Один глаз, одно сердце. Она тупица.

00:00:04,710 --> 00:00:05,778

and this is for you,

00:00:05,878 --> 00:00:06,814

and you get a little.

00:00:06,914 --> 00:00:08,283

Dad, what are you doing?

00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:11,456

Every so often I have

to go through and remusk

00:00:11,557 --> 00:00:12,491

all of my possessions.

00:00:12,626 --> 00:00:14,129

Otherwise, who would

know they're mine?

00:00:14,229 --> 00:00:15,531

Oh, this is a family heirloom.

00:00:15,631 --> 00:00:17,400

Won't be losing this.

00:00:18,370 --> 00:00:19,906

Don't touch that.

It's mine.

00:00:20,007 --> 00:00:21,042

Yes, so I smelled.

00:00:21,142 --> 00:00:22,512

It's interesting.

Looks foreign.

00:00:22,646 --> 00:00:25,918

It's actually from

the Sicilian side of my family.

00:00:26,018 --> 00:00:27,990

- I have Sicilian relatives?

- Yes.

00:00:28,090 --> 00:00:30,060

It's one of those big, warm,

loving families.

00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,064

- You know Sicilians.

- I don't.

00:00:32,164 --> 00:00:33,767

Is that what they're like?

00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:34,903

Who's this?

00:00:35,004 --> 00:00:36,406

Well, there's

your Aunt Rosa.

00:00:36,540 --> 00:00:37,876

And who is she smiling at?

Her son,

00:00:37,976 --> 00:00:39,279

which would be your cousin Sal.

00:00:39,379 --> 00:00:40,715

She looks like she loves him.

00:00:40,815 --> 00:00:42,952

Bet she never cuts him

down with sarcastic asides.

00:00:43,052 --> 00:00:45,592

How wonderful that

must be for them both.

00:00:45,692 --> 00:00:46,661

May I keep this?

00:00:46,761 --> 00:00:48,931

If you can overpower

your old man's scent,

00:00:49,031 --> 00:00:50,635

then it's all yours.

00:00:50,735 --> 00:00:52,939

King Ty,

I've just run all day and night

00:00:53,072 --> 00:00:54,308

to bring you this news.

00:00:54,408 --> 00:00:55,845

Sounds like you ran all day

and night

00:00:55,979 --> 00:00:57,247

to tell us you're into running.

00:00:57,248 --> 00:00:58,918

That's just like

runners, isn't it?

00:00:59,018 --> 00:01:00,287

Every chance

they get to work it in.

00:01:00,420 --> 00:01:01,924

Forgive me.

I shouldn't have bragged

00:01:02,024 --> 00:01:03,191

about the running part.

00:01:03,192 --> 00:01:04,730

Hss. It's just pretty

extraordinary.

00:01:04,863 --> 00:01:07,100

The last guy who ran this far

died immediately after

00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:08,370

delivering his message.

00:01:08,504 --> 00:01:10,040

Well, I suppose you'd

better spit it out

00:01:10,140 --> 00:01:12,210

rather than foist

your lifestyle choices on us.

00:01:12,311 --> 00:01:14,348

Once again, I didn't

come here to tell you I run,

00:01:14,482 --> 00:01:16,119

although there are some

great trails around here,

00:01:16,219 --> 00:01:17,688

and it's true about

the runner's high.

00:01:17,689 --> 00:01:19,626

Spit it out!

An army approaches.

00:01:19,726 --> 00:01:21,062

Is it the Kassites?

00:01:21,162 --> 00:01:24,001

No. The great

warrior Hector with his men.

00:01:24,101 --> 00:01:26,106

Hector? Hector!

Yes.

00:01:26,239 --> 00:01:28,243

He says anyone who wants

to see something spectacular

00:01:28,343 --> 00:01:29,813

should gather

in the amphitheater.

00:01:29,913 --> 00:01:31,249

We have an amphitheater?

00:01:31,349 --> 00:01:32,652

Stupendous

used to worship Hector.

00:01:32,752 --> 00:01:34,355

Yeah.

I don't know about worship.

00:01:34,455 --> 00:01:36,292

You had a fresco

of him in your bedroom.

00:01:36,392 --> 00:01:38,864

I ate so much plaster

making out with that thing.

00:01:38,998 --> 00:01:40,299

It's one of the reasons

I get turned on

00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:41,770

when I smell someone

getting a cast.

00:01:41,903 --> 00:01:43,942

Well, I think we

should go and see him.

00:01:44,042 --> 00:01:45,679

Runner person, when is the show?

00:01:45,779 --> 00:01:48,150

- He didn't say.

- Well, could you find out?

00:01:48,250 --> 00:01:49,653

Don't have to ask me twice.

00:01:49,786 --> 00:01:50,955

Anyone want to come with?

00:01:51,056 --> 00:01:52,826

Best way to start

is to just dive in.

00:01:52,959 --> 00:01:54,796

Anyone? No? All right.

00:01:54,896 --> 00:01:56,199

Have fun

with your heart disease.

00:01:56,299 --> 00:01:57,702

No offense.

Wish you all the best.

00:01:57,835 --> 00:01:59,171

Just saying.

00:02:15,805 --> 00:02:16,940

♪ Huh ♪

00:02:17,107 --> 00:02:20,513

♪ Huh huh huh huh ♪

00:02:20,514 --> 00:02:22,685

♪ Whoo ♪

00:02:24,956 --> 00:02:26,827

Oh! There's Hector now.

00:02:26,927 --> 00:02:28,731

God, look at those muscles.

00:02:28,831 --> 00:02:31,336

He looks like a wineskin

full of watermelons,

00:02:31,436 --> 00:02:33,006

and I do mean that

in a good way.

00:02:33,106 --> 00:02:35,812

What would the bad way be?

00:02:35,912 --> 00:02:38,817

Ha ha ha! Aah!

00:02:39,886 --> 00:02:41,757

Ha ha! Hyah!

00:02:43,695 --> 00:02:45,865

Hold on.

That guy's not oozing

00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:47,535

or spraying anything.

00:02:47,636 --> 00:02:48,605

Where's the blood

00:02:48,705 --> 00:02:50,340

and that mush that comes out

of people's ears

00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:51,910

when you hit them

in the head too hard?

00:02:52,010 --> 00:02:53,648

Well, he's not

actually hurt.

00:02:53,748 --> 00:02:56,118

Huh? Then why is

everyone applauding?

00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:58,156

Stupendous,

it's a performance.

00:02:58,289 --> 00:02:59,491

These men are heroes.

00:02:59,593 --> 00:03:01,530

They're much too famous

for real war.

00:03:01,631 --> 00:03:04,335

Real heroes fight

in real wars.

00:03:04,435 --> 00:03:06,038

This is more like, uh--

00:03:06,138 --> 00:03:07,742

A skillful,

choreographed dance?

00:03:07,842 --> 00:03:10,046

I was gonna say

a big, stupid lie.

00:03:10,180 --> 00:03:11,583

It makes a mockery of battle.

00:03:11,683 --> 00:03:13,787

Oh, this is

better than battle, Stupendous.

00:03:13,921 --> 00:03:15,290

This is a show.

00:03:15,390 --> 00:03:17,026

Hyah!

Unh!

00:03:17,027 --> 00:03:18,898

Confettied them

right in the face!

00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:24,175

This is what the great

hero of old Troy does now,

00:03:24,275 --> 00:03:25,545

play fighting?!

00:03:25,645 --> 00:03:27,782

And making

a killing in mutton legs

00:03:27,882 --> 00:03:29,185

and novelty tourniquets.

00:03:29,318 --> 00:03:30,588

I wonder who represents him.

00:03:30,689 --> 00:03:32,290

Thanks, everybody.

Thank you.

00:03:32,391 --> 00:03:34,562

I'd like to thank Apollo

for his favor.

00:03:34,696 --> 00:03:36,666

If you liked today's show,

please make

00:03:36,767 --> 00:03:39,437

a livestock sacrifice

to the Sun God.

00:03:39,438 --> 00:03:41,610

Of course,

like that tow-headed fop

00:03:41,711 --> 00:03:44,215

isn't already drowning

in fatted lambs.

00:03:44,315 --> 00:03:47,287

Apollo hogs all

the best warriors and hogs.

00:03:47,387 --> 00:03:50,027

These aren't warriors.

Warriors war in wars,

00:03:50,127 --> 00:03:53,066

and they definitely don't curtsy

after they get stabbed.

00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:54,703

Oh, come on,

Stupendous.

00:03:54,803 --> 00:03:57,141

Isn't there a little part of you

that would like to be up there?

00:03:57,241 --> 00:03:58,678

This is what you do.

00:03:58,811 --> 00:03:59,846

This is not what I do.

00:03:59,946 --> 00:04:02,117

I mean, do I ever throw in

a little cartwheel

00:04:02,217 --> 00:04:03,753

when I'm kicking

a guy's head off?

00:04:03,754 --> 00:04:06,726

Sure! I've got as much style

as the next guy, but this--

00:04:06,827 --> 00:04:08,931

Eat my child

and call me Zeus.

00:04:09,031 --> 00:04:10,634

Is that the goddess Deliria?

00:04:10,635 --> 00:04:13,674

Hector,

you were magnificent!

00:04:13,775 --> 00:04:16,445

Really? I feel like

the short shadow of the sun show

00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:18,951

is never as good

as the long shadow show.

00:04:19,052 --> 00:04:20,419

Oh, stop.

00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:23,392

You know, my daughter

is something of a hero, too.

00:04:23,492 --> 00:04:25,598

You don't say.

You know, we're always looking

00:04:25,698 --> 00:04:27,869

for warriors with fancy feet

and a winning smile.

00:04:27,969 --> 00:04:30,374

Thanks, but I do my winning

on the battlefield.

00:04:30,474 --> 00:04:31,910

Ha ha ha! Suit yourself.

00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:34,181

Del hon, let me know the next

time you're coming.

00:04:34,281 --> 00:04:36,386

I'll get you comped.

If you'll excuse me!

00:04:36,486 --> 00:04:39,091

Look, Stupendous. Fans!

00:04:39,092 --> 00:04:40,360

OK, everybody.

00:04:40,494 --> 00:04:43,766

On 3, take a very vivid

mental picture.

00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:45,937

Sorry. I blinked.

One more--one more time,

00:04:45,938 --> 00:04:47,108

one more time.

00:04:47,208 --> 00:04:48,544

Oh, Ty. There you are.

00:04:48,678 --> 00:04:51,248

Nunus tenti mim!

Is that Hittite?

00:04:51,382 --> 00:04:54,154

It's "Hello, brother"

in Siculian, I think.

00:04:54,288 --> 00:04:56,292

That's one of the languages

of Sicily.

00:04:56,392 --> 00:04:58,129

Now, I've made a us

a real, traditional,

00:04:58,296 --> 00:04:59,497

authentic Sicilian meal,

00:04:59,498 --> 00:05:01,068

not the stuff you'd get

in the colonies

00:05:01,202 --> 00:05:02,471

or some Phoenician trading post.

00:05:02,572 --> 00:05:04,743

I'm talking

Sicani, Siculi, Elimi.

00:05:04,876 --> 00:05:07,180

- Excuse me?

- He's obsessed with Sicily.

00:05:07,281 --> 00:05:08,416

Not obsessed.

00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:09,953

Simply getting in touch

with my roots.

00:05:10,053 --> 00:05:12,024

Bandfish with cheese?

Pistachios, introduced

00:05:12,124 --> 00:05:13,260

to the island by

Arabian traders,

00:05:13,393 --> 00:05:14,529

according to my research.

00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:15,932

You cooked?

I've got plenty of

00:05:16,032 --> 00:05:17,234

poison in my lab already.

00:05:17,334 --> 00:05:18,637

You know what?

I looked at this vase

00:05:18,737 --> 00:05:20,908

and realized we don't have

to be like this.

00:05:21,008 --> 00:05:22,311

We don't hug each other.

00:05:22,411 --> 00:05:23,980

We leave each other hanging,

and we certainly don't

00:05:23,981 --> 00:05:25,450

dance shoulder to shoulder.

00:05:25,551 --> 00:05:27,589

Because we're smart

and your shoulders are pointy.

00:05:27,722 --> 00:05:29,526

Dad, what can you tell me

about my Aunt Rosa?

00:05:29,626 --> 00:05:31,997

Does she have a lilting voice?

I bet she has a lilting voice.

00:05:32,130 --> 00:05:34,201

Look. I've had very

little contact with them.

00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:36,372

They're just people

who live somewhere else

00:05:36,472 --> 00:05:38,978

and happen to have someone

in their family tree

00:05:39,078 --> 00:05:40,515

who slept with someone in mine.

00:05:40,615 --> 00:05:42,484

And from there,

two families diverged.

00:05:42,585 --> 00:05:45,422

One grew cold and self-centered

as the other tended

00:05:45,423 --> 00:05:47,562

the fields

under the blue Sicilian sky,

00:05:47,662 --> 00:05:50,234

singing and laughing together,

growing pistachios,

00:05:50,334 --> 00:05:52,438

commonly referred to

as the warmest of nuts.

00:05:52,539 --> 00:05:53,974

I can think

of two warmer.

00:05:54,074 --> 00:05:56,514

- Dad, could you fly me there?

- I don't know, son.

00:05:56,614 --> 00:05:59,786

In my experience,

family can be a real mixed bag.

00:05:59,886 --> 00:06:02,457

Yeah. I'd hate to see you

go there and be disappointed.

00:06:02,625 --> 00:06:04,762

What am I saying?

I would love to see that.

00:06:04,862 --> 00:06:07,668

Same here.

Plus, we're out of pistachios.

00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,606

So how was the show?

00:06:09,740 --> 00:06:11,844

Is he as good

as they say in all the odes?

00:06:11,977 --> 00:06:14,749

Better.

Live battle is such a thrill.

00:06:14,849 --> 00:06:17,254

This is crazy.

I got way more battle skills

00:06:17,354 --> 00:06:18,556

than any of those guys.

00:06:18,557 --> 00:06:20,026

Well, of course you do, darling.

00:06:20,126 --> 00:06:22,364

So how come Scott's never

breathlessly referred

00:06:22,464 --> 00:06:24,535

to my work as "a revelation"?

00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:26,907

The only reason

everybody doesn't know that

00:06:27,041 --> 00:06:29,311

is because you always kill

or cut out the tongue

00:06:29,411 --> 00:06:31,583

of anyone who could pass on

that information.

00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:34,856

You have to leave someone

alive with a tongue

00:06:34,990 --> 00:06:36,224

to tell the story.

00:06:36,225 --> 00:06:38,430

Leave someone alive

with a tongue?

00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:41,368

Why don't I just braid

them a friendship bracelet?

00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:43,105

It just sucks to do

all the work and get

00:06:43,106 --> 00:06:44,375

none of the recognition.

00:06:44,475 --> 00:06:47,549

Ugh. Stupendous,

the heroes who get odes and fans

00:06:47,649 --> 00:06:50,019

are just the ones

who know how to self-promote.

00:06:50,020 --> 00:06:51,222

Isn't that kind of gross?

00:06:51,322 --> 00:06:52,893

Gross and necessary.

00:06:52,993 --> 00:06:54,695

If you want people to recognize

your talent,

00:06:54,696 --> 00:06:57,668

I could be your sponsor,

like Hector has Apollo.

00:06:57,669 --> 00:06:59,839

It would be a way

for us to spend some

00:06:59,973 --> 00:07:00,975

more time together.

00:07:01,108 --> 00:07:02,778

Well, that would

be nice, I guess.

00:07:02,878 --> 00:07:05,717

There we go,

and of course, as your mother,

00:07:05,818 --> 00:07:09,492

I would waive the traditional

15% of all burnt offerings.

00:07:09,593 --> 00:07:13,433

How does 10 sound?

8, but that's as low as I go.

00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,203

- 9.

- OK, maybe,

00:07:15,303 --> 00:07:16,506

but I'm not wearing makeup!

00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:17,942

You will wear

stage makeup,

00:07:18,042 --> 00:07:20,012

or I shall smite everyone

in this town.

00:07:20,013 --> 00:07:22,518

Fine, but no blush.

It washes me out.

00:07:22,685 --> 00:07:24,421

Wow! So she's gonna

do it, huh?

00:07:24,522 --> 00:07:25,991

This is very exciting!

00:07:26,091 --> 00:07:28,263

Who is this?

Are you part of this somehow?

00:07:28,396 --> 00:07:29,699

Am I supposed to know

who you are?

00:07:29,833 --> 00:07:32,271

I thought so,

but I guess it's good

00:07:32,438 --> 00:07:33,774

to know if not.

00:07:39,953 --> 00:07:41,990

Mm-wha. There. Now you're ready

to knock them dead.

00:07:42,124 --> 00:07:44,328

Isn't that specifically

what I'm not doing?

00:07:44,462 --> 00:07:46,600

What you're doing

is becoming a legend

00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:50,306

sponsored by the goddess

of winning--Deliria.

00:07:51,776 --> 00:07:53,313

Hyah!

00:07:54,616 --> 00:07:56,185

Whoa.

What are you doing?

00:07:56,285 --> 00:07:57,454

Gargie

doesn't feel pain.

00:07:57,555 --> 00:07:59,091

Oh, Gargie

can't feel pain,

00:07:59,191 --> 00:08:00,762

but can Gargie die of burns?

00:08:00,862 --> 00:08:03,634

Uh, I don't think so.

Now go put yourself out.

00:08:03,734 --> 00:08:06,004

We need to burn something

during the show.

00:08:06,906 --> 00:08:10,915

Ha! Who is this tall drink

of razzmatazz?

00:08:11,015 --> 00:08:12,952

Showbiz looks good on you,

Stupendous.

00:08:13,053 --> 00:08:15,023

Thank you.

I did the makeup.

00:08:15,123 --> 00:08:17,461

I'm getting rather good

at lightning bolts.

00:08:17,562 --> 00:08:19,298

I'm a big fan

of your earlier stuff.

00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:20,634

Oh, the Trojan War? Ha!

00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,137

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

people love that one,

00:08:22,237 --> 00:08:25,343

but it's the stuff I do now

that really gets

00:08:25,443 --> 00:08:26,713

the blind men talking.

00:08:26,846 --> 00:08:29,352

- Are you wearing fake hair?

- Oh, it's not fake hair.

00:08:29,452 --> 00:08:30,587

It's show hair,

and it's real.

00:08:30,721 --> 00:08:31,890

It's just not mine.

00:08:31,991 --> 00:08:33,594

So you want to be

a part of the show?

00:08:33,727 --> 00:08:34,996

- What can you do?

- Oh, I don't know.

00:08:35,096 --> 00:08:36,600

Kill with my sword.

Kill with my ax.

00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:38,503

Kill with pulling guys apart

with my hands.

00:08:38,603 --> 00:08:39,906

Kill with stomping my feet.

00:08:40,006 --> 00:08:41,441

Kill with crushing guys

between my thighs.

00:08:41,543 --> 00:08:43,045

Kill with

throwing guys off of cliffs.

00:08:43,145 --> 00:08:44,916

Kill with throwing guys

off of high walls. Um...

00:08:45,016 --> 00:08:46,485

That's why you've

never heard of her.

00:08:46,653 --> 00:08:48,456

Everyone she encounters dies.

00:08:48,557 --> 00:08:50,227

What's that little battle cry

you have that

00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:51,596

always makes me chuckle?

00:08:51,696 --> 00:08:54,801

- Not today!

- Oh, she's good, isn't she?

00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:57,007

Thanks, Mom.

OK, Stupendous.

00:08:57,107 --> 00:08:59,846

Show me what that big,

beautiful arm can do.

00:08:59,946 --> 00:09:02,651

Knock his beard off!

I know you can do it.

00:09:02,652 --> 00:09:06,291

You're my daughter,

and you're Stupendous.

00:09:11,670 --> 00:09:14,007

Oh, check it out.

00:09:19,018 --> 00:09:21,122

Ha ha! That's what

I'm talking about.

00:09:22,224 --> 00:09:25,296

Deliria, where did you

find this star?

00:09:25,297 --> 00:09:27,902

In my uterus!

00:09:28,002 --> 00:09:30,239

Now, Ty, there's

a very real chance

00:09:30,373 --> 00:09:31,810

they hate me for some reason.

00:09:31,910 --> 00:09:34,549

That's not based on anything

I know about them.

00:09:34,649 --> 00:09:36,352

It's just an observable pattern.

00:09:36,452 --> 00:09:40,327

I doubt our Sicilian...

tigge, uh, would hate you.

00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:42,464

That's Elymian for "family,"

I think.

00:09:42,565 --> 00:09:44,569

Might actually be Siculian.

00:09:44,703 --> 00:09:45,671

Who's there?

00:09:45,805 --> 00:09:47,408

Uh, hello. Nunu--

Huh?

00:09:47,509 --> 00:09:49,612

Uh, my, uh, name is Tyrannis,

00:09:49,613 --> 00:09:52,184

and I believe

we are distant relatives.

00:09:52,284 --> 00:09:55,290

Sal, who's at the door?

His name's Tyrannis.

00:09:55,390 --> 00:09:56,727

He says he's a distant relative.

00:09:56,827 --> 00:09:58,495

- A relative?

- Yeah, distant.

00:09:58,597 --> 00:10:01,401

We got family at the door?

That's what Sal says.

00:10:01,402 --> 00:10:02,671

Yeah. Distant relatives.

00:10:02,805 --> 00:10:04,341

Distant means

nothing to me.

00:10:04,442 --> 00:10:06,278

Hey, everybody.

There's family here.

00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:10,655

I'm your Auntie Rosa.

This is your Uncle Vince.

00:10:10,755 --> 00:10:13,059

These are your cousins

Antonia, Angelo, Maria,

00:10:13,159 --> 00:10:16,667

Checca, Antonelo, Carmala,

Carmalo, Sal, Nunzio,

00:10:16,767 --> 00:10:18,236

and there's a bunch more

in the kitchen.

00:10:18,336 --> 00:10:19,606

Are you hungry?

00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:20,974

Of course he's hungry.

Look at him.

00:10:21,108 --> 00:10:22,645

Hey.

You like pistachios?

00:10:22,745 --> 00:10:24,583

We grow them on our farm.

Out of this world.

00:10:24,683 --> 00:10:25,851

What do you do for a living, Ty?

00:10:25,951 --> 00:10:27,287

Well, I'm the king

of Krapop--

00:10:27,387 --> 00:10:29,291

A king? Everybody,

cousin Ty's a king!

00:10:29,391 --> 00:10:30,626

- Ohh!

- Ohh!

00:10:30,627 --> 00:10:32,497

Sal, get some pistachios

for your king cousin!

00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:34,134

I got to hand it

to you, Ty.

00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:35,571

Your family is awesome.

00:10:35,671 --> 00:10:36,973

His family? Ohh!

00:10:37,073 --> 00:10:39,344

You're in this great big

meatball, too, Pesce.

00:10:40,881 --> 00:10:42,251

You have to stay

for dinner.

00:10:42,384 --> 00:10:44,154

This isn't dinner?

No. We eat constantly.

00:10:44,254 --> 00:10:45,991

And after dinner,

will there be dancing?

00:10:46,091 --> 00:10:47,661

Will there be dancing?

Are you out of your mind?

00:10:47,795 --> 00:10:49,196

Of course there'll be dancing.

00:10:52,705 --> 00:10:55,142

Ladies and gentlemen,

people and horse people,

00:10:55,143 --> 00:10:56,245

are you ready?

00:10:56,345 --> 00:10:57,782

No. I can't hear you.

00:10:57,882 --> 00:11:03,660

I said are you ready

for the showdowwwwnnn?

00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,765

Now don't be nervous.

You've got this.

00:11:05,898 --> 00:11:08,870

Why would I be nervous?

I've killed actual armies.

00:11:08,971 --> 00:11:11,108

This is nothing. Wait.

Are you nervous?

00:11:11,209 --> 00:11:15,450

No. Just do everything exactly

the way we rehearsed and smile.

00:11:15,551 --> 00:11:16,686

People love a happy warrior.

00:11:16,786 --> 00:11:17,988

OK.

00:11:18,089 --> 00:11:20,627

Hailing from the Polis of Krap,

00:11:20,727 --> 00:11:22,297

it's the Mountain

of the Mediterranean,

00:11:22,397 --> 00:11:24,267

the one-eyed wonder herself,

00:11:24,367 --> 00:11:29,178

the sexy, super Stupendous!

00:11:29,311 --> 00:11:33,620

And from the dungeon under

that spooky castle in Thebes,

00:11:33,753 --> 00:11:35,691

you know him, you fear him.

00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:38,262

I just think he's kind of cute.

00:11:38,362 --> 00:11:40,901

Dragonnnnn!

00:11:43,206 --> 00:11:45,511

Warriors, ready?

00:11:45,611 --> 00:11:46,980

Battle!

00:11:54,294 --> 00:11:56,599

Aah!

00:11:56,699 --> 00:11:58,269

Hyah!

00:11:59,705 --> 00:12:01,643

Hoo! Aah! Ooh!

00:12:05,518 --> 00:12:07,287

Huh! Ah! Unh!

00:12:08,557 --> 00:12:09,892

Stay down!

What?

00:12:09,992 --> 00:12:11,663

He has to do

his catchphrase first.

00:12:11,797 --> 00:12:13,801

Know why they call me dragon?

00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:18,076

'Cause I'm draggin'

this tail across your face!

00:12:18,176 --> 00:12:20,046

Unh! Agh!

00:12:20,146 --> 00:12:21,849

Now you!

00:12:21,850 --> 00:12:23,419

Not today!

00:12:23,553 --> 00:12:25,056

Aah!

00:12:25,156 --> 00:12:26,526

Ohh!

00:12:35,176 --> 00:12:38,951

Ladies and gentlemen,

the great Stupendous,

00:12:39,084 --> 00:12:42,992

daughter of me,

destroyer of this dragon.

00:12:43,092 --> 00:12:46,098

Are you getting all this,

blind men in the press box?

00:12:46,198 --> 00:12:49,438

Bland man: Can someone

describe him to us?

00:12:51,075 --> 00:12:52,845

I can't believe

Ty was right.

00:12:52,945 --> 00:12:54,181

This family seems awesome.

00:12:54,281 --> 00:12:55,884

You know what

they remind me of?

00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:57,120

Strangers at the bar.

00:12:57,220 --> 00:12:58,757

You know,

that's exactly right.

00:12:58,890 --> 00:13:00,226

It's like a family that acts

like drunk people

00:13:00,326 --> 00:13:02,464

you don't know that make

you feel more like family

00:13:02,599 --> 00:13:03,734

than family does.

00:13:03,834 --> 00:13:05,336

See? This is how

it should be.

00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:07,140

Shoulder to shoulder.

Just how I dreamt it.

00:13:07,307 --> 00:13:09,444

They enjoy each other,

look after each other.

00:13:09,545 --> 00:13:10,814

I've not seen one eyeroll.

00:13:10,914 --> 00:13:12,585

Do you know how hard it is

to go through a day

00:13:12,685 --> 00:13:13,887

in our house without being

eyerolled

00:13:13,987 --> 00:13:15,189

or eyerolling someone else?

00:13:15,289 --> 00:13:16,727

I do it constantly

at home,

00:13:16,827 --> 00:13:18,162

but here,

I wouldn't think of it.

00:13:18,262 --> 00:13:19,698

I don't even feel dumb dancing.

00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,335

I'm feeling so

at ease here,

00:13:21,435 --> 00:13:24,441

I've not once had the urge

to change the topic to sex.

00:13:24,542 --> 00:13:28,048

Wait. Do I change the topic

to sex to avoid discomfort?

00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:30,387

Let's everyone have sex

with everyone else.

00:13:31,556 --> 00:13:33,058

Who's that? More family?

00:13:33,158 --> 00:13:36,198

No, it's our cousins,

the Bonaseras.

00:13:36,298 --> 00:13:38,871

Even more family.

What an embarrassment of riches.

00:13:38,971 --> 00:13:40,707

We hate them.

Why do we hate them?

00:13:40,807 --> 00:13:42,612

They disrespected us.

00:13:42,712 --> 00:13:43,913

Who would do such a thing?

00:13:43,914 --> 00:13:45,517

Because you stole our farm!

00:13:45,651 --> 00:13:46,686

Is that true?

00:13:46,820 --> 00:13:48,022

Of course we stole

their farm

00:13:48,122 --> 00:13:49,559

because they disrespected us.

00:13:49,659 --> 00:13:51,529

We didn't start

disrespecting you until after.

00:13:51,629 --> 00:13:52,931

There were inklings.

00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:55,437

We stole their farm

on a hunch of disrespect?

00:13:55,538 --> 00:13:57,641

We stole it on inklings.

00:13:57,642 --> 00:13:58,810

Full family fight!

00:13:58,910 --> 00:14:00,112

Full family fight!

00:14:00,213 --> 00:14:02,886

Full family fight!

Full family fight!

00:14:03,019 --> 00:14:05,289

- Fists?

- Sure. Knives?

00:14:05,423 --> 00:14:06,692

You betcha. Bats?

00:14:06,793 --> 00:14:07,929

Pillows maybe.

00:14:08,029 --> 00:14:09,331

Filled with rocks. Yes.

00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:12,404

One of our two whole families

is dying tonight!

00:14:14,976 --> 00:14:18,081

Apollo,

I didn't know you'd be here.

00:14:18,082 --> 00:14:20,487

Yeah, I had to welcome

you to the big leagues.

00:14:20,588 --> 00:14:21,790

Please make a plate.

00:14:21,890 --> 00:14:23,126

I always make sure Hector has

00:14:23,226 --> 00:14:24,863

the best snacks

for his strength.

00:14:24,963 --> 00:14:26,298

Goddess Deliria!

Oh. It's you.

00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:28,902

- I've run all day and night.

- There we go.

00:14:28,903 --> 00:14:30,439

The Kassites are invading.

00:14:30,540 --> 00:14:32,711

This one likes to talk

about how far he's run.

00:14:32,811 --> 00:14:34,381

Can't get enough of it.

Oh, yeah?

00:14:34,516 --> 00:14:36,252

How far have you got?

What's your personal best?

00:14:36,385 --> 00:14:37,722

Oh, you can't be serious.

00:14:37,822 --> 00:14:39,057

I must find Stupendous.

00:14:39,190 --> 00:14:40,493

- Her army is--

- Stupendous is busy.

00:14:40,594 --> 00:14:43,165

- But the Kassites are--

- She's busy, I said.

00:14:44,702 --> 00:14:45,838

All right.

00:14:46,005 --> 00:14:47,407

This isn't actually my record,

00:14:47,508 --> 00:14:50,514

but Marathon to Athens feels

like a good length for--Aah!

00:14:50,647 --> 00:14:52,952

I never think

to zap people sooner.

00:14:53,052 --> 00:14:55,758

Look at him go.

You do run fast!

00:14:55,891 --> 00:14:57,728

Thanks!

It's really a lifestyle!

00:14:57,862 --> 00:14:58,930

Aah!

00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:07,615

Not today!

NOT today! Not to-DAYYY!

00:15:07,715 --> 00:15:09,652

No. Too weird.

Stupendous,

00:15:09,752 --> 00:15:11,556

this is going to be huge.

00:15:11,656 --> 00:15:12,791

Tell her what you told me.

00:15:12,792 --> 00:15:14,794

I had a genius idea.

00:15:14,795 --> 00:15:16,298

They're desperate

for a new hero,

00:15:16,398 --> 00:15:18,002

and I need to keep

the show fresh,

00:15:18,102 --> 00:15:20,173

so it's time for me to go down,

00:15:20,273 --> 00:15:22,812

and I want you to be

the one who beats me.

00:15:22,912 --> 00:15:24,982

- Hector promise Gargie.

- Gargie, you're dying.

00:15:25,116 --> 00:15:26,986

- Gargie didn't know that.

- Come on, man.

00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:28,524

Look at yourself.

You're full of arrows.

00:15:28,624 --> 00:15:32,229

Think about it, Stupe.

The great Hector blindsided

00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:33,934

by the up-and-comer Stupendous!

00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,537

The world gets a new hero,

00:15:35,671 --> 00:15:38,042

and then maybe down the line,

we'll give me a redemption arc,

00:15:38,142 --> 00:15:40,080

or I come back

as Dark Hector, my evil twin.

00:15:40,180 --> 00:15:41,750

Da da da. We'll figure it out.

00:15:41,850 --> 00:15:43,285

But when we get out there,

beat me.

00:15:43,386 --> 00:15:44,822

I've been wanting to move

into more

00:15:44,922 --> 00:15:46,325

of a producing role anyway.

00:15:46,458 --> 00:15:47,927

Uh, heh heh.

Wait, Hector.

00:15:47,928 --> 00:15:49,331

Uh, we didn't talk about this.

00:15:49,498 --> 00:15:52,905

Apollo, baby, trust me.

It'll be great!

00:15:53,005 --> 00:15:54,642

For her maybe.

What about me?

00:15:54,742 --> 00:15:58,617

Suddenly, the great Apollo

is sponsoring a loser?

00:15:58,717 --> 00:16:00,019

Suddenly, friggin' Deliria

00:16:00,119 --> 00:16:02,724

is the god of the greatest

warrior in the world

00:16:02,725 --> 00:16:04,795

and getting my fatted lambs?!

00:16:04,895 --> 00:16:05,964

Works for us.

00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,432

Well, it doesn't

work for me!

00:16:07,433 --> 00:16:08,937

Oh, be a team player,

Apollo!

00:16:09,071 --> 00:16:10,338

It's for the story, and, Stupe,

00:16:10,339 --> 00:16:11,977

please don't forget

to pull your punches.

00:16:12,077 --> 00:16:14,081

I'm not the warrior I once was.

00:16:14,181 --> 00:16:15,316

Right. I'm just so used

00:16:15,416 --> 00:16:16,987

to punching my punches,

you know?

00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:19,057

Stupendous!

Ugh. This guy.

00:16:19,157 --> 00:16:20,994

Your army has done everything

they can without you,

00:16:21,094 --> 00:16:23,232

but the Kassites are too tough.

The Kassites?

00:16:23,332 --> 00:16:24,969

Tell us more

about what you think

00:16:25,069 --> 00:16:26,540

the best running distance is.

00:16:26,673 --> 00:16:28,810

It's Marathon to Athens,

and it's catching on.

00:16:28,910 --> 00:16:31,114

No.

What about the Kassites?

00:16:31,215 --> 00:16:32,383

They're invading,

00:16:32,483 --> 00:16:33,920

and your army is

not doing great.

00:16:33,921 --> 00:16:35,591

They're trying to fight them

without me?

00:16:35,691 --> 00:16:36,993

Why didn't they tell me earlier?

00:16:37,093 --> 00:16:38,730

They tried,

but your mom stopped me

00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:39,831

from giving you the message.

00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,301

She did what?!

00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:44,074

Stopped me

from delivering the message.

00:16:44,207 --> 00:16:45,944

Uh, zap!

Whoa. Wait a minute.

00:16:46,044 --> 00:16:47,915

This is going in

a pretty good direction for me.

00:16:48,015 --> 00:16:49,484

What are you doing?

00:16:49,585 --> 00:16:51,021

My job.

00:16:51,121 --> 00:16:53,660

No, no, no.

You cannot do this to me.

00:16:53,793 --> 00:16:56,097

I didn't have a daughter

and name her Stupendous

00:16:56,198 --> 00:16:57,801

to not get credit.

00:16:57,935 --> 00:16:59,470

You can be replaced!

00:16:59,572 --> 00:17:00,641

Don't care.

00:17:00,741 --> 00:17:04,481

Oh, Gargie not looking

so bad now, hey, Hector?

00:17:07,253 --> 00:17:08,923

Is there any way

we can match up by weight?

00:17:09,024 --> 00:17:11,663

There's a fellow over there

I might do much better against.

00:17:11,763 --> 00:17:13,032

You get who you get.

00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:15,302

That's the rules

of a full family fight.

00:17:15,469 --> 00:17:17,675

But my dad got matched up

with your family monster,

00:17:17,808 --> 00:17:20,580

and it looks like my

brother's fighting a baby?

00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:23,552

That's just a coincidence.

It's not by size.

00:17:23,553 --> 00:17:25,256

Your father could have just

as easily got

00:17:25,356 --> 00:17:27,194

matched up with that baby.

00:17:27,294 --> 00:17:28,563

- Ohh!

- You know what?

00:17:28,663 --> 00:17:30,600

I may have overestimated

the Sicilian lifestyle.

00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:33,640

I think our side of the family

has some wonderful traits.

00:17:33,740 --> 00:17:36,078

Like, for example,

the one where we run away

00:17:36,178 --> 00:17:37,447

when things get rough.

00:17:37,581 --> 00:17:39,318

Agreed. Dad, want to fly

us out of here?

00:17:39,418 --> 00:17:42,658

I cannot wait to stop

caring about these people.

00:17:42,758 --> 00:17:45,095

Hey. You don't leave

your family like this!

00:17:45,195 --> 00:17:47,099

This is, as it turns out,

the exact amount

00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,402

of family that I can handle.

00:17:48,503 --> 00:17:51,308

Gargie, Gargie,

Gargie, Gargie...

00:17:51,408 --> 00:17:53,312

So you're sponsoring who now?

00:17:53,478 --> 00:17:55,049

- Gargie.

- Hmm. That's a shame.

00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:56,853

He's got, like,

what, two minutes left?

00:17:56,953 --> 00:17:58,255

Well, the crowd loves him,

00:17:58,388 --> 00:18:01,295

and by definition,

that means they love me.

00:18:01,395 --> 00:18:03,298

People seem to

want Gargie to win.

00:18:03,399 --> 00:18:04,868

You know they're

cheering for you

00:18:04,969 --> 00:18:06,071

as a joke, right?

00:18:06,238 --> 00:18:07,740

Gargie feels

pretty good.

00:18:07,741 --> 00:18:09,712

Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!

00:18:09,812 --> 00:18:10,948

Ohh.

00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:12,316

Of course you feel good.

00:18:12,416 --> 00:18:13,820

You don't feel anything.

00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,388

Gargie doing Gargie best.

00:18:15,389 --> 00:18:17,628

Gargie giving all. Gargie good.

00:18:17,728 --> 00:18:19,966

Yeah, exactly.

You're Gargie good.

00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:21,266

You're just not good good.

00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:24,040

Gargie good

good good for Gargie.

00:18:24,140 --> 00:18:26,278

I got into this game

because Hector's hot

00:18:26,378 --> 00:18:27,682

and I have a thing for Troy.

00:18:27,782 --> 00:18:31,656

Remind me what your

relationship is to that.

00:18:33,091 --> 00:18:34,994

My daughter

had other priorities.

00:18:34,995 --> 00:18:37,099

Oh, that's a shame.

She's a star.

00:18:37,233 --> 00:18:38,969

She really made you look good.

00:18:38,970 --> 00:18:41,442

Gargie's internal organs

are failing.

00:18:41,543 --> 00:18:44,047

Gargie's bleeding

from all holes!

00:18:44,147 --> 00:18:46,418

But Gargie's still fine!

00:18:46,553 --> 00:18:48,890

Unh!

Huh!

00:18:50,593 --> 00:18:51,461

Not now, Mom.

00:18:51,462 --> 00:18:53,298

Is there anything

I can do to get you

00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:54,735

back to the arena?

00:18:54,869 --> 00:18:55,838

Huh! Unh!

00:18:55,971 --> 00:18:57,207

All these swords are fake!

00:18:57,307 --> 00:18:58,510

Well, do you expect?

00:18:58,610 --> 00:19:00,480

You grabbed them

from the prop pile.

00:19:00,581 --> 00:19:02,217

I'm not going back there.

00:19:02,317 --> 00:19:05,022

Can't you see I have work to do?

00:19:05,156 --> 00:19:07,528

Damn prop!

Look what you made me into.

00:19:07,695 --> 00:19:10,634

I'm a joke of a warrior.

My makeup is running.

00:19:10,734 --> 00:19:12,604

That should be blood!

00:19:12,738 --> 00:19:13,573

Aah!

00:19:13,706 --> 00:19:15,911

I was trying

to help you.

00:19:16,044 --> 00:19:17,313

If you're trying

to help me,

00:19:17,413 --> 00:19:19,083

why don't you help me here?

00:19:19,184 --> 00:19:21,689

You want glory?

You want to sponsor me?

00:19:21,789 --> 00:19:22,924

- Aah!

- Do it!

00:19:23,025 --> 00:19:24,895

Here where

no one can see?

00:19:24,896 --> 00:19:25,964

Yes!

00:19:26,064 --> 00:19:27,634

Ugh.

00:19:31,876 --> 00:19:32,811

- Aah!

- Ohh!

00:19:32,911 --> 00:19:34,214

- Unh!

- Agh!

00:19:34,314 --> 00:19:36,118

Arrr!

Aah!

00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:37,521

- Unh!

- Aah!

00:19:37,621 --> 00:19:38,556

- Ugh!

- Unh!

00:19:38,657 --> 00:19:40,159

Wait!

What? What now?

00:19:40,259 --> 00:19:42,362

Leave someone to

tell the story.

00:19:42,363 --> 00:19:43,833

That seems braggy.

00:19:43,967 --> 00:19:46,171

Just one guy, like--

00:19:46,271 --> 00:19:47,774

ugh--him.

Oh!

00:19:47,941 --> 00:19:49,277

Hey, you!

Go tell everyone

00:19:49,377 --> 00:19:50,847

that Stupe beat these guys.

00:19:50,947 --> 00:19:53,919

No! Go back and tell

them Deliria stepped in

00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:57,093

and say Stupe was losing

until she prayed to me.

00:19:57,193 --> 00:19:58,328

I didn't pray.

00:19:58,495 --> 00:19:59,932

I just made

a reasonable request.

00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,969

Fine. Just make sure

you tell them that

00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:07,313

my daughter Stupendous lived up

to her name and always will.

00:20:07,413 --> 00:20:08,850

OK. I think I got it.

00:20:08,950 --> 00:20:10,185

Wow. Thanks, Mom.

00:20:10,352 --> 00:20:12,123

- Oh, don't go soft on me now.

- I'm not.

00:20:12,256 --> 00:20:14,494

I just got glitter in my eye

from that cannon.

00:20:14,595 --> 00:20:16,933

No, no.

What are you doing?

00:20:17,066 --> 00:20:18,336

- No need for that.

- Huh?

00:20:18,436 --> 00:20:20,339

What possible reason? Stand up.

00:20:20,439 --> 00:20:21,609

Well, I was gonna run to--

00:20:21,710 --> 00:20:25,216

No. Walk. Oh. You know what?

No knees!

00:20:25,316 --> 00:20:27,420

Oh, man. Huh!

00:20:27,521 --> 00:20:28,956

Heh. Much better.

00:20:31,294 --> 00:20:32,429

I don't know what

you're worried about.

00:20:32,430 --> 00:20:33,265

The show was a triumph.

00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:35,368

I'm not worried.

I know it was good.

00:20:35,369 --> 00:20:37,740

I'm just telling you

that I think it can be better.

00:20:37,741 --> 00:20:39,945

Um, sorry.

Is this a knock on me?

00:20:39,946 --> 00:20:42,150

Because I can only work

with what you're giving me.

00:20:42,250 --> 00:20:43,720

I'm giving you gold out there!

00:20:43,820 --> 00:20:46,458

Ha ha! Well, let's not

get carried away.

00:20:46,559 --> 00:20:47,627

You're a dick, you know that?

00:20:47,628 --> 00:20:49,397

Yeah, I have been told.

00:20:49,497 --> 00:20:51,503

Now, where's this incredible

weapon supposed to be?

00:20:51,603 --> 00:20:53,606

Gargie said it would be here,

but I'm not see--

00:20:53,706 --> 00:20:55,042

Wait, wait,

wait a minute.

00:20:55,209 --> 00:20:56,377

Gargie? Gargie? Really?

00:20:56,478 --> 00:20:58,215

The giant you've been

progressively

00:20:58,315 --> 00:20:59,885

killing and humiliating?

00:20:59,985 --> 00:21:01,420

Yeah. Why?

Hector!

00:21:01,421 --> 00:21:03,826

Clean my stables

and call me Augeas.

00:21:03,927 --> 00:21:05,463

I know that voice!

00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:08,334

- Achilles!

- I've got you now.

00:21:08,335 --> 00:21:10,640

Ruh-roh!

Think fast, Hec.

00:21:10,741 --> 00:21:13,579

Damn you, Gargie!

00:21:31,114 --> 00:21:32,617

Dan Harmon:

Did you get any of that?

00:21:34,989 --> 00:21:36,926

Bento.

00:00:04,710 --> 00:00:05,778

and this is for you,

00:00:05,878 --> 00:00:06,814

and you get a little.

00:00:06,914 --> 00:00:08,283

Ty: Dad, what are you doing?

00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:11,456

Shlub: Every so often I have

to go through and remusk

00:00:11,557 --> 00:00:12,491

all of my possessions.

00:00:12,626 --> 00:00:14,129

Otherwise, who would

know they're mine?

00:00:14,229 --> 00:00:15,531

Oh, this is a family heirloom.

00:00:15,631 --> 00:00:17,400

Won't be losing this.

00:00:17,401 --> 00:00:18,237

[Sniffs]

00:00:18,370 --> 00:00:19,906

Don't touch that.

It's mine.

00:00:20,007 --> 00:00:21,042

Yes, so I smelled.

00:00:21,142 --> 00:00:22,512

It's interesting.

Looks foreign.

00:00:22,646 --> 00:00:25,918

It's actually from

the Sicilian side of my family.

00:00:26,018 --> 00:00:27,990

- I have Sicilian relatives?

- Yes.

00:00:28,090 --> 00:00:30,060

It's one of those big, warm,

loving families.

00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,064

- You know Sicilians.

- I don't.

00:00:32,164 --> 00:00:33,767

Is that what they're like?

00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:34,903

Who's this?

00:00:35,004 --> 00:00:36,406

Shlub: Well, there's

your Aunt Rosa.

00:00:36,540 --> 00:00:37,876

Ty: And who is she smiling at?

Shlub: Her son,

00:00:37,976 --> 00:00:39,279

which would be your cousin Sal.

00:00:39,379 --> 00:00:40,715

She looks like she loves him.

00:00:40,815 --> 00:00:42,952

Bet she never cuts him

down with sarcastic asides.

00:00:43,052 --> 00:00:45,592

How wonderful that

must be for them both.

00:00:45,692 --> 00:00:46,661

May I keep this?

00:00:46,761 --> 00:00:48,931

If you can overpower

your old man's scent,

00:00:49,031 --> 00:00:50,635

then it's all yours.

00:00:50,735 --> 00:00:52,939

Messenger: King Ty,

I've just run all day and night

00:00:53,072 --> 00:00:54,308

to bring you this news.

00:00:54,408 --> 00:00:55,845

Ty: Sounds like you ran all day

and night

00:00:55,979 --> 00:00:57,247

to tell us you're into running.

00:00:57,248 --> 00:00:58,918

Stupe: That's just like

runners, isn't it?

00:00:59,018 --> 00:01:00,287

Every chance

they get to work it in.

00:01:00,420 --> 00:01:01,924

Forgive me.

I shouldn't have bragged

00:01:02,024 --> 00:01:03,191

about the running part.

00:01:03,192 --> 00:01:04,730

Hss. It's just pretty

extraordinary.

00:01:04,863 --> 00:01:07,100

The last guy who ran this far

died immediately after

00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:08,370

delivering his message.

00:01:08,504 --> 00:01:10,040

Well, I suppose you'd

better spit it out

00:01:10,140 --> 00:01:12,210

rather than foist

your lifestyle choices on us.

00:01:12,311 --> 00:01:14,348

Messenger: Once again, I didn't

come here to tell you I run,

00:01:14,482 --> 00:01:16,119

although there are some

great trails around here,

00:01:16,219 --> 00:01:17,688

and it's true about

the runner's high.

00:01:17,689 --> 00:01:19,626

Hippo: Spit it out!

Messenger: An army approaches.

00:01:19,726 --> 00:01:21,062

Stupe: Is it the Kassites?

00:01:21,162 --> 00:01:24,001

Messenger: No. The great

warrior Hector with his men.

00:01:24,101 --> 00:01:26,106

Stupe: Hector? Hector!

Messenger: Yes.

00:01:26,239 --> 00:01:28,243

He says anyone who wants

to see something spectacular

00:01:28,343 --> 00:01:29,813

should gather

in the amphitheater.

00:01:29,913 --> 00:01:31,249

Shlub: We have an amphitheater?

00:01:31,349 --> 00:01:32,652

Deliria: Stupendous

used to worship Hector.

00:01:32,752 --> 00:01:34,355

Stupe: Yeah.

I don't know about worship.

00:01:34,455 --> 00:01:36,292

Deliria: You had a fresco

of him in your bedroom.

00:01:36,392 --> 00:01:38,864

Stupe: I ate so much plaster

making out with that thing.

00:01:38,998 --> 00:01:40,299

It's one of the reasons

I get turned on

00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:41,770

when I smell someone

getting a cast.

00:01:41,903 --> 00:01:43,942

Deliria: Well, I think we

should go and see him.

00:01:44,042 --> 00:01:45,679

Runner person, when is the show?

00:01:45,779 --> 00:01:48,150

- He didn't say.

- Well, could you find out?

00:01:48,250 --> 00:01:49,653

Messenger:

Don't have to ask me twice.

00:01:49,786 --> 00:01:50,955

Anyone want to come with?

00:01:51,056 --> 00:01:52,826

Best way to start

is to just dive in.

00:01:52,959 --> 00:01:54,796

Anyone? No? All right.

00:01:54,896 --> 00:01:56,199

Have fun

with your heart disease.

00:01:56,299 --> 00:01:57,702

No offense.

Wish you all the best.

00:01:57,835 --> 00:01:59,171

Just saying.

00:02:15,805 --> 00:02:16,940

Singers: ♪ Huh ♪

00:02:17,107 --> 00:02:20,513

♪ Huh huh huh huh ♪

00:02:20,514 --> 00:02:22,685

♪ Whoo ♪

00:02:24,956 --> 00:02:26,827

Deliria: Oh! There's Hector now.

00:02:26,927 --> 00:02:28,731

God, look at those muscles.

00:02:28,831 --> 00:02:31,336

He looks like a wineskin

full of watermelons,

00:02:31,436 --> 00:02:33,006

and I do mean that

in a good way.

00:02:33,106 --> 00:02:35,812

Stupe:

What would the bad way be?

00:02:35,912 --> 00:02:38,817

Ha ha ha! Aah!

00:02:38,917 --> 00:02:39,786

[Ping]

00:02:39,886 --> 00:02:41,757

Ha ha! Hyah!

00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:43,594

[Cheering]

00:02:43,695 --> 00:02:45,865

Stupe: Hold on.

That guy's not oozing

00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:47,535

or spraying anything.

00:02:47,636 --> 00:02:48,605

Where's the blood

00:02:48,705 --> 00:02:50,340

and that mush that comes out

of people's ears

00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:51,910

when you hit them

in the head too hard?

00:02:52,010 --> 00:02:53,648

Deliria: Well, he's not

actually hurt.

00:02:53,748 --> 00:02:56,118

Stupe: Huh? Then why is

everyone applauding?

00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:58,156

Deliria: Stupendous,

it's a performance.

00:02:58,289 --> 00:02:59,491

These men are heroes.

00:02:59,593 --> 00:03:01,530

They're much too famous

for real war.

00:03:01,631 --> 00:03:04,335

Stupe: Real heroes fight

in real wars.

00:03:04,435 --> 00:03:06,038

This is more like, uh--

00:03:06,138 --> 00:03:07,742

Deliria: A skillful,

choreographed dance?

00:03:07,842 --> 00:03:10,046

Stupe: I was gonna say

a big, stupid lie.

00:03:10,180 --> 00:03:11,583

It makes a mockery of battle.

00:03:11,683 --> 00:03:13,787

Deliria: Oh, this is

better than battle, Stupendous.

00:03:13,921 --> 00:03:15,290

This is a show.

00:03:15,390 --> 00:03:17,026

Hector: Hyah!

Men: Unh!

00:03:17,027 --> 00:03:18,898

Man: Confettied them

right in the face!

00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:20,733

[Cheering]

00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:24,175

Stupe: This is what the great

hero of old Troy does now,

00:03:24,275 --> 00:03:25,545

play fighting?!

00:03:25,645 --> 00:03:27,782

Deliria: And making

a killing in mutton legs

00:03:27,882 --> 00:03:29,185

and novelty tourniquets.

00:03:29,318 --> 00:03:30,588

I wonder who represents him.

00:03:30,689 --> 00:03:32,290

Hector: Thanks, everybody.

Thank you.

00:03:32,391 --> 00:03:34,562

I'd like to thank Apollo

for his favor.

00:03:34,696 --> 00:03:36,666

If you liked today's show,

please make

00:03:36,767 --> 00:03:39,437

a livestock sacrifice

to the Sun God.

00:03:39,438 --> 00:03:41,610

Deliria: Of course,

like that tow-headed fop

00:03:41,711 --> 00:03:44,215

isn't already drowning

in fatted lambs.

00:03:44,315 --> 00:03:47,287

Apollo hogs all

the best warriors and hogs.

00:03:47,387 --> 00:03:50,027

Stupe: These aren't warriors.

Warriors war in wars,

00:03:50,127 --> 00:03:53,066

and they definitely don't curtsy

after they get stabbed.

00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:54,703

Deliria: Oh, come on,

Stupendous.

00:03:54,803 --> 00:03:57,141

Isn't there a little part of you

that would like to be up there?

00:03:57,241 --> 00:03:58,678

This is what you do.

00:03:58,811 --> 00:03:59,846

This is not what I do.

00:03:59,946 --> 00:04:02,117

I mean, do I ever throw in

a little cartwheel

00:04:02,217 --> 00:04:03,753

when I'm kicking

a guy's head off?

00:04:03,754 --> 00:04:06,726

Sure! I've got as much style

as the next guy, but this--

00:04:06,827 --> 00:04:08,931

Hector: Eat my child

and call me Zeus.

00:04:09,031 --> 00:04:10,634

Is that the goddess Deliria?

00:04:10,635 --> 00:04:13,674

Deliria: Hector,

you were magnificent!

00:04:13,775 --> 00:04:16,445

Hector: Really? I feel like

the short shadow of the sun show

00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:18,951

is never as good

as the long shadow show.

00:04:19,052 --> 00:04:20,419

Deliria: Oh, stop.

00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:23,392

You know, my daughter

is something of a hero, too.

00:04:23,492 --> 00:04:25,598

Hector: You don't say.

You know, we're always looking

00:04:25,698 --> 00:04:27,869

for warriors with fancy feet

and a winning smile.

00:04:27,969 --> 00:04:30,374

Thanks, but I do my winning

on the battlefield.

00:04:30,474 --> 00:04:31,910

Hector: Ha ha ha! Suit yourself.

00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:34,181

Del hon, let me know the next

time you're coming.

00:04:34,281 --> 00:04:36,386

I'll get you comped.

If you'll excuse me!

00:04:36,486 --> 00:04:39,091

Deliria: Look, Stupendous. Fans!

00:04:39,092 --> 00:04:40,360

Hector: OK, everybody.

00:04:40,494 --> 00:04:43,766

On 3, take a very vivid

mental picture.

00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:45,937

Sorry. I blinked.

One more--one more time,

00:04:45,938 --> 00:04:47,108

one more time.

00:04:47,208 --> 00:04:48,544

Hippo: Oh, Ty. There you are.

00:04:48,678 --> 00:04:51,248

Ty: Nunus tenti mim!

Hippo: Is that Hittite?

00:04:51,382 --> 00:04:54,154

Ty: It's "Hello, brother"

in Siculian, I think.

00:04:54,288 --> 00:04:56,292

That's one of the languages

of Sicily.

00:04:56,392 --> 00:04:58,129

Now, I've made a us

a real, traditional,

00:04:58,296 --> 00:04:59,497

authentic Sicilian meal,

00:04:59,498 --> 00:05:01,068

not the stuff you'd get

in the colonies

00:05:01,202 --> 00:05:02,471

or some Phoenician trading post.

00:05:02,572 --> 00:05:04,743

I'm talking

Sicani, Siculi, Elimi.

00:05:04,876 --> 00:05:07,180

- Excuse me?

- He's obsessed with Sicily.

00:05:07,281 --> 00:05:08,416

Ty: Not obsessed.

00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:09,953

Simply getting in touch

with my roots.

00:05:10,053 --> 00:05:12,024

Bandfish with cheese?

Pistachios, introduced

00:05:12,124 --> 00:05:13,260

to the island by

Arabian traders,

00:05:13,393 --> 00:05:14,529

according to my research.

00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:15,932

You cooked?

I've got plenty of

00:05:16,032 --> 00:05:17,234

poison in my lab already.

00:05:17,334 --> 00:05:18,637

Ty: You know what?

I looked at this vase

00:05:18,737 --> 00:05:20,908

and realized we don't have

to be like this.

00:05:21,008 --> 00:05:22,311

We don't hug each other.

00:05:22,411 --> 00:05:23,980

We leave each other hanging,

and we certainly don't

00:05:23,981 --> 00:05:25,450

dance shoulder to shoulder.

00:05:25,551 --> 00:05:27,589

Because we're smart

and your shoulders are pointy.

00:05:27,722 --> 00:05:29,526

Dad, what can you tell me

about my Aunt Rosa?

00:05:29,626 --> 00:05:31,997

Does she have a lilting voice?

I bet she has a lilting voice.

00:05:32,130 --> 00:05:34,201

Shlub: Look. I've had very

little contact with them.

00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:36,372

They're just people

who live somewhere else

00:05:36,472 --> 00:05:38,978

and happen to have someone

in their family tree

00:05:39,078 --> 00:05:40,515

who slept with someone in mine.

00:05:40,615 --> 00:05:42,484

And from there,

two families diverged.

00:05:42,585 --> 00:05:45,422

One grew cold and self-centered

as the other tended

00:05:45,423 --> 00:05:47,562

the fields

under the blue Sicilian sky,

00:05:47,662 --> 00:05:50,234

singing and laughing together,

growing pistachios,

00:05:50,334 --> 00:05:52,438

commonly referred to

as the warmest of nuts.

00:05:52,539 --> 00:05:53,974

Shlub: I can think

of two warmer.

00:05:54,074 --> 00:05:56,514

- Dad, could you fly me there?

- I don't know, son.

00:05:56,614 --> 00:05:59,786

In my experience,

family can be a real mixed bag.

00:05:59,886 --> 00:06:02,457

Hippo: Yeah. I'd hate to see you

go there and be disappointed.

00:06:02,625 --> 00:06:04,762

What am I saying?

I would love to see that.

00:06:04,862 --> 00:06:07,668

Shlub: Same here.

Plus, we're out of pistachios.

00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,606

Scott: So how was the show?

00:06:09,740 --> 00:06:11,844

Is he as good

as they say in all the odes?

00:06:11,977 --> 00:06:14,749

Deliria: Better.

Live battle is such a thrill.

00:06:14,849 --> 00:06:17,254

Stupe: This is crazy.

I got way more battle skills

00:06:17,354 --> 00:06:18,556

than any of those guys.

00:06:18,557 --> 00:06:20,026

Well, of course you do, darling.

00:06:20,126 --> 00:06:22,364

Stupe: So how come Scott's never

breathlessly referred

00:06:22,464 --> 00:06:24,535

to my work as "a revelation"?

00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:26,907

Deliria: The only reason

everybody doesn't know that

00:06:27,041 --> 00:06:29,311

is because you always kill

or cut out the tongue

00:06:29,411 --> 00:06:31,583

of anyone who could pass on

that information.

00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:34,856

You have to leave someone

alive with a tongue

00:06:34,990 --> 00:06:36,224

to tell the story.

00:06:36,225 --> 00:06:38,430

Leave someone alive

with a tongue?

00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:41,368

Why don't I just braid

them a friendship bracelet?

00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:43,105

It just sucks to do

all the work and get

00:06:43,106 --> 00:06:44,375

none of the recognition.

00:06:44,475 --> 00:06:47,549

Ugh. Stupendous,

the heroes who get odes and fans

00:06:47,649 --> 00:06:50,019

are just the ones

who know how to self-promote.

00:06:50,020 --> 00:06:51,222

Stupe: Isn't that kind of gross?

00:06:51,322 --> 00:06:52,893

Deliria: Gross and necessary.

00:06:52,993 --> 00:06:54,695

If you want people to recognize

your talent,

00:06:54,696 --> 00:06:57,668

I could be your sponsor,

like Hector has Apollo.

00:06:57,669 --> 00:06:59,839

It would be a way

for us to spend some

00:06:59,973 --> 00:07:00,975

more time together.

00:07:01,108 --> 00:07:02,778

Stupe: Well, that would

be nice, I guess.

00:07:02,878 --> 00:07:05,717

Deliria: There we go,

and of course, as your mother,

00:07:05,818 --> 00:07:09,492

I would waive the traditional

15% of all burnt offerings.

00:07:09,593 --> 00:07:13,433

How does 10 sound?

8, but that's as low as I go.

00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,203

- 9.

- OK, maybe,

00:07:15,303 --> 00:07:16,506

but I'm not wearing makeup!

00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:17,942

Deliria: You will wear

stage makeup,

00:07:18,042 --> 00:07:20,012

or I shall smite everyone

in this town.

00:07:20,013 --> 00:07:22,518

Stupe: Fine, but no blush.

It washes me out.

00:07:22,685 --> 00:07:24,421

Scott: Wow! So she's gonna

do it, huh?

00:07:24,522 --> 00:07:25,991

This is very exciting!

00:07:26,091 --> 00:07:28,263

Deliria: Who is this?

Are you part of this somehow?

00:07:28,396 --> 00:07:29,699

Am I supposed to know

who you are?

00:07:29,833 --> 00:07:32,271

Scott: I thought so,

but I guess it's good

00:07:32,438 --> 00:07:33,774

to know if not.

00:07:36,279 --> 00:07:39,820

[Grunting]

00:07:39,953 --> 00:07:41,990

Mm-wha. There. Now you're ready

to knock them dead.

00:07:42,124 --> 00:07:44,328

Isn't that specifically

what I'm not doing?

00:07:44,462 --> 00:07:46,600

What you're doing

is becoming a legend

00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:50,306

sponsored by the goddess

of winning--Deliria.

00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:51,676

[Hector grunting]

00:07:51,776 --> 00:07:53,313

Hyah!

00:07:53,413 --> 00:07:54,516

[Grunting]

00:07:54,616 --> 00:07:56,185

Stupe: Whoa.

Woman: What are you doing?

00:07:56,285 --> 00:07:57,454

Hector: Gargie

doesn't feel pain.

00:07:57,555 --> 00:07:59,091

Gargie: Oh, Gargie

can't feel pain,

00:07:59,191 --> 00:08:00,762

but can Gargie die of burns?

00:08:00,862 --> 00:08:03,634

Hector: Uh, I don't think so.

Now go put yourself out.

00:08:03,734 --> 00:08:06,004

We need to burn something

during the show.

00:08:06,906 --> 00:08:10,915

Ha! Who is this tall drink

of razzmatazz?

00:08:11,015 --> 00:08:12,952

Showbiz looks good on you,

Stupendous.

00:08:13,053 --> 00:08:15,023

Deliria: Thank you.

I did the makeup.

00:08:15,123 --> 00:08:17,461

I'm getting rather good

at lightning bolts.

00:08:17,562 --> 00:08:19,298

Stupe: I'm a big fan

of your earlier stuff.

00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:20,634

Hector: Oh, the Trojan War? Ha!

00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,137

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

people love that one,

00:08:22,237 --> 00:08:25,343

but it's the stuff I do now

that really gets

00:08:25,443 --> 00:08:26,713

the blind men talking.

00:08:26,846 --> 00:08:29,352

- Are you wearing fake hair?

- Oh, it's not fake hair.

00:08:29,452 --> 00:08:30,587

It's show hair,

and it's real.

00:08:30,721 --> 00:08:31,890

It's just not mine.

00:08:31,991 --> 00:08:33,594

So you want to be

a part of the show?

00:08:33,727 --> 00:08:34,996

- What can you do?

- Oh, I don't know.

00:08:35,096 --> 00:08:36,600

Kill with my sword.

Kill with my ax.

00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:38,503

Kill with pulling guys apart

with my hands.

00:08:38,603 --> 00:08:39,906

Kill with stomping my feet.

00:08:40,006 --> 00:08:41,441

Kill with crushing guys

between my thighs.

00:08:41,543 --> 00:08:43,045

Kill with

throwing guys off of cliffs.

00:08:43,145 --> 00:08:44,916

Kill with throwing guys

off of high walls. Um...

00:08:45,016 --> 00:08:46,485

Deliria: That's why you've

never heard of her.

00:08:46,653 --> 00:08:48,456

Everyone she encounters dies.

00:08:48,557 --> 00:08:50,227

What's that little battle cry

you have that

00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:51,596

always makes me chuckle?

00:08:51,696 --> 00:08:54,801

- Not today!

- Oh, she's good, isn't she?

00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:57,007

Thanks, Mom.

Hector: OK, Stupendous.

00:08:57,107 --> 00:08:59,846

Show me what that big,

beautiful arm can do.

00:08:59,946 --> 00:09:02,651

Knock his beard off!

I know you can do it.

00:09:02,652 --> 00:09:06,291

You're my daughter,

and you're Stupendous.

00:09:08,262 --> 00:09:11,569

[Both grunting]

00:09:11,670 --> 00:09:14,007

Oh, check it out.

00:09:19,018 --> 00:09:21,122

Hector: Ha ha! That's what

I'm talking about.

00:09:21,222 --> 00:09:22,124

[Cheering]

00:09:22,224 --> 00:09:25,296

Deliria, where did you

find this star?

00:09:25,297 --> 00:09:27,902

Deliria: In my uterus!

00:09:28,002 --> 00:09:30,239

Shlub: Now, Ty, there's

a very real chance

00:09:30,373 --> 00:09:31,810

they hate me for some reason.

00:09:31,910 --> 00:09:34,549

That's not based on anything

I know about them.

00:09:34,649 --> 00:09:36,352

It's just an observable pattern.

00:09:36,452 --> 00:09:40,327

Ty: I doubt our Sicilian...

tigge, uh, would hate you.

00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:42,464

That's Elymian for "family,"

I think.

00:09:42,565 --> 00:09:44,569

Might actually be Siculian.

00:09:44,703 --> 00:09:45,671

Man: Who's there?

00:09:45,805 --> 00:09:47,408

Ty: Uh, hello. Nunu--

Man: Huh?

00:09:47,509 --> 00:09:49,612

Uh, my, uh, name is Tyrannis,

00:09:49,613 --> 00:09:52,184

and I believe

we are distant relatives.

00:09:52,284 --> 00:09:55,290

Woman: Sal, who's at the door?

Sal: His name's Tyrannis.

00:09:55,390 --> 00:09:56,727

He says he's a distant relative.

00:09:56,827 --> 00:09:58,495

- A relative?

- Yeah, distant.

00:09:58,597 --> 00:10:01,401

Man: We got family at the door?

Woman: That's what Sal says.

00:10:01,402 --> 00:10:02,671

Sal: Yeah. Distant relatives.

00:10:02,805 --> 00:10:04,341

Man: Distant means

nothing to me.

00:10:04,442 --> 00:10:06,278

Hey, everybody.

There's family here.

00:10:06,378 --> 00:10:08,216

[Laughter]

00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:10,655

I'm your Auntie Rosa.

This is your Uncle Vince.

00:10:10,755 --> 00:10:13,059

These are your cousins

Antonia, Angelo, Maria,

00:10:13,159 --> 00:10:16,667

Checca, Antonelo, Carmala,

Carmalo, Sal, Nunzio,

00:10:16,767 --> 00:10:18,236

and there's a bunch more

in the kitchen.

00:10:18,336 --> 00:10:19,606

Are you hungry?

00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:20,974

Vince: Of course he's hungry.

Look at him.

00:10:21,108 --> 00:10:22,645

Rosa: Hey.

Vince: You like pistachios?

00:10:22,745 --> 00:10:24,583

We grow them on our farm.

Out of this world.

00:10:24,683 --> 00:10:25,851

What do you do for a living, Ty?

00:10:25,951 --> 00:10:27,287

Ty: Well, I'm the king

of Krapop--

00:10:27,387 --> 00:10:29,291

Vince: A king? Everybody,

cousin Ty's a king!

00:10:29,391 --> 00:10:30,626

- Ohh!

- Ohh!

00:10:30,627 --> 00:10:32,497

Sal, get some pistachios

for your king cousin!

00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:34,134

Hippo: I got to hand it

to you, Ty.

00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:35,571

Your family is awesome.

00:10:35,671 --> 00:10:36,973

Sal: His family? Ohh!

00:10:37,073 --> 00:10:39,344

You're in this great big

meatball, too, Pesce.

00:10:39,444 --> 00:10:40,714

[Cheering]

00:10:40,881 --> 00:10:42,251

Vince: You have to stay

for dinner.

00:10:42,384 --> 00:10:44,154

Ty: This isn't dinner?

Vince: No. We eat constantly.

00:10:44,254 --> 00:10:45,991

Ty: And after dinner,

will there be dancing?

00:10:46,091 --> 00:10:47,661

Vince: Will there be dancing?

Are you out of your mind?

00:10:47,795 --> 00:10:49,196

Of course there'll be dancing.

00:10:49,197 --> 00:10:50,601

[Cheering]

00:10:50,768 --> 00:10:52,572

[Cheering and applause]

00:10:52,705 --> 00:10:55,142

Ladies and gentlemen,

people and horse people,

00:10:55,143 --> 00:10:56,245

are you ready?

00:10:56,345 --> 00:10:57,782

No. I can't hear you.

00:10:57,882 --> 00:11:03,660

I said are you ready

for the showdowwwwnnn?

00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,765

Deliria: Now don't be nervous.

You've got this.

00:11:05,898 --> 00:11:08,870

Stupe: Why would I be nervous?

I've killed actual armies.

00:11:08,971 --> 00:11:11,108

This is nothing. Wait.

Are you nervous?

00:11:11,209 --> 00:11:15,450

No. Just do everything exactly

the way we rehearsed and smile.

00:11:15,551 --> 00:11:16,686

People love a happy warrior.

00:11:16,786 --> 00:11:17,988

Stupe: OK.

00:11:18,089 --> 00:11:20,627

Hector:

Hailing from the Polis of Krap,

00:11:20,727 --> 00:11:22,297

it's the Mountain

of the Mediterranean,

00:11:22,397 --> 00:11:24,267

the one-eyed wonder herself,

00:11:24,367 --> 00:11:29,178

the sexy, super Stupendous!

00:11:29,311 --> 00:11:33,620

And from the dungeon under

that spooky castle in Thebes,

00:11:33,753 --> 00:11:35,691

you know him, you fear him.

00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:38,262

I just think he's kind of cute.

00:11:38,362 --> 00:11:40,901

Dragonnnnn!

00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:43,106

[Dragon shrieks and growls]

00:11:43,206 --> 00:11:45,511

Warriors, ready?

00:11:45,611 --> 00:11:46,980

Battle!

00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:49,752

[Growling]

00:11:54,294 --> 00:11:56,599

Stupe: Aah!

00:11:56,699 --> 00:11:58,269

Hyah!

00:11:58,369 --> 00:11:59,605

[Grunting]

00:11:59,705 --> 00:12:01,643

Deliria: Hoo! Aah! Ooh!

00:12:01,743 --> 00:12:04,147

[Stupe grunting, dragon roaring]

00:12:05,518 --> 00:12:07,287

Stupe: Huh! Ah! Unh!

00:12:07,387 --> 00:12:08,422

[Cheering]

00:12:08,557 --> 00:12:09,892

Deliria: Stay down!

Stupe: What?

00:12:09,992 --> 00:12:11,663

He has to do

his catchphrase first.

00:12:11,797 --> 00:12:13,801

Know why they call me dragon?

00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:18,076

'Cause I'm draggin'

this tail across your face!

00:12:18,176 --> 00:12:20,046

Stupe: Unh! Agh!

00:12:20,146 --> 00:12:21,849

Now you!

00:12:21,850 --> 00:12:23,419

Stupe: Not today!

00:12:23,553 --> 00:12:25,056

Dragon: Aah!

00:12:25,156 --> 00:12:26,526

Ohh!

00:12:26,626 --> 00:12:29,732

[Stupe panting]

00:12:29,733 --> 00:12:32,370

[Cheering and applause]

00:12:35,176 --> 00:12:38,951

Deliria: Ladies and gentlemen,

the great Stupendous,

00:12:39,084 --> 00:12:42,992

daughter of me,

destroyer of this dragon.

00:12:43,092 --> 00:12:46,098

Are you getting all this,

blind men in the press box?

00:12:46,198 --> 00:12:49,438

Bland man: Can someone

describe him to us?

00:12:49,539 --> 00:12:51,074

[Cheering]

00:12:51,075 --> 00:12:52,845

Hippo: I can't believe

Ty was right.

00:12:52,945 --> 00:12:54,181

This family seems awesome.

00:12:54,281 --> 00:12:55,884

Shlub: You know what

they remind me of?

00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:57,120

Strangers at the bar.

00:12:57,220 --> 00:12:58,757

Hippo: You know,

that's exactly right.

00:12:58,890 --> 00:13:00,226

It's like a family that acts

like drunk people

00:13:00,326 --> 00:13:02,464

you don't know that make

you feel more like family

00:13:02,599 --> 00:13:03,734

than family does.

00:13:03,834 --> 00:13:05,336

Ty: See? This is how

it should be.

00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:07,140

Shoulder to shoulder.

Just how I dreamt it.

00:13:07,307 --> 00:13:09,444

They enjoy each other,

look after each other.

00:13:09,545 --> 00:13:10,814

I've not seen one eyeroll.

00:13:10,914 --> 00:13:12,585

Do you know how hard it is

to go through a day

00:13:12,685 --> 00:13:13,887

in our house without being

eyerolled

00:13:13,987 --> 00:13:15,189

or eyerolling someone else?

00:13:15,289 --> 00:13:16,727

Hippo: I do it constantly

at home,

00:13:16,827 --> 00:13:18,162

but here,

I wouldn't think of it.

00:13:18,262 --> 00:13:19,698

I don't even feel dumb dancing.

00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,335

Shlub: I'm feeling so

at ease here,

00:13:21,435 --> 00:13:24,441

I've not once had the urge

to change the topic to sex.

00:13:24,542 --> 00:13:28,048

Wait. Do I change the topic

to sex to avoid discomfort?

00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:30,387

Let's everyone have sex

with everyone else.

00:13:30,487 --> 00:13:31,455

[Knock on door]

00:13:31,556 --> 00:13:33,058

Vince: Who's that? More family?

00:13:33,158 --> 00:13:36,198

Sal: No, it's our cousins,

the Bonaseras.

00:13:36,298 --> 00:13:38,871

Ty: Even more family.

What an embarrassment of riches.

00:13:38,971 --> 00:13:40,707

Vince: We hate them.

Ty: Why do we hate them?

00:13:40,807 --> 00:13:42,612

Vince: They disrespected us.

00:13:42,712 --> 00:13:43,913

Ty: Who would do such a thing?

00:13:43,914 --> 00:13:45,517

Bonasera:

Because you stole our farm!

00:13:45,651 --> 00:13:46,686

Ty: Is that true?

00:13:46,820 --> 00:13:48,022

Vince: Of course we stole

their farm

00:13:48,122 --> 00:13:49,559

because they disrespected us.

00:13:49,659 --> 00:13:51,529

Bonasera: We didn't start

disrespecting you until after.

00:13:51,629 --> 00:13:52,931

Vince: There were inklings.

00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:55,437

Ty: We stole their farm

on a hunch of disrespect?

00:13:55,538 --> 00:13:57,641

Vince: We stole it on inklings.

00:13:57,642 --> 00:13:58,810

Full family fight!

00:13:58,910 --> 00:14:00,112

Families: Full family fight!

00:14:00,213 --> 00:14:02,886

Full family fight!

Full family fight!

00:14:03,019 --> 00:14:05,289

- Fists?

- Sure. Knives?

00:14:05,423 --> 00:14:06,692

You betcha. Bats?

00:14:06,793 --> 00:14:07,929

Ty: Pillows maybe.

00:14:08,029 --> 00:14:09,331

Vince: Filled with rocks. Yes.

00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:12,404

One of our two whole families

is dying tonight!

00:14:12,538 --> 00:14:13,973

[Cheering]

00:14:14,976 --> 00:14:18,081

Deliria: Apollo,

I didn't know you'd be here.

00:14:18,082 --> 00:14:20,487

Apollo: Yeah, I had to welcome

you to the big leagues.

00:14:20,588 --> 00:14:21,790

Please make a plate.

00:14:21,890 --> 00:14:23,126

I always make sure Hector has

00:14:23,226 --> 00:14:24,863

the best snacks

for his strength.

00:14:24,963 --> 00:14:26,298

Messenger: Goddess Deliria!

Deliria: Oh. It's you.

00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:28,902

- I've run all day and night.

- There we go.

00:14:28,903 --> 00:14:30,439

The Kassites are invading.

00:14:30,540 --> 00:14:32,711

Deliria: This one likes to talk

about how far he's run.

00:14:32,811 --> 00:14:34,381

Can't get enough of it.

Apollo: Oh, yeah?

00:14:34,516 --> 00:14:36,252

How far have you got?

What's your personal best?

00:14:36,385 --> 00:14:37,722

Deliria:

Oh, you can't be serious.

00:14:37,822 --> 00:14:39,057

Messenger:

I must find Stupendous.

00:14:39,190 --> 00:14:40,493

- Her army is--

- Stupendous is busy.

00:14:40,594 --> 00:14:43,165

- But the Kassites are--

- She's busy, I said.

00:14:44,702 --> 00:14:45,838

Messenger: All right.

00:14:46,005 --> 00:14:47,407

This isn't actually my record,

00:14:47,508 --> 00:14:50,514

but Marathon to Athens feels

like a good length for--Aah!

00:14:50,647 --> 00:14:52,952

Deliria: I never think

to zap people sooner.

00:14:53,052 --> 00:14:55,758

Apollo: Look at him go.

You do run fast!

00:14:55,891 --> 00:14:57,728

Messenger: Thanks!

It's really a lifestyle!

00:14:57,862 --> 00:14:58,930

Aah!

00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:07,615

Not today!

NOT today! Not to-DAYYY!

00:15:07,715 --> 00:15:09,652

No. Too weird.

Deliria: Stupendous,

00:15:09,752 --> 00:15:11,556

this is going to be huge.

00:15:11,656 --> 00:15:12,791

Tell her what you told me.

00:15:12,792 --> 00:15:14,794

Hector: I had a genius idea.

00:15:14,795 --> 00:15:16,298

They're desperate

for a new hero,

00:15:16,398 --> 00:15:18,002

and I need to keep

the show fresh,

00:15:18,102 --> 00:15:20,173

so it's time for me to go down,

00:15:20,273 --> 00:15:22,812

and I want you to be

the one who beats me.

00:15:22,912 --> 00:15:24,982

- Hector promise Gargie.

- Gargie, you're dying.

00:15:25,116 --> 00:15:26,986

- Gargie didn't know that.

- Come on, man.

00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:28,524

Look at yourself.

You're full of arrows.

00:15:28,624 --> 00:15:32,229

Think about it, Stupe.

The great Hector blindsided

00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:33,934

by the up-and-comer Stupendous!

00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,537

The world gets a new hero,

00:15:35,671 --> 00:15:38,042

and then maybe down the line,

we'll give me a redemption arc,

00:15:38,142 --> 00:15:40,080

or I come back

as Dark Hector, my evil twin.

00:15:40,180 --> 00:15:41,750

Da da da. We'll figure it out.

00:15:41,850 --> 00:15:43,285

But when we get out there,

beat me.

00:15:43,386 --> 00:15:44,822

I've been wanting to move

into more

00:15:44,922 --> 00:15:46,325

of a producing role anyway.

00:15:46,458 --> 00:15:47,927

Apollo: Uh, heh heh.

Wait, Hector.

00:15:47,928 --> 00:15:49,331

Uh, we didn't talk about this.

00:15:49,498 --> 00:15:52,905

Hector: Apollo, baby, trust me.

It'll be great!

00:15:53,005 --> 00:15:54,642

For her maybe.

What about me?

00:15:54,742 --> 00:15:58,617

Suddenly, the great Apollo

is sponsoring a loser?

00:15:58,717 --> 00:16:00,019

Suddenly, friggin' Deliria

00:16:00,119 --> 00:16:02,724

is the god of the greatest

warrior in the world

00:16:02,725 --> 00:16:04,795

and getting my fatted lambs?!

00:16:04,895 --> 00:16:05,964

Deliria: Works for us.

00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,432

Apollo: Well, it doesn't

work for me!

00:16:07,433 --> 00:16:08,937

Deliria: Oh, be a team player,

Apollo!

00:16:09,071 --> 00:16:10,338

It's for the story, and, Stupe,

00:16:10,339 --> 00:16:11,977

please don't forget

to pull your punches.

00:16:12,077 --> 00:16:14,081

I'm not the warrior I once was.

00:16:14,181 --> 00:16:15,316

Stupe: Right. I'm just so used

00:16:15,416 --> 00:16:16,987

to punching my punches,

you know?

00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:19,057

Messenger: Stupendous!

Stupe: Ugh. This guy.

00:16:19,157 --> 00:16:20,994

Your army has done everything

they can without you,

00:16:21,094 --> 00:16:23,232

but the Kassites are too tough.

Stupe: The Kassites?

00:16:23,332 --> 00:16:24,969

Deliria: Tell us more

about what you think

00:16:25,069 --> 00:16:26,540

the best running distance is.

00:16:26,673 --> 00:16:28,810

It's Marathon to Athens,

and it's catching on.

00:16:28,910 --> 00:16:31,114

Stupe: No.

What about the Kassites?

00:16:31,215 --> 00:16:32,383

They're invading,

00:16:32,483 --> 00:16:33,920

and your army is

not doing great.

00:16:33,921 --> 00:16:35,591

They're trying to fight them

without me?

00:16:35,691 --> 00:16:36,993

Why didn't they tell me earlier?

00:16:37,093 --> 00:16:38,730

They tried,

but your mom stopped me

00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:39,831

from giving you the message.

00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,301

She did what?!

00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:44,074

Messenger: Stopped me

from delivering the message.

00:16:44,207 --> 00:16:45,944

Deliria: Uh, zap!

Apollo: Whoa. Wait a minute.

00:16:46,044 --> 00:16:47,915

This is going in

a pretty good direction for me.

00:16:48,015 --> 00:16:49,484

Deliria: What are you doing?

00:16:49,585 --> 00:16:51,021

Stupe: My job.

00:16:51,121 --> 00:16:53,660

Deliria: No, no, no.

You cannot do this to me.

00:16:53,793 --> 00:16:56,097

I didn't have a daughter

and name her Stupendous

00:16:56,198 --> 00:16:57,801

to not get credit.

00:16:57,935 --> 00:16:59,470

You can be replaced!

00:16:59,572 --> 00:17:00,641

Stupe: Don't care.

00:17:00,741 --> 00:17:04,481

Oh, Gargie not looking

so bad now, hey, Hector?

00:17:04,582 --> 00:17:07,153

[Shouting and grunting]

00:17:07,253 --> 00:17:08,923

Ty: Is there any way

we can match up by weight?

00:17:09,024 --> 00:17:11,663

There's a fellow over there

I might do much better against.

00:17:11,763 --> 00:17:13,032

Man: You get who you get.

00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:15,302

That's the rules

of a full family fight.

00:17:15,469 --> 00:17:17,675

Ty: But my dad got matched up

with your family monster,

00:17:17,808 --> 00:17:20,580

and it looks like my

brother's fighting a baby?

00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:23,552

Man: That's just a coincidence.

It's not by size.

00:17:23,553 --> 00:17:25,256

Your father could have just

as easily got

00:17:25,356 --> 00:17:27,194

matched up with that baby.

00:17:27,294 --> 00:17:28,563

- Ohh!

- You know what?

00:17:28,663 --> 00:17:30,600

I may have overestimated

the Sicilian lifestyle.

00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:33,640

I think our side of the family

has some wonderful traits.

00:17:33,740 --> 00:17:36,078

Like, for example,

the one where we run away

00:17:36,178 --> 00:17:37,447

when things get rough.

00:17:37,581 --> 00:17:39,318

Hippo: Agreed. Dad, want to fly

us out of here?

00:17:39,418 --> 00:17:42,658

Shlub: I cannot wait to stop

caring about these people.

00:17:42,758 --> 00:17:45,095

Vince: Hey. You don't leave

your family like this!

00:17:45,195 --> 00:17:47,099

Ty: This is, as it turns out,

the exact amount

00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,402

of family that I can handle.

00:17:48,503 --> 00:17:51,308

Crowd: Gargie, Gargie,

Gargie, Gargie...

00:17:51,408 --> 00:17:53,312

So you're sponsoring who now?

00:17:53,478 --> 00:17:55,049

- Gargie.

- Hmm. That's a shame.

00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:56,853

He's got, like,

what, two minutes left?

00:17:56,953 --> 00:17:58,255

Deliria:

Well, the crowd loves him,

00:17:58,388 --> 00:18:01,295

and by definition,

that means they love me.

00:18:01,395 --> 00:18:03,298

Gargie: People seem to

want Gargie to win.

00:18:03,399 --> 00:18:04,868

Hector: You know they're

cheering for you

00:18:04,969 --> 00:18:06,071

as a joke, right?

00:18:06,238 --> 00:18:07,740

Gargie: Gargie feels

pretty good.

00:18:07,741 --> 00:18:09,712

Hector: Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!

00:18:09,812 --> 00:18:10,948

Gargie: Ohh.

00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:12,316

Hector: Of course you feel good.

00:18:12,416 --> 00:18:13,820

You don't feel anything.

00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,388

Gargie doing Gargie best.

00:18:15,389 --> 00:18:17,628

Gargie giving all. Gargie good.

00:18:17,728 --> 00:18:19,966

Hector: Yeah, exactly.

You're Gargie good.

00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:21,266

You're just not good good.

00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:24,040

Gargie good

good good for Gargie.

00:18:24,140 --> 00:18:26,278

I got into this game

because Hector's hot

00:18:26,378 --> 00:18:27,682

and I have a thing for Troy.

00:18:27,782 --> 00:18:31,656

Remind me what your

relationship is to that.

00:18:31,790 --> 00:18:32,991

[Gargie groans]

00:18:33,091 --> 00:18:34,994

My daughter

had other priorities.

00:18:34,995 --> 00:18:37,099

Oh, that's a shame.

She's a star.

00:18:37,233 --> 00:18:38,969

She really made you look good.

00:18:38,970 --> 00:18:41,442

Gargie's internal organs

are failing.

00:18:41,543 --> 00:18:44,047

Gargie's bleeding

from all holes!

00:18:44,147 --> 00:18:46,418

But Gargie's still fine!

00:18:46,553 --> 00:18:48,890

Stupe: Unh!

Kassite: Huh!

00:18:50,593 --> 00:18:51,461

Not now, Mom.

00:18:51,462 --> 00:18:53,298

Is there anything

I can do to get you

00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:54,735

back to the arena?

00:18:54,869 --> 00:18:55,838

Stupe: Huh! Unh!

00:18:55,971 --> 00:18:57,207

All these swords are fake!

00:18:57,307 --> 00:18:58,510

Deliria: Well, do you expect?

00:18:58,610 --> 00:19:00,480

You grabbed them

from the prop pile.

00:19:00,581 --> 00:19:02,217

Stupe: I'm not going back there.

00:19:02,317 --> 00:19:05,022

Can't you see I have work to do?

00:19:05,156 --> 00:19:07,528

Damn prop!

Look what you made me into.

00:19:07,695 --> 00:19:10,634

I'm a joke of a warrior.

My makeup is running.

00:19:10,734 --> 00:19:12,604

That should be blood!

00:19:12,738 --> 00:19:13,573

Aah!

00:19:13,706 --> 00:19:15,911

Deliria: I was trying

to help you.

00:19:16,044 --> 00:19:17,313

Stupe: If you're trying

to help me,

00:19:17,413 --> 00:19:19,083

why don't you help me here?

00:19:19,184 --> 00:19:21,689

You want glory?

You want to sponsor me?

00:19:21,789 --> 00:19:22,924

- Aah!

- Do it!

00:19:23,025 --> 00:19:24,895

Deliria: Here where

no one can see?

00:19:24,896 --> 00:19:25,964

Stupe: Yes!

00:19:26,064 --> 00:19:27,634

Ugh.

00:19:31,876 --> 00:19:32,811

- Aah!

- Ohh!

00:19:32,911 --> 00:19:34,214

- Unh!

- Agh!

00:19:34,314 --> 00:19:36,118

Stupe: Arrr!

Kassite: Aah!

00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:37,521

- Unh!

- Aah!

00:19:37,621 --> 00:19:38,556

- Ugh!

- Unh!

00:19:38,657 --> 00:19:40,159

Deliria: Wait!

Stupe: What? What now?

00:19:40,259 --> 00:19:42,362

Deliria: Leave someone to

tell the story.

00:19:42,363 --> 00:19:43,833

Stupe: That seems braggy.

00:19:43,967 --> 00:19:46,171

Deliria: Just one guy, like--

00:19:46,271 --> 00:19:47,774

ugh--him.

Messenger: Oh!

00:19:47,941 --> 00:19:49,277

Stupe: Hey, you!

Go tell everyone

00:19:49,377 --> 00:19:50,847

that Stupe beat these guys.

00:19:50,947 --> 00:19:53,919

Deliria: No! Go back and tell

them Deliria stepped in

00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:57,093

and say Stupe was losing

until she prayed to me.

00:19:57,193 --> 00:19:58,328

Stupe: I didn't pray.

00:19:58,495 --> 00:19:59,932

I just made

a reasonable request.

00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,969

Deliria: Fine. Just make sure

you tell them that

00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:07,313

my daughter Stupendous lived up

to her name and always will.

00:20:07,413 --> 00:20:08,850

OK. I think I got it.

00:20:08,950 --> 00:20:10,185

Stupe: Wow. Thanks, Mom.

00:20:10,352 --> 00:20:12,123

- Oh, don't go soft on me now.

- I'm not.

00:20:12,256 --> 00:20:14,494

I just got glitter in my eye

from that cannon.

00:20:14,595 --> 00:20:16,933

Deliria: No, no.

What are you doing?

00:20:17,066 --> 00:20:18,336

- No need for that.

- Huh?

00:20:18,436 --> 00:20:20,339

What possible reason? Stand up.

00:20:20,439 --> 00:20:21,609

Well, I was gonna run to--

00:20:21,710 --> 00:20:25,216

No. Walk. Oh. You know what?

No knees!

00:20:25,316 --> 00:20:27,420

Messenger: Oh, man. Huh!

00:20:27,521 --> 00:20:28,956

Deliria: Heh. Much better.

00:20:31,294 --> 00:20:32,429

Apollo: I don't know what

you're worried about.

00:20:32,430 --> 00:20:33,265

The show was a triumph.

00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:35,368

Hector: I'm not worried.

I know it was good.

00:20:35,369 --> 00:20:37,740

I'm just telling you

that I think it can be better.

00:20:37,741 --> 00:20:39,945

Um, sorry.

Is this a knock on me?

00:20:39,946 --> 00:20:42,150

Because I can only work

with what you're giving me.

00:20:42,250 --> 00:20:43,720

I'm giving you gold out there!

00:20:43,820 --> 00:20:46,458

Ha ha! Well, let's not

get carried away.

00:20:46,559 --> 00:20:47,627

You're a dick, you know that?

00:20:47,628 --> 00:20:49,397

Apollo: Yeah, I have been told.

00:20:49,497 --> 00:20:51,503

Now, where's this incredible

weapon supposed to be?

00:20:51,603 --> 00:20:53,606

Gargie said it would be here,

but I'm not see--

00:20:53,706 --> 00:20:55,042

Apollo: Wait, wait,

wait a minute.

00:20:55,209 --> 00:20:56,377

Gargie? Gargie? Really?

00:20:56,478 --> 00:20:58,215

The giant you've been

progressively

00:20:58,315 --> 00:20:59,885

killing and humiliating?

00:20:59,985 --> 00:21:01,420

Yeah. Why?

Man: Hector!

00:21:01,421 --> 00:21:03,826

Clean my stables

and call me Augeas.

00:21:03,927 --> 00:21:05,463

I know that voice!

00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:08,334

- Achilles!

- I've got you now.

00:21:08,335 --> 00:21:10,640

Apollo: Ruh-roh!

Think fast, Hec.

00:21:10,741 --> 00:21:13,579

Damn you, Gargie!

00:21:13,713 --> 00:21:16,451

[Organ playing comical music]

00:21:19,423 --> 00:21:21,562

[Horse neighs]

00:21:31,114 --> 00:21:32,617

Dan Harmon:

Did you get any of that?

00:21:34,989 --> 00:21:36,926

Voice: Bento.

[Cheering]