holding back?

00:18:19,263 --> 00:18:21,301

-I was just trying to own it.

-Well, perhaps that was

00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:24,407

the problem, son. You can't own

someone else not liking you.

00:18:24,541 --> 00:18:27,915

-Then what can you do?

-What I do: go somewhere else.

00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:30,153

Tyrannis: I'm sorry. I shouldn't

have forced you to bring me.

00:18:30,253 --> 00:18:32,123

You were just trying

to protect my feelings.

00:18:32,223 --> 00:18:34,294

Shlub: I'm afraid you've

awarded us too much credit.

00:18:34,461 --> 00:18:36,298

Hippo: Yeah, we weren't thinking

about your feelings.

00:18:36,464 --> 00:18:38,503

We were thinking about

our bathhouse experience.

00:18:38,603 --> 00:18:40,540

We're the ones who should be

apologizing to you.

00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,243

Tyrannis: It's OK.

The people have a right

00:18:42,377 --> 00:18:44,081

to free speech,

you two included.

00:18:44,181 --> 00:18:46,351

Shlub: All right, then I'll

come out and say it if

no one else will:

00:18:46,485 --> 00:18:49,959

A little cannibalism should be

welcome in the bedroom.

00:18:50,059 --> 00:18:52,030

Hippo: Come on,

let's go grab a drink.

00:18:52,163 --> 00:18:54,034

-All of us?

-Obviously.

00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,539

Jeez, Ty,

you do need help.

00:19:03,152 --> 00:19:05,523

Stupendous: I got an idea.

00:19:06,926 --> 00:19:09,430

Well, that's not

what I expected.

00:19:10,967 --> 00:19:12,370

Deliria: So let me

get this straight.

00:19:12,470 --> 00:19:14,107

You got us

into a zap battle

00:19:14,174 --> 00:19:16,211

with Aphrodite

because...why again?

00:19:16,311 --> 00:19:18,115

Stupendous: I could argue

you got us into a zap battle

00:19:18,215 --> 00:19:20,553

by making me come

to this stupid festival!

00:19:21,956 --> 00:19:23,125

[Grunts]

00:19:23,226 --> 00:19:25,129

And what if I really

did want a kid?

00:19:25,229 --> 00:19:27,668

Do you think I'd be such

a terrible mother?

00:19:27,768 --> 00:19:29,037

Deliria: Of course not.

00:19:29,137 --> 00:19:30,573

There's no such thing

as a terrible mother.

00:19:30,673 --> 00:19:33,813

Stupendous: Because, you know,

I might want to one day.

00:19:33,947 --> 00:19:35,249

Just not like this.

00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:39,157

I mean, what kind of baby

is that even gonna be?

00:19:39,257 --> 00:19:41,629

Aphrodite: A ground baby!

00:19:45,269 --> 00:19:47,674

Deliria: I'm sorry I'm not

the warmest mother.

00:19:47,774 --> 00:19:50,179

But I still don't want

to lose you to Aphrodite.

00:19:50,246 --> 00:19:53,519

Stupendous: You can't lose me.

You're my mom.

00:19:56,124 --> 00:19:57,728

Deliria:

I think I can end this.

00:19:57,828 --> 00:19:59,565

[Grunts]

Oh, Aphrodite?

00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:01,268

Isn't this your second

in command?

00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:02,938

You know, you're not

the only one

00:20:03,038 --> 00:20:04,876

who can zap a baby

into someone.

00:20:04,976 --> 00:20:07,180

Aphrodite: You're bluffing.

You don't have the power.

00:20:07,314 --> 00:20:09,084

Deliria: Watch me.

00:20:09,852 --> 00:20:12,123

Aphrodite: No!

Not my most productive deputy!

00:20:12,257 --> 00:20:14,127

I'll never find someone

with her experience

00:20:14,260 --> 00:20:16,298

for what I'm offering

in benefits and perks!

00:20:16,398 --> 00:20:18,368

Deliria: And if you don't leave

my daughter alone,

00:20:18,468 --> 00:20:20,841

I'll do it to all

your best workers.

00:20:20,974 --> 00:20:24,047

Aphrodite: Fine, you win!

Oh, get out of here,

both of you!

00:20:24,147 --> 00:20:26,051

And Stupe, if you ever

want a baby,

00:20:26,184 --> 00:20:27,921

don't expect any help

from me!

00:20:28,021 --> 00:20:29,157

Stupendous:

I don't need you.

00:20:29,257 --> 00:20:32,330

I can get pregnant

with my mom!

00:20:32,430 --> 00:20:34,902

[Connie's belly oinks]

00:20:38,341 --> 00:20:40,947

Ty: This was a great idea!

Hippo: We should do this

00:20:40,981 --> 00:20:42,617

more often,

the three of us.

00:20:42,651 --> 00:20:45,088

Man: Did you hear how Tyrannis

bankrupted the bathhouse?

00:20:45,222 --> 00:20:47,761

Man 2: He messed it up just like

he messed up our legal system.

00:20:47,862 --> 00:20:50,601

I liked solving disputes

via spanking!

00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:53,372

What am I supposed to do

with all my canes and rods?

00:20:53,472 --> 00:20:55,409

Hippo: Resist the urge

to outdo them, Ty.

00:20:55,510 --> 00:20:57,948

Shlub:

Perhaps someplace quieter?

00:20:59,317 --> 00:21:01,221

Hippo: Much better.

Man: Ugh!

00:21:01,321 --> 00:21:03,425

This wine tastes

like tar!

00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,998

Tarmaid: That's because it is

tar. You can thank the king,

00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:08,469

who ruined the trade routes

to the good grape regions!

00:21:08,570 --> 00:21:10,205

Tyrannis: Trying to end this

will just make it worse.

00:21:10,272 --> 00:21:12,177

-That's right.

-I was ready to die.

00:21:12,277 --> 00:21:14,815

I'd done everything

I wanted to. Now this.

00:21:14,915 --> 00:21:17,721

Tyrannis: Well, we've come to

something that isn't my fault.

00:21:17,821 --> 00:21:19,892

Viktoria: Now I have to get

a second job as a tarmaid

00:21:19,992 --> 00:21:22,597

in order to afford a child,

because this city

00:21:22,731 --> 00:21:24,134

is so expensive,

00:21:24,234 --> 00:21:25,938

which is your fault.

00:21:26,004 --> 00:21:27,908

Tyrannis: She is so old.

00:21:27,974 --> 00:21:30,613

-Right?!

-Put my name down!

00:21:30,747 --> 00:21:32,617

Man: Did you get any of that?

00:21:34,922 --> 00:21:35,857

Woman: Bento.