Номера 2

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for coming to this

grand unveiling.

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Miriam: What's grand about it?

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Joshua: I don't see a veil.

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Tyrannis: Well,

there was going to be

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an archway and a curtain,

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and my sister Stupendous

was going to be here.

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A military presence

would have really popped.

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Imagine I'm standing

under a grand arch,

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and there's a full military

guard and all this fanfare,

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and I'm pulling down

a huge curtain to reveal...

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Miriam: Our street?

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Tyrannis: That's what

it is currently,

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but it is the future home of

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Krapopolis' new Grand Boulevard.

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They have one in Corinth.

It's fantastic.

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Joshua: What's a "boulevard"?

Like a fancy cow?

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Brutus: Sounds like

a real snob!

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Tyrannis: A boulevard is

like a street, but bigger,

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with a garden down the center.

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I saw one in Corinth

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and it works like gangbusters.

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Kayleigh: What do

we want with a big street?

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Tyrannis: We can have

parades down it.

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We can march elephants down it.

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Joshua: Fancy elephants?

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Brutus: Oh, they think

they're better than us?!

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Tyrannis: No one's saying

anyone's better than

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anyone else!

This is all going wrong!

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The announcement

was supposed to be impressive.

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There was

gonna be a big military guard

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in ceremonial uniforms.

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Where the hell is Stupe?

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Stupendous: Uhh!

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Gus: This was a great call!

So fun!

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Stupendous: Right?

I mean, every once in a while,

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you gotta pick a fight

that's ridiculously easy.

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Enemy soldier: Why us?

We didn't do anything!

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Stupendous: We're getting

an easy win. What's it to you?

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Enemy soldier: Can you please

just get it already,

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then, if it's so easy?

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You've been

hurting us since morning!

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Stupendous: Aw, crap,

is it not morning anymore?

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Everyone, wrap this up.

We got a thing.

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I ran back here

for a dumb announcement?

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That's why I've been

training a drum corps?

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Tyrannis: You have

something on your shoe.

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Stupendous: All right, everyone.

Apparently,

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this wide street is important.

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Soldiers: Buh-buh-buh-buuuuh!

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Tyrannis: Guess you weren't

able to get those trumpets.

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All right. Anyway,

Scott, release the doves.

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Scott: I couldn't find

any doves. I got badgers!

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[Citizens screaming]

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Stupendous: Ya did good, Scott.

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[Theme music playing]

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♪

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Male singers: ♪ Huh ♪

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♪

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♪ Huh! Huh! ♪

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♪ Huh! Huh! Huh! Whoo! ♪

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Tyrannis: That's what you

were doing when you were

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supposed to be helping me?

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Just raiding an easy city?

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Stupendous: Yeah. It's called

a vanity raid. It's for morale.

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Tyrannis: I needed you

for a ceremony.

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Stupendous: Ty, look at me.

I don't do ceremonies.

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I'm built for one thing

and one thing only:

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ripping guys' heads off

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and shoving their head

down their own throat!

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Shlub: I've seen her do it.

she's the best in the biz.

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Tyrannis: Well,

the biz is changing.

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The biz is now ripping

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the head off civic duties

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and shoving the head

down the throat

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of showing up for ceremonies.

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Stupendous: I gotta say,

you made it sound

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as appealing as possible,

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but I'm just

not cut out for it.

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Tyrannis: You know what?

You're right.

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I can't make you

do that stuff.

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I guess this is how it ends.

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Stupendous:

"Ends" meaning we fight

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to the death, or...

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Tyrannis: No, no,

I'm saying

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we just can't

work together anymore.

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I guess it's time for me

to find a new Number Two.

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Hippocampus: I'm not available.

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Shlub: What is

that rock you're rubbing?

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And is it magic?

And either way, may I rub it?

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Hippocampus:

It's for my girlfriend.

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Deliria: The little wood nymph?

Branchy?

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Hippocampus: Daphne.

Shlub: That's still happening?

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It's been so long

since we heard anything,

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I'd rather assumed

it had petered out.

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Hippocampus:

Well, that's the problem.

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I've been so busy in the lab,

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I haven't been paying her

enough attention.

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But I'm taking her

to this place.

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The Cypress Grove Inn.

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Mineral baths, couples massages,

moonlight dinners on the beach.

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Shlub: I have no idea why they

call it the Cypress Grove Inn

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when clearly it should

be named "Bone Town."

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Deliria: Oh, that's

a much better name.

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I'd say Nymphy is

a very lucky lady.

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Hippocampus: Daphne.

Deliria: I'll call her

what I want!

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Shlub: So you're giving her

a polished rock?

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Well, that's about

the least romantic thing ever.

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Stupendous: Typical

science guy gift.

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Friggin' shiny rock.

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Hippocampus: Fine.

I won't give her the rock!

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Kayleigh: Hey! Dumb rock!

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Tyrannis: Thank you all

for coming.

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Once Scott has completed

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your medical evaluation,

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you can line up here

for the interview phase.

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Scott: I will be examining

your teeth,

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the shape of your head,

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and your stool sample.

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If you do not have

a stool sample, make one.

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If you try to show me

someone else's stool sample,

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I will know.

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If you tell me I'm just

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doing this for

the stool samples,

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that's going to cost you

another stool sample.

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Stupendous: Oh, good.

It hasn't started yet.

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Tyrannis: What are

you doing here?

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Stupendous: Ty,

the leading cause of death

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among kings is the guy

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they hired to help out.

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This is too important

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for you to decide on your own.

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Tyrannis: Thanks for

the vote of confidence.

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Stupendous: This is me

caring about you.

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Tyrannis: Sounds like

you not trusting me.

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Stupendous: Let me spin it

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how I want to spin it!

Who's first?

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Long-haired warrior: It would

be the honor of my life

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to protect the king!

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Stupendous: Dumb hair. Next.

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Satyr bellhop: Welcome to

the Cypress Grove Inn.

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Are you folks here

to save a relationship,

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or are you just starting out?

Hippocampus and Daphne: Save.

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Satyr bellhop: Oh.

Well, you've come to the most

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romantic place on Earth.

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We always say, if you can't

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fix your relationship here,

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you got no business trying.

00:04:56,594 --> 00:04:57,929

Satyr server:

Care for an aphrodisiac?

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Oysters? Chocolate?

Ginseng?

00:04:59,532 --> 00:05:00,835

Plain old grain alcohol?

00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,905

Daphne: Don't even need it.

Just show us to our room

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and I'll take it from there.

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Shlub:

Son! Welcome to the party.

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We got the room next to yours.

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Daphne: You invited

your parents?

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Hippocampus:

I didn't invite them.

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Shlub: Um, when you

get a chance,

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we've laid waste

to all of your hot tubs.

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Tyrannis: Stupe,

you can't keep overruling me.

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Stupendous: Guess what.

You're overruled.

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I found you a guy.

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Tell him what you told me.

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Man: My name is Zan.

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Protecting kingdoms has been

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in my family lineage

since before record.

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A blood oath to protect

from a decorated warrior

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such as myself cannot be broken.

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No wound of flesh

or mind would stop me

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from guarding Krapopolis.

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Stupendous: Ehh?

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Now, that's a candidate!

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Tyrannis: Pass.

Stupendous: Are you serious?!

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Did you see him?!

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Tyrannis: I do,

and I find him off-putting.

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He hasn't blinked yet.

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I saw a fly walk

across his open eye.

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Stupendous: That's because

he's looking for threats.

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Tyrannis: And he

doesn't see the fly?

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Stupendous:

The fly isn't a threat!

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This guy is

everything you want.

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Hey, Zan, are you castrated?

Zan: I can be.

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Stupendous: That's

a team player right there.

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Tyrannis: He's everything

you want, Stupe,

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but I'm the one who has to

be around him, so...next.

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Zan: It was an honor to be

considered. Thank you.

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Man: Hey! There he is!

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The man, the myth,

the absolute legend.

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Heard about the opening,

and I jumped at the opportunity

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to interface with you.

Let's chat about what I could

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bring to the table, how we

could level up your game.

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Stupendous: Sorry, weird bro.

We're looking for a guard.

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Man: Ooh, are you, though?

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Or are you looking for someone

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in the business of guarding?

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Ty, my guy.

You're the king.

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You gotta focus on

that king stuff

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and leave everything else

up to someone like me.

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And how do we do that?

It's called "brainergy."

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Krapopolis is

Vesuvius hot right now.

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People, business, culture.

It could be the next Corinth.

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Tyrannis: That's what

I've been saying!

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Man: Uh-huh! And you'd be

calling the shots.

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I'm just

the megaphone, big dog.

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Hey, you smell that?

It's inspiration cooking.

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And buddy, you are

a bread bowl of inspired. Ha!

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Tyrannis: Now, that's how

you pitch. I like this guy.

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Stupendous:

Are you friggin' crazy?

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He's obviously a backstabber.

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Do you not see that?

The greasy hair,

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the constant rubbing of hands.

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This guy is textbook

power weasel.

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Tyrannis:

Yeah, my power weasel.

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Stupendous: Zan is

the obvious choice!

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If you don't hire him, I will.

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Tyrannis: Be my guest.

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Stupendous:

All right then! Zan?

00:07:02,512 --> 00:07:05,517

Oh! OK.

Welcome aboard.

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Zan: I pledge my life

to serve you.

00:07:08,389 --> 00:07:10,126

Tyrannis:

Welcome aboard, um...

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Man: Uh, Wormius.

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And, bam, that's how

you do it, Big Dog.

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Tyrannis: Could you call me

"Big Dog" more often?

00:07:16,607 --> 00:07:17,775

Wormius: You got it, Big Dog.

00:07:17,909 --> 00:07:20,079

Tyrannis: Oh, yeah.

I like that.

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Tyrannis: I told Stupe,

we need an arch

00:07:25,156 --> 00:07:27,595

to pull this off.

I told her 3 times at least.

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Then I get there

and of course...

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Wormius: Lemme guess, no arch?

Tyrannis: No arch.

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No military guard

in shiny uniforms. Just me.

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And, as charismatic as I am,

I needed pageantry.

00:07:37,481 --> 00:07:39,586

Wormius: That is beyond

frustrating, Big Dog.

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We'll get things sorted.

Don't worry about it.

00:07:41,255 --> 00:07:43,360

If you want your vision of

a boulevard to be a reality,

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you should have the help

of at least 100 men.

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You're the friggin'

king, my man.

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You mind if I go ahead

and make some hires?

00:07:48,436 --> 00:07:49,305

Tyrannis: Of course not!

00:07:49,438 --> 00:07:50,440

I'm glad someone gets it.

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Wormius: Sick.

Oh, and, uh, Ty?

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When we're done here,

people will forget

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Corinth even had a boulevard.

00:07:55,117 --> 00:07:56,953

Stupendous: How's everything

going with your guy?

00:07:57,053 --> 00:07:59,492

Tyrannis: Fantastic.

Wormius understands my vision

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in a way that you never could.

00:08:01,061 --> 00:08:03,299

Stupendous: If that's

an insult, it's not landing,

00:08:03,433 --> 00:08:05,604

because I think

your vision is dumb.

00:08:05,738 --> 00:08:07,608

Tyrannis: And I think you're

a meathead for thinking that.

00:08:07,742 --> 00:08:09,211

Stupendous: Look at us

breaking up peacefully.

00:08:09,311 --> 00:08:10,615

We really know each other.

00:08:10,715 --> 00:08:11,917

Tyrannis: How are things

working out with Zan?

00:08:12,017 --> 00:08:13,286

Stupendous:

He's an absolute dream.

00:08:13,386 --> 00:08:14,455

Zan: You are my sun and moon

00:08:14,556 --> 00:08:15,490

and if I ever disappoint you,

00:08:15,624 --> 00:08:16,693

my life will be forfeit.

00:08:16,793 --> 00:08:18,329

Stupendous: No!

I want you alive!

00:08:18,462 --> 00:08:20,199

Zan: As you wish.

And if I ever die,

00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,570

I will kill myself

in punishment.

00:08:21,670 --> 00:08:23,473

Stupendous: This coulda

been yours.

00:08:23,607 --> 00:08:26,112

Tyrannis: And this...

could have been yours.

00:08:26,245 --> 00:08:27,882

Do you have to

hunch like that?

00:08:28,015 --> 00:08:29,853

Daphne: Ugh. How can

you relax right now?

00:08:29,986 --> 00:08:31,724

Hippocampus: What?

Oh, the parents thing?

00:08:31,824 --> 00:08:33,226

Daphne: Yes,

"the parents thing"!

00:08:33,326 --> 00:08:34,896

How can you be so casual

about this?

00:08:34,996 --> 00:08:36,299

Hippocampus: You're talking

about the two most

00:08:36,399 --> 00:08:37,702

self-involved people on Earth.

00:08:37,835 --> 00:08:39,873

I learned a long time ago,

if I get upset with them,

00:08:39,973 --> 00:08:41,576

they somehow take it

as a compliment.

00:08:41,676 --> 00:08:43,079

Daphne: So, you're not

going to say anything?

00:08:43,179 --> 00:08:45,116

Hippocampus: If I complain,

they get more obnoxious.

00:08:45,216 --> 00:08:47,555

Oh, and we're invited to

dinner with them tonight

00:08:47,688 --> 00:08:49,825

and I gave them a very

passive aggressive "OK."

00:08:49,926 --> 00:08:52,164

Daphne: OK, why is it that you

are the first to tell anyone

00:08:52,331 --> 00:08:55,003

when they're wrong, but you

can't do that to your parents?

00:08:55,103 --> 00:08:56,607

Hippocampus: Trust me.

Consequences of that

00:08:56,707 --> 00:08:57,909

are not worth the effort.

00:08:58,009 --> 00:09:00,648

Shlub: Did someone say

double couple massage?

00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:01,850

Deliria: I did!

I did!

00:09:01,950 --> 00:09:03,520

Tree masseuse:

Any problem areas?

00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:04,723

Spots I should avoid?

00:09:04,823 --> 00:09:06,158

Deliria: Yes, but I prefer

00:09:06,292 --> 00:09:07,528

a human masseuse.

00:09:07,628 --> 00:09:09,064

Tree masseuse: They said

you said no preference.

00:09:09,164 --> 00:09:11,035

Deliria: Well, I didn't think

"bark for hands"

00:09:11,135 --> 00:09:13,139

was something I had

to screen for.

00:09:13,272 --> 00:09:14,509

Why on Earth did you even

00:09:14,609 --> 00:09:16,479

get into the massage business

with those hands?

00:09:16,580 --> 00:09:18,115

Tree masseuse: I like

to help people relax.

00:09:18,215 --> 00:09:19,820

Deliria: Not with

those hands, you don't.

00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:21,222

Tree masseuse: Mm. I think

you're being prejudiced.

00:09:21,322 --> 00:09:23,727

Deliria: Yes, against

being rubbed by kindling.

00:09:23,827 --> 00:09:25,096

Tree masseuse: OK,

that's uncalled-for.

00:09:25,197 --> 00:09:26,766

Shlub: Darling,

I can do the rubdown.

00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:28,369

Hippo, Daphne, why don't you

00:09:28,469 --> 00:09:29,806

get on the table first?

00:09:29,906 --> 00:09:31,375

Tree masseuse: Is it

because I have aphids?

00:09:31,475 --> 00:09:33,547

Go ahead and say the word.

Say the word!

00:09:33,647 --> 00:09:35,517

Stupendous: All right,

warriors, look alive!

00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:37,387

Except Markus and Dimitrios.

00:09:37,555 --> 00:09:38,957

I know you guys are dead.

00:09:39,024 --> 00:09:39,692

What the?

00:09:39,792 --> 00:09:41,128

Zan: Soldiers! Ten-hut!

00:09:41,262 --> 00:09:42,230

Soldiers: General Stupendous!

00:09:42,364 --> 00:09:43,567

Your army is ready!

00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,369

Stupendous: What the hell

am I looking at?

00:09:45,469 --> 00:09:47,809

Zan: I hope you don't mind.

I've been drilling them.

00:09:47,942 --> 00:09:49,445

Stupendous: Oh, my God,

I've been trying to get

00:09:49,546 --> 00:09:51,348

these guys to do

straight lines forever.

00:09:51,449 --> 00:09:52,685

They're still

kind of transitioning

00:09:52,818 --> 00:09:54,354

from horde to army.

Zan: Yes.

00:09:54,455 --> 00:09:56,559

I've studied you, and I surmised

that this would please you.

00:09:56,660 --> 00:09:57,995

Stupendous: Well,

you got that right.

00:09:58,129 --> 00:09:59,866

So, you must know...

Zan: That you've always

00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:02,037

tried to get them to do

synchronized drills?

00:10:02,171 --> 00:10:03,472

Present...spears!

00:10:03,573 --> 00:10:04,776

And jab!

And step!

00:10:04,876 --> 00:10:07,414

And jab, and step,

and spin, and spin,

00:10:07,515 --> 00:10:09,719

and toss-toss-jab,

and march in a square

00:10:09,852 --> 00:10:11,556

and march in a square

and jab-jab-

00:10:11,723 --> 00:10:13,594

hands on hips, jab and present!

00:10:13,694 --> 00:10:15,296

Stupendous: This is

the coolest thing ever.

00:10:15,430 --> 00:10:16,867

Everybody, give it up for Zan!

00:10:16,934 --> 00:10:18,804

[Soldiers chanting "Zan!"]

Zan: No, no, no, please.

00:10:18,870 --> 00:10:20,373

I cannot accept this praise.

00:10:20,508 --> 00:10:22,612

I exist only

to serve my General.

00:10:22,745 --> 00:10:24,816

What Stupendous wants,

Zan does.

00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,887

Zan has no ego or agenda.

00:10:26,987 --> 00:10:29,659

There is no Zan.

There is only Stupendous.

00:10:29,726 --> 00:10:31,295

Stupendous: OK,

that's a little extreme.

00:10:31,428 --> 00:10:33,700

Zan: I have displeased you.

If you want me to march

00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,605

into the wilderness

until death, I will.

00:10:35,705 --> 00:10:37,440

Stupendous: No!

Could you just have them

00:10:37,508 --> 00:10:38,644

do the spinny thing again?

00:10:38,744 --> 00:10:41,015

Zan: Of course.

And 5, 6, 7, 8!

00:10:41,148 --> 00:10:43,987

Tyrannis: Wow! Wormius,

you absolutely nailed this.

00:10:44,087 --> 00:10:45,925

Wormius: You like?

Tyrannis: I love.

00:10:46,025 --> 00:10:48,329

I'm gonna go re-launch

this boulevard.

00:10:48,462 --> 00:10:49,599

Wormius: Bup-bup-bup!

Not yet.

00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,035

[Trumpeters play fanfare]

00:10:51,135 --> 00:10:52,638

Tyrannis:

You got the trumpets?

00:10:52,738 --> 00:10:54,008

Wormius: Yeah.

Guess where I got 'em from?

00:10:54,141 --> 00:10:55,377

Tyrannis: Corinth?

Wormius: I got 'em from

00:10:55,477 --> 00:10:56,846

the place Corinth gets 'em from.

00:10:56,946 --> 00:10:58,082

Tyrannis: Sick! And you got

00:10:58,182 --> 00:10:59,886

people to put on

soldier costumes?

00:10:59,953 --> 00:11:02,090

Wormius: No, no, Ty.

These are your new bodyguards.

00:11:02,190 --> 00:11:03,894

Remember I said you needed

a staff of hundreds?

00:11:04,027 --> 00:11:05,764

You got your own personal

security team now, buddy.

00:11:05,898 --> 00:11:07,768

Oh, speaking of, uh, you're

gonna need to pay these guys.

00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,672

Is it cool if I go into the

coffers and take care of it?

00:11:09,739 --> 00:11:12,712

Tyrannis: Oh, absolutely.

All right, here I go.

00:11:12,812 --> 00:11:14,915

Citizens of Krapopolis!

It is my honor

00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:18,823

to present to you,

our Grand Boulevard!

00:11:21,630 --> 00:11:23,634

[Trumpeters play fanfare]

00:11:23,734 --> 00:11:27,609

Joshua: Oh, I get it now!

All hail King Ty!

00:11:27,709 --> 00:11:29,411

[Citizens chanting "King Ty!"]

00:11:29,545 --> 00:11:31,583

Tyrannis: Do you want to

hoist me on your shoulders?

00:11:31,717 --> 00:11:34,054

You can.

Joshua: You bet!

00:11:34,154 --> 00:11:36,025

Tyrannis: What's happening?

I want to ride shoulders!

00:11:36,125 --> 00:11:38,296

Wormius: Too risky.

You know how many shoulder-borne

00:11:38,429 --> 00:11:40,266

poisons they got these days?

I'm gonna have to dictate

00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,905

your movements from now on.

Tyrannis: Dictate my movements?

00:11:43,038 --> 00:11:45,010

Wormius: All the top kings

have their movements dictated.

00:11:45,110 --> 00:11:47,280

Tyrannis: I wanted

a shoulder ride.

00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:50,721

Shlub: Oh, wow,

now, that's a spicy meatball!

00:11:50,821 --> 00:11:52,825

Deliria: Meet me on

the ceiling, darling!

00:11:52,925 --> 00:11:55,565

Shlub: I'm trying. I just don't

want to throw out my back.

00:11:55,665 --> 00:11:56,833

Hippocampus: It's almost over.

00:11:56,934 --> 00:11:58,136

The ceiling is usually

the last part.

00:11:58,236 --> 00:12:00,339

Daphne: You know

their sex routine?

00:12:00,439 --> 00:12:01,676

Hippocampus: Everyone does.

00:12:01,776 --> 00:12:02,945

Daphne: And you're seriously

00:12:03,045 --> 00:12:04,080

not gonna confront them.

00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:05,617

Hippocampus: He's

a literal monster

00:12:05,717 --> 00:12:06,954

and she's a literal god.

00:12:07,054 --> 00:12:08,289

If they want to ruin my life,

00:12:08,389 --> 00:12:09,257

they're gonna do it.

00:12:09,358 --> 00:12:10,694

Daphne: OK, well,

if you're not gonna

00:12:10,861 --> 00:12:11,997

stand up to them, I will.

00:12:12,097 --> 00:12:15,003

Hippocampus: Uh,

you can't just--Wait!

00:12:15,103 --> 00:12:17,341

Daphne: Hey! Stop it!

Shlub: Dreadfully sorry.

00:12:17,441 --> 00:12:18,910

So rude of us to exclude you.

00:12:18,977 --> 00:12:21,415

Daphne: You two need to leave.

Hippocampus: Uh, Daphne...

00:12:21,583 --> 00:12:23,285

Daphne: This is our

romantic getaway.

00:12:23,419 --> 00:12:24,589

Deliria: Excuse me?

00:12:24,689 --> 00:12:25,958

Hippocampus:

This is not good. I--

00:12:26,092 --> 00:12:27,561

Daphne: Your son is

too afraid to say this,

00:12:27,662 --> 00:12:28,830

but it needs to be said.

You are being

00:12:28,964 --> 00:12:31,301

rude, insensitive,

and inconsiderate,

00:12:31,435 --> 00:12:32,571

and you have turned a normally

00:12:32,671 --> 00:12:34,642

strong-willed man

into a scared son.

00:12:34,709 --> 00:12:35,811

He's afraid to stand up to you,

00:12:35,911 --> 00:12:37,715

which I'm finding very unsexy.

00:12:37,815 --> 00:12:39,852

Deliria: Hmm.

I appreciate the correction.

00:12:40,019 --> 00:12:41,523

Daphne and Hippocampus: You do?

Deliria: Yes.

00:12:41,590 --> 00:12:43,225

Even though I'm a goddess,

00:12:43,325 --> 00:12:44,194

I'm not unreasonable.

00:12:44,294 --> 00:12:46,465

I'm always happy

to take criticism

00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,269

from a wretched, little worm!

00:12:48,369 --> 00:12:50,808

Daphne: Aah!

Hippocampus: There it is.

00:12:50,908 --> 00:12:53,947

Mom, could you please

turn Daphne back?

00:12:54,047 --> 00:12:56,118

Deliria: When I'm ready.

00:12:56,218 --> 00:12:59,357

Zan: General, please,

let me shop for you.

00:12:59,491 --> 00:13:02,330

Stupendous: Zan,

are you dressing like me?

00:13:02,430 --> 00:13:03,365

Zan: Yes, for there is

00:13:03,465 --> 00:13:04,569

no other way to dress.

00:13:04,669 --> 00:13:06,004

You are the one true warrior

00:13:06,138 --> 00:13:07,875

and all of my focus is on you.

00:13:07,975 --> 00:13:09,579

Stupendous: You could tone it

down just a bit, though.

00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:10,881

Zan: All I want

is to please you.

00:13:11,014 --> 00:13:12,951

You're all I see!

All I think about!

00:13:13,052 --> 00:13:14,555

All I dream about!

00:13:14,656 --> 00:13:16,425

I just wish I could be

in your skin.

00:13:16,492 --> 00:13:20,400

I wish I could be you.

Just literally become you.

00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:21,636

Is that weird?

00:13:21,770 --> 00:13:24,074

Stupendous: Uh...no.

00:13:24,208 --> 00:13:25,911

[Fly buzzing]

00:13:29,686 --> 00:13:31,255

Wormius: All right.

You'll be safe here.

00:13:31,355 --> 00:13:33,927

This is basically where you're

gonna be most of the time now.

00:13:34,060 --> 00:13:35,063

Tyrannis: It just looks

a little...

00:13:35,129 --> 00:13:36,432

Wormius: Secure? You betcha.

00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:37,969

You're gonna be staying

in here most of the day.

00:13:38,069 --> 00:13:39,506

It's just easier

to keep you in one place.

00:13:39,673 --> 00:13:41,008

You're too important

to roam around.

00:13:41,108 --> 00:13:43,045

Tyrannis: But what do I do

if I want a sandwich?

00:13:43,145 --> 00:13:44,715

Wormius: Great question.

You get all that

stuff through me.

00:13:44,815 --> 00:13:45,918

Uh, hey, guys!

Get those windows

00:13:45,984 --> 00:13:47,154

blocked up for the king, OK?

00:13:47,254 --> 00:13:48,924

And how we coming

on those new door locks?

00:13:49,058 --> 00:13:50,528

Tyrannis: Shouldn't the locks

be on my side?

00:13:50,628 --> 00:13:51,897

Wormius: Nah-nah-nah.

You don't want to have to

00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,365

deal with all that rigamarole.

00:13:53,465 --> 00:13:55,070

Tyrannis: Yeah, see,

that's what I'm wondering.

00:13:55,236 --> 00:13:57,040

I know you're here

to help me, which is great.

00:13:57,174 --> 00:13:58,476

I just think it's almost like

00:13:58,577 --> 00:14:01,382

now you're in charge of me,

if that makes sense.

00:14:01,448 --> 00:14:03,385

Wormius: See, this is why

you're the big dog, Big Dog.

00:14:03,452 --> 00:14:05,791

That's a great idea. How about

you give me that door key?

00:14:05,891 --> 00:14:08,396

Tyrannis: I...am thinking

that is not a request.

00:14:08,496 --> 00:14:10,333

Wormius: Wow, I knew you'd

be great to work with.

00:14:10,467 --> 00:14:11,970

Nothing needs to be

explained to you.

00:14:12,103 --> 00:14:14,307

Guys, help King Ty decide

to give me the door key.

00:14:14,408 --> 00:14:16,979

Oh, and I couldn't get into

the treasury to pay your guys,

00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:18,650

so, I'm gonna need

that key, as well.

00:14:18,784 --> 00:14:21,923

Tyrannis: You need my door key

and the key to the treasury?

00:14:22,023 --> 00:14:23,258

Wormius: Yeah.

It's called delegating.

00:14:23,359 --> 00:14:25,831

Tyrannis: It feels

a bit like a coup.

00:14:25,931 --> 00:14:27,333

Wormius: Can't get

anything past this guy.

00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:28,703

You're way ahead of me.

00:14:29,337 --> 00:14:30,641

Tyrannis: [Gulp]

Wormius: Ooh!

00:14:30,741 --> 00:14:32,511

Did you literally

just gulp, bro?

00:14:32,611 --> 00:14:34,515

Tyrannis: There was something in

my throat. The timing was weird.

00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:36,886

Wormius: Sounded like one of

those "Oh, no" gulps, you know?

00:14:36,986 --> 00:14:38,524

Tyrannis: I can see why

you would think that,

00:14:38,590 --> 00:14:40,193

but there's something going on

with my throat,

00:14:40,293 --> 00:14:42,397

some kind of spasm or...[Gulp]

Wormius: Oh!

00:14:42,463 --> 00:14:44,467

OK, you're trying to tell

me that that one wasn't--

00:14:44,602 --> 00:14:45,937

Tyrannis: It wasn't!

00:14:48,109 --> 00:14:51,582

[Gulping] OK, I gotta

get this checked out.

00:14:56,025 --> 00:14:57,027

[Door opens]

Wormius: Morning, King!

00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:58,162

How was your kingly sleep?

00:14:58,262 --> 00:14:59,599

Tyrannis:

Scary and claustrophobic

00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:01,135

with strong hints of

absolute failure.

00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:02,605

Wormius: Oh,

I think of it as snug.

00:15:02,738 --> 00:15:03,840

Anyway, here's your crown.

00:15:03,940 --> 00:15:05,109

Stick that on the old noggin

00:15:05,210 --> 00:15:06,913

and, uh, let's go talk

to the staff.

00:15:06,980 --> 00:15:08,382

Tyrannis: The staff?

Wormius: Yeah, you gotta make

00:15:08,482 --> 00:15:09,852

some announcements,

throw your weight around.

00:15:09,919 --> 00:15:11,088

You know, tell 'em

who's in charge.

00:15:11,188 --> 00:15:12,558

Tyrannis: Who would

that be exactly?

00:15:12,658 --> 00:15:14,696

Wormius: Ha ha!

Oh, fantastic.

00:15:14,796 --> 00:15:16,966

Love this guy.

Help him along, will you?

00:15:17,066 --> 00:15:19,037

Tyrannis: Hello, everyone.

Thank you for coming here.

00:15:19,171 --> 00:15:21,041

Wormius: Great. Now tell them

they're all fired.

00:15:21,174 --> 00:15:22,678

Tyrannis: They're all fired?

Wormius: There it is,

00:15:22,778 --> 00:15:23,814

straight from the horse's mouth.

00:15:23,914 --> 00:15:25,182

I did everything

I could, guys.

00:15:25,282 --> 00:15:26,753

[Crowd gasps]

Wormius: Now here you go.

00:15:26,886 --> 00:15:28,523

Hand this back to me.

And, OK!

00:15:28,623 --> 00:15:31,195

You've all witnessed the king

handing me the official signet.

00:15:31,295 --> 00:15:32,765

Only the Hand of the King

wears it, and when he

00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:34,401

wears it, he speaks

for the king.

00:15:34,468 --> 00:15:35,369

[Crowd grumbling]

00:15:35,469 --> 00:15:37,006

Wormius: Oh, you and you,

stick around.

00:15:37,106 --> 00:15:38,409

You're gonna need to

build me a bigger office,

00:15:38,510 --> 00:15:40,146

but then you're out.

Sorry. My hands are tied.

00:15:40,279 --> 00:15:42,050

Tyrannis: You can't do this!

Wormius: Do what, King?

00:15:42,117 --> 00:15:43,753

You wanna tell everyone

what's happening here?

00:15:43,854 --> 00:15:45,891

That you've lost

control of your kingdom?

00:15:45,991 --> 00:15:47,929

How would that go over? Hmm?

00:15:48,029 --> 00:15:49,999

Tyrannis: [Gulp]

All right, that one--

00:15:50,099 --> 00:15:53,707

that was an "Oh, no" gulp.

[Gulping]

00:15:53,807 --> 00:15:55,076

And it set off

the other gulps!

00:15:55,176 --> 00:15:58,550

Ahh! Damn it!

[Gulping]

00:15:58,617 --> 00:16:01,656

[Hippocampus sighs] Could I have

another pure grain alcohol,

00:16:01,756 --> 00:16:03,425

and a leaf for my girlfriend?

00:16:03,526 --> 00:16:05,396

I warned you.

You're eating leaves now,

00:16:05,496 --> 00:16:07,167

all because you didn't

believe me when I said

00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,572

don't pick a fight

with my parents.

00:16:10,641 --> 00:16:12,109

You can't talk, can you?

00:16:13,446 --> 00:16:15,550

Hippocampus: You're probably

saying I got some nerve.

00:16:15,650 --> 00:16:17,186

This was all my doing.

00:16:19,190 --> 00:16:20,594

Hippocampus: Now you're

probably saying the problem is

00:16:20,694 --> 00:16:22,865

I didn't have any nerve.

You at least tried.

00:16:22,965 --> 00:16:24,100

You stood up for yourself.

00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:25,838

Even now, as a caterpillar,

00:16:25,938 --> 00:16:28,275

you've got more backbone

than I'll ever have.

00:16:29,011 --> 00:16:30,079

Hippocampus: You're right!

00:16:30,179 --> 00:16:31,749

Nerve has

never been the problem.

00:16:31,816 --> 00:16:36,091

The problem was I lost track

of what's important!

00:16:37,326 --> 00:16:39,766

Hippocampus: You know what?

I just might!

00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,468

[Deliria and Shlub laughing]

00:16:41,569 --> 00:16:43,072

Hippocampus: Mom, Dad,

I want to be here

00:16:43,205 --> 00:16:44,374

alone with my girlfriend.

00:16:44,474 --> 00:16:45,978

You may not

understand boundaries,

00:16:46,112 --> 00:16:47,948

but I demand them!

00:16:48,115 --> 00:16:49,952

Deliria: Do you know

who you're talking to?

00:16:50,119 --> 00:16:51,388

Hippocampus: Yes!

And I'm not a god,

00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:54,127

but I'm your son, and I'm

telling you to leave.

00:16:54,261 --> 00:16:56,131

Deliria: Well...I...

Hippocampus: And you need to

00:16:56,231 --> 00:16:57,802

turn her back.

Shlub: Are you sure?

00:16:57,935 --> 00:16:59,204

A caterpillar can go places

00:16:59,270 --> 00:17:00,741

Drafty would never fit.

00:17:00,874 --> 00:17:03,547

Hippocampus: Daphne.

Turn her back.

00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:07,019

Deliria: Fine, if she

apologizes for insulting me.

00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:08,623

Hippocampus: She will

not apologize

00:17:08,756 --> 00:17:11,094

and you will turn her back.

00:17:12,063 --> 00:17:14,134

In fact,

you'll apologize to her!

00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:16,873

Oh--OK, OK.

I'll apologize to her.

00:17:16,940 --> 00:17:18,275

Deliria: Ugh.

00:17:19,144 --> 00:17:23,687

Daphne: Oh, Hippo.

I love leaf.

00:17:23,787 --> 00:17:25,557

Do you know where leaf?

00:17:26,458 --> 00:17:27,795

Wormius:

What a productive day.

00:17:27,895 --> 00:17:29,131

Look at you,

getting stuff done.

00:17:29,231 --> 00:17:30,567

Night night!

Tyrannis: I just woke up!

00:17:30,667 --> 00:17:32,972

Wormius: Yup. Big day tomorrow.

Get some sleep!

00:17:33,740 --> 00:17:35,544

Guard: You think he

would ever try to escape?

00:17:35,678 --> 00:17:37,347

Wormius: Oh, well, the only

way out of that room

00:17:37,447 --> 00:17:39,050

is through the toilet.

I don't think he's that dumb.

00:17:39,150 --> 00:17:40,185

Tyrannis: Oh, God,

oh, God, oh, God,

00:17:40,286 --> 00:17:41,188

oh, God, oh, God.

00:17:41,254 --> 00:17:42,224

No, no, no, not good.

00:17:42,290 --> 00:17:43,760

Dirty, dirty, nasty, nasty,

00:17:43,927 --> 00:17:45,865

ew, ew, ew, ew, ew...

00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:48,101

Aah! Oh!

00:17:51,609 --> 00:17:53,378

Stupendous: Zan?

Zan: Oh, General,

00:17:53,513 --> 00:17:54,848

I was just collecting your hair.

00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:56,285

If that's not OK,

I'll kill myself.

00:17:56,418 --> 00:17:58,923

Stupendous: It's not OK,

and don't kill yourself.

00:17:58,990 --> 00:18:00,528

Zan: But I just

want to be you!

00:18:00,628 --> 00:18:03,700

All I want to be in life

is you, Stupendous!

00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,737

Stupendous: You need to stop.

Zan: I can't!

00:18:05,837 --> 00:18:08,308

And if I were you,

I'd tell me the same thing!

00:18:08,408 --> 00:18:11,148

I'm so devoted to you,

I'm losing myself!

00:18:11,248 --> 00:18:12,918

It's happened before.

My name's not even Zan.

00:18:13,085 --> 00:18:14,387

That was the last guy

I worked for.

00:18:14,454 --> 00:18:16,191

Tyrannis: Stupe, I need you.

Stupendous: Ty!

00:18:16,291 --> 00:18:18,028

Where have you been,

and why do you smell like that?

00:18:18,128 --> 00:18:19,698

Tyrannis: I was inside

the toilet, and...

00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:22,304

I was inside the toilet.

Stupendous: Got it.

00:18:22,370 --> 00:18:23,740

Tyrannis:

I completely screwed up.

00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,777

That guy stole the kingdom

right out from under me.

00:18:25,877 --> 00:18:28,516

He seduced me with smooth talk,

and now I'm a puppet king,

00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:31,088

locked in my bedroom.

I should never have fired you!

00:18:31,188 --> 00:18:32,592

Stupendous:

You didn't fire me.

00:18:32,692 --> 00:18:34,060

Tyrannis: I certainly did,

but I shouldn't have.

00:18:34,127 --> 00:18:35,229

Stupendous: Nope, I quit,

00:18:35,329 --> 00:18:36,633

but I shouldn't have.

00:18:36,733 --> 00:18:38,135

Tyrannis: Pretty sure

I fired you, even though

00:18:38,235 --> 00:18:39,772

I really got my comeuppance

for it.

00:18:39,873 --> 00:18:41,576

Stupendous: No way you would

have had the balls to fire me.

00:18:41,676 --> 00:18:42,611

I broke it off first.

00:18:42,678 --> 00:18:44,447

And, boy,

did I pay the price for it.

00:18:44,548 --> 00:18:46,251

Zan: Hey, brother.

There's two of me now,

00:18:46,384 --> 00:18:47,688

by the way.

Pretty cool.

00:18:47,788 --> 00:18:49,090

Two identical Stupes.

00:18:49,223 --> 00:18:51,094

Tyrannis: Did you...

Zan: Gouge out my own eye?

00:18:51,261 --> 00:18:54,535

No, because I never had it.

I'm a cyclops!

00:18:55,871 --> 00:18:57,373

Tyrannis: All right, I think

the prices we both paid

00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,044

are about equal.

I lost my kingdom

00:18:59,144 --> 00:19:00,581

and you've got whatever that is.

00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:02,518

Either way, I'm sorry,

for firing you.

00:19:02,618 --> 00:19:03,953

Stupendous: So am I,

for quitting,

00:19:04,053 --> 00:19:05,389

because you didn't fire me.

00:19:05,489 --> 00:19:06,692

Tyrannis: Yes, I did.

Stupendous: No, you didn't.

00:19:06,859 --> 00:19:07,728

Tyrannis: Yes, I did. So,

00:19:07,861 --> 00:19:08,864

how do we get out of this?

00:19:08,964 --> 00:19:10,199

You go in and fight my battle

00:19:10,299 --> 00:19:11,468

for me like the good, old days?

00:19:11,602 --> 00:19:12,872

Stupendous: No.

Wormius has, like,

00:19:12,972 --> 00:19:13,907

a million goons now,

00:19:14,007 --> 00:19:15,209

and I'm just me.

00:19:15,309 --> 00:19:16,880

Wait a minute...

00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:20,019

Wormius: Gentlemen, a toast!

Guards: Hear, hear!

00:19:20,119 --> 00:19:22,858

Wormius: I gotta say, this was

probably our easiest one yet.

00:19:22,958 --> 00:19:25,429

I mean, did you see him

when he handed me the keys?

00:19:25,530 --> 00:19:27,868

No struggle at all!

[Guards laugh]

00:19:27,968 --> 00:19:30,039

Wormius: Oh, it's great

taking advantage of people.

00:19:30,139 --> 00:19:31,810

I just play to their

vanity, and they

00:19:31,910 --> 00:19:33,179

practically fleece themselves.

00:19:33,279 --> 00:19:34,348

I mean,

you know all this.

00:19:34,448 --> 00:19:35,717

I just love talking about it.

00:19:35,817 --> 00:19:36,719

Guard: No, no, we love

00:19:36,819 --> 00:19:37,855

talking about it, too!

00:19:37,955 --> 00:19:39,391

Wormius: Booyah!

OK, let's, uh,

00:19:39,457 --> 00:19:42,197

split the loot, head out.

Uh-oh.

00:19:42,297 --> 00:19:44,334

Someone's not where

they're supposed to be.

00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:46,605

Tyrannis: Yeah. You.

00:19:46,706 --> 00:19:48,209

Wormius: Ahahaha!

00:19:48,276 --> 00:19:49,712

What are ya--

what are ya thinkin'?

00:19:49,846 --> 00:19:52,584

There are a ton of us

and just one of you.

00:19:52,718 --> 00:19:56,158

Stupendous: Actually two.

[Cup clatters on floor]

00:19:56,258 --> 00:19:58,729

[Stupendous and guards

screaming]

00:20:01,936 --> 00:20:04,274

Tyrannis: Seems like you two

have it under control.

00:20:04,441 --> 00:20:06,044

I would just be

in your way at this point.

00:20:06,144 --> 00:20:07,748

Don't need another

body in the mix.

00:20:07,848 --> 00:20:10,052

Stupendous: Uhh!

Tyrannis: I know once you're

00:20:10,152 --> 00:20:12,558

fighting with a partner,

you get in a flow.

00:20:12,658 --> 00:20:13,994

Wouldn't want to mess that up.

00:20:14,094 --> 00:20:15,262

Really the smart move here is

00:20:15,362 --> 00:20:17,133

for one of us to stay fresh.

00:20:17,233 --> 00:20:19,337

Probably should go back

and get my sword.

00:20:19,437 --> 00:20:21,576

That's what I should do.

I'll just...head out and--

00:20:21,709 --> 00:20:23,378

Oh, excellent,

you've got it done.

00:20:23,445 --> 00:20:26,051

Well done, you two.

Well, well done, us, really.

00:20:26,151 --> 00:20:27,419

So, I've got

my Number Two back?

00:20:27,521 --> 00:20:30,058

Stupendous: If I've

got my king back.

00:20:30,827 --> 00:20:35,402

Zan: Oh, I'll just

get right in...Mmmm.

00:20:35,503 --> 00:20:36,806

Tyrannis: Not weird at all.

00:20:41,916 --> 00:20:45,757

Satyr bellhop: I'm sorry.

The hot tubs are closed today.

00:20:47,227 --> 00:20:50,032

Very sorry.

The hot tubs are closed.

00:20:51,268 --> 00:20:52,605

Terribly sorry

for the inconvenience.

00:20:52,705 --> 00:20:55,075

The hot tubs are out of order.

00:20:55,242 --> 00:20:57,714

The next one,

as well, all of the hot tubs.

00:20:57,814 --> 00:21:01,020

Yes, that one, too,

all of the hot tubs.

00:21:02,456 --> 00:21:04,561

Oh, I wish I could say

they were in order.

00:21:04,661 --> 00:21:07,100

They're still out of order.

00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,036

Very sorry for

the inconvenience.

00:21:09,137 --> 00:21:11,675

No hot tubs today, sir.

Cleaner: Aah!

00:21:11,776 --> 00:21:13,747

Satyr bellhop:

Not today, I'm afraid.

00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:15,517

Wish I had better news.

00:21:16,384 --> 00:21:18,222

I'm so sorry.

I would definitely

00:21:18,322 --> 00:21:19,591

not go in that one.

00:21:19,691 --> 00:21:22,230

Oh, no, no, no, not that one,

most especially.

00:21:22,330 --> 00:21:24,568

That one is

most definitely closed.

00:21:25,269 --> 00:21:26,639

All of them are closed.

00:21:26,739 --> 00:21:29,244

That one is

definitely out of order.

00:21:29,411 --> 00:21:30,547

Closed. So sorry.

00:21:30,814 --> 00:21:32,617

Dan Harmon:

Did you get any of that?

00:21:34,689 --> 00:21:35,957

Voice: Bento.

[People cheer]