Большая греческая свадьба Тираниса

00:00:04,475 --> 00:00:06,514

to talk to a guy like you.

Fatherinlawsus.

00:00:06,647 --> 00:00:08,584

King to king.

Yes, you have

00:00:08,585 --> 00:00:09,720

a fine city.

00:00:09,853 --> 00:00:11,288

A good place

to raise kids, I hope.

00:00:11,289 --> 00:00:14,596

Oh, yes.

Our infant survival rate is 14%.

00:00:14,730 --> 00:00:16,165

I'm very proud of that number.

00:00:16,298 --> 00:00:18,504

My boy,

you don't know how hard it is

00:00:18,604 --> 00:00:20,942

to find a king

whose junk still works.

00:00:21,042 --> 00:00:23,013

You know, a lot of your

contemporaries get their

00:00:23,113 --> 00:00:24,481

genitals blown off in war.

00:00:24,616 --> 00:00:26,286

My sister is a warrior

around here.

00:00:26,419 --> 00:00:28,924

And there she is now,

ravaged by some battle.

00:00:29,025 --> 00:00:31,697

Did you know we're

getting attacked by hordes now?

00:00:31,797 --> 00:00:32,965

We've really made it.

00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,270

Hey, who's this guy?

He's got a sword!

00:00:35,437 --> 00:00:37,141

Ha ha ha ha!

Relax, Stupe.

00:00:37,241 --> 00:00:38,844

This is

Fatherinlawsus the Great.

00:00:38,845 --> 00:00:41,015

A warrior king

whose vast empire

00:00:41,115 --> 00:00:43,186

stretches from one

body of water to another.

00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:45,490

He's seen noodles before!

It's cute.

00:00:45,491 --> 00:00:47,294

She doesn't even

know what noodles are.

00:00:47,394 --> 00:00:49,398

Why would you let

a conquering warrior king

00:00:49,399 --> 00:00:53,073

inside the city walls without

letting me murder him first?

00:00:53,173 --> 00:00:56,012

Where is your army?

Are they disguised as bushes?

00:00:56,112 --> 00:00:57,414

Are they behind

trees and walls,

00:00:57,515 --> 00:01:00,320

just waiting to jump out

and scream "Surprise!"

00:01:00,454 --> 00:01:02,759

That is

a great idea for a party.

00:01:02,859 --> 00:01:05,129

You know, one of my guys

has a birthday coming up.

00:01:05,130 --> 00:01:06,333

I should be real mean to him

00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:07,903

and make him think

I forgot about it

00:01:08,003 --> 00:01:09,138

so when we jump out and yell,

00:01:09,238 --> 00:01:11,042

it almost kills him.

Only almost.

00:01:11,142 --> 00:01:13,112

No, it's not

a great idea for a party.

00:01:13,212 --> 00:01:16,286

It's a great idea for an attack.

What is going on here?

00:01:16,419 --> 00:01:18,724

I understand

your concern, but I found

00:01:18,824 --> 00:01:20,794

a new way to grow my empire.

00:01:20,795 --> 00:01:22,799

Go ahead.

Tell her the news, son.

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I'm getting married!

00:01:25,003 --> 00:01:27,809

Uhh... kay?

00:01:54,128 --> 00:01:55,097

My own son

getting married.

00:01:55,197 --> 00:01:56,332

I'm so proud of you.

00:01:56,466 --> 00:01:58,571

Now let's talk

consummation tent.

00:01:58,671 --> 00:02:00,775

Shall we put it on the porch

so we can all hear

00:02:00,875 --> 00:02:03,646

the erotic noises when

the blessed moment comes?

00:02:03,647 --> 00:02:07,454

I don't care where it is

as long as the sex bell

is front and center.

00:02:07,556 --> 00:02:10,360

The whole city needs to hear

when it goes ring-a-ding-ding.

00:02:10,460 --> 00:02:12,164

Oh, I love a wedding

because it's all about

00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:13,634

me and my blessing.

00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:16,807

Oh, the weird things I'll

expect you to do to please me.

00:02:16,907 --> 00:02:18,342

Congratulations to us.

00:02:18,343 --> 00:02:19,847

I think

you're being stupid.

00:02:19,980 --> 00:02:22,250

Who gets married

to expand an empire?

00:02:22,251 --> 00:02:23,687

I do, and it's genius.

00:02:23,787 --> 00:02:25,859

It's an arrangement that

combines sex and

00:02:25,959 --> 00:02:27,461

whatever it is Ty's trying

00:02:27,562 --> 00:02:29,766

to do in the world.

That's genius to me.

00:02:29,866 --> 00:02:32,204

How did you not

talk to me about this first?

00:02:32,304 --> 00:02:34,509

Did you even think about how

being under the thumb of

00:02:34,609 --> 00:02:36,714

some warrior king

would affect my life?

00:02:36,814 --> 00:02:39,285

I'm not manageable!

Come on, Stupe, lighten up.

00:02:39,418 --> 00:02:41,055

Krapopolis will still

be Krapopolis.

00:02:41,155 --> 00:02:43,026

You know, once our families

are allied,

00:02:43,126 --> 00:02:44,662

I bet we can

get pepper again.

00:02:44,763 --> 00:02:46,332

Mmm, spicy!

00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:48,437

Do you even know

who you're marrying?

00:02:48,571 --> 00:02:50,374

Have you thought about that?

Oh, Stupendous.

00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:52,612

If she's a dog, we can just

lock her in a tower.

00:02:52,712 --> 00:02:54,382

A nice tower.

She'll love it.

00:02:54,482 --> 00:02:56,186

You know weddings

are primo locations

00:02:56,286 --> 00:02:57,756

for massacres, right?

Like, the second

00:02:57,889 --> 00:03:00,561

most dangerous place to be

after a battlefield?

00:03:00,661 --> 00:03:02,699

I could have told you

if you'd consulted me.

00:03:02,866 --> 00:03:05,303

I'm sure Fatherinlawsus

isn't that kind of guy,

00:03:05,403 --> 00:03:07,407

and that means no massacres

from you, either.

00:03:07,508 --> 00:03:10,280

I'm serious, Stupe.

That's an order.

No massacres!

00:03:10,380 --> 00:03:13,955

An order?

Ugh, this keeps getting worse!

00:03:14,055 --> 00:03:15,424

Does Fatherinlawsus dance?

00:03:15,558 --> 00:03:19,164

I'm gonna say yes.

Yes to dancing, no to massacres.

00:03:19,264 --> 00:03:21,368

Fantastic.

We'll end the whole thing

00:03:21,503 --> 00:03:24,175

with a showstopping

Dance of the Dads.

00:03:24,275 --> 00:03:26,714

That'll get me hot and bothered.

00:03:26,847 --> 00:03:28,483

Just what a son

wants on his wedding day.

00:03:28,617 --> 00:03:30,320

This day

has to be perfect.

00:03:30,421 --> 00:03:32,659

You know Hermes will show up

whether we invite him or not.

00:03:32,759 --> 00:03:35,030

He's the god of critiquing

seating arrangements,

00:03:35,163 --> 00:03:36,533

and he loves a free meal.

00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:39,338

He also may be angry with me

since I ripped out his eyes.

00:03:39,439 --> 00:03:40,942

Since you did

what-was-it-though?

00:03:41,075 --> 00:03:42,244

There!

Now that's a dress

00:03:42,377 --> 00:03:45,084

that will

pull focus from a bride.

00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:46,787

Sorry about

the bachelor party.

00:03:46,921 --> 00:03:49,893

This was the only strip club

I could find on short notice.

00:03:52,063 --> 00:03:53,700

Some people think this is hot.

00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,905

This guy!

00:03:56,005 --> 00:03:57,642

So, what Stupe

was saying about

00:03:57,742 --> 00:03:59,813

how dangerous weddings are--

she was just

00:03:59,913 --> 00:04:01,081

trying to scare me, right?

00:04:01,215 --> 00:04:02,318

Are you kidding? We've got

00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:03,954

the Bootios Bloodbath,

00:04:04,054 --> 00:04:05,858

the Sacking of the Terziade,

00:04:05,958 --> 00:04:07,894

the Dark Lemming Murders,

00:04:07,895 --> 00:04:09,365

the Fall of the Eel King,

00:04:09,465 --> 00:04:12,772

The-The Flaming Eagle

of Lord Philmox,

00:04:12,906 --> 00:04:16,512

The Dark King's Demise

in Calfothorag,

00:04:16,513 --> 00:04:21,623

The Cauldron Feint, the-the-the

immolation of Emperor Tong!

00:04:21,723 --> 00:04:24,028

Those were all weddings?

I thought they were wars.

00:04:24,128 --> 00:04:26,634

The Dance of the Dads

is weighing heavily upon me.

00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,871

I'm going to ask that fish

for some pointers.

00:04:28,971 --> 00:04:30,675

So, you're not worried

about a massacre?

00:04:30,775 --> 00:04:33,013

Why would I be?

I'm never the target.

00:04:33,113 --> 00:04:34,616

I'm too beloved.

00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:37,121

General Stupendous.

00:04:37,254 --> 00:04:39,058

I thought I'd find you here.

You seem upset.

00:04:39,158 --> 00:04:41,262

Well, yeah.

My dumb brother thinks he can do

00:04:41,362 --> 00:04:43,366

whatever he wants on a whim

with the city

00:04:43,499 --> 00:04:45,437

I've devoted

my life to defending.

00:04:45,538 --> 00:04:48,710

I could be out there splitting

your guys' skulls in half,

00:04:48,711 --> 00:04:50,814

and instead I'm

trying on dresses

00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:53,086

and being told things

about pepper.

00:04:53,186 --> 00:04:55,323

So, yeah, I'm a little upset.

00:04:55,456 --> 00:04:56,794

I don't blame you.

In my heyday,

00:04:56,894 --> 00:04:58,830

I would have hated to be

denied a good fight.

00:04:58,964 --> 00:05:00,868

I bet you think

I'm some old fuddy-duddy

00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,705

who can't swing a sword anymore,

so, I just

00:05:02,806 --> 00:05:04,976

marry off my daughters

for territory.

00:05:05,110 --> 00:05:06,446

Well, yeah, kinda.

00:05:06,547 --> 00:05:08,417

And you're right.

I'm ready to

00:05:08,518 --> 00:05:10,721

retire from warfare,

but I know you're not,

00:05:10,821 --> 00:05:13,828

and I need someone like you

to lead my armies.

00:05:13,928 --> 00:05:15,297

You do?

Tell me.

00:05:15,430 --> 00:05:17,168

Have you

ever commanded an army of

00:05:17,268 --> 00:05:19,304

5,000 pre-castrated soldiers?

00:05:19,438 --> 00:05:20,908

"Pre-castrated"?

Like you still

00:05:20,909 --> 00:05:23,179

gotta castrate 'em or...

No, no, no.

00:05:23,312 --> 00:05:24,950

Pre-castrated.

It's already taken care of.

00:05:25,050 --> 00:05:27,254

Wow.

To answer your question, no,

00:05:27,354 --> 00:05:28,758

but I've always wanted to.

00:05:28,858 --> 00:05:30,260

They're very obedient.

00:05:30,394 --> 00:05:31,530

Totally hairless.

00:05:31,630 --> 00:05:33,633

I bet

they're gorgeous singers.

00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:36,439

Their falsettos

could crack marble.

00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:38,342

Here. This is for you.

00:05:41,282 --> 00:05:43,153

I should get out

of this wedding. right?

00:05:43,253 --> 00:05:44,889

Let's just say

if you go through with it,

00:05:45,023 --> 00:05:47,094

I'm planning on having

a stomach bug that day.

00:05:47,194 --> 00:05:50,065

But there's also a chance

that there won't

be a massacre, right?

00:05:50,066 --> 00:05:52,404

What's that thing you were

telling me you just invented?

00:05:52,572 --> 00:05:55,611

The thing where you can

guess how likely it is

that something will happen.

00:05:55,778 --> 00:05:58,383

You mean odds?

Yeah. What are the odds

00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,820

that I get murdered

at my wedding?

00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:01,322

Dude,

there's no way of knowing

00:06:01,422 --> 00:06:02,857

unless you have 1,000 weddings.

00:06:02,858 --> 00:06:05,363

Oh, if only there was

a way to go through with this

00:06:05,497 --> 00:06:07,502

and not go through with it

at the same time.

00:06:07,602 --> 00:06:09,038

Holy moly.

00:06:09,138 --> 00:06:10,575

Look, do you see that guy?

00:06:10,675 --> 00:06:12,545

That wretched baker.

What about him?

00:06:12,645 --> 00:06:14,516

He looks

exactly like you.

00:06:14,649 --> 00:06:16,553

What? No, he doesn't.

He's wearing an apron.

00:06:16,653 --> 00:06:19,058

His face, Ty.

00:06:19,158 --> 00:06:21,062

You're right.

You can get

that guy

00:06:21,195 --> 00:06:23,266

to go to the wedding

in your place.

00:06:23,366 --> 00:06:24,836

So, if there's a massacre,

00:06:24,969 --> 00:06:27,441

he gets a sword

through his guts, not me.

00:06:27,542 --> 00:06:29,211

And if there isn't,

we just switch back.

00:06:29,311 --> 00:06:31,850

Either way, Krapopolis keeps

her king, and I'm a genius.

00:06:31,950 --> 00:06:34,488

Or you're a guy who

got a good idea from a genius.

00:06:34,589 --> 00:06:36,358

That's its own

kind of intelligence.

00:06:36,458 --> 00:06:38,028

Hey, you! Mr. Bread Guy!

00:06:38,029 --> 00:06:40,367

Please. Mr. Bread Guy

was my father.

00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:44,108

I just inherited his debt.

You can call me Cyrus.

00:06:44,208 --> 00:06:46,779

Whoa! King Tyrannis?

Well, I'll be!

00:06:46,780 --> 00:06:48,651

Actually, that's

sort of the idea.

00:06:48,751 --> 00:06:51,089

How would you like to be me?

Pretend to be.

00:06:51,189 --> 00:06:52,490

I mean, just through my wedding.

00:06:52,591 --> 00:06:54,061

I've learned that royal weddings

can be dangerous.

00:06:54,195 --> 00:06:56,632

We're talking

notoriously massacre-prone.

00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:58,436

Eh, that doesn't

worry me.

00:06:58,537 --> 00:06:59,740

Honestly, in some ways,

00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:02,077

death would come as a relief.

00:07:02,210 --> 00:07:03,847

Will there be a buffet?

00:07:07,487 --> 00:07:09,759

No, no, no!

The bride's brining tank

00:07:09,892 --> 00:07:11,863

should be in the corner,

and there should be enough space

00:07:11,963 --> 00:07:15,003

for her handmaidens to

stand around and get bad updos.

00:07:15,137 --> 00:07:18,944

This altar is too plain and it

needs a gutter for blood.

00:07:19,044 --> 00:07:20,648

If I'm going to bless the couple

with fertility,

00:07:20,748 --> 00:07:22,552

I'm going to need

a lot of goats.

00:07:22,685 --> 00:07:24,188

And can somebody clear

the area in front?

00:07:24,288 --> 00:07:26,627

That's not enough space

for the Dance of the Dads!

00:07:26,727 --> 00:07:28,697

Stupendous, what on earth

are you wearing?

00:07:28,797 --> 00:07:29,999

Is this some kind of prank?

00:07:30,099 --> 00:07:31,737

You're not allowed

to ruin this wedding.

00:07:31,837 --> 00:07:34,208

Hermes is going to be here,

and that messy bitch

00:07:34,308 --> 00:07:36,078

talks, and holds a grudge.

00:07:36,212 --> 00:07:39,151

It's a gift

from Fatherinlawsus.

He says it commands respect.

00:07:39,285 --> 00:07:42,692

Oh, if you say so.

Now, don't forget

that the sister of the groom

00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:44,730

ties up her brother

before the ceremony.

00:07:44,863 --> 00:07:46,497

Why do I

do that again?

00:07:46,498 --> 00:07:48,203

Well, I could

come up with some symbolism,

00:07:48,336 --> 00:07:49,839

but really, I just think

it's funny.

00:07:50,006 --> 00:07:52,277

You tie him up

and then, when it's time,

00:07:52,377 --> 00:07:54,481

you toss him

into the consummation tent.

00:07:54,583 --> 00:07:56,150

And those knots

had better be tight.

00:07:56,151 --> 00:07:59,023

I come to you sheepishly.

What? You usually

00:07:59,024 --> 00:08:00,895

come to me wolfishly.

What's wrong?

00:08:00,995 --> 00:08:03,433

It's the Dance of the Dads.

I'm wondering

00:08:03,534 --> 00:08:05,002

how important that is to you.

00:08:05,103 --> 00:08:08,109

It's the final offering

before I grant my blessing.

00:08:08,209 --> 00:08:11,382

You know I love a show, and you

know I love dads dancing.

00:08:11,517 --> 00:08:13,353

Why would you ask

how important it is?

00:08:13,521 --> 00:08:15,123

I just wanted

to make sure I knew you

00:08:15,223 --> 00:08:16,425

as well as I thought I did,

00:08:16,526 --> 00:08:18,062

though I have heard

a crazy thing

00:08:18,196 --> 00:08:20,233

that at some weddings,

there's a dance between

00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,103

the mother of the groom

and the groom.

00:08:22,204 --> 00:08:24,408

What? This wedding

is about pleasing me, remember.

00:08:24,509 --> 00:08:28,249

How would dancing with

my son do that?

Where is he, anyway?

00:08:28,349 --> 00:08:30,755

OK, first things first.

Do you know what this is?

00:08:30,922 --> 00:08:35,430

A lice pick. Thanks!

I've got lice, like, everywhere.

00:08:35,531 --> 00:08:37,166

Why don't we

work on your accent?

00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:41,643

"Fatherinlawsus, it is a great

honor to join your family."

00:08:41,777 --> 00:08:44,315

That's not what

you sound like.

00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,919

Cyrus [Ty's accent]:

I fart all the time

and blame Servant No Name,

00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:48,757

but everyone knows it's me.

Wow.

00:08:48,857 --> 00:08:51,329

First of all, everyone does

that with Servant No Name,

00:08:51,429 --> 00:08:52,965

but I agree.

That was incredible!

00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,704

All right, get me

in that toga!

00:08:59,846 --> 00:09:02,451

Well, fellas, I'm off

to goof around at the bakery.

00:09:02,552 --> 00:09:04,455

I'll be seeing you both later.

And remember,

00:09:04,556 --> 00:09:06,492

no funny business

in the consummation tent.

00:09:06,593 --> 00:09:08,598

I'll be back before the bell.

00:09:08,698 --> 00:09:10,768

Oh, no.

I never showed him how to be

00:09:10,868 --> 00:09:13,005

an indentured bread baker!

00:09:13,740 --> 00:09:15,711

Excuse me.

Is this the bakery?

00:09:15,811 --> 00:09:17,212

Bakery Boss: What the hell

is wrong with you, Cyrus?

00:09:17,213 --> 00:09:19,553

You're not gonna

pay off your debts with jokes.

00:09:19,686 --> 00:09:22,357

Get to work

or get to be in debt.

00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,973

Hello--

Oh. Sorry I'm late.

00:09:30,073 --> 00:09:32,444

No crust off my bread.

But if you don't get busy,

00:09:32,578 --> 00:09:34,515

they'll throw you in the fire

and feed your

00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:36,084

charred bones to the goats.

00:09:36,218 --> 00:09:39,324

"Yer worth more to me that way."

Ha ha ha!

00:09:39,457 --> 00:09:43,466

No, no! Aah!

00:09:44,068 --> 00:09:46,639

Hey, brother. Wink, wink.

Hello, Ty.

00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:47,775

No wink.

Just Ty.

00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:49,410

What are

you up to, Hippo?

00:09:49,411 --> 00:09:52,284

Making a duplicate me.

A Hip replacement

00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:55,390

So you don't have to go

to Ty--I mean, my wedding.

00:09:55,490 --> 00:09:58,162

Yes.

Right on.

So, it was the craziest thing.

00:09:58,262 --> 00:09:59,932

Jonathan here--

Servant No Name's

00:10:00,032 --> 00:10:01,636

name is Jonathan?

Uh-huh.

00:10:01,736 --> 00:10:03,808

So, he was feeding me figs,

which, wow,

00:10:03,908 --> 00:10:06,546

what an experience, and anyway,

we got to talking,

00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:08,583

and I thought,

Jonathan is interesting.

00:10:08,717 --> 00:10:10,185

He's been on a boat, you know.

00:10:10,186 --> 00:10:11,322

I fled a famine.

00:10:11,455 --> 00:10:12,825

I was a doctor in my city.

00:10:12,925 --> 00:10:14,861

And, Hippo, you're

a really smart fish guy.

00:10:14,862 --> 00:10:16,933

You're, like, the most

impressive guy I know.

00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,871

Um, thank you.

Anyway, so, yeah,

00:10:18,971 --> 00:10:20,774

he's a doctor,

he's been on a boat,

00:10:20,775 --> 00:10:22,143

and I thought you'd hit it off.

00:10:22,277 --> 00:10:23,813

You're being

so nice, Ty.

00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:27,654

So nice and so,

so out of character.

00:10:27,655 --> 00:10:29,726

He's nice, huh?

I never knew it!

00:10:29,826 --> 00:10:32,530

I guess getting married

can change a guy.

00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:34,034

Children!

Come here, please!

00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,706

I think that's our dad.

He's very fun.

00:10:36,806 --> 00:10:38,777

Coming, Dad!

Ugh. OK.

00:10:38,911 --> 00:10:41,850

I'm gonna test this out.

Hippo 2, you ready?

00:10:45,824 --> 00:10:47,796

Put those over there.

00:10:47,896 --> 00:10:49,364

Knock, knock.

00:10:49,498 --> 00:10:51,302

We all clear?

I got my daughter here.

00:10:51,402 --> 00:10:53,039

Wait!

00:10:53,139 --> 00:10:54,742

Oh, sorry.

I thought Ty was in the room,

00:10:54,842 --> 00:10:56,513

but it was just this plant.

00:10:58,784 --> 00:10:59,886

Bring her in.

00:10:59,986 --> 00:11:03,025

Ah, there's my future

daughter-in-law.

00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:04,796

I thought everyone

was supposed to, like,

00:11:04,896 --> 00:11:06,900

stand up and make a big deal

about the bride.

00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,337

On my big day?

I don't think so.

00:11:09,437 --> 00:11:11,341

Now, that suit

fits your status.

00:11:11,441 --> 00:11:14,782

It does, right?

You're really good

at guessing sizes.

00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:16,285

What do you say

before the wedding,

00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:17,353

you and me go check out

00:11:17,453 --> 00:11:18,790

some pre-castrated soldiers?

00:11:18,957 --> 00:11:21,261

Meaning they're

slated for castration?

00:11:21,262 --> 00:11:24,167

Common mistake.

No. Pre-castrated,

00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:25,604

like ready-castrated.

00:11:25,704 --> 00:11:27,641

No disassembly required.

00:11:27,775 --> 00:11:30,446

Oh, of course.

Good deal.

00:11:32,050 --> 00:11:34,421

Sons, tell me,

how am I doing?

00:11:36,291 --> 00:11:38,295

I think you're

doing a great job.

00:11:38,429 --> 00:11:40,200

Hippo 2: Yes, fah-der.

Thanks, boys,

00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:42,837

but I know I'm not.

Your mother cares a lot about

00:11:42,838 --> 00:11:44,809

the Dance of the Dads,

and I didn't have the heart

00:11:44,909 --> 00:11:46,946

to tell her I have

3 left feet.

00:11:47,046 --> 00:11:49,619

Hippo, can you make me

one of those contraptions

00:11:49,719 --> 00:11:51,990

that keeps time?

Hippo 2: Gargle gargle.

00:11:52,123 --> 00:11:54,628

Maybe I can help you.

There's no way.

00:11:54,629 --> 00:11:56,733

Just relax

and feel the music.

00:11:56,833 --> 00:11:58,737

Oh, since when

can you dance?

00:11:58,837 --> 00:12:01,242

I'm seeing a whole new side

of you.

00:12:01,342 --> 00:12:03,379

Hippo, look at Ty and me.

00:12:04,816 --> 00:12:06,217

He seriously

thinks that's me?

00:12:06,218 --> 00:12:09,057

Has my dad never

looked at me before?

00:12:10,126 --> 00:12:11,863

This is actually

so simple and beautiful.

00:12:11,963 --> 00:12:15,269

Grain and water brought together

with my powerful hands.

00:12:15,369 --> 00:12:17,942

Forged in fire. Bread!

00:12:18,877 --> 00:12:20,313

Ha ha!

00:12:20,413 --> 00:12:22,785

No, stop!

00:12:22,885 --> 00:12:26,125

What are you doing?

Man 2: You are wasting dough.

00:12:26,292 --> 00:12:28,495

Man 3: Please, please,

please stop that.

I have kids.

00:12:28,630 --> 00:12:30,534

Man 4: You're gonna

get us all killed.

00:12:30,634 --> 00:12:32,905

Man 5: That's yeast!

Ha ha ha!

00:12:33,005 --> 00:12:34,810

This is fun,

but it's escalating

00:12:34,910 --> 00:12:37,014

in a way that I don't know

how to deal with.

00:12:37,180 --> 00:12:40,253

Uhh!

OK, OK, I'll stop.

00:12:40,353 --> 00:12:42,090

It's weird.

It never occurred to me

00:12:42,190 --> 00:12:45,296

that a lowly commoner--like me--

could have feelings.

00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:49,270

Do our lives--I mean,

our baker lives--do they matter?

00:12:49,404 --> 00:12:50,708

Well, the old me

would have thought

00:12:50,841 --> 00:12:52,611

you were a common

kitchen wench.

00:12:52,745 --> 00:12:54,147

But you're like a real person.

00:12:54,281 --> 00:12:56,953

And the old me would have

thought you were brain dead.

00:12:57,053 --> 00:12:59,625

Really makes you think,

doesn't it?

00:12:59,726 --> 00:13:00,828

Uhh!

Ah!

00:13:00,928 --> 00:13:01,962

Wow, you weren't kidding.

00:13:01,963 --> 00:13:03,199

There's not a hair on 'em.

00:13:03,299 --> 00:13:04,669

I thought

I'd bring 'em

00:13:04,769 --> 00:13:06,005

as a wedding present.

For you.

00:13:06,105 --> 00:13:07,808

You really don't

want 'em anymore?

00:13:07,908 --> 00:13:10,446

The truth is,

I'm just an old softie.

00:13:10,547 --> 00:13:13,620

I want to focus on my family.

I want grandchildren.

00:13:13,721 --> 00:13:15,958

Grandchildren

and an enormous empire.

00:13:16,058 --> 00:13:17,562

That's what it's

all about, right?

00:13:17,662 --> 00:13:19,665

I'll be a general to the kids.

00:13:19,765 --> 00:13:22,270

General Granddad.

That's me: Papa.

00:13:22,370 --> 00:13:24,407

And where does

that leave Ty?

00:13:24,509 --> 00:13:27,147

Well, once I

have the grandkids, we'll just

00:13:27,247 --> 00:13:29,485

send him off on our next

military campaign,

00:13:29,586 --> 00:13:31,021

one where we know

he's gonna die.

00:13:31,121 --> 00:13:32,658

I say "we" but, of course,

00:13:32,792 --> 00:13:34,361

I'd leave that decision

up to you.

00:13:34,461 --> 00:13:37,233

I think Persia could be fun.

He'll love the kebabs.

00:13:37,333 --> 00:13:39,673

They're slightly different

from how they are here,

00:13:39,773 --> 00:13:41,909

but again, totally up to you.

00:13:44,415 --> 00:13:45,985

Bakery Boss: Well,

this wouldn't kill a hog.

00:13:46,085 --> 00:13:47,788

That's one loaf

off your death sentence.

00:13:47,889 --> 00:13:49,692

Aah! I just

realized something,

00:13:49,792 --> 00:13:52,798

and when I realize something,

I need to act on it right away.

00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:54,903

Ana, will you get out

of here with me?

00:13:55,003 --> 00:13:57,440

Hey, boss, we're leaving,

and if you don't like it,

00:13:57,441 --> 00:13:59,812

you can throw more peasants

into the fire.

00:13:59,912 --> 00:14:03,085

Why would you say that?

00:14:06,994 --> 00:14:09,732

Well, well, well.

00:14:09,832 --> 00:14:11,937

Hermes, darling,

00:14:12,037 --> 00:14:13,973

look at the spectacle

they're putting on for me.

00:14:13,974 --> 00:14:17,414

Seems promising.

The blood gutter on your altar

is positively teeming.

00:14:17,548 --> 00:14:19,618

Oh, you'll have to tell

everyone back on Mount Olympus.

00:14:19,719 --> 00:14:22,859

Not that I care about them.

I have enough attention here.

00:14:22,959 --> 00:14:24,328

I'm gonna get a drink

and talk trash

00:14:24,461 --> 00:14:26,633

with some old spinsters.

It'll really make their day.

00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:28,937

Oh, they're seated

in a pen by the meat.

00:14:29,037 --> 00:14:32,043

Now, that is an inspired

seating arrangement.

00:14:32,143 --> 00:14:35,316

Not bad, Deliria.

Not bad. Super speed!

00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:37,721

Good. Seems to have

forgotten the eye.

00:14:37,855 --> 00:14:39,490

Stupendous, what are you doing?

00:14:39,491 --> 00:14:41,460

Your brother should be

all tied up by now.

00:14:41,461 --> 00:14:44,067

Can we move this along,

please? I'm pruning.

00:14:44,167 --> 00:14:47,073

Soon she'll be

your problem, Ty.

00:14:47,173 --> 00:14:49,512

The most ungrateful

daughter ever.

00:14:51,115 --> 00:14:52,919

Hippo, I need you

to get Stupe for me.

00:14:53,052 --> 00:14:54,188

I need to talk to her.

00:14:54,288 --> 00:14:56,759

Hippo 2: Stupe! Stupe! Stupe!

00:14:56,893 --> 00:14:58,061

What are we doing

in the palace?

00:14:58,162 --> 00:14:59,497

You aren't gonna

believe this, but

00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:00,735

I'm King Tyrannis.

00:15:00,835 --> 00:15:03,405

Hippo 2: Stupe, Stupe, Stupe!

00:15:03,540 --> 00:15:06,278

Is a weird

not-Hippo Hippo

shouting my name?

00:15:06,445 --> 00:15:08,148

Thank you.

What the--

00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:09,619

Oof!

OK,

00:15:09,719 --> 00:15:10,888

who did I just drop?

00:15:10,988 --> 00:15:12,357

That's Cyrus, the baker

I switched with.

00:15:12,457 --> 00:15:14,295

Hello!

Been having a great time!

00:15:14,395 --> 00:15:15,898

What is going on?

We did a switch.

00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,167

Now, Stupe, I know

you wanted to do

00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:18,570

a massacre on Fatherinlawsus,

00:15:18,703 --> 00:15:20,707

and I ordered you not to,

but I've changed my mind.

00:15:20,807 --> 00:15:22,344

Follow your bliss.

Massacre him

00:15:22,477 --> 00:15:24,081

and his whole family

and do it now.

00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:25,684

I've found a regular woman

to marry.

00:15:25,785 --> 00:15:27,655

Stupendous and Ana: What?

Dad!

00:15:27,755 --> 00:15:28,958

Dad?

What do you mean, "Dad"?

00:15:29,091 --> 00:15:30,995

I did a switch, too!

00:15:31,095 --> 00:15:33,098

Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no,

oh, no, oh, no!

00:15:33,198 --> 00:15:35,336

A little help, please!

I know I'm not officially

00:15:35,436 --> 00:15:38,142

part of the family, but

at this point, I've invested.

00:15:42,350 --> 00:15:43,886

Dad!

Ana!

00:15:43,887 --> 00:15:46,191

Why aren't you plump and juicy

and sopping wet?

00:15:46,325 --> 00:15:48,797

Because I am!

Can someone get me

00:15:48,897 --> 00:15:49,966

out of here now, please?

00:15:50,066 --> 00:15:51,468

Oh, don't tell me.

00:15:51,602 --> 00:15:52,837

You did a switch again.

00:15:52,838 --> 00:15:55,210

Is that your

identical cousin Sarah in there?

00:15:55,343 --> 00:15:57,380

That's just great.

You'll never be

00:15:57,515 --> 00:15:59,251

someone else's problem

at this rate.

00:15:59,351 --> 00:16:01,656

They want to do a massacre!

00:16:01,756 --> 00:16:03,626

I'm here for this.

00:16:03,726 --> 00:16:06,132

Don't worry, spinsters.

Nobody's coming for you.

00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:08,637

Fatherinlawsus is your dad?

Yes. And you just

00:16:08,737 --> 00:16:11,008

told your sister to murder him

and my whole family.

00:16:11,108 --> 00:16:13,713

Why is anyone

listening to a baker?

00:16:13,814 --> 00:16:15,316

I demand an offering

of bread so I can

00:16:15,416 --> 00:16:17,988

have a base for my stomach

for the rest of the night.

00:16:18,122 --> 00:16:20,059

Now, everybody,

back to your seats.

00:16:20,159 --> 00:16:21,862

Mom, it's me!

I'm Tyrannis!

00:16:21,996 --> 00:16:23,967

But you're wearing

an apron.

00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:26,137

Hello, everyone.

I'm Cyrus, just a baker.

00:16:26,238 --> 00:16:29,177

Not important enough to kill.

Just putting that out there.

00:16:29,277 --> 00:16:30,581

Please, Fatherinlawsus,

this is all

00:16:30,714 --> 00:16:31,850

just a big misunderstanding.

00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:33,452

I'm in love

with your daughter.

00:16:33,553 --> 00:16:35,558

Is it true

about the massacre, Stupendous?

00:16:35,691 --> 00:16:38,128

Ty told me to do it,

but I don't want to.

00:16:38,228 --> 00:16:39,766

Where did you

find this family?

00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:41,302

Did you do

any research

00:16:41,402 --> 00:16:42,805

before you promised me to them?

00:16:42,905 --> 00:16:44,575

I ordered her

not to do it once.

00:16:44,675 --> 00:16:46,011

Can't we focus on that part?

00:16:46,144 --> 00:16:47,615

Look, I'll order her

not to do it again.

00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:50,220

Stupe, don't kill them.

Oh. I'm confused.

00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:51,590

One of them is Tyrannis, yes?

00:16:51,690 --> 00:16:55,029

One thing's for certain.

That's our Hippo.

00:16:55,129 --> 00:16:56,464

Hippo 2: Aah!

00:16:57,300 --> 00:16:58,469

Ana, you have

to believe me.

00:16:58,570 --> 00:17:00,039

I never would have

told my sister

00:17:00,172 --> 00:17:01,876

to kill your family if I

knew you were you.

00:17:01,976 --> 00:17:03,814

In fact, it's really

out of character

00:17:03,914 --> 00:17:05,249

that I supported

a massacre at all.

00:17:05,349 --> 00:17:07,755

I just did it because

I want to be with you.

00:17:07,855 --> 00:17:10,794

I do get that, but--

Everybody,

please listen up.

00:17:10,894 --> 00:17:12,731

Today, I met

the most amazing woman.

00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:15,604

I didn't know she was her,

and she didn't know I was me,

00:17:15,704 --> 00:17:16,905

but somehow, it just worked.

00:17:16,906 --> 00:17:18,475

Heh, heh.

Come on, Ty, quit it.

00:17:18,576 --> 00:17:20,747

No, I won't quit it.

Because you don't quit love.

00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,016

And you don't quit weddings

00:17:22,150 --> 00:17:23,653

and you don't quit

consummation tents.

00:17:23,753 --> 00:17:26,158

We have it in us to fix

everything about today.

00:17:26,258 --> 00:17:28,495

I felt something when I was

hurling buns with you,

00:17:28,596 --> 00:17:30,466

and it's a feeling

I never want to lose.

00:17:30,567 --> 00:17:32,403

Ty! I think you got

the wrong idea.

00:17:32,504 --> 00:17:35,308

I have fun throwing flour around

with everybody.

00:17:35,309 --> 00:17:38,382

That wasn't sexual for me.

And it's kind of weird

00:17:38,482 --> 00:17:40,218

that you interpreted it

that way.

00:17:40,219 --> 00:17:41,790

So, you don't want

to marry me?

00:17:41,957 --> 00:17:43,226

I don't want

to marry any man.

00:17:43,326 --> 00:17:46,431

I'm super gay.

That's why I keep switching.

00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:49,003

And if my father

would listen to me,

00:17:49,103 --> 00:17:50,372

we could stop this charade.

00:17:50,507 --> 00:17:53,412

Hmm? Huh?

Did you hear something?

00:17:54,314 --> 00:17:55,683

Well, that was a bust.

00:17:55,684 --> 00:17:57,320

Do you know what

I'm looking at right now?

00:17:57,487 --> 00:18:00,193

A bunch of

hairless freaks?

00:18:00,326 --> 00:18:02,830

They were gonna be

my hairless freaks.

00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:04,802

Fatherinlawsus

promised them to me.

00:18:04,936 --> 00:18:07,373

5,000 pre-castrated soldiers.

00:18:07,473 --> 00:18:09,611

Wow. Well, that's one

silver lining.

00:18:09,712 --> 00:18:12,818

At least now you don't have to

castrate all those guys, right?

00:18:12,952 --> 00:18:15,523

No, it's--

ah, whatever.

00:18:17,127 --> 00:18:18,328

Why are you mad at me?

00:18:18,329 --> 00:18:20,133

I'm just

feeling really shut out.

00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,235

I mean, you want

to find other ways

00:18:22,236 --> 00:18:24,307

than war for Krapopolis

to expand.

00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:25,877

Where does that leave me?

00:18:25,978 --> 00:18:28,416

I want to find all of the

ways for Krapopolis to grow.

00:18:28,517 --> 00:18:30,252

I've even been thinking of

slogans like

00:18:30,352 --> 00:18:32,223

"The Stone City With Sass."

00:18:32,323 --> 00:18:34,728

So, I'm just

supposed to go along with

00:18:34,862 --> 00:18:35,997

everything you say?

00:18:36,097 --> 00:18:38,737

Fatherinlawsus valued

my opinions.

00:18:38,870 --> 00:18:40,206

We were making plans.

00:18:40,306 --> 00:18:42,512

We were talking about

conquering Persia.

00:18:42,612 --> 00:18:45,316

You never talk to me

about conquering Persia.

00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:47,520

Ah, you're

telling him about Persia.

00:18:47,521 --> 00:18:49,524

Look, Ty,

I'm sorry about my daughter,

00:18:49,525 --> 00:18:51,763

but the good news is

we're not gonna have to

00:18:51,863 --> 00:18:53,332

send you to your death anymore.

00:18:53,432 --> 00:18:55,002

Wait, what?

It's nothing!

00:18:55,136 --> 00:18:57,406

Cyrus, did my sister

ever mention to you

00:18:57,407 --> 00:18:59,378

that she and Fatherinlawsus

were going to

00:18:59,478 --> 00:19:01,081

send me to die at some point?

00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,018

No, but to be fair,

00:19:03,118 --> 00:19:04,522

we didn't spend that much

time together.

00:19:04,622 --> 00:19:06,324

Really?

How long did it take you

00:19:06,424 --> 00:19:08,028

to get rigged up like this?

00:19:08,128 --> 00:19:09,698

Um...

I thought so.

00:19:09,832 --> 00:19:11,368

It really wasn't

that big of a deal.

00:19:11,468 --> 00:19:13,707

It would be years away.

I wouldn't do it.

00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,478

He really only cares about

being a grandfather.

00:19:16,579 --> 00:19:18,215

What's a grandfather?

00:19:18,315 --> 00:19:19,886

I don't think we have them

in the slums.

00:19:19,986 --> 00:19:21,756

It's an old man

who's obsessed with

00:19:21,856 --> 00:19:23,292

seeing his nose on a baby.

00:19:23,425 --> 00:19:26,431

That was the

best wedding I've ever been to.

00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:28,669

You mean "best"

in a bad way.

00:19:28,769 --> 00:19:30,674

But that's still good.

Think of it this way.

00:19:30,774 --> 00:19:33,478

You could be the goddess of

messy events:

00:19:33,479 --> 00:19:35,550

weddings gone awry,

girls' weekends

00:19:35,650 --> 00:19:37,353

where the goal is

to reset the dynamic,

00:19:37,453 --> 00:19:39,090

revenge that you never

know when it's gonna come

00:19:39,190 --> 00:19:40,527

for plucking out

somebody's eye,

00:19:40,627 --> 00:19:42,631

road trips where one person

is a secret planner.

00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:45,771

Anyway, invite me to

your next party.

Buh-bye. Super speed!

00:19:45,871 --> 00:19:48,007

He's going to

tell everyone

what a disaster this was.

00:19:48,008 --> 00:19:51,180

Oh, Deliria, this doesn't

have to be a disaster.

00:19:51,181 --> 00:19:52,585

Really? How?

00:19:52,685 --> 00:19:54,955

I talked to

Fatherinlawsus and he agreed.

00:19:55,089 --> 00:19:56,425

The Dance of the Dads.

00:19:56,559 --> 00:20:00,867

Oh, Shlub!

Fatherinlawsus, shall we?

00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,372

Why not?

Might as well have a little fun.

00:20:03,472 --> 00:20:06,612

Ha ha ha ha! You're very light

on your feet.

00:20:06,613 --> 00:20:08,048

Thank you.

The stranger

00:20:08,148 --> 00:20:09,719

who I thought was my son

taught me.

00:20:09,819 --> 00:20:12,223

Tell me, is there

a Mrs. Fatherinlawsus?

00:20:12,356 --> 00:20:14,194

Oh, no.

She died in childbirth,

00:20:14,294 --> 00:20:15,631

giving me my

ungrateful daughter.

00:20:15,731 --> 00:20:18,637

Good.

00:20:18,737 --> 00:20:21,609

I haven't been to a lot

of weddings, and I'm wondering--

00:20:21,743 --> 00:20:24,480

No, it's not normal.

00:20:27,353 --> 00:20:30,326

I knew it.

They're beautiful singers.

00:20:30,426 --> 00:20:34,301

This is nice.

It's nice with you.

00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:37,006

Can I stay?

00:20:37,140 --> 00:20:40,345

No, seriously. My boss will

kill me if I try and go back.

00:20:47,026 --> 00:20:50,768

Hello? Is it safe

to come out?

00:20:50,868 --> 00:20:52,036

Is anyone there?

00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:55,577

Hello? Oh, thank God.

00:20:55,677 --> 00:20:58,182

I thought if I was quiet,

I could ride out the massacre,

00:20:58,282 --> 00:20:59,519

but then everyone

forgot me and--

00:20:59,619 --> 00:21:01,689

Shh.

What? Is it still

going on?

00:21:01,790 --> 00:21:04,695

Can you help me get out?

Is it--

00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:07,200

Oh, my God!

Aah!

00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:11,709

What the--

00:21:11,809 --> 00:21:13,177

Oh! Oh, my--

00:21:16,652 --> 00:21:18,623

Hello?

Hippo 2: Har-lo.

00:21:18,724 --> 00:21:20,527

Hippocampus!

Please help me.

00:21:20,627 --> 00:21:22,062

I don't know what's going on.

00:21:22,063 --> 00:21:23,900

Hippo 2: I don't know

why I was made,

00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:27,339

but I think I exist for evil.

00:21:29,243 --> 00:21:30,713

Well, that's just great.

00:21:31,014 --> 00:21:32,584

Did you get any of that?

00:21:34,721 --> 00:21:35,990

Bento.

00:00:04,475 --> 00:00:06,514

to talk to a guy like you.

Fatherinlawsus.

00:00:06,647 --> 00:00:08,584

King to king.

Fatherinlawsus: Yes, you have

00:00:08,585 --> 00:00:09,720

a fine city.

00:00:09,853 --> 00:00:11,288

A good place

to raise kids, I hope.

00:00:11,289 --> 00:00:14,596

Ty: Oh, yes.

Our infant survival rate is 14%.

00:00:14,730 --> 00:00:16,165

I'm very proud of that number.

00:00:16,298 --> 00:00:18,504

Fatherinlawsus: My boy,

you don't know how hard it is

00:00:18,604 --> 00:00:20,942

to find a king

whose junk still works.

00:00:21,042 --> 00:00:23,013

You know, a lot of your

contemporaries get their

00:00:23,113 --> 00:00:24,481

genitals blown off in war.

00:00:24,616 --> 00:00:26,286

Ty: My sister is a warrior

around here.

00:00:26,419 --> 00:00:28,924

And there she is now,

ravaged by some battle.

00:00:29,025 --> 00:00:31,697

Stupendous: Did you know we're

getting attacked by hordes now?

00:00:31,797 --> 00:00:32,965

We've really made it.

00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,270

Hey, who's this guy?

He's got a sword!

00:00:35,437 --> 00:00:37,141

Fatherinlawsus: Ha ha ha ha!

Ty: Relax, Stupe.

00:00:37,241 --> 00:00:38,844

This is

Fatherinlawsus the Great.

00:00:38,845 --> 00:00:41,015

A warrior king

whose vast empire

00:00:41,115 --> 00:00:43,186

stretches from one

body of water to another.

00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:45,490

He's seen noodles before!

It's cute.

00:00:45,491 --> 00:00:47,294

She doesn't even

know what noodles are.

00:00:47,394 --> 00:00:49,398

Stupendous: Why would you let

a conquering warrior king

00:00:49,399 --> 00:00:53,073

inside the city walls without

letting me murder him first?

00:00:53,173 --> 00:00:56,012

Where is your army?

Are they disguised as bushes?

00:00:56,112 --> 00:00:57,414

Are they behind

trees and walls,

00:00:57,515 --> 00:01:00,320

just waiting to jump out

and scream "Surprise!"

00:01:00,454 --> 00:01:02,759

Fatherinlawsus: That is

a great idea for a party.

00:01:02,859 --> 00:01:05,129

You know, one of my guys

has a birthday coming up.

00:01:05,130 --> 00:01:06,333

I should be real mean to him

00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:07,903

and make him think

I forgot about it

00:01:08,003 --> 00:01:09,138

so when we jump out and yell,

00:01:09,238 --> 00:01:11,042

it almost kills him.

Only almost.

00:01:11,142 --> 00:01:13,112

Stupendous: No, it's not

a great idea for a party.

00:01:13,212 --> 00:01:16,286

It's a great idea for an attack.

What is going on here?

00:01:16,419 --> 00:01:18,724

Fatherinlawsus: I understand

your concern, but I found

00:01:18,824 --> 00:01:20,794

a new way to grow my empire.

00:01:20,795 --> 00:01:22,799

Go ahead.

Tell her the news, son.

00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:24,903

Ty: I'm getting married!

00:01:25,003 --> 00:01:27,809

Stupendous: Uhh... kay?

00:01:27,909 --> 00:01:30,313

[Theme music playing]

00:01:54,128 --> 00:01:55,097

Shlub: My own son

getting married.

00:01:55,197 --> 00:01:56,332

I'm so proud of you.

00:01:56,466 --> 00:01:58,571

Now let's talk

consummation tent.

00:01:58,671 --> 00:02:00,775

Shall we put it on the porch

so we can all hear

00:02:00,875 --> 00:02:03,646

the erotic noises when

the blessed moment comes?

00:02:03,647 --> 00:02:07,454

Ty: I don't care where it is

as long as the sex bell

is front and center.

00:02:07,556 --> 00:02:10,360

The whole city needs to hear

when it goes ring-a-ding-ding.

00:02:10,460 --> 00:02:12,164

Deliria: Oh, I love a wedding

because it's all about

00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:13,634

me and my blessing.

00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:16,807

Oh, the weird things I'll

expect you to do to please me.

00:02:16,907 --> 00:02:18,342

Congratulations to us.

00:02:18,343 --> 00:02:19,847

Stupendous: I think

you're being stupid.

00:02:19,980 --> 00:02:22,250

Who gets married

to expand an empire?

00:02:22,251 --> 00:02:23,687

Ty: I do, and it's genius.

00:02:23,787 --> 00:02:25,859

Shlub: It's an arrangement that

combines sex and

00:02:25,959 --> 00:02:27,461

whatever it is Ty's trying

00:02:27,562 --> 00:02:29,766

to do in the world.

That's genius to me.

00:02:29,866 --> 00:02:32,204

Stupendous: How did you not

talk to me about this first?

00:02:32,304 --> 00:02:34,509

Did you even think about how

being under the thumb of

00:02:34,609 --> 00:02:36,714

some warrior king

would affect my life?

00:02:36,814 --> 00:02:39,285

I'm not manageable!

Ty: Come on, Stupe, lighten up.

00:02:39,418 --> 00:02:41,055

Krapopolis will still

be Krapopolis.

00:02:41,155 --> 00:02:43,026

You know, once our families

are allied,

00:02:43,126 --> 00:02:44,662

I bet we can

get pepper again.

00:02:44,763 --> 00:02:46,332

Shlub: Mmm, spicy!

00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:48,437

Stupendous: Do you even know

who you're marrying?

00:02:48,571 --> 00:02:50,374

Have you thought about that?

Deliria: Oh, Stupendous.

00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:52,612

If she's a dog, we can just

lock her in a tower.

00:02:52,712 --> 00:02:54,382

Ty: A nice tower.

She'll love it.

00:02:54,482 --> 00:02:56,186

Stupendous: You know weddings

are primo locations

00:02:56,286 --> 00:02:57,756

for massacres, right?

Like, the second

00:02:57,889 --> 00:03:00,561

most dangerous place to be

after a battlefield?

00:03:00,661 --> 00:03:02,699

I could have told you

if you'd consulted me.

00:03:02,866 --> 00:03:05,303

Ty: I'm sure Fatherinlawsus

isn't that kind of guy,

00:03:05,403 --> 00:03:07,407

and that means no massacres

from you, either.

00:03:07,508 --> 00:03:10,280

I'm serious, Stupe.

That's an order.

No massacres!

00:03:10,380 --> 00:03:13,955

Stupendous: An order?

Ugh, this keeps getting worse!

00:03:14,055 --> 00:03:15,424

Deliria:

Does Fatherinlawsus dance?

00:03:15,558 --> 00:03:19,164

Ty: I'm gonna say yes.

Yes to dancing, no to massacres.

00:03:19,264 --> 00:03:21,368

Deliria: Fantastic.

We'll end the whole thing

00:03:21,503 --> 00:03:24,175

with a showstopping

Dance of the Dads.

00:03:24,275 --> 00:03:26,714

That'll get me hot and bothered.

[Shlub chuckles]

00:03:26,847 --> 00:03:28,483

Ty: Just what a son

wants on his wedding day.

00:03:28,617 --> 00:03:30,320

Deliria: This day

has to be perfect.

00:03:30,421 --> 00:03:32,659

You know Hermes will show up

whether we invite him or not.

00:03:32,759 --> 00:03:35,030

He's the god of critiquing

seating arrangements,

00:03:35,163 --> 00:03:36,533

and he loves a free meal.

00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:39,338

He also may be angry with me

since I ripped out his eyes.

00:03:39,439 --> 00:03:40,942

Ty: Since you did

what-was-it-though?

00:03:41,075 --> 00:03:42,244

Deliria: There!

Now that's a dress

00:03:42,377 --> 00:03:45,084

that will

pull focus from a bride.

00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:46,787

Hippocampus: Sorry about

the bachelor party.

00:03:46,921 --> 00:03:49,893

This was the only strip club

I could find on short notice.

00:03:52,063 --> 00:03:53,700

Some people think this is hot.

00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,905

Shlub: This guy!

00:03:56,005 --> 00:03:57,642

Ty: So, what Stupe

was saying about

00:03:57,742 --> 00:03:59,813

how dangerous weddings are--

she was just

00:03:59,913 --> 00:04:01,081

trying to scare me, right?

00:04:01,215 --> 00:04:02,318

Hippocampus:

Are you kidding? We've got

00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:03,954

the Bootios Bloodbath,

00:04:04,054 --> 00:04:05,858

the Sacking of the Terziade,

00:04:05,958 --> 00:04:07,894

the Dark Lemming Murders,

00:04:07,895 --> 00:04:09,365

the Fall of the Eel King,

00:04:09,465 --> 00:04:12,772

The-The Flaming Eagle

of Lord Philmox,

00:04:12,906 --> 00:04:16,512

The Dark King's Demise

in Calfothorag,

00:04:16,513 --> 00:04:21,623

The Cauldron Feint, the-the-the

immolation of Emperor Tong!

00:04:21,723 --> 00:04:24,028

Ty: Those were all weddings?

I thought they were wars.

00:04:24,128 --> 00:04:26,634

Shlub: The Dance of the Dads

is weighing heavily upon me.

00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,871

I'm going to ask that fish

for some pointers.

00:04:28,971 --> 00:04:30,675

Ty: So, you're not worried

about a massacre?

00:04:30,775 --> 00:04:33,013

Shlub: Why would I be?

I'm never the target.

00:04:33,113 --> 00:04:34,616

I'm too beloved.

00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:37,121

Fatherinlawsus:

General Stupendous.

00:04:37,254 --> 00:04:39,058

I thought I'd find you here.

You seem upset.

00:04:39,158 --> 00:04:41,262

Stupendous: Well, yeah.

My dumb brother thinks he can do

00:04:41,362 --> 00:04:43,366

whatever he wants on a whim

with the city

00:04:43,499 --> 00:04:45,437

I've devoted

my life to defending.

00:04:45,538 --> 00:04:48,710

I could be out there splitting

your guys' skulls in half,

00:04:48,711 --> 00:04:50,814

and instead I'm

trying on dresses

00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:53,086

and being told things

about pepper.

00:04:53,186 --> 00:04:55,323

So, yeah, I'm a little upset.

00:04:55,456 --> 00:04:56,794

Fatherinlawsus:

I don't blame you.

In my heyday,

00:04:56,894 --> 00:04:58,830

I would have hated to be

denied a good fight.

00:04:58,964 --> 00:05:00,868

I bet you think

I'm some old fuddy-duddy

00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,705

who can't swing a sword anymore,

so, I just

00:05:02,806 --> 00:05:04,976

marry off my daughters

for territory.

00:05:05,110 --> 00:05:06,446

Stupendous: Well, yeah, kinda.

00:05:06,547 --> 00:05:08,417

Fatherinlawsus:

And you're right.

I'm ready to

00:05:08,518 --> 00:05:10,721

retire from warfare,

but I know you're not,

00:05:10,821 --> 00:05:13,828

and I need someone like you

to lead my armies.

00:05:13,928 --> 00:05:15,297

Stupendous: You do?

Fatherinlawsus: Tell me.

00:05:15,430 --> 00:05:17,168

Have you

ever commanded an army of

00:05:17,268 --> 00:05:19,304

5,000 pre-castrated soldiers?

00:05:19,438 --> 00:05:20,908

Stupendous: "Pre-castrated"?

Like you still

00:05:20,909 --> 00:05:23,179

gotta castrate 'em or...

Fatherinlawsus: No, no, no.

00:05:23,312 --> 00:05:24,950

Pre-castrated.

It's already taken care of.

00:05:25,050 --> 00:05:27,254

Stupendous: Wow.

To answer your question, no,

00:05:27,354 --> 00:05:28,758

but I've always wanted to.

00:05:28,858 --> 00:05:30,260

Fatherinlawsus:

They're very obedient.

00:05:30,394 --> 00:05:31,530

Totally hairless.

00:05:31,630 --> 00:05:33,633

Stupendous: I bet

they're gorgeous singers.

00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:36,439

Fatherinlawsus: Their falsettos

could crack marble.

00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:38,342

Here. This is for you.

00:05:41,282 --> 00:05:43,153

Ty: I should get out

of this wedding. right?

00:05:43,253 --> 00:05:44,889

Hippocampus: Let's just say

if you go through with it,

00:05:45,023 --> 00:05:47,094

I'm planning on having

a stomach bug that day.

00:05:47,194 --> 00:05:50,065

Ty: But there's also a chance

that there won't

be a massacre, right?

00:05:50,066 --> 00:05:52,404

What's that thing you were

telling me you just invented?

00:05:52,572 --> 00:05:55,611

The thing where you can

guess how likely it is

that something will happen.

00:05:55,778 --> 00:05:58,383

Hippocampus: You mean odds?

Ty: Yeah. What are the odds

00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,820

that I get murdered

at my wedding?

00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:01,322

Hippocampus: Dude,

there's no way of knowing

00:06:01,422 --> 00:06:02,857

unless you have 1,000 weddings.

00:06:02,858 --> 00:06:05,363

Ty: Oh, if only there was

a way to go through with this

00:06:05,497 --> 00:06:07,502

and not go through with it

at the same time.

00:06:07,602 --> 00:06:09,038

[Hippocampus gasps] Holy moly.

00:06:09,138 --> 00:06:10,575

Look, do you see that guy?

00:06:10,675 --> 00:06:12,545

Ty: That wretched baker.

What about him?

00:06:12,645 --> 00:06:14,516

Hippocampus: He looks

exactly like you.

00:06:14,649 --> 00:06:16,553

Ty: What? No, he doesn't.

He's wearing an apron.

00:06:16,653 --> 00:06:19,058

Hippocampus: His face, Ty.

[Baker grunting]

00:06:19,158 --> 00:06:21,062

Ty: You're right.

Hippocampus: You can get

that guy

00:06:21,195 --> 00:06:23,266

to go to the wedding

in your place.

00:06:23,366 --> 00:06:24,836

Ty: So, if there's a massacre,

00:06:24,969 --> 00:06:27,441

he gets a sword

through his guts, not me.

00:06:27,542 --> 00:06:29,211

And if there isn't,

we just switch back.

00:06:29,311 --> 00:06:31,850

Either way, Krapopolis keeps

her king, and I'm a genius.

00:06:31,950 --> 00:06:34,488

Hippocampus: Or you're a guy who

got a good idea from a genius.

00:06:34,589 --> 00:06:36,358

Ty: That's its own

kind of intelligence.

00:06:36,458 --> 00:06:38,028

Hey, you! Mr. Bread Guy!

00:06:38,029 --> 00:06:40,367

Baker: Please. Mr. Bread Guy

was my father.

00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:44,108

I just inherited his debt.

You can call me Cyrus.

00:06:44,208 --> 00:06:46,779

Whoa! King Tyrannis?

Well, I'll be!

00:06:46,780 --> 00:06:48,651

Ty: Actually, that's

sort of the idea.

00:06:48,751 --> 00:06:51,089

How would you like to be me?

Pretend to be.

00:06:51,189 --> 00:06:52,490

I mean, just through my wedding.

00:06:52,591 --> 00:06:54,061

I've learned that royal weddings

can be dangerous.

00:06:54,195 --> 00:06:56,632

Hippocampus: We're talking

notoriously massacre-prone.

00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:58,436

Cyrus: Eh, that doesn't

worry me.

00:06:58,537 --> 00:06:59,740

Honestly, in some ways,

00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:02,077

death would come as a relief.

00:07:02,210 --> 00:07:03,847

Will there be a buffet?

00:07:07,487 --> 00:07:09,759

Deliria: No, no, no!

The bride's brining tank

00:07:09,892 --> 00:07:11,863

should be in the corner,

and there should be enough space

00:07:11,963 --> 00:07:15,003

for her handmaidens to

stand around and get bad updos.

00:07:15,137 --> 00:07:18,944

This altar is too plain and it

needs a gutter for blood.

00:07:19,044 --> 00:07:20,648

If I'm going to bless the couple

with fertility,

00:07:20,748 --> 00:07:22,552

I'm going to need

a lot of goats.

00:07:22,685 --> 00:07:24,188

And can somebody clear

the area in front?

00:07:24,288 --> 00:07:26,627

That's not enough space

for the Dance of the Dads!

00:07:26,727 --> 00:07:28,697

Stupendous, what on earth

are you wearing?

00:07:28,797 --> 00:07:29,999

Is this some kind of prank?

00:07:30,099 --> 00:07:31,737

You're not allowed

to ruin this wedding.

00:07:31,837 --> 00:07:34,208

Hermes is going to be here,

and that messy bitch

00:07:34,308 --> 00:07:36,078

talks, and holds a grudge.

00:07:36,212 --> 00:07:39,151

Stupendous: It's a gift

from Fatherinlawsus.

He says it commands respect.

00:07:39,285 --> 00:07:42,692

Deliria: Oh, if you say so.

Now, don't forget

that the sister of the groom

00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:44,730

ties up her brother

before the ceremony.

00:07:44,863 --> 00:07:46,497

Stupendous: Why do I

do that again?

00:07:46,498 --> 00:07:48,203

Deliria: Well, I could

come up with some symbolism,

00:07:48,336 --> 00:07:49,839

but really, I just think

it's funny.

00:07:50,006 --> 00:07:52,277

You tie him up

and then, when it's time,

00:07:52,377 --> 00:07:54,481

you toss him

into the consummation tent.

00:07:54,583 --> 00:07:56,150

And those knots

had better be tight.

00:07:56,151 --> 00:07:59,023

Shlub: I come to you sheepishly.

Deliria: What? You usually

00:07:59,024 --> 00:08:00,895

come to me wolfishly.

What's wrong?

00:08:00,995 --> 00:08:03,433

Shlub:

It's the Dance of the Dads.

I'm wondering

00:08:03,534 --> 00:08:05,002

how important that is to you.

00:08:05,103 --> 00:08:08,109

Deliria: It's the final offering

before I grant my blessing.

00:08:08,209 --> 00:08:11,382

You know I love a show, and you

know I love dads dancing.

00:08:11,517 --> 00:08:13,353

Why would you ask

how important it is?

00:08:13,521 --> 00:08:15,123

Shlub: I just wanted

to make sure I knew you

00:08:15,223 --> 00:08:16,425

as well as I thought I did,

00:08:16,526 --> 00:08:18,062

though I have heard

a crazy thing

00:08:18,196 --> 00:08:20,233

that at some weddings,

there's a dance between

00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,103

the mother of the groom

and the groom.

00:08:22,204 --> 00:08:24,408

Deliria: What? This wedding

is about pleasing me, remember.

00:08:24,509 --> 00:08:28,249

How would dancing with

my son do that?

Where is he, anyway?

00:08:28,349 --> 00:08:30,755

Ty: OK, first things first.

Do you know what this is?

00:08:30,922 --> 00:08:35,430

Cyrus: A lice pick. Thanks!

I've got lice, like, everywhere.

00:08:35,531 --> 00:08:37,166

Ty: Why don't we

work on your accent?

00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:41,643

"Fatherinlawsus, it is a great

honor to join your family."

00:08:41,777 --> 00:08:44,315

Hippocampus: That's not what

you sound like. [Whispers]

00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,919

Cyrus [Ty's accent]:

I fart all the time

and blame Servant No Name,

00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:48,757

but everyone knows it's me.

Hippocampus: Wow.

00:08:48,857 --> 00:08:51,329

Ty: First of all, everyone does

that with Servant No Name,

00:08:51,429 --> 00:08:52,965

but I agree.

That was incredible!

00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,704

Cyrus: All right, get me

in that toga!

00:08:59,846 --> 00:09:02,451

Ty: Well, fellas, I'm off

to goof around at the bakery.

00:09:02,552 --> 00:09:04,455

I'll be seeing you both later.

And remember,

00:09:04,556 --> 00:09:06,492

no funny business

in the consummation tent.

00:09:06,593 --> 00:09:08,598

I'll be back before the bell.

00:09:08,698 --> 00:09:10,768

Cyrus: Oh, no.

I never showed him how to be

00:09:10,868 --> 00:09:13,005

an indentured bread baker!

00:09:13,740 --> 00:09:15,711

Ty: Excuse me.

Is this the bakery?

00:09:15,811 --> 00:09:17,212

Bakery Boss: What the hell

is wrong with you, Cyrus?

00:09:17,213 --> 00:09:19,553

You're not gonna

pay off your debts with jokes.

00:09:19,686 --> 00:09:22,357

Get to work

or get to be in debt.

00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,973

Ty: Hello--[Clears throat]

Oh. Sorry I'm late.

00:09:30,073 --> 00:09:32,444

Woman: No crust off my bread.

But if you don't get busy,

00:09:32,578 --> 00:09:34,515

they'll throw you in the fire

and feed your

00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:36,084

charred bones to the goats.

00:09:36,218 --> 00:09:39,324

"Yer worth more to me that way."

Ha ha ha!

00:09:39,457 --> 00:09:43,466

[Ty laughs]

Man: No, no! Aah!

00:09:44,068 --> 00:09:46,639

Cyrus: Hey, brother. Wink, wink.

Hippocampus: Hello, Ty.

00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:47,775

No wink.

Just Ty.

00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:49,410

Cyrus: What are

you up to, Hippo?

00:09:49,411 --> 00:09:52,284

Hippocampus:

Making a duplicate me.

A Hip replacement

00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:55,390

Cyrus: So you don't have to go

to Ty--I mean, my wedding.

00:09:55,490 --> 00:09:58,162

Hippocampus: Yes.

Cyrus: Right on.

So, it was the craziest thing.

00:09:58,262 --> 00:09:59,932

Jonathan here--

Hippocampus: Servant No Name's

00:10:00,032 --> 00:10:01,636

name is Jonathan?

Cyrus: Uh-huh.

00:10:01,736 --> 00:10:03,808

So, he was feeding me figs,

which, wow,

00:10:03,908 --> 00:10:06,546

what an experience, and anyway,

we got to talking,

00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:08,583

and I thought,

Jonathan is interesting.

00:10:08,717 --> 00:10:10,185

He's been on a boat, you know.

00:10:10,186 --> 00:10:11,322

Jonathan: I fled a famine.

00:10:11,455 --> 00:10:12,825

I was a doctor in my city.

00:10:12,925 --> 00:10:14,861

Cyrus: And, Hippo, you're

a really smart fish guy.

00:10:14,862 --> 00:10:16,933

You're, like, the most

impressive guy I know.

00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,871

Hippocampus: Um, thank you.

Cyrus: Anyway, so, yeah,

00:10:18,971 --> 00:10:20,774

he's a doctor,

he's been on a boat,

00:10:20,775 --> 00:10:22,143

and I thought you'd hit it off.

00:10:22,277 --> 00:10:23,813

Hippocampus: You're being

so nice, Ty.

00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:27,654

So nice and so,

so out of character.

00:10:27,655 --> 00:10:29,726

Jonathan: He's nice, huh?

I never knew it!

00:10:29,826 --> 00:10:32,530

I guess getting married

can change a guy.

00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:34,034

Shlub: Children!

Come here, please!

00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,706

Cyrus: I think that's our dad.

He's very fun.

00:10:36,806 --> 00:10:38,777

Coming, Dad!

Hippocampus: Ugh. OK.

00:10:38,911 --> 00:10:41,850

I'm gonna test this out.

Hippo 2, you ready?

00:10:45,824 --> 00:10:47,796

Deliria: Put those over there.

00:10:47,896 --> 00:10:49,364

Fatherinlawsus: Knock, knock.

00:10:49,498 --> 00:10:51,302

We all clear?

I got my daughter here.

00:10:51,402 --> 00:10:53,039

Deliria: Wait!

00:10:53,139 --> 00:10:54,742

Oh, sorry.

I thought Ty was in the room,

00:10:54,842 --> 00:10:56,513

but it was just this plant.

00:10:56,647 --> 00:10:58,684

[Laughs]

00:10:58,784 --> 00:10:59,886

Bring her in.

00:10:59,986 --> 00:11:03,025

Ah, there's my future

daughter-in-law.

00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:04,796

Stupendous: I thought everyone

was supposed to, like,

00:11:04,896 --> 00:11:06,900

stand up and make a big deal

about the bride.

00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,337

Deliria: On my big day?

I don't think so.

00:11:09,437 --> 00:11:11,341

Fatherinlawsus: Now, that suit

fits your status.

00:11:11,441 --> 00:11:14,782

Stupendous: It does, right?

You're really good

at guessing sizes.

00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:16,285

Fatherinlawsus: What do you say

before the wedding,

00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:17,353

you and me go check out

00:11:17,453 --> 00:11:18,790

some pre-castrated soldiers?

00:11:18,957 --> 00:11:21,261

Deliria: Meaning they're

slated for castration?

00:11:21,262 --> 00:11:24,167

Fatherinlawsus: Common mistake.

No. Pre-castrated,

00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:25,604

like ready-castrated.

00:11:25,704 --> 00:11:27,641

No disassembly required.

00:11:27,775 --> 00:11:30,446

Deliria: Oh, of course.

Good deal.

00:11:32,050 --> 00:11:34,421

Shlub: Sons, tell me,

how am I doing?

00:11:36,291 --> 00:11:38,295

[Hippo 2 gasps]

Cyrus: I think you're

doing a great job.

00:11:38,429 --> 00:11:40,200

Hippo 2: Yes, fah-der.

Shlub: Thanks, boys,

00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:42,837

but I know I'm not.

Your mother cares a lot about

00:11:42,838 --> 00:11:44,809

the Dance of the Dads,

and I didn't have the heart

00:11:44,909 --> 00:11:46,946

to tell her I have

3 left feet.

00:11:47,046 --> 00:11:49,619

Hippo, can you make me

one of those contraptions

00:11:49,719 --> 00:11:51,990

that keeps time?

Hippo 2: Gargle gargle.

00:11:52,123 --> 00:11:54,628

Cyrus: Maybe I can help you.

Shlub: There's no way.

00:11:54,629 --> 00:11:56,733

Cyrus: Just relax

and feel the music.

00:11:56,833 --> 00:11:58,737

Shlub: Oh, since when

can you dance?

00:11:58,837 --> 00:12:01,242

I'm seeing a whole new side

of you.

00:12:01,342 --> 00:12:03,379

Hippo, look at Ty and me.

00:12:04,816 --> 00:12:06,217

Hippocampus: He seriously

thinks that's me?

00:12:06,218 --> 00:12:09,057

Has my dad never

looked at me before?

00:12:10,126 --> 00:12:11,863

Ty: This is actually

so simple and beautiful.

00:12:11,963 --> 00:12:15,269

Grain and water brought together

with my powerful hands.

00:12:15,369 --> 00:12:17,942

Forged in fire. Bread!

00:12:18,877 --> 00:12:20,313

[Woman giggles]

Ty: Ha ha!

00:12:20,413 --> 00:12:22,785

Woman: No, stop!

[Both laugh]

00:12:22,885 --> 00:12:26,125

Man: What are you doing?

Man 2: You are wasting dough.

00:12:26,292 --> 00:12:28,495

Man 3: Please, please,

please stop that.

I have kids.

00:12:28,630 --> 00:12:30,534

Man 4: You're gonna

get us all killed.

00:12:30,634 --> 00:12:32,905

Man 5: That's yeast!

Ty: Ha ha ha!

00:12:33,005 --> 00:12:34,810

Woman: This is fun,

but it's escalating

00:12:34,910 --> 00:12:37,014

in a way that I don't know

how to deal with.

00:12:37,180 --> 00:12:40,253

Ty: Uhh!

OK, OK, I'll stop.

00:12:40,353 --> 00:12:42,090

It's weird.

It never occurred to me

00:12:42,190 --> 00:12:45,296

that a lowly commoner--like me--

could have feelings.

00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:49,270

Woman: Do our lives--I mean,

our baker lives--do they matter?

00:12:49,404 --> 00:12:50,708

Ty: Well, the old me

would have thought

00:12:50,841 --> 00:12:52,611

you were a common

kitchen wench.

00:12:52,745 --> 00:12:54,147

But you're like a real person.

00:12:54,281 --> 00:12:56,953

Woman: And the old me would have

thought you were brain dead.

00:12:57,053 --> 00:12:59,625

Ty: Really makes you think,

doesn't it?

00:12:59,726 --> 00:13:00,828

Uhh!

Woman: Ah!

00:13:00,928 --> 00:13:01,962

Stupendous:

Wow, you weren't kidding.

00:13:01,963 --> 00:13:03,199

There's not a hair on 'em.

00:13:03,299 --> 00:13:04,669

Fatherinlawsus: I thought

I'd bring 'em

00:13:04,769 --> 00:13:06,005

as a wedding present.

For you.

00:13:06,105 --> 00:13:07,808

Stupendous: You really don't

want 'em anymore?

00:13:07,908 --> 00:13:10,446

Fatherinlawsus: The truth is,

I'm just an old softie.

00:13:10,547 --> 00:13:13,620

I want to focus on my family.

I want grandchildren.

00:13:13,721 --> 00:13:15,958

Grandchildren

and an enormous empire.

00:13:16,058 --> 00:13:17,562

That's what it's

all about, right?

00:13:17,662 --> 00:13:19,665

I'll be a general to the kids.

00:13:19,765 --> 00:13:22,270

General Granddad.

That's me: Papa.

00:13:22,370 --> 00:13:24,407

Stupendous: And where does

that leave Ty?

00:13:24,509 --> 00:13:27,147

Fatherinlawsus: Well, once I

have the grandkids, we'll just

00:13:27,247 --> 00:13:29,485

send him off on our next

military campaign,

00:13:29,586 --> 00:13:31,021

one where we know

he's gonna die.

00:13:31,121 --> 00:13:32,658

I say "we" but, of course,

00:13:32,792 --> 00:13:34,361

I'd leave that decision

up to you.

00:13:34,461 --> 00:13:37,233

I think Persia could be fun.

He'll love the kebabs.

00:13:37,333 --> 00:13:39,673

They're slightly different

from how they are here,

00:13:39,773 --> 00:13:41,909

but again, totally up to you.

00:13:44,415 --> 00:13:45,985

Bakery Boss: Well,

this wouldn't kill a hog.

00:13:46,085 --> 00:13:47,788

That's one loaf

off your death sentence.

00:13:47,889 --> 00:13:49,692

Ty: Aah! I just

realized something,

00:13:49,792 --> 00:13:52,798

and when I realize something,

I need to act on it right away.

00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:54,903

Ana, will you get out

of here with me?

00:13:55,003 --> 00:13:57,440

Ana: Hey, boss, we're leaving,

and if you don't like it,

00:13:57,441 --> 00:13:59,812

you can throw more peasants

into the fire.

00:13:59,912 --> 00:14:03,085

[Blows raspberry]

Man: Why would you say that?

00:14:06,994 --> 00:14:09,732

Hermes: Well, well, well.

00:14:09,832 --> 00:14:11,937

Deliria: Hermes, darling,

00:14:12,037 --> 00:14:13,973

look at the spectacle

they're putting on for me.

00:14:13,974 --> 00:14:17,414

Hermes: Seems promising.

The blood gutter on your altar

is positively teeming.

00:14:17,548 --> 00:14:19,618

Deliria: Oh, you'll have to tell

everyone back on Mount Olympus.

00:14:19,719 --> 00:14:22,859

Not that I care about them.

I have enough attention here.

00:14:22,959 --> 00:14:24,328

Hermes: I'm gonna get a drink

and talk trash

00:14:24,461 --> 00:14:26,633

with some old spinsters.

It'll really make their day.

00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:28,937

Deliria: Oh, they're seated

in a pen by the meat.

00:14:29,037 --> 00:14:32,043

Hermes: Now, that is an inspired

seating arrangement.

00:14:32,143 --> 00:14:35,316

Not bad, Deliria.

Not bad. Super speed!

00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:37,721

Deliria: Good. Seems to have

forgotten the eye.

00:14:37,855 --> 00:14:39,490

Stupendous, what are you doing?

00:14:39,491 --> 00:14:41,460

Your brother should be

all tied up by now.

00:14:41,461 --> 00:14:44,067

Bride: Can we move this along,

please? I'm pruning.

00:14:44,167 --> 00:14:47,073

Fatherinlawsus: Soon she'll be

your problem, Ty.

00:14:47,173 --> 00:14:49,512

The most ungrateful

daughter ever.

00:14:49,612 --> 00:14:51,014

[Ty panting]

00:14:51,115 --> 00:14:52,919

Hippo, I need you

to get Stupe for me.

00:14:53,052 --> 00:14:54,188

I need to talk to her.

00:14:54,288 --> 00:14:56,759

Hippo 2: Stupe! Stupe! Stupe!

00:14:56,893 --> 00:14:58,061

Ana: What are we doing

in the palace?

00:14:58,162 --> 00:14:59,497

Ty: You aren't gonna

believe this, but

00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:00,735

I'm King Tyrannis.

00:15:00,835 --> 00:15:03,405

Hippo 2: Stupe, Stupe, Stupe!

00:15:03,540 --> 00:15:06,278

Stupendous: Is a weird

not-Hippo Hippo

shouting my name?

00:15:06,445 --> 00:15:08,148

Hippocampus: Thank you.

Stupendous: What the--

00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:09,619

Cyrus: Oof!

Stupendous: OK,

00:15:09,719 --> 00:15:10,888

who did I just drop?

00:15:10,988 --> 00:15:12,357

Ty: That's Cyrus, the baker

I switched with.

00:15:12,457 --> 00:15:14,295

Cyrus: Hello!

Been having a great time!

00:15:14,395 --> 00:15:15,898

Ana: What is going on?

Ty: We did a switch.

00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,167

Now, Stupe, I know

you wanted to do

00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:18,570

a massacre on Fatherinlawsus,

00:15:18,703 --> 00:15:20,707

and I ordered you not to,

but I've changed my mind.

00:15:20,807 --> 00:15:22,344

Follow your bliss.

Massacre him

00:15:22,477 --> 00:15:24,081

and his whole family

and do it now.

00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:25,684

I've found a regular woman

to marry.

00:15:25,785 --> 00:15:27,655

Stupendous and Ana: What?

Ana: Dad!

00:15:27,755 --> 00:15:28,958

Ty: Dad?

What do you mean, "Dad"?

00:15:29,091 --> 00:15:30,995

Ana: I did a switch, too!

00:15:31,095 --> 00:15:33,098

Ty: Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no,

oh, no, oh, no!

00:15:33,198 --> 00:15:35,336

Cyrus: A little help, please!

I know I'm not officially

00:15:35,436 --> 00:15:38,142

part of the family, but

at this point, I've invested.

00:15:42,350 --> 00:15:43,886

Ana: Dad!

Fatherinlawsus: Ana!

00:15:43,887 --> 00:15:46,191

Why aren't you plump and juicy

and sopping wet?

00:15:46,325 --> 00:15:48,797

Bride: Because I am!

Can someone get me

00:15:48,897 --> 00:15:49,966

out of here now, please?

00:15:50,066 --> 00:15:51,468

Fatherinlawsus:

Oh, don't tell me.

00:15:51,602 --> 00:15:52,837

You did a switch again.

00:15:52,838 --> 00:15:55,210

Is that your

identical cousin Sarah in there?

00:15:55,343 --> 00:15:57,380

That's just great.

You'll never be

00:15:57,515 --> 00:15:59,251

someone else's problem

at this rate.

00:15:59,351 --> 00:16:01,656

Ana: They want to do a massacre!

[People gasp]

00:16:01,756 --> 00:16:03,626

Hermes: I'm here for this.

00:16:03,726 --> 00:16:06,132

Don't worry, spinsters.

Nobody's coming for you.

00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:08,637

Ty: Fatherinlawsus is your dad?

Ana: Yes. And you just

00:16:08,737 --> 00:16:11,008

told your sister to murder him

and my whole family.

00:16:11,108 --> 00:16:13,713

Deliria: Why is anyone

listening to a baker?

00:16:13,814 --> 00:16:15,316

I demand an offering

of bread so I can

00:16:15,416 --> 00:16:17,988

have a base for my stomach

for the rest of the night.

00:16:18,122 --> 00:16:20,059

Now, everybody,

back to your seats.

00:16:20,159 --> 00:16:21,862

Ty: Mom, it's me!

I'm Tyrannis!

00:16:21,996 --> 00:16:23,967

Deliria: But you're wearing

an apron.

00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:26,137

Cyrus: Hello, everyone.

I'm Cyrus, just a baker.

00:16:26,238 --> 00:16:29,177

Not important enough to kill.

Just putting that out there.

00:16:29,277 --> 00:16:30,581

Ty: Please, Fatherinlawsus,

this is all

00:16:30,714 --> 00:16:31,850

just a big misunderstanding.

00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:33,452

I'm in love

with your daughter.

00:16:33,553 --> 00:16:35,558

Fatherinlawsus: Is it true

about the massacre, Stupendous?

00:16:35,691 --> 00:16:38,128

Stupendous: Ty told me to do it,

but I don't want to.

00:16:38,228 --> 00:16:39,766

Ana: Where did you

find this family?

00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:41,302

Did you do

any research

00:16:41,402 --> 00:16:42,805

before you promised me to them?

00:16:42,905 --> 00:16:44,575

Ty: I ordered her

not to do it once.

00:16:44,675 --> 00:16:46,011

Can't we focus on that part?

00:16:46,144 --> 00:16:47,615

Look, I'll order her

not to do it again.

00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:50,220

Stupe, don't kill them.

Deliria: Oh. I'm confused.

00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:51,590

One of them is Tyrannis, yes?

00:16:51,690 --> 00:16:55,029

Shlub: One thing's for certain.

That's our Hippo.

00:16:55,129 --> 00:16:56,464

Hippo 2: Aah!

00:16:57,300 --> 00:16:58,469

Ty: Ana, you have

to believe me.

00:16:58,570 --> 00:17:00,039

I never would have

told my sister

00:17:00,172 --> 00:17:01,876

to kill your family if I

knew you were you.

00:17:01,976 --> 00:17:03,814

In fact, it's really

out of character

00:17:03,914 --> 00:17:05,249

that I supported

a massacre at all.

00:17:05,349 --> 00:17:07,755

I just did it because

I want to be with you.

00:17:07,855 --> 00:17:10,794

Ana: I do get that, but--

Ty: Everybody,

please listen up.

00:17:10,894 --> 00:17:12,731

Today, I met

the most amazing woman.

00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:15,604

I didn't know she was her,

and she didn't know I was me,

00:17:15,704 --> 00:17:16,905

but somehow, it just worked.

00:17:16,906 --> 00:17:18,475

Ana: Heh, heh.

Come on, Ty, quit it.

00:17:18,576 --> 00:17:20,747

Ty: No, I won't quit it.

Because you don't quit love.

00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,016

And you don't quit weddings

00:17:22,150 --> 00:17:23,653

and you don't quit

consummation tents.

00:17:23,753 --> 00:17:26,158

We have it in us to fix

everything about today.

00:17:26,258 --> 00:17:28,495

I felt something when I was

hurling buns with you,

00:17:28,596 --> 00:17:30,466

and it's a feeling

I never want to lose.

00:17:30,567 --> 00:17:32,403

Ana: Ty! I think you got

the wrong idea.

00:17:32,504 --> 00:17:35,308

I have fun throwing flour around

with everybody.

00:17:35,309 --> 00:17:38,382

That wasn't sexual for me.

And it's kind of weird

00:17:38,482 --> 00:17:40,218

that you interpreted it

that way.

00:17:40,219 --> 00:17:41,790

Ty: So, you don't want

to marry me?

00:17:41,957 --> 00:17:43,226

Ana: I don't want

to marry any man.

00:17:43,326 --> 00:17:46,431

I'm super gay.

That's why I keep switching.

00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:49,003

And if my father

would listen to me,

00:17:49,103 --> 00:17:50,372

we could stop this charade.

00:17:50,507 --> 00:17:53,412

Fatherinlawsus: Hmm? Huh?

Did you hear something?

00:17:54,314 --> 00:17:55,683

Ty: Well, that was a bust.

00:17:55,684 --> 00:17:57,320

Stupendous: Do you know what

I'm looking at right now?

00:17:57,487 --> 00:18:00,193

Ty: A bunch of

hairless freaks?

00:18:00,326 --> 00:18:02,830

Stupendous: They were gonna be

my hairless freaks.

00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:04,802

Fatherinlawsus

promised them to me.

00:18:04,936 --> 00:18:07,373

5,000 pre-castrated soldiers.

00:18:07,473 --> 00:18:09,611

Ty: Wow. Well, that's one

silver lining.

00:18:09,712 --> 00:18:12,818

At least now you don't have to

castrate all those guys, right?

00:18:12,952 --> 00:18:15,523

Stupendous: No, it's--

ah, whatever.

00:18:17,127 --> 00:18:18,328

Ty: Why are you mad at me?

00:18:18,329 --> 00:18:20,133

Stupendous: I'm just

feeling really shut out.

00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,235

I mean, you want

to find other ways

00:18:22,236 --> 00:18:24,307

than war for Krapopolis

to expand.

00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:25,877

Where does that leave me?

00:18:25,978 --> 00:18:28,416

Ty: I want to find all of the

ways for Krapopolis to grow.

00:18:28,517 --> 00:18:30,252

I've even been thinking of

slogans like

00:18:30,352 --> 00:18:32,223

"The Stone City With Sass."

00:18:32,323 --> 00:18:34,728

Stupendous: So, I'm just

supposed to go along with

00:18:34,862 --> 00:18:35,997

everything you say?

00:18:36,097 --> 00:18:38,737

Fatherinlawsus valued

my opinions.

00:18:38,870 --> 00:18:40,206

We were making plans.

00:18:40,306 --> 00:18:42,512

We were talking about

conquering Persia.

00:18:42,612 --> 00:18:45,316

You never talk to me

about conquering Persia.

00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:47,520

Fatherinlawsus: Ah, you're

telling him about Persia.

00:18:47,521 --> 00:18:49,524

Look, Ty,

I'm sorry about my daughter,

00:18:49,525 --> 00:18:51,763

but the good news is

we're not gonna have to

00:18:51,863 --> 00:18:53,332

send you to your death anymore.

00:18:53,432 --> 00:18:55,002

Ty: Wait, what?

Stupendous: It's nothing!

00:18:55,136 --> 00:18:57,406

Ty: Cyrus, did my sister

ever mention to you

00:18:57,407 --> 00:18:59,378

that she and Fatherinlawsus

were going to

00:18:59,478 --> 00:19:01,081

send me to die at some point?

00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,018

Cyrus: No, but to be fair,

00:19:03,118 --> 00:19:04,522

we didn't spend that much

time together.

00:19:04,622 --> 00:19:06,324

Ty: Really?

How long did it take you

00:19:06,424 --> 00:19:08,028

to get rigged up like this?

00:19:08,128 --> 00:19:09,698

Cyrus: Um...

Ty: I thought so.

00:19:09,832 --> 00:19:11,368

Stupendous: It really wasn't

that big of a deal.

00:19:11,468 --> 00:19:13,707

It would be years away.

I wouldn't do it.

00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,478

He really only cares about

being a grandfather.

00:19:16,579 --> 00:19:18,215

Cyrus: What's a grandfather?

00:19:18,315 --> 00:19:19,886

I don't think we have them

in the slums.

00:19:19,986 --> 00:19:21,756

Stupendous: It's an old man

who's obsessed with

00:19:21,856 --> 00:19:23,292

seeing his nose on a baby.

00:19:23,425 --> 00:19:26,431

Hermes: That was the

best wedding I've ever been to.

00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:28,669

Deliria: You mean "best"

in a bad way.

00:19:28,769 --> 00:19:30,674

Hermes: But that's still good.

Think of it this way.

00:19:30,774 --> 00:19:33,478

You could be the goddess of

messy events:

00:19:33,479 --> 00:19:35,550

weddings gone awry,

girls' weekends

00:19:35,650 --> 00:19:37,353

where the goal is

to reset the dynamic,

00:19:37,453 --> 00:19:39,090

revenge that you never

know when it's gonna come

00:19:39,190 --> 00:19:40,527

for plucking out

somebody's eye,

00:19:40,627 --> 00:19:42,631

road trips where one person

is a secret planner.

00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:45,771

Anyway, invite me to

your next party.

Buh-bye. Super speed!

00:19:45,871 --> 00:19:48,007

Deliria: He's going to

tell everyone

what a disaster this was.

00:19:48,008 --> 00:19:51,180

Shlub: Oh, Deliria, this doesn't

have to be a disaster.

00:19:51,181 --> 00:19:52,585

Deliria: Really? How?

00:19:52,685 --> 00:19:54,955

Shlub: I talked to

Fatherinlawsus and he agreed.

00:19:55,089 --> 00:19:56,425

[Deliria gasps]

The Dance of the Dads.

00:19:56,559 --> 00:20:00,867

Oh, Shlub! [Laughs]

Shlub: Fatherinlawsus, shall we?

00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,372

Fatherinlawsus: Why not?

Might as well have a little fun.

00:20:03,472 --> 00:20:06,612

Ha ha ha ha! You're very light

on your feet.

00:20:06,613 --> 00:20:08,048

Shlub: Thank you.

The stranger

00:20:08,148 --> 00:20:09,719

who I thought was my son

taught me.

00:20:09,819 --> 00:20:12,223

Tell me, is there

a Mrs. Fatherinlawsus?

00:20:12,356 --> 00:20:14,194

Fatherinlawsus: Oh, no.

She died in childbirth,

00:20:14,294 --> 00:20:15,631

giving me my

ungrateful daughter.

00:20:15,731 --> 00:20:18,637

[Fatherinlawsus and Shlub laugh]

Shlub: Good.

00:20:18,737 --> 00:20:21,609

Cyrus: I haven't been to a lot

of weddings, and I'm wondering--

00:20:21,743 --> 00:20:24,480

Ty: No, it's not normal.

[Soldiers singing indistinctly]

00:20:27,353 --> 00:20:30,326

Stupendous: I knew it.

They're beautiful singers.

00:20:30,426 --> 00:20:34,301

Cyrus: This is nice.

It's nice with you.

00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:37,006

Can I stay?

[Laughter]

00:20:37,140 --> 00:20:40,345

No, seriously. My boss will

kill me if I try and go back.

00:20:40,847 --> 00:20:41,816

[Stupe laughs]

00:20:47,026 --> 00:20:50,768

Bride: Hello? Is it safe

to come out?

00:20:50,868 --> 00:20:52,036

Is anyone there?

00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:55,577

Hello? Oh, thank God.

00:20:55,677 --> 00:20:58,182

I thought if I was quiet,

I could ride out the massacre,

00:20:58,282 --> 00:20:59,519

but then everyone

forgot me and--

00:20:59,619 --> 00:21:01,689

Man: Shh.

Bride: What? Is it still

going on?

00:21:01,790 --> 00:21:04,695

Can you help me get out?

Is it--[Gasp]

00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:07,200

Oh, my God!

Man: Aah!

00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:11,709

Bride: What the--

[Gasp]

00:21:11,809 --> 00:21:13,177

Oh! Oh, my--

00:21:13,178 --> 00:21:16,519

[Man screaming]

00:21:16,652 --> 00:21:18,623

Bride: Hello?

Hippo 2: Har-lo.

00:21:18,724 --> 00:21:20,527

Bride: Hippocampus!

Please help me.

00:21:20,627 --> 00:21:22,062

I don't know what's going on.

00:21:22,063 --> 00:21:23,900

Hippo 2: I don't know

why I was made,

00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:27,339

but I think I exist for evil.

00:21:29,243 --> 00:21:30,713

Bride: Well, that's just great.

00:21:31,014 --> 00:21:32,584

Man: Did you get any of that?

00:21:34,721 --> 00:21:35,990

Woman: Bento.

[People cheering]