Загадка и Кингфьюзед

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[Screeches]

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Tyrannis: Huh.

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Did it work?

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It worked!

The growth stone worked!

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Tyrannis: I'm just

the right amount taller!

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Not off-puttingly giant,

just what girls call

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a respectable height!

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Up top, similar size man!

I can reach!

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We should hang out!

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Tyrannis: Stupe,

the stone you gave me--

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Ohhhh.

-[Laughter]

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Tyrannis: Hold on.

Did you undress me

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while I was sleeping

and put a smaller toga

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on my helpless nude body?

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Well played!

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[Laughter]

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Deliria: Remind me what you

call this hilarious

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public destruction

of someone's ego?

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Stupendous: A prank.

Took me a while

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to get the hang of it 'cause

usually I destroy an ego

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by destroying the head,

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but turns out I like prank wars

almost as much as a regular war.

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Tyrannis: And now we're even.

Stupendous: Are we?

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There was the prank where

you painted a plate of food

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on the table and I ate it...

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Tyrannis: Which was repayment

for the crown lice.

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Stupendous: Which was

repayment for when you said

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if my hand was bigger

than my face it meant

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I had plague,

and then it turned out

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there was plague on my hand.

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That was a good one.

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Tyrannis: One way or

another I need to

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call a prank truce.

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I have a big day.

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Stupendous: OK, fine,

I'll "agree to a truce."

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Tyrannis: Can you agree

without subtext?

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Shlub: Morning, all.

Have I told you

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what I want done

with my body if I die?

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Tyrannis: OK. What angry madam

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at what weirdly

specialized brothel

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has a bounty on you now?

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Shlub: Son, I never pay

for sex except as a bit,

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and the starfish

at the starfish brothel

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have so much fun,

they keep trying to pay me!

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No, I'm just on my way

to King Minos' bash

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on the Isle of Crete.

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Hippocampus: "Min-os"?

Tyrannis: Yeah, I thought

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it was pronounced "Mine-os."

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Deliria: Divorced men.

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No one parties harder or sadder.

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Minos' party will have all sorts

of risky amusements,

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not just his famous Minotaur.

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Tyrannis: Oh, right,

there you go.

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There's also a piranha jacuzzi,

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crossbow line dancing, which

is like normal line dancing,

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but if you mess up,

they shoot you.

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Hippocampus: Why would you want

to go to a party like that?!

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Deliria: The same reason

people black-out drink.

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Nothing's more fun

than almost dying.

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Shlub: And on the off chance

I overshoot the "almost,"

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I'd like my body to be ground up

and put in a big lasagna.

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All righty then!

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You're just

gonna let him do this?

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Sounds like his life

is gonna be in danger!

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Ugh. Once you've made

the mistake of investing

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emotionally in a mortal,

you have to give up

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on distinguishing between levels

of theoretical risk.

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Anything short of

"he is currently dying" looks

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more or less the same to me.

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At any rate,

I'm very busy today.

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I'm getting a sandwich.

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Lunch dragon!

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[Roars]

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Hippocampus: Well,

one of us has to go with Dad.

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He can't party like

he's 4,000 years old anymore.

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Tyrannis: I feel you,

and yet, I am also busy.

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Stupendous: Gotta go clear

things up with everybody

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who thought you

got magically tall?

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Tyrannis: Among other things!

Hence the prank truce!

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Stupendous: And I'm

on alert because

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the "prank truce"

is definitely a prank.

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Hippocampus: Great, so it's

on me to pretend I want

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to go to this

reckless-idiot festival

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and keep Dad from partying

to death.

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You're both welcome!

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Stupendous: Nobody

thought you got tall.

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Tyrannis: Except me, Stupe!

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Except me.

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Men: ♪ Huh ♪

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♪ Huh huh ♪

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♪ Huh huh huh ♪

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♪ Whoo! ♪

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[Dance music playing]

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[Men grunting]

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Hippocampus: Wow.

This seems less like a party

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and more like a bunch of guys

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endangering themselves

for no reason.

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Shlub: Well the snake-taunting

booth isn't for everyone,

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but I'm sure we can find

something you'd like.

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There's quicksand races...

Partier: Whoo! Yeah!

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Shlub: A blind guy

just swinging a sword

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around in an enclosed area...

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Server: Blowfish meat?

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We didn't prepare

it correctly.

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Shlub: Oooh!

Sounds delicious!

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Hippocampus: Dad! No!

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I-I mean Won't we catch a buzz

faster if we drink

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on an empty stomach?

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Shlub: Good looking out, son.

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Should I procure us some

dangerous libations?

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Hippocampus:

Let me get the drinks!

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Why don't you hang

out here and try...

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[Cheering]

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Aah! Unh!

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Whoo-hoo! Hee hee!

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Hippocampus: sitting next

to this quiet, calm man?

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Ooh. What could he be hiding?

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Hi, I'm Marc.

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I'm a grown man

who gives his cats

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ironic "people" names like

"Greg" and "Meghan."

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Hippocampus: Ooh, scary!

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Sit here and talk

to scary Marc!

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Marc: My best friend is my aunt.

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Hippocampus: Two waters, please.

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So are you a fish with legs

or a man with a fish head?

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Hippocampus: Uh, what?

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Sorry. Where are my manners.

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Well, I'll tell you where.

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My wife got 'em in the divorce.

I'm King Minos.

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Hippocampus: Oh, so this

is your divorce party,

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and you pronounce it "Mean-os"!

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Minos: Yeah,

but don't worry about Minos.

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I get to be the good guy.

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She was seeing a bull

behind my back,

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which I only found out

when "our" kid

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came out half-bull.

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You believe that?

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I mean, what does a bull have

that I don't?

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It doesn't matter,

I'm over it.

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Hippocampus: Well,

I gotta go find my dad.

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Minos: Thing is,

somehow I got custody

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of this Minotaur!

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Do not let your

racquetball partner

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be your lawyer.

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He was like, "Oh, I can

handle that for you."

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Well, he didn't.

Hippocampus: Right, right.

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Sounds tough, man.

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Well, good luck with everything.

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I'll be thinking of you--

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Minos: And I gotta keep it

appeased by feeding it

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virgins, which are super

hard to find, especially

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on this island

since there's really only

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one thing to do here, you know,

the nasty, knockin' boots,

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the horizontal tango,

the vertical sexual tango...

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Hippocampus: I get it,

having sex.

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Minos: If you wanna be crass.

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Anyway, it's hard to find

a virgin,

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and it's basically the only

thing this Minotaur will eat.

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Incredibly picky,

but do you see me complaining?

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No! That was my wife's job.

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Marc: Aah!

Hippocampus: What was that?

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What's going on?!

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Marc: I spent my whole

life staying a virgin

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in the service of the kingdom,

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but then along came your dad!

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Hippocampus: Oh, no. You slept

with a virgin sacrifice?!

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Dad, you weren't

supposed to do that.

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Shlub: Well you should've

told me.

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It would have made it

even hotter!

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Minos: You spoiled my virgin?!

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Shlub: Oh, I spoiled

him all right.

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It turns out Marc

is quite the charmer.

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Marc, tell him about the cats.

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[Stupendous whistling]

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Scott: Oh, hey, Stupendous.

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Just polishing Ty's throne

for his big day.

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Stupendous: I see that.

What's in the other bucket?

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Is that glue?

Scott: Yeah.

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I was just doing

some gluing earlier.

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It's really strong glue.

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Stupendous: Interesting.

Scott: Is it?!

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That's good to know.

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I need more

conversation starters.

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I've been trying to date more--

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Stupendous: What did

Ty have you gluing?

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Let me guess. My battle axes

to their mounts on the wall?

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No, no. A dead goat to my bed?

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Oh, maybe himself to my ceiling

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so he can pretend

he's a ghost and haunt me?

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Scott: I don't know what

you're talking about.

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Stupendous: Oh, I bet you don't.

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You know what, Scott?

You do too much around here.

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Why don't you let

me take over?

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Scott: Really?! It's so nice

to be appreciated!

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Stupendous: Tee hee hee hee hee!

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Hey, Ty! Get in here!

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Tyrannis: Oh, wow!

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Stupendous: I felt bad

about how I didn't take

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your big day seriously,

so I polished your throne up

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real nice for you.

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Can you sit in it real fast

so I can make sure

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I got the shine level right?

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Tyrannis: Aw, thank you, Stupe!

That is so nice of you!

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Stupendous: You should lean

back so the sunlight

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glints off your eyes.

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Tyrannis: Well, OK. Like this?

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Stupendous: OK.

You can hop off now.

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[Tyrannis grunting]

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Ha ha ha! Or maybe you can't

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'cause you got glued to your

throne with your own glue!

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Ha ha ha!

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Tyrannis: What?!

Are you kidding me?

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What about the truce?!

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Stupendous: Oh, yeah,

I guess this glue was to

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make truce decorations!

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You thought I'd fall for that?

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You gotta try something

a little more convincing

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than "I have a big day."

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Tyrannis: But I do have

a big day!

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I'm hosting a peace talk!

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I can't be glued to my throne!

-Why didn't you say that?

00:07:41,589 --> 00:07:42,959

Tyrannis: Because I knew

you wouldn't want to be

00:07:43,093 --> 00:07:44,462

involved in a peace treaty,

but guess what.

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Now you have to be.

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[Knock on door]

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You agreed to

a truce and didn't honor it,

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and now you have to help

me not look like an idiot!

00:07:50,608 --> 00:07:52,377

Stupendous: Well, that's

not gonna be easy.

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[Knocking]

Tyrannis: Just get the door!

00:07:54,448 --> 00:07:56,419

Hippocampus: What if we

found you a new virgin?

00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:58,590

I saw a playground nearby.

00:07:58,724 --> 00:07:59,993

What?!

Minos: No.

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You take my virgin,

you face my Minotaur.

00:08:02,599 --> 00:08:03,767

Shlub: Oooooh!

00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,136

Hippocampus: But neither

of us is a virgin!

00:08:05,269 --> 00:08:06,907

Minos: He can choke you down.

Shlub: Oooooooh!

00:08:07,007 --> 00:08:08,476

Minos: Tell the Minotaur

he's eating

00:08:08,644 --> 00:08:10,180

fish sticks for dinner!

00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:11,315

[Cheering]

00:08:11,415 --> 00:08:12,651

Shlub: Whoo!

00:08:12,785 --> 00:08:14,321

Hippocampus:

Why are you whooing?

00:08:14,454 --> 00:08:16,091

He's talking about me!

00:08:16,191 --> 00:08:17,494

Shlub: I'm so proud of you.

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The fish sticks are my son!

00:08:19,465 --> 00:08:20,868

Hippocampus:

I'm gonna get us out of this.

00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:21,904

I've got a plan.

00:08:22,037 --> 00:08:23,507

Minos: I know all

about the thread trick.

00:08:23,607 --> 00:08:24,976

Hippocampus: Damn.

Minos: And the crumbs.

00:08:25,110 --> 00:08:26,580

Hippocampus: Oh, that

would've been a good idea.

00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:27,882

Minos: And the ladybugs.

00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,519

Hippocampus:

How would that work?

00:08:29,586 --> 00:08:31,723

Shlub: Ah, this will

stop me from flying out,

00:08:31,823 --> 00:08:33,927

and I love the smell of tar!

00:08:34,028 --> 00:08:35,497

Hippocampus: Why are

you so excited?

00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:38,036

Do you not understand?

You could be killed!

00:08:38,136 --> 00:08:41,275

Shlub: If I die,

I'll die doing what I love--

00:08:41,342 --> 00:08:43,012

almost dying.

00:08:43,145 --> 00:08:44,949

Hippocampus: Dad, wait!

00:08:45,718 --> 00:08:46,954

You've got traps in there?

00:08:47,021 --> 00:08:49,458

Minos: Enjoy!

Shlub: Why thank you!

00:08:49,592 --> 00:08:52,263

Not a bad fellow in the end!

00:08:55,705 --> 00:08:56,774

Hippocampus:

Smooth sailing so far.

00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,042

Shlub: I know, it's too bad.

00:08:58,143 --> 00:08:59,712

We've avoided

the venomous snake pit,

00:08:59,779 --> 00:09:02,317

the guillotine corridor,

and that red water slide.

00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:03,587

Hippocampus:

Dad, I already told you

00:09:03,654 --> 00:09:05,323

that wasn't water, it was lava.

00:09:05,456 --> 00:09:06,760

If we're not going

to do anything,

00:09:06,860 --> 00:09:08,597

why did we even come here?

00:09:08,697 --> 00:09:11,102

Just let me step on

one suspicious rock

00:09:11,235 --> 00:09:12,939

beneath a column of spikes.

00:09:13,039 --> 00:09:14,542

Hippocampus: Dad, no!

Shlub: Oh!

00:09:14,642 --> 00:09:16,211

Hippocampus: It's like

you want to get hurt!

00:09:16,345 --> 00:09:18,617

Come on, we're getting close.

00:09:20,053 --> 00:09:23,293

Statue one: Halt!

Behind us stand two doors.

00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:24,762

Statue two: Nope.

00:09:24,862 --> 00:09:26,232

Statue one: One leads

to your freedom--

00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:27,535

Statue two: Wrong.

00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:28,704

Statue one: the other to

almost certain death.

00:09:28,804 --> 00:09:29,972

Statue two: That is incorrect.

00:09:30,039 --> 00:09:31,442

Statue one:

One of us always lies,

00:09:31,610 --> 00:09:33,012

one of us always tells

the truth.

00:09:33,112 --> 00:09:34,849

Statue two: Neither of us does

either of those things.

00:09:34,916 --> 00:09:36,318

False.

Shlub: And what about you?

00:09:36,485 --> 00:09:38,155

Statue 3: Oh, I'm not

with those guys.

00:09:38,289 --> 00:09:39,793

Hippocampus: OK, well

obviously this is the one

00:09:39,859 --> 00:09:40,862

that tells the truth.

00:09:40,962 --> 00:09:42,699

Statue two: No! Why? What? No.

00:09:42,765 --> 00:09:44,201

Hippocampus: Well, she said

there's two doors

00:09:44,301 --> 00:09:45,804

and you said there weren't.

Statue two: No I didn't.

00:09:45,904 --> 00:09:47,474

Hippocampus: Which

door leads to freedom?

00:09:47,575 --> 00:09:49,245

Shlub: Because once we

know the safe door,

00:09:49,345 --> 00:09:51,148

we can choose the spicy door.

00:09:51,282 --> 00:09:52,384

Hippocampus: What?!

00:09:52,518 --> 00:09:53,888

Statue one: The door

on the right.

00:09:54,021 --> 00:09:55,490

Statue two: Not true!

Statue one: No, your right.

00:09:55,624 --> 00:09:57,060

Statue two: No, my right.

Nobody's right.

00:09:57,193 --> 00:09:58,630

It's on the left. Your left!

Hippocampus: Thank you.

00:09:58,731 --> 00:10:00,066

Statue two: Maybe

there are no doors!

00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:01,503

Maybe we're the ones who

are trapped

00:10:01,637 --> 00:10:03,139

and we have to open one of you.

00:10:03,239 --> 00:10:04,341

Ooh!

00:10:04,441 --> 00:10:06,012

Hippocampus: OK, Dad. Let's go.

Shlub: Are you sure?

00:10:06,078 --> 00:10:08,049

'Cause we can still

choose the fun door!

00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,484

Hippocampus: You mean

the door that she said leads

00:10:09,652 --> 00:10:11,255

to "almost certain death"?

00:10:11,355 --> 00:10:12,625

[Man screaming]

00:10:12,726 --> 00:10:13,794

The one that's

literally leaking blood?

00:10:13,894 --> 00:10:15,030

That door?

Shlub: Yes!

00:10:15,163 --> 00:10:16,533

Statue two:

It's not leaking blood.

00:10:16,666 --> 00:10:17,902

Uh, you're leaking blood.

00:10:18,002 --> 00:10:19,539

Hippocampus: Come on!

We're leaving my way.

00:10:19,639 --> 00:10:21,174

Statue 3: Wait, wait,

take me with you?

00:10:21,275 --> 00:10:22,578

Take me with you!

00:10:22,678 --> 00:10:23,947

Statue one: Jeez, Debra,

if there's something you

00:10:24,047 --> 00:10:25,618

want to talk about,

just talk about it.

00:10:25,718 --> 00:10:27,054

Statue two: I'm not offended.

[Sniffling]

00:10:27,187 --> 00:10:29,091

Statue one: Are you--

Statue two: I'm fine!

00:10:29,191 --> 00:10:30,093

[Sobbing]

00:10:30,193 --> 00:10:31,596

Tyrannis:

Thank you for trusting me.

00:10:31,663 --> 00:10:33,499

It's a huge honor

and responsibility,

00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,571

and I promise I will treat

this negotiation

00:10:35,671 --> 00:10:37,508

with the solemnity

that it deserves.

00:10:37,608 --> 00:10:39,011

Stupendous:

You're gonna do great.

00:10:39,111 --> 00:10:41,415

How much of this can

require you to move anyway?

00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:42,886

Before we get started,

00:10:42,986 --> 00:10:45,691

it is a custom of my country

to stand in prayer.

00:10:45,824 --> 00:10:47,294

Stupendous: Seriously?

00:10:47,394 --> 00:10:48,830

I know, right? Here we go.

00:10:48,964 --> 00:10:51,135

I wouldn't expect that guy

to honor this tradition,

00:10:51,235 --> 00:10:54,274

but you, a man who claims

to be reasonable?

00:10:54,408 --> 00:10:55,711

Tyrannis: Uh...

00:10:55,844 --> 00:10:57,715

Stupendous: That's exactly

why Ty won't stand.

00:10:57,849 --> 00:11:00,821

He doesn't want to...honor

one kingdom over the other.

00:11:00,888 --> 00:11:03,794

Tyrannis: She's right,

so let's get this started.

00:11:03,861 --> 00:11:06,465

Stupe, will you bring

out the map, please?

00:11:06,567 --> 00:11:07,836

"Stand in prayer."

00:11:07,969 --> 00:11:09,906

You go too far, Lapithos!

00:11:10,006 --> 00:11:11,142

Aah!

00:11:11,309 --> 00:11:12,745

Ty, little help?

00:11:12,845 --> 00:11:14,683

[Tyrannis grunting]

00:11:14,783 --> 00:11:17,521

No, I wouldn't want to show...

00:11:17,622 --> 00:11:19,024

special treatment.

00:11:19,124 --> 00:11:21,428

This isn't like the standing

in prayer thing.

00:11:21,495 --> 00:11:23,032

That's my snack for later.

00:11:23,133 --> 00:11:25,370

I don't agree--because I would

never agree with this cur--

00:11:25,436 --> 00:11:26,573

but I don't disagree.

00:11:26,707 --> 00:11:28,009

Why don't you just get

the pomegranate?

00:11:28,142 --> 00:11:30,548

Come on.

It's right at your feet.

00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,885

[Sweat dripping]

00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:42,304

Tyrannis: Stupe!

Stupendous: What?

00:11:42,471 --> 00:11:43,774

I'm getting the map!

00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:46,880

I can't believe how much

moving around is happening!

00:11:46,980 --> 00:11:48,483

Hippocampus: We better

head home before Minos

00:11:48,617 --> 00:11:49,853

finds out we escaped.

00:11:49,953 --> 00:11:51,488

He is not the most stable

person I've ever met.

00:11:51,623 --> 00:11:53,560

Shlub: Ugh.

Hippocampus: What's wrong?

00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:54,996

You love being mounted,

00:11:55,163 --> 00:11:56,867

usually in ways

I find disturbing.

00:11:57,034 --> 00:11:58,369

Shlub: I'm feeling

a strange feeling,

00:11:58,469 --> 00:12:01,175

an odd displeasure caused

by a lack of fulfillment.

00:12:01,308 --> 00:12:03,647

Like a climax I didn't

get to have,

00:12:03,747 --> 00:12:06,051

almost some kind of anti-climax!

00:12:06,151 --> 00:12:08,624

Hippocampus: You're...

disappointed we escaped?

00:12:08,724 --> 00:12:10,193

Shlub: What part of it

did you not understand?

00:12:10,293 --> 00:12:11,864

I wanted to do

the labyrinth the way

00:12:11,964 --> 00:12:13,166

that it was meant to be done--

00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:15,470

at great peril to my head

and testicles.

00:12:15,571 --> 00:12:17,007

Hippocampus:

I don't believe this.

00:12:17,074 --> 00:12:18,644

I save you from the death maze,

00:12:18,777 --> 00:12:20,614

you're mad I didn't let you

play in it longer.

00:12:20,714 --> 00:12:21,883

Shlub: That's right!

00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:23,553

Son, I'm thousands of years old.

00:12:23,654 --> 00:12:25,791

Everything you think

is thrilling is

00:12:25,858 --> 00:12:27,227

old hat to me,

00:12:27,327 --> 00:12:30,399

and before you ask, yes,

even romancing an old hat.

00:12:30,534 --> 00:12:31,769

Hippocampus: Was not gonna ask.

00:12:31,869 --> 00:12:33,941

The reason I came

to this party was to feel alive,

00:12:34,041 --> 00:12:36,445

meet a Minotaur,

get the old heart racing.

00:12:36,546 --> 00:12:38,449

I hear he's got huge horns.

00:12:38,482 --> 00:12:39,384

I hear he's got huge horns.

00:12:39,484 --> 00:12:40,922

I mean, horns for days.

00:12:41,055 --> 00:12:42,991

Hippocampus: The reason

I came is because you

00:12:43,092 --> 00:12:44,863

can't be trusted to look

after yourself--

00:12:44,996 --> 00:12:47,568

at a party, in a maze,

even in an open field

00:12:47,668 --> 00:12:49,371

with nothing for miles.

00:12:49,471 --> 00:12:50,774

-[Grunting]

-See?!

00:12:50,874 --> 00:12:52,477

Shlub: I don't know how

it got so tangled!

00:12:52,611 --> 00:12:53,880

I thought you came

because you enjoy

00:12:53,980 --> 00:12:55,149

spending time with me.

00:12:55,283 --> 00:12:56,819

Hippocampus: How can

I enjoy spending time

00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,690

with someone whose idea

of fun involves

00:12:58,790 --> 00:13:00,661

their own reckless demise?

00:13:00,761 --> 00:13:02,297

Shlub: Perhaps by

respecting what I enjoy.

00:13:02,430 --> 00:13:04,268

Well, if you can't do that,

I'll go have fun

00:13:04,401 --> 00:13:07,374

the way I like--fearlessly,

open-minded,

00:13:07,509 --> 00:13:09,779

and all lubed up.

00:13:09,845 --> 00:13:11,516

Hippocampus: Oh, boy.

00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,920

Something weird is going on

with you, Tyrannis,

00:13:14,054 --> 00:13:15,891

and I've been

at war for far too long not

00:13:15,991 --> 00:13:17,393

to be impulsively aggressive!

00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:19,599

This is why we never

get anywhere with peace talks.

00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:21,770

You're impossible! Ugh!

00:13:21,870 --> 00:13:23,607

Now I gotta get my dagger, too.

00:13:23,707 --> 00:13:25,110

Tyrannis: No! No daggers!

00:13:25,210 --> 00:13:26,946

If we're going to do this,

we need to establish trust!

00:13:27,046 --> 00:13:29,719

Stupendous: Watch this!

00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:31,923

Tyrannis: And why did

you do that again?

00:13:32,023 --> 00:13:33,927

Stupendous: Trust.

You trusted that I wouldn't hit

00:13:34,027 --> 00:13:35,096

you with this knife,

00:13:35,196 --> 00:13:36,900

and that's why

you didn't flinch.

00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,837

Tyrannis: Right.

That is the reason.

00:13:38,937 --> 00:13:41,342

Now can everyone please

stop dropping things

00:13:41,509 --> 00:13:44,516

and throwing knives

so we can get on with it?

00:13:45,585 --> 00:13:49,024

Look. He attacked us to build

an extension of his palace,

00:13:49,124 --> 00:13:50,493

and that's just the beginning.

00:13:50,594 --> 00:13:54,602

The extension he built

was garish and offensive!

00:13:54,702 --> 00:13:55,671

[Rumbling]

00:13:55,737 --> 00:13:57,675

Hippocampus: Dad? Dad!

00:13:57,742 --> 00:14:00,648

Dad! Dad!

00:14:00,748 --> 00:14:03,085

Dad? Dad!

00:14:05,691 --> 00:14:08,764

[Screaming]

00:14:08,864 --> 00:14:10,200

-Unh!

-Ugh!

00:14:10,333 --> 00:14:11,402

[Roaring]

00:14:11,503 --> 00:14:13,673

Minos: Hear that? That's his

"I forgot to eat breakfast

00:14:13,773 --> 00:14:16,813

and it's too late for lunch,

so I'm really hungry" roar!

00:14:16,913 --> 00:14:18,382

Hippocampus: Still having fun?

Shlub: Hmm.

00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:21,288

I'd say 6 out of 10?

00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:24,729

[Minotaur roaring]

00:14:24,829 --> 00:14:25,363

Hippocampus: I don't believe it.

00:14:25,964 --> 00:14:27,702

You don't even get it now that

we're both going to die?

00:14:27,802 --> 00:14:29,872

Shlub: Son, as I said,

I never asked you

00:14:29,872 --> 00:14:30,874

to keep me safe.

00:14:30,974 --> 00:14:32,579

Why can't you

respect what I want?

00:14:32,645 --> 00:14:33,479

What about what I want?!

00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,551

I wasn't trying to

keep you safe for you.

00:14:35,718 --> 00:14:36,987

I'm not ready for you to die.

00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,790

You're my dad!

Shlub: Oh.

00:14:38,890 --> 00:14:40,326

Hippocampus: It's

irresponsible for you to be

00:14:40,426 --> 00:14:42,030

so cavalier

with your life when--

00:14:42,163 --> 00:14:44,167

I can't believe I'm saying

this--you have a family

00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:47,608

who wants you in their

lives as long as possible.

00:14:47,708 --> 00:14:49,277

Oh, son. I'm so moved.

00:14:49,344 --> 00:14:52,117

And here I thought you were just

a top-notch party pooper,

00:14:52,217 --> 00:14:53,921

which I respected, by the way!

00:14:54,054 --> 00:14:55,925

I'm sorry

for getting you into this,

00:14:56,058 --> 00:14:57,795

though, to be clear,

I'm not sorry

00:14:57,895 --> 00:14:59,131

for sleeping with that virgin.

00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:02,070

He had no teeth. I mean, zero.

00:15:02,136 --> 00:15:03,339

[Slow clap]

Minos: Wow.

00:15:03,472 --> 00:15:05,009

What a touching moment

between two people

00:15:05,142 --> 00:15:07,848

who are about to be torn apart

by my Minotaur!

00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:09,686

Shlub: Thank you.

00:15:09,786 --> 00:15:12,859

[Minotaur roars]

00:15:12,959 --> 00:15:15,531

Minotauuuuuuur!

00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:16,766

Hippocampus: Aah!

Shlub: Huh.

00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:17,868

Hippocampus: What is it, now?

00:15:17,968 --> 00:15:19,404

Shlub: Well, I don't know.

00:15:19,505 --> 00:15:21,475

He's objectively terrifying,

but I can't help feel

00:15:21,542 --> 00:15:24,615

I got oversold on the size

of the horns.

00:15:24,682 --> 00:15:25,784

Stupendous: I don't know, man.

00:15:25,917 --> 00:15:27,354

I don't think these

guys need peace.

00:15:27,454 --> 00:15:29,859

You know what actually might be

perfect for them is war.

00:15:29,992 --> 00:15:31,295

Tyrannis: That's not

what we're here for.

00:15:31,362 --> 00:15:33,032

You promised.

Plus, I need your help.

00:15:33,132 --> 00:15:34,903

I've got a bogie in my nose,

and if I can't reach it,

00:15:35,003 --> 00:15:36,338

you're gonna have to get it out!

00:15:36,405 --> 00:15:37,441

I only did that

00:15:37,608 --> 00:15:39,812

because of the abduction

of our Lapithion women!

00:15:39,912 --> 00:15:41,282

Melissa isn't "your" woman.

00:15:41,382 --> 00:15:43,385

she's "a" woman,

and she moved to Pandosia

00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:45,389

because she likes

the sunsets more!

00:15:45,524 --> 00:15:46,526

Stupendous: Ugh.

00:15:46,626 --> 00:15:48,095

Lapithos: Oh, you have got to be

kidding me!

00:15:48,195 --> 00:15:49,832

Tyrannis: There's

a little more in there.

00:15:49,932 --> 00:15:51,234

Stupendous:

Can we move this along?

00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:52,972

Lapithos: Oh, she likes

the sunsets, does she?

00:15:53,072 --> 00:15:54,441

I suppose it's the same

deal with our sheep?

00:15:54,542 --> 00:15:56,045

Pandosia: Again, Begonia

isn't "your" sheep.

00:15:56,145 --> 00:15:58,550

She's "a" sheep,

and, no, it's not the sunsets.

00:15:58,650 --> 00:16:00,019

We are in love!

00:16:00,119 --> 00:16:01,523

Stupendous: These guys are nuts.

00:16:01,623 --> 00:16:04,194

Please can't we just let

them fight this border war

00:16:04,294 --> 00:16:06,265

until both sides

completely die out?

00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:08,604

Tyrannis: No! You have to make

them agree to my proposal.

00:16:08,704 --> 00:16:10,807

Also, I really have to pee,

so unless you want to find

00:16:10,907 --> 00:16:12,210

a way to solve

that for me, too...

00:16:12,310 --> 00:16:13,613

Stupendous: Why don't you

just agree to this

00:16:13,714 --> 00:16:14,915

and stop fighting?

00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:16,686

Lapithos: Because

that would be cowardly.

00:16:16,786 --> 00:16:18,122

I don't think it's cowardly.

00:16:18,222 --> 00:16:19,457

Lapithos: Of course

it's cowardly.

00:16:19,559 --> 00:16:21,562

What's more cowardly

than not fighting

00:16:21,663 --> 00:16:22,932

your worst enemy?

00:16:23,032 --> 00:16:24,067

I don't understand.

00:16:24,134 --> 00:16:25,770

Tyrannis:

Think of it like a truce.

00:16:25,871 --> 00:16:26,940

Lapithos: Stupendous,

you're the most

00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:28,376

aggressive warrior in the world.

00:16:28,543 --> 00:16:31,015

Would you ever agree

to a "non-aggression pact"

00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:32,985

with the understanding that

saying you would is

00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:34,287

saying you're a coward?

00:16:34,421 --> 00:16:36,058

-It doesn't mean that.

-Yes, it does.

00:16:36,158 --> 00:16:37,728

[Softly]

I don't just have to pee.

00:16:37,828 --> 00:16:42,170

Stupendous: Yes, I would agree

to a non-aggression pact.

00:16:42,303 --> 00:16:44,341

Lapithos: Well,

if Stupendous would be willing

00:16:44,441 --> 00:16:46,278

to humiliate herself

like this...

00:16:46,412 --> 00:16:49,317

We apologize and get over it.

00:16:50,119 --> 00:16:51,455

Tyrannis: Gotcha!

Stupendous: Huh?

00:16:51,556 --> 00:16:53,927

Tyrannis: I said, I gotcha!

Stupendous: What?!

00:16:54,061 --> 00:16:55,831

You're supposed to be

glued to the throne!

00:16:55,965 --> 00:16:57,702

Tyrannis: You can't glue

someone to a throne.

00:16:57,802 --> 00:16:59,605

That was honey!

00:16:59,738 --> 00:17:01,141

I can't believe this!

00:17:01,207 --> 00:17:03,445

I threw a knife really close

to your head, you know.

00:17:03,546 --> 00:17:05,149

Tyrannis: I know!

That was insane!

00:17:05,282 --> 00:17:08,055

I was frozen with terror,

but it worked out perfect!

00:17:08,155 --> 00:17:10,059

Scott: It was my job

to make sure

00:17:10,159 --> 00:17:12,030

you used the bait glue!

00:17:12,130 --> 00:17:13,299

[Laughter]

00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:15,069

Stupendous: And you

were in on it, too?

00:17:15,169 --> 00:17:16,138

Pandosia: No!

00:17:16,271 --> 00:17:19,477

Scott: Ha ha ha! What?

00:17:19,578 --> 00:17:22,083

This is it.

We can't outrun him anymore.

00:17:22,183 --> 00:17:24,555

Shlub: Perhaps I shouldn't

have had so much wine

00:17:24,656 --> 00:17:25,757

back at the maze.

00:17:25,891 --> 00:17:27,026

[Minotaur roars]

00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:28,495

Hippocampus: Aah!

00:17:28,563 --> 00:17:31,301

Enough running.

I wanna see bloodshed!

00:17:31,401 --> 00:17:33,139

It's the only thing that

keeps me from being alone

00:17:33,239 --> 00:17:34,576

with my divorced thoughts!

00:17:34,676 --> 00:17:37,280

Honestly, what are you

good for if you can't catch

00:17:37,347 --> 00:17:39,217

a little merman and his old dad?

00:17:39,318 --> 00:17:41,590

You might as well

not even be here!

00:17:41,690 --> 00:17:42,992

Minotaurrrrr!

00:17:43,092 --> 00:17:44,829

Minos: Don't you

speak to me in that tone.

00:17:44,929 --> 00:17:46,031

Mino-taur!

00:17:46,132 --> 00:17:47,333

Minos: Yes, I know

you miss your mom.

00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,104

May I remind you,

she left me!

00:17:49,170 --> 00:17:50,841

Hippocampus, whispering:

Oh, my god. I have an idea, Dad.

00:17:50,941 --> 00:17:52,043

Look at them.

Shlub: I know.

00:17:52,177 --> 00:17:53,813

They're both sensationally hot,

00:17:53,947 --> 00:17:55,416

but zero chemistry, I'm afraid.

00:17:55,517 --> 00:17:57,253

Hippocampus: No. I mean,

look at them fighting.

00:17:57,386 --> 00:18:00,561

They're just a father and son

with father-son problems!

00:18:00,694 --> 00:18:02,364

Hey, Minotaur!

-Rawwr!

00:18:02,497 --> 00:18:04,067

Hippocampus:

I wanna say something

00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:05,938

misunderstood son

to misunderstood son.

00:18:06,038 --> 00:18:08,242

What are you doing? Eat them!

00:18:08,342 --> 00:18:10,246

Shlub: Hippo, I'm no expert,

but isn't running

00:18:10,346 --> 00:18:12,316

in fear usually

a bit more active?

00:18:12,416 --> 00:18:13,953

More fearful screaming?

00:18:14,053 --> 00:18:15,624

Hippocampus: Listen, I know

a thing or two about having

00:18:15,757 --> 00:18:18,062

a father who doesn't

think about consequences.

00:18:18,162 --> 00:18:20,299

Hell, that's why you

and me even exist,

00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:22,203

but we're never

gonna change them.

00:18:22,303 --> 00:18:23,907

They love us

but sometimes can't see

00:18:24,007 --> 00:18:25,310

how their actions affect us.

00:18:25,410 --> 00:18:27,214

Minotaur: Minotaur.

Minos: Don't listen to him.

00:18:27,314 --> 00:18:28,850

This is great for both of us!

00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:30,220

You love eating virgins.

00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,056

Minotaur: Minotaur, Minotaur.

00:18:32,123 --> 00:18:33,726

Minos: You haven't

liked eating virgins

00:18:33,827 --> 00:18:35,163

since you were 3?

00:18:35,263 --> 00:18:36,632

Minotaurrrrr!

00:18:36,732 --> 00:18:39,605

Minos: What? I know plenty

of your friends.

00:18:39,739 --> 00:18:40,907

Minotaur: Minotaur.

00:18:40,974 --> 00:18:42,143

Minos: Of course I can name one.

00:18:42,243 --> 00:18:44,648

Like. I wanna say...Delby?

00:18:44,782 --> 00:18:46,285

Stupendous: I can't

believe you played

00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:49,424

so fast and loose

with an actual peace treaty.

00:18:49,525 --> 00:18:51,361

I thought you were

so into peace!

00:18:51,461 --> 00:18:53,466

Tyrannis: I'm into peace.

I'm not that into peace.

00:18:53,534 --> 00:18:55,269

Scott: Are you worried

that two kings

00:18:55,370 --> 00:18:57,039

with an endless appetite

for bloodshed

00:18:57,139 --> 00:18:58,376

are allies against you now?

00:18:58,476 --> 00:19:00,079

Stupendous: What are

you still doing here?

00:19:00,179 --> 00:19:01,549

Scott: I'm just trying

to be part of the gang!

00:19:01,649 --> 00:19:03,285

Tyrannis: Go clean

the honey off of my throne!

00:19:03,352 --> 00:19:04,955

Stupendous: Don't worry, bro.

00:19:05,055 --> 00:19:06,291

If they attack us,

I'll take care of them.

00:19:06,391 --> 00:19:07,528

Tyrannis: I know you will.

00:19:07,695 --> 00:19:09,164

It's nice to just

have fun sometimes.

00:19:09,264 --> 00:19:10,901

Beekeeper:

Who stole all my honey?

00:19:10,968 --> 00:19:13,272

Stupendous: Uh, the guy next

to the honey bucket

00:19:13,406 --> 00:19:15,409

cleaning all the honey off

that big chair!

00:19:15,577 --> 00:19:18,349

Beekeeper: Honey thief!

We have come for revenge!

00:19:18,482 --> 00:19:20,788

I'm releasing my sweet bees!

00:19:20,921 --> 00:19:23,993

[Buzzing]

Scott: Aah!

00:19:24,093 --> 00:19:26,198

[Stupendous

and Tyrannis laughing]

00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:27,634

Tyrannis: Classic Beekeeper!

00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,437

Stupendous: This probably

goes down in, like,

00:19:29,538 --> 00:19:32,511

top 5 best Beekeeper

moments ever.

00:19:32,611 --> 00:19:34,014

Scott: Aah!

00:19:34,181 --> 00:19:35,751

Tyrannis: This prank

just keeps on giving.

00:19:35,851 --> 00:19:37,788

He's--he's getting stung.

00:19:37,888 --> 00:19:39,091

Scott: Aah!

00:19:39,191 --> 00:19:40,593

Tyrannis: He's really suffering.

00:19:40,693 --> 00:19:41,562

Scott: Aah!

00:19:41,696 --> 00:19:44,234

-Minotaur!

-OK. I see your point.

00:19:44,301 --> 00:19:47,039

Sometimes I don't think

about what you want.

00:19:47,139 --> 00:19:49,912

Your mom used to

say the same thing.

00:19:50,012 --> 00:19:51,048

Minotaur.

00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:52,250

Shlub: Wow, son.

00:19:52,350 --> 00:19:53,887

You really brought

them back together.

00:19:53,953 --> 00:19:55,456

Hippocampus: You horse-kick

that cow man freak

00:19:55,591 --> 00:19:56,926

as hard as you can.

Shlub: But--

00:19:57,026 --> 00:19:58,329

Hippocampus: Just do it!

00:19:58,496 --> 00:19:59,965

Minotaur: Ugh!

Minos: Unh!

00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,368

Minotaur: Agh!

00:20:01,503 --> 00:20:03,272

Minos: That tender father-son

stuff was working!

00:20:03,406 --> 00:20:06,780

Why would you kick both

of us in the crotch?

00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:08,115

Hippocampus: So you'd chase us!

00:20:08,215 --> 00:20:11,355

Shlub: Ha ha ha! Yes!

That's the spirit!

00:20:11,488 --> 00:20:14,695

Rawwrr!

00:20:14,762 --> 00:20:16,699

Rawwrrrrr!

00:20:19,137 --> 00:20:21,675

[Minotaur growling]

00:20:22,744 --> 00:20:25,249

Minotaur...

00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:26,952

Hippocampus:

That was exhilarating!

00:20:27,052 --> 00:20:28,790

You know what?

I see the appeal.

00:20:28,923 --> 00:20:30,126

Shlub: Well, spectacular

00:20:30,259 --> 00:20:32,363

because there's a toothless

ex-virgin waiting

00:20:32,497 --> 00:20:34,668

for us in the piranha jacuzzi!

00:20:34,802 --> 00:20:36,672

Hippocampus: I mean this

in all sincerity.

00:20:36,806 --> 00:20:38,475

You go have fun.

00:20:48,897 --> 00:20:50,667

Waitress: Enjoy, sweetie.

00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:55,476

Chronos: All-powerful god

of time,

00:20:55,577 --> 00:20:58,349

but it still takes an hour

and a half to get a table.

00:20:58,449 --> 00:21:00,185

Deliria: Chronos, you were

absolutely right.

00:21:00,286 --> 00:21:01,522

This is delicious.

00:21:01,622 --> 00:21:03,727

Way better than that--

what did you call it?

00:21:03,827 --> 00:21:05,330

Hot dog?

-Told you.

00:21:05,396 --> 00:21:07,033

Deliria: So where are

we having dessert?

00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:08,770

[Snap]

00:21:08,870 --> 00:21:10,239

Oh, it looks delicious.

00:21:10,306 --> 00:21:12,343

What is this called?

Chronos: Baked Alaska.

00:21:12,443 --> 00:21:14,515

Deliria: I don't understand

either of those words.

00:21:14,649 --> 00:21:16,184

Lookout: Iceberg right ahead!

00:21:16,284 --> 00:21:19,357

Chronos: Ooh! Ha ha!

It's about to start.

00:21:19,457 --> 00:21:21,328

Deliria: Oh, dinner and a show!

00:21:21,428 --> 00:21:24,034

You spoil me.

00:21:24,100 --> 00:21:25,436

[Crash]

00:21:25,537 --> 00:21:28,375

[Passengers screaming]

00:21:30,781 --> 00:21:32,517

Dan Harmon:

Did you get any of that?

00:21:34,688 --> 00:21:36,692

Voice: Bento!

[Cheering]